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''Flow, why you dey make this boy feel like say him dey London?''

I asked Flow concentrating on my driving. Uduak who had sat down at the owner's corner had his face stuck to the window. He was busy waving at unseen objects.

''Attai, na pastors them dey road o''

Flow shouted. I looked at him at shook my head. I was the one on the wheel so I had definitely seen them a long way off. No point wasting my time to play in tune with his foolishness.

''Pastors? Abuja na land of pastors?''

Uduak asked foolishly. I looked at him, now foolishness have different level but Uduak's own was the highest level of it. His face had a semi-smile with his tongue sticking out of it.

''Na Mountain of Fire pastors and them dey cast out dog spirits''

Flow replied. Uduak quickly grabbed on the tontolus. If the female reproductive organ is toto, then the male should be tontolus or so I thought.

''I like my spirit o. Abeg make them no cast am o''

Uduak begged. We had like three cars in our front.

''Flow, you know where oga put the coco?''

I asked.

''I been wan ask you now now''

He replied.

''Since na cocoyam, I go use my dog instinct smell am comot.''

Uduak said without anyone asking him. Our chicken laps (9.mm1 were tucked safely in a compartment under the chair which was created specially for it. I adjusted my tuxedo and waited.

''Attai, them carry dog o. Make them no sniff out the coco oo''

Flow shouted, his hand between his teeth which was clattering. Flow was already putting up a guilty display.

''Stop to dey fear na. Since Alhaji no tell us where the coco dey make we just imagine say na car we dey go deliver''

I said to Flow, the words somehoe calming him down.

''Oga, dem the soldiers don reach oo''

Uduak shouted from his seat.

''Shut up and allow me concentrate.''

I replied him. A light tap on my glass made me wind it down and stared into the reddest eyes I had ever seen all my life. I adjusted my tie and waited for anything that was going to come up.


TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Good Morning y'all... Update coming shortly...

Na joke o... But updates coming up sha...

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https://www.nairaland.com/1388822/diary#
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Lilyluv028: Hello everybody,foxy why u dey always delay to update sef,i tired for u ooo,e b like sef i go stop dey follow u bobom to bobom.abeg i wan ask u Question, u dey fart for real abi na write u just dey write, my dear the fart is too much if na real ooo then u need to see the doctor for solution.ok i dey wait for u here.

Na story oo...

I no fit leave house small again eh...

Una fight make sense and I no dey report anybody. Make una no just kill una self sha...

All the same... Updates na tomorrow sure pass

How many pages una dey use quarrel? Me dey enjoy am, ride on! Updates resumes tomorrow!!

Sorry guys, quiet busy right now...

Rock... The Floor is all yours

The kiss was going just fine, up until I felt the mucous travel up my gullet to my throat and then her mouth.

THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

"Arrrgh, what was that!? What the Bleep was that!" She pushed me away really hard, coughing 'it' out.

THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

She never used the F word, she was a born again. But it took this singular gross act of mine which was entirely not my fault(I insist)because I had the flu , to break up everything we had going.

THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

One of my friends, Patience, told me she packed her boyfriends puke whenever he vomited, said he was SS.

Why did mine always have to be different? If some other girl was packing her boyfriends puke then why couldn't mine swallow my mucous.

CUT TO THE CHASE. THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

I promised to tell everyone she swallowed my mucous. I didn't see what was there to be ashamed of. I mean we exchanged saliva when we kissed, how was mucous any different?

My twenty seven missed calls and five sms's remained unreturned. So I did what any sane person would do. I went to her Dad(who I was meeting for the very first time), and told him what had transpired between I and his daughter. Told him it all boiled down to the mucous incident.

THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

But he kicked me out. Practically had his 6ft 9inches gate man hold me by the collar and boot me out his gate.

They're all sociopath's, I scratched my head thinking. They don't think straight in this family. All because of Mucous!! Mtchewww, I wouldn't waste any more time on her again. Pycho's.

Bye,
Mike.

Let's steal things the Bible never mentioned. Like Ps 3's, cars and stuff. We won't be able to steal fish or bread because if I remember correctly, Jesus specifically broke bread and two fish. So don't go there!

When we get to heaven for judgment and the angel at the gate tells us to move to the left, let's tell him that Ps 3's or Android phones or biscuits were never mentioned in the Bible.

Would we go to hell if we steal because we're hungry? I don't really know sha, but I think its only plausible if you deduce the meaning of theft and strictly go by what was mentioned in the Holy Book( More like the ten commandments). You couldn't possibly have understood what I just said. I'm still intelligent though, its just that sometimes I don't understand what I write.

Let's kidnap people who we love but won't love us back. Let's threaten them, tie them up in ropes, cage them preferably in the basement and have them shit in a bucket for weeks till they finally agree to admit that they've always been in love with us but it took this shitty encounter for them to finally realize that they love us.

Let's date rich girls with rich dads and make sure every week we tell them how sick our Grandmothers are In the village and how the doctor said the drugs would cost 200k as the situation is critical and the drugs are imported from India.

I'm not saying we should lie, or date people for the wrong reasons. I'm just saying let's be wise. Wisdom is a spiritual concept and we need it!

Let's reduce the way we say Bleep You and say Suck you instead. But a boy shouldn't tell another boy "suck you", it kinda comes off in a weird way, don't you think?

Imagine Dele telling Sadiq "Suck You!" What would come to mind? Exactly.

Let's be miscreants but in a righteous way. Remain blessed, my sanctified criminals.

I don come again,
Mike.