₦airaland Forum

alfablondy: For the second time, I recommend Man Wey Dey Reason for front page.

https://www.nairaland.com/1217099/man-wey-dey-reason/37

The op promised us more frequent updates. that is more traffic you know

Seconded

Next request will be adhered to on Monday.... Travelling this weekend, you all should have a pleasant weekend.

Why will I want to go somewhere after school?

Why will I follow people I don't even know in the name of adventure?

But then that is the spirit of curiosity and adventure that is deposited inside all of us. Well, most time we end up doing ourselves more harm than good.


**************************************

"Attai, their Roland (now late, fell of a moving molue in Lagos) say them wan go swim for Ruwan Madara (Milky water.... it is located in Sabuwar Gandu behind radio house in Kano) so make you and Iye go house when school close"

My elder whispered into my ears during break period.

The moment he took his lips from my ears my eyes had grown both in size and brightness. How will I allow him to go and swim when I had been dying to swim for a very long time. Though I had not grown close to a water body I had always admired those that swim in movies. I always have this feeling that I could swim even though I had never tried it. Well, game on.

I was unsettled through out that day in school, the teacher was teaching and I was thinking. Nothing else was on my mind, all I saw before me was a nice body of water where I will swim away my worries until I can swim no more.

"joseph, stand up and spell immediately for the whole class"

The teacher barked.

It was easy, I did it but without the normal drama, just plain spelling, sitting down and putting my hand on my jaw as I day dreamed away. I could not wait for the bell for the close of school to ring, my wait paid as the bell rang earlier than I had imagined.

"Yehhhhhhhhh!!!"

I screamed and jumped up and down, quickly grabbed my bag and made way outside before anybody could stop me. I got to the school compound and met it empty, none of the other children seemed to have heard the bell. Well who cares, I started walking briskly towards the gate when all of a sudden I heard my name.

"Joseph, where are you going to with your bag"

I paused my heart beating, it was the voice of our dreaded headmaster. I could not help but wonder why he would be calling me when the school had closed, I turned round and faced him my lips shaking as I raked my brain for a suitable answer.

"Answer that question unless you want to be lashed 6 strokes of the whip on your buttocks"

He said sternly.

Typical of him, no matter the crime you commit then, all he does is flog you 6 strokes of the cane but then those 6 strokes of the cane looked and sounded like 30 because of the time each lash will drop on your bums and the pain that will follow.

"I thought they have closed"

I said meekly.

"Hahahaha, so you don't like school eh"

He said coldly after the mirthless laugh. If I had disliked school then he wouldn't have known my name, I was the same person that takes 1st (my twin take 2nd be that) or 2nd (my twin carry 1st) each term and carts away prices at every speech and price giving day.

"I like school sir"

I answered him while he shook his head in disbelief. I keep wondering what made me forgot all about hearing the sound of the bell. I just stared at him while praying for a miracle.

"I will make you like school"

He said as he turned to enter into his office. I stood there waiting with a beating heart and watched as the temperature of my body increased as he came out with the legendary "oshishi". I swallowed hard as he took my hand gently in his own and walked me to the class. How earth was lashing me going to make me like school? I asked myself the unanswerable question.

"Good afternoon Sir, we are happy to see you, God bless you"

The class greeted as we stepped in. He marched me right to the front of the class.

"Class, why do we come to school"

He asked with his usual story telling voice.

"We come to school to read and write"

The class chorused back. He continued.

"Attai had decided that he is tired of learning how to read and write and wants to start going home before the bell for closing ring. He is wasting his parents money and I'm about to teach him how not to waste his parents money"

How on earth will flogging me stop me from wasting my parent's money, another unaswerable question.

"Attai, go and face the black board"

He commanded me. I had not started crying but something else had started building up right inside my stomach, I was finding it difficult to walk.

"Count as I flog him, any one he touches is cancelled."

He said again adding to my woes.

"Twak!!!"

My world spinned round, I saw myself being dragged from my mother's womb as I clunged to her inner body to avoid seeing this ugly world.

"twak!!!"

The second stroke landed exactly where the first one had landed. Instead of touching my buttocks, I grabbed my waist like I had suddenly developed waist pain.

"Twak!!!"

Same spot, fire was burning right on my buttocks, I could see the smoke smelling like roasted "kpomo".

"Twak!!!"

The devil could be mischievous if it choses to be. My anus gave way and something else came in.

"Twak!!!"

It splashed and it was at that time that the headmaster perceived the smell of what I had dropped. I turned back to see I was the only one remaining in the class, every body including the class teacher and the headmaster had run off. I looked and saw them holding their noses while the headmaster was cleaning something from his trouser. I was still dropping water sh.it because the pain persisted. I was fully disgraced that day. I had to wash ny sh.it off my shorts myself under the supervision of the headmaster and nanny whiile someone else covered the sh.it in the class with sand.

I was done before the final bell rang for closing time.


*******************************************************

5:00pm. We close by 1:00pm

We had come back from the pond where we had gone swimming to come and meet the house in chaos, my sister whom I told about our intentions had mentioned in to our mother who in turn had waited for us with "dogon yaro branches". When she saw us and the way we looked she just fell down and started weeping. We were looking white and and dirty and the wind of the harmattan during that period made everything worse. We looked like almajiris, thick ones.

"Attai where una dey come from"

Before my brother could signal me to keep quite I spoke to the hearing of everyone that had gathered when my brother raised alarm.

"We go swim for river"

Everybody exclaimed like it was rehearsed.

"Ahhhhh"

My mother's weeping face said it all.... No food for you tonight and you will answer to your father.

I had the mark of the whip my father used on us for a very long time, it also made my brother to distant himself a little bit from taking me to adventures.

Oya dem don release me.... or so i thought

Update strictly on request please.

That night we all gathered round my father's Toyota corolla station wagon (those old cars wey dey white) as we discussed happily. Both young and old gathered there at that time, it was like a tradition. The elder ones carry us along, they do the story telling while we do the listening, every night during the heat period. That's one of the memorable events I can not forget because it shaped me into becoming a story teller myself.

"Una know say Oga (of blessed memory) travel ko, him say him dey go do traditional wedding"

My elder sister spoke. As youngsters, we knew when the discussion was meant for us and we also knew when to listen to juicy gossips without interrupting to avoid being sent away from there.

"Ehn, after all the girls wey him don carry play for here him wan go marry village girl wey no know anytthing"

My mischievous elder brother chipped in. This drew laughter from the bigger ones there, I was confused as to what they were talking about, I knew better than to ask.

"Na you talk am o, if AB and Kalu hear you, I no dey o"

Our neighbours eldest daughter spoke out her mind.

"Nothing them go do jor, afterall na them dey even arrange the girls for am"

My elder brother replied her.

My little mind was trying to digest what they were talking about, even though at that tender age I had been exposed to cravings for the female body I never knew where those desires came from. Not once nor twice had I alway tried to peep up the skirt of the bigger girls to catch a glimpse of their panties while my small p.enis become rock-like. I had always derived pleasures from those little escapade, but right now I just wonder what pushed me to do those stuffs then. Well the Bible says it all:

"In evil was I conceived"

Truly, I did many naughty things that thinking about them now give me the jibbies, more like I am kinda ashamed to even think about them. Damn, I had always been a skirt chaser from a tender age.

"Who want to listen to stories about tortoise?"

The eldest daughter of our neighbour said on top our voice, I was the first to reply

"Meeeeeeeee!!!"

End of gossip.


************************************************************

"Kpain kpain!!"

Someone knocked on our door without waiting for response pushed the curtain aside and stepped into the palour. We had finished morning devotion and was waiting our dad to go out. We were always scared of doing something wrong in my father's presence because though he doesn't beat us, only his holding you and shaking you profusely before telling you to behave yourself will send tears to your eyes.

"Oga Williams (now late), this one wey you come my room early this morning"

My father said as he combed through his hair looking through a tiny mirror.

"Ehn, I wan come tell you say my wedding na in 3 weeks time and I go need support, I wan carry one of your children make them help me for the preparation"

Oga said with excitement in his voice. He had returned some days earlier with a tall, fair beautiful Igbo lady. Since we call him Oga and since he had said he wanted to go and bring his wife, we automatically changed her name to "Oga Wife". She was so gentle that we felt Oga had gotten himself a nice wife or so we thought.

"Owk, na which of my pikin you want na?"

My dad inquired from him.

"Give me Alad. She go follow be the person wey go hold the wedding gown"

He said. That was how the deal was sealed. My sister became a member of the bridal train, a wedding which had opened my eyes and also pointed out so many things to me about life.

***********************************************************************

"As Jackie Chan come drink the water, na so him come dey waka like this"

I was describing "Drunken Master" to my friends when a hand covered my eyes. I paused, felt the hands, called several name but none of the names I called seemed to own the hand. My friends were busy giggling away as I felt over the body, touching the legs, buttocks and finally the "epicenter". The person freed me as my hand ligered on the "epicenter", a female one because it was not dangling. I quickly turned back to behold the girl that had been haunting my tender dreams. Unoma.

Immedaitely the song I had changed because of her flowed into my head:

"Unoma (Ifeoma), Unoma
I want to marry you
Give me your love"

But I could not utter a single word, I was in total shock. She just smiled, waved at me and went away. It all looked like a dream because I never envisaged (imagined ) she would take the first step. Or so I thought.

"Kai, Attai, na Unoma wey do flower girl for their Oga wedding o"

Bueze seemed to be telling me. I was in a world of my own.

"Make we follow her na so that una go talk well well"

That was Mustapha chiking me on.

"Hmmm, Attai I no dey here o"

That was cowardly Ekoja. My childhood friends, I miss them all. Riot is a bastard. We got seperated with Mustapha and Ekoja immediately after the Sharia riots, they both relocated to Abuja. I just hope they will stumble on this thread some day.

"Make we go jor"

I told them and immediately we all ran towards the direction she was. We found her standing like she was waiting for us. I freezed again, not knowing the move to make, I was a shy dude back then, and is still shy to make first moves up till now .

"Come make we do something."

I drew my friends closer.

"Make we show Unoma say na me strong pass, make we fight chinese, make all of una gather me. Make una allow me beat una o"

I let all out in one breath.

"Owk make we start."

Immediately I drew back and faced them, using one corner of my eyes to see that Unoma had waited watching us with interest. (that time we no know say na our age we dey fool o, chai, children love). They attacked me with kicks which I parried and dodged, sending my own at them if need be. We fought some time with me looking like I was winning because they all allowed me go at them. I never knew fate had something in store for me.

"Taaaasssss"

Mustapha had given me a clean kick on the face, it sounded like a slap and before I could react, Bueze had given me a "jet kick". I crashed to the ground we Ekoja jumping on me and rendering nice blows to my body, they had effed our deal up. I looked up to see Mustapha gathering sand which he forced into my mouth with the aid of Bueze and Ekoja. I was humiliated and to worsen the matter, they all ran away leaving me to stand up and spit the sand from my mouth.

Unoma just stood there laughing at me.

My friends had betrayed me, I swore I was going to pay them back or so I thought.

mysticgal: ^nna even the man the fear say i go put am for the list,hin the take sofri sofri the do in tin.guYz practically do sex.eat,sleep,play,shit,school..sex