₦airaland Forum

We are already conversant with the terms, monogamy (when a man is married to one wife), and Polygamy, which could be Polygyny (when a man is married to more than one wife) or polyandry (a woman having multiple husbands). But a new form of marriage Sologamy (the act of marrying one’s self) is recently becoming trendy.

Western women especially are starting to take self-love to an interestingly new dimension. They just dress in a wedding gown, and say the vows to their reflection in the mirror. With this form of marriage, no one is ever going to end up feeling lonely or heartbroken.

https://chofam.com/2018/08/sologamy-psychologists-give-reasons-why-people-marry-themselves/

The Tenant
Him: Will you marry me?
She: You are not serious, we are both looking for a job and you are proposing, do you think marriage is a joke?

He got a job.

Him: Will you marry me now?

She: So we will marry and be walking everywhere in the same attire on weekends, get a car joor!

He got a car.

Him: Will you marry me now?

She: So we will marry and be sharing that same 2 bedroom flat with your younger brother.
Noooooo.
I will like to have my own space. You need to get your own apartment and furnish it, make sure it is three bedroom. One room for guests.

He got a three bedroom apartment.

Will you marry me now?
Can anybody make a move without God? I am praying about it.
It will help if you will ask my parents for consent to seek my hand in marriage so that I can be sure of your intentions.

He goes to her home, meets her family, they had dinner together and he asked for the permission.

Her mother said: It is up to her.

Her father said: Go ahead and ask her.

Him: Will you marry me now?

She: Why are you rushing me, I have things to do. I want to have my masters in the UK.

Him: We have been friends for two years, your family regards me as a son and mine regard you as a daughter. It seems inevitable that we will get married. How else am I to convince you I love you and will like to marry you as soon as possible

Her: I think we need some time apart.
Next day she left home for her elder brother's house.

He was devastated.
His younger brother comes around and said, there is a babe in my office. If I am not engaged, I would have joyfully proposed to her. This is her phone number. She is very intelligent. Chat with her.
He sends her a line
She responds.
He sends another,
She responds.
They chat all day and all night.
Became fast friends but didn't meet face to face for three months.
She wanted to see him but he sees her as a buffer keeping him sane until the love of his life comes to her senses.

They meet.
He liked who she is.
He liked what she represents.
He liked her candour.
It didn't help that she is the opposite of the lady on self imposed exile.
She is encouraging, homely, doesn't complain, is very generous, helpful, doesn't fuss about domestic stuff, a wife...
She lives with her parents.
Her office is very far from home.
She spends hours in traffic everyday.
He offered her his guest room
Just for weekdays.
She goes home for the weekend.
Well...
The "love of his life returned from exile", saw the whole house had a feminine touch.
Saw food in the freezer. Saw the house neat, tidy and well organised.

Said: Is it the tenant in your guest room that has turned herself to a housegirl? I thought you said she is gainfully employed. Some people are just desperate in this world.
He felt hurt by her words.

Next Saturday, tenant told him her parents will like to meet the person she is staying with.
He said ok.
She said Please don't come empty handed. Come with a basket of fruits. My parents will appreciate it.
He said ok.
He bought a basket of fruits.
Went to her house with a friend.
Her parents welcomed him with open arms.
He went to the car and brought in the basket of fruits.
Her mother jumped.
Her father was happy.
They started praying.
"MAY YOU HAVE MALE AND FEMALE CHILDREN IN JESUS NAME"

He was confused.
Her mother said "These fruits are a clear indication of your good intentions towards our daughter. You have behaved like a proper Yoruba boy. We will consult with our people and give you a date your parents can come and meet with us. This is a day of joy.
He felt happy.
He knew he didn't plan to propose.
But well...
He and his friend got home.
The love of his life was waiting by the entrance.

She: Where were you? I have called you several times.

Him: I was driving

Friend: We went for his introduction
She faints.

Him: Why did you tell her that?
Friend: it is better to tell the truth once and for all.
She after fanning her and pouring water on her head, she revives.

She: Tell me it is not true

Him: Silence
Friend: Looks away.

She: You men are wicked. After all these years. She cried and left.
He married the tenant.
She was in the hospital for many months after. She really fell ill.
He wondered why she was forming when she really loves him that much.

This is is a real story
Both of them are happily married.

He married "tenant"in 2010
She married in 2018.
The irony is
- She never went to the UK
1) The guy she married is still searching for a job.
2) Moved in with her into her 2 bedroom apartment in Mowe, Ogun state.
3) Drives her car.
Moral of the story;
*You can reason yourself out of a good thing*
And...
*You can stumble into a good thing.*
*Good Day & Have A Lovely Day*

Read more

You may have had rough experiences in the past. You may have been betrayed by the one that claimed to love you or may have watched lovebirds betray each other. At a point, you lost hope on love. You don’t feel like getting too close or too intimate with anyone anymore. The idea of falling in love again makes your heart beat a double. You become uncontrollably uneasy and uncomfortable each time the word “love” is mentioned. If you feel this way, then it’s likely that you may be having philophobia.

SIGNS YOU MAY BE SUFFERING FROM PHILOPHOBIA - THE FEAR OF FALLING IN LOVE

The first time I heard about Twin Flames, the idea sounded so appealing – largely because I misunderstood the concept initially.

I thought finding my twin flame meant guaranteed love, a partner for life and a guaranteed relationship. But like many others who have been through this path in the past, I was wrong.

There are many myths and beliefs that make the idea of the twin flame rather difficult to understand. Here are some of the most talked about.

1. Every soul has only one Twin Flame in a lifetime.

(If this was the case, no one would ever cross paths with their twin flame)

2. A Twin Flame is always a romantic partner of the opposite gender.

(This is not true).

3. When you meet your Twin Flame, it is guaranteed that your relationship must work perfectly.

(Not all the time)

4. You feel an overwhelming attraction the instant you set sight on your Twin Flame.

(Some twin flames start with a fight).

5. When you meet your twin flame and you will instantly recognize them.

(Not true - your twin flame could be that girl with a straight face).

6. Your Twin Flame will wait for you, will never cheat on you and would never get married to another except you.

(Not true, people marry for a whole lot of reasons these days other than love)

7. All Twin Flame relationships follow the same pattern and trajectory.

(Each relationship is peculiar)

7 MYTHS AND MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT TWIN FLAME RELATIONSHIPS

No relationship can ride on smoothly without money.

Although relationships are not meant to solely be about money or the level of one's success in life, but it is near impossible to love in this age without having to spend money.

Irrespective of one's gender, you still need to spend money in your relationship. Love, even in its purest, truest and most genuine form relies deeply on sharing, gifting and spending quality time on dates among other things. And there is no way you are going to do these without spending.

About three decades ago, when a couple is out on a date, a waiter would take the bill straight to the man. But lately, the bill is placed in the middle of them both. The discourse about money and relationships is shifting gradually. More attention is now being focussed on women and how they also need to chip in more regularly and spend money on men, too.

This conversation is largely triggered by the increasing commonness of transactional relationships and the need to checkemate or if possible phase such relationships out completely.

However, even with the increasing occurrence of these businesslike relationships, it should still not be an excuse stopping you as a man from spending on your woman. Neither should it excuse you as a woman from spending on your man. And you must do it gladly and happily without being pushed to.

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP YOU CANNOT AFFORD

MISEDUCATIONS:
but that was not the question.

anyways, once you "love" someone you're the one not up to the other's standard. i mean, whoever loves is the more desperate one and the weaker one in the relationship. the one who loves less has more power coz they can walk away anytime.
so loving someone is really putting yourself in a weak position.

You have two girlfriends, one loves you more than the other. But you love the other more than the one that loves you. If you were to choose your favorite, who among the two would you pick?

That's the question

MISEDUCATIONS:
why do people keep thinking im a woman

Lol, sorry, ok let's use 'she'. Even if she isn't up to your standard?

MISEDUCATIONS:
the one who loves me is the one i choose.

Why? Even if he's old, broke or doesn't meet up to your standard?

MrBrownJay1:
PEER PRESSURE
FAMILY PRESSURE
SOCIAL PRESSURE
RELIGIOUS PRESSURE
DESPERATION
BODY CLOCK RUNNING OUT

... and the list goes on

but here is a question for you: do you think marriage should "no more" be important to some people, simply because others have failed at it?!

People should be free to make friends, date, fall in love, have sex, and if they eventually feel like getting married, do so. Marriage shouldn't be a necessity but a choice.

MISEDUCATIONS:
i have never even put my GF's pic on even my whatsapp, not to talk of status updates on social media. my GFs complain until they give up.

You are not alone, my relationship life is not for public consumption.

Yes, love must be reciprocated if it must grow into a healthy and sustainable relationship. The only way to be happy in a relationship is to be with someone who loves us and whom we deeply love in return. For love to make any sense, it must be mutual.

"One-sided love is not love. It’s torture. It’s waiting for something that might never happen. It’s looking at someone who doesn’t see you. It’s thinking about someone day and night while you probably never cross their mind. It’s looking at your phone hoping they’d text you or call you as they call someone else. It’s reaching out to them with so much fervor as they respond with indifference"
Rania Naim

It's good and natural to be in love with someone. But it amounts to nothingness if that one person we so much adore doesn't feel the same way about us. We are all aware of that. So why is it then that we never give up the chase. When we love someone, it is never so easy to quit. As much as it hurts to see who we love love someone else, something inadvertently keeps pushing us towards them. We keep praying, hoping that just maybe they will have a change of heart. Maybe their relationship is on a brink of failing.

https://chofam.com/2018/05/ever-had-to-choose-between-the-one-you-love-and-the-one-that-loves-you/

No one ever wants to be alone. It is only natural to have feelings for someone and pray they love us back in return. In fact, no one truly enjoys the single life. And this could be the reason why as soon as we get into a new relationship, we feel super excited, wanting to shout it from the rooftop. We feel tempted to share every detail of our relationship to anyone who cares to listen.

Recently, this habit is becoming more trendy especially on social media. As soon as we get a positive response or soon after being asked out, we rush to update our facebook relationship status.

We may just want to let the whole world know how happy we are. But sometimes, we do this only to satisfy our ego. To prove to others that we are also capable of being loved. To make our friends jealous or get back at an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Truth is, more people feel sad about you falling in love than are genuinely happy for you. Surely, your crush will feel heartbroken. Your ex will be tormented with mixed feelings of regret, heartbreak, and jealousy. Some friends will naturally be jealous and gossipers will have a new topic to talk about.

Read more at https://chofam.com/2018/05/10-reasons-why-you-should-never-make-your-relationship-status-public/

If marriage was so important, then why do married people still cheat on their spouses? Why is divorce becoming so common by the day? Can anyone not live a normal life if he or she isn't married?

We have heard bizarre stories of people caught cheating on their partners just a few days to their weddings. I have been to a wedding where the bride wanted calling it all off, on finding out her husband to be was not who she thought he really was. But why the rush? What's so important about marriages that people find it so hard to endure the waiting time?

Is Marriage really important and necessary in life?

fykes:
I don't quite think there's anything like no sex before marriage. That's just terms ladies use to deceive themselves.just because he's not doing it with u doesn't mean he isn't doing it at all.
You will find a 100 virgins in d world for every one sexually active man who has had sex with only one woman.

Thank you. You got my point exactly.

For a few years now, I have been researching and writing on sex, relationships, love, human psychology, and lifestyle. From my many years of experience in relationships, I have never seen a relationship that survived two straight years if one of the partners denies the other (or himself/herself) the happiness and intimacy that comes from sexual satisfaction.

It is true that love is not sex, and when we truly love someone, we are usually blind to some things about them. We will be willing to sacrifice, overlook or live with some of their shortcomings. But forget what your pastor or imams tell you. Every relationship between a man and a woman is rooted in sexual chemistry. If it wasn't, why aren't you ok being gay and dating your good same-sex friend? You love them too, right? So why ain't you cool with it?

There is no point trying to fight it, men are programmed to love a woman, and to feel that sexual chemistry towards anything female. We love everything about the other gender that is different from ours. While men fancy the big and curveceous glutes of women, women are attracted to a good looking masciline torso. It's natures design that we appear sexy and drawn intimately to the opposite gender.

Of course religious leaders would preach that premarital sex is sinful. But judging by our present economic realities, it is very difficult for a male with testosterone flowing in his veins to endure the wait for 35 years as a virgin. This to me is the primary reason why rape, child molestation and other deviant sexual behaviours are on the rise in our society lately.

People go into relationships for different reasons, and fun or sex is sometimes a reason too. But, If you both feel so genuinely in love with each other, and can deal with any consequences that may arise out of a good lovemaking with your partner, then why not?

I'm not saying that it's wrong if you decide to abstain from sex until marriage. However, if you have made a decision to endure the wait until you get married, try as much as possible to not sacrifice a good relationship on the alter of abstinence.

All my opinion though, what do you think?

I once asked a pretty girl out on a date and her response was;

"If you truly love me as much as you say, be ready to join the queue"

I'm sure many if not all guys have either heard this phrase before or have experienced a relationship that felt very much like it. Dating a girl you love so much but not having the full-fledged feeling that you are in a relationship. You so strongly feel the urge to connect more deeply with her but then she shuts you out completely from the deepest part of her emotional life. One moment she is so affectionate and the next moment she is withdrawn, too busy or having a headache.

You may have your suspicions that there is the main guy somewhere. But you love her so much that you never want to give up on her just yet. So you keep hoping that a time will come when all that will change.

If you are such a man, then it means you had a choice and you willingly chose to be the backup boyfriend.

However, some women are so good at pretending. They may not be so into you but will deliberately manipulate and use you to gain other benefits.

She may just pretend to be in love with you just to have access to your wealth, fame or some other things she needs that you can provide. In this case, you may be unaware that you are only being used as a backup boyfriend.

Read.

SIGNS YOU MAY ONLY BE A BACKUP BOYFRIEND

MariaLavina:
True that! Due to some unfavorable societal rules and norms, it is expected of the Man to ask a Woman out and not the other way around. Women aren't expected to be that expressive ( relationships, sex, emotions ). So you can't blame women who are still confounded by this rules.
But I must bring to your notice that not all Dates are sexually related (Romantic dates). Some can be platonic ( two friends can go on dates) ,some can be for business purpose(s).

B) When you imitate a date, you are indirectly asking for the person's time, space, attention and probably money (transportation if you aren't providing ) . The person might have left some things undone to be with you ,You are taking them away from their comfort zones. It will be sane to make such one comfortable, the person is entitled to security, peaceful atmosphere, entertainment (depending on the type of date) and most importantly refreshments.

Now I, it is the invitees responsibility to conduct his or herself and watch what is ordered. So yes! whoever initiates a date should be ready to bear the risk. To avoid stories, watch who you ask out on dates.

I think this reply sums it all up. So valid and true.

Timewilltell3:
Lazy idiot spotted. Be a man.

I am a man and you know nothing about me. I am only trying to broaden the conversation so as to draw multiple perspectives and learn something new. If you don't have anything meaningful to contribute, keep mum!

MissRaine69:
This is hard to gage , I am more than happy to go Dutch as I have an affinity for the finer things in life so I am cautious not to saddle the date with a high bill. But this caused a massive row once so now I would like to know how guys feel about this?

Guys are saying the ladies should change their attitude. If you earn way more than your partner, you can sure give him a treat. Yes, men love to take charge but sometimes we also enjoy sitting back and letting our women lead. There is no dating rule that says a man must pay the bill on every date. It shouldn't be such a big deal.

milemimi93:
According to Association Of Nigerian Women Mentality..

The man should pay the bill.

So true..

MrCork:
...Bro am a plaYa...women do the paying...all ways! (Real kalk )

Are you in Nigeria
Tell us how you get Naija babes to pay the bills?

A typical nigerian girl would be so richer than her boyfriend, initiate the date, order whatever she likes and yet not even look at the bill. This attitude needs to change.

MrBrownJay1:
it all depends on a lot of issues....BUT, if a man does NOT want to pay the whole bill (and prefer to go Dutch), then let him say it to the babe BEFORE she orders like a mad woman, so she can decide if sshe wants to continue on this date.

as for me, if i invite a babe for dinner, i will pay for it, but if a babe demand that we meet at a restaurant then she certainly should pay for her own share. no big deal!

proud member of the Association Of Stingy Men of NL

I love this

About three decades ago, after having a swell time on a date with someone of opposite gender, it was customary for the server to place the bill directly in front of the man. Today, times have changed as have customs and traditions. The server places the bill in the middle, making a 50 50 chance or an equal probable split. This, however, may lead to the first disagreement of the evening.

Some argue that it is kind of customary for the man to pick up the bill, but this really should be a personal opinion thing and everyone is entitled to one. From the first perspective, lately women have been trying to establish themselves to be equal to men in all spheres of life; especially in pay, the kitchen and the other room. So why not on this one?

I would like to know specifically the opinion of feminists on this one.

WHO SHOULD PAY THE BILL ON A FIRST DATE?

https://chofam.com/2018/06/who-should-pay-the-bill-on-a-first-date-guy-or-lady/

We have been learning how to act romantic since the year 1900 but the truth is, we are never getting any better. Every now and then, we get mauled by our women for our poor sense of romance. But the fault is not entirely ours. So many factors add up to why African men are not so romantic

1. No one ever taught us how to be romantic

Where I grew up, it is near impossible to stumble on a sight of two adults holding hands on a romantic walk. It's uncultural and in some cases a taboo to kiss or show a partner affection publicly. This has become out way of life. When you grow up in a society that abhors close relations between the genders, it inadvertently becomes a part of you.

2. Lets shove some blame to our women

Chofam interviewed and asked 50 women in Nigeria if they would kiss a man in public. 68% said they would not for varied reasons. 12% said they would, 20% said they would but only if it was absolutely necessary. In any case, it takes two to tango. If really the most romantic men were on high demand, more men would learn to be more romantic. But then, African woman value more of strength and ruggedness as opposed to caring, calm or meekness. Guys who indulge in romantic overtures are seen by the women to be less manly or weak.

https://chofam.com/2018/07/why-african-men-are-not-so-romantic/

On average, it takes more than 12 hours for a false claim to be debunked online.

One study analyzed rumors on Twitter and found that a rumor that turns out to be true is often resolved within two hours of first emerging. But a rumor that proves false takes closer to 14 hours to be debunked.

Rumors always spread faster than the truth, so the wise wait for the whole story. Rick Warren.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. So says another popular saying.

“Fools believe everything they hear.” Biblical Proverbs 14:15.

Next time you hear a rumor spreading fast like wildfire, and in hours it is neither confirmed nor debunked, just know its falsehood.

RESEARCH CONFIRMS FALSE RUMORS DO REALLY SPREAD FASTER THAN THE TRUTH

Bluezy13:
Keep waiting for green light.

While smart guys beat the red light.

Lol. I love this lines.

Am up all night writing blog articles, going through my tickets, and thinking about how the next day is going to be like. Every day I set out hustling to pay my bills. It's all a life of struggle for every Nigerian youth who is just having a headstart, and who wasn't born with a silver spoon.

There is barely time for leisure.

If you are a lady, you may be wondering whats wrong with you... Or why Nigerian guys are so unromantic. A Naija guy is so blind to even notice your new hairdo. Even a 100k wig and makeup will do no good. The truth is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact, you are such a stunning beauty, and I bet you, he even secretly saved some of your pictures on his phone. He's just busy, too busy working on his dreams to ever notice all the greenlight you are signaling.

It is possible that he likes you too, and would want to ask you out on a date, but there is just no time for that. Instead of waiting forever, why not just take the risk. You'll be surprised at the outcome, Guys hardly ever say NO.

7 CUTE WAYS TO ASK A GUY OUT WITHOUT SEEMING TOO DESPERATE

I wish all ladies can understand this.

There is this one thing I am guilty of. Lately, I was one of the groomsmen at a friend's wedding. There was this girl with mermaid beauty I spotted, she was one of the bridesmaids. Damn, she is (was) so pretty and sophisticated that she got all necks turning three hundred and sixty degrees. As usual with me, never had much courage to approach her though, but I was poised to give it a try. She was on her way to the maids' lodge when I seized the opportunity and started a conversation.

To cut the irrelevant long story short, now "miss pretty" keeps calling my phone and texting. I rarely pick or reply. Am just not interested anymore. I still find her very attractive, and even beyond her physical beauty, she is such an amazing woman too. Problem is, I just don't want to get too close. Am scared of getting too intimate with her. I have this feeling am just gonna break her heart or she's gonna break mine.

I find myself doing this over and over again. I will be so in love with a lady this minute but in the next minute, lose interest completely. Right now, am scared of even saying "hello" to the lady because I may end up breaking her heart.

I think I may be having PHILOPHOBIA.

Philophobia like all phobias has to do with fear – specifically the fear of falling in love. Love being such an amazing and enjoyable aspect of life can sometimes be frightening. But while a little feeling of apprehension is normal, some find the thought of falling in love rather terrifying. They become overly scared of falling in love and being intimately connected with another person. Philophobia is a social phobia and may greatly affect a person’s social life if not treated.

6 SIGNS YOU MAY BE HAVING PHILOPHOBIA - FEAR OF FALLING IN LOVE