₦airaland Forum

GIRL: i have sinned; i called my boyfriend a bastard.
PASTOR: So wat did he do to deserve dat?
GIRL: He kissed me.
PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor kissed the girl.
GIRL: Yes!
PASTOR: Well, dats no reason to call him a bastard.
GIRL: But he touched my breast.
PASTOR: U mean like this? The pastor touched her breast.
GIRL: Yes!
PASTOR: Thats no reason to call him a bastard.
GIRL: But, he took off my clothes and had sex with me!
PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor took off her clothes and had sex with the girl.
GIRL: Yes
PASTOR: Well, thats also no reason to call him a bastard.
GIRL: Then he told me he has AIDS.
PASTOR: U are a BASTAAAARD������!!!

If you were in the pastor's shoes, what would you have done done?

I've been laughing since I got this joke.....but are we really this bad? ANGELS: Father! We are tired of these Nigerians in heaven. GOD: What have they done this time? ANGEL: Everything!Theydon't listen to instructions. They don't obey traffic rules. They don't wait for their turn in anything. They are completely reckless! GOD: Then we better send them to hell! (Calls the Devil). Hello.. SATAN: Hello my creator and master, pls call me later. There's an issue I'm trying to resolve. Ten (10) minutes later: GOD: Hello Lucifer. SATAN: Your Lordship my father! I'll call you back. The issue has turned into a crisis ooo! An hour later: SATAN: Hello? GOD: What's going on over there? SATAN: It's the Nigerians I have with me in hell oooo! (He stammers),they... they... they have quenched the fire in hell and installed air conditioner

Mr James and his friend Mr Oko were arguing about their sons' stupidity.Mr James argued that his son was moresilly than Oko’s son.Oko however, disagreed, so they decided to put their sons to test.James called his son and asked him to buy something for him at the market.The boy ran out without even asking for what to buy and money.James said, ”You see how silly he is? hedidn’t even ask for what to buy or money“.Mr Oko retorted: "is this what you call foolishness? Just wait and see",Oko called his son and said “go home and check if i am in the house”Oko’s son took to his heel and came back panting, ”papa U no dey house. Mama say U dey your friend place.

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN LADIES . Mary: Hello Love! Sarah: Hello babe, how are you today? Mary: I'm fine dear, I've missed you a lot. Sarah: And me too Mary: I am calling just to inform you that I will pay you a visit this afternoon. Sarah: Ok my dear; it will be a great pleasure to have you... I will be expecting you sweet. . AFTER DROPPING THE CALL: . Mary: I'm going to visit that dirty girl again. Sarah: This witch is coming here again, she thinks I will buy her drinks with my money again, she must be joking. . TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN BOYS . Peter: Bastard how far? Tayo: Madman I position! How that your drunk old man? Peter: hahaha! Him dey... What of your slowpoke brother? Tayo: hahahaha! Fool everybody dey... You dey house? I dey come charge phone for your house. Peter: Ok! No wahala, bring money come make we drink beer. Tayo: Idiot like you. Later now! . AFTER DROPPING THE CALL: . Peter: That Tayo can be funny at times but always a great companion anytime. Tayo: Peter is just a reliable friend. . LESSON: Girls are always nice to each other, but they never like sharing their thought. Boys are always mean and rude, but they will always have each other's back. . TRUE or FALSE

CSTR2:
Mscheww.
Total failures diverting attention from their calamitous leadership and overestimating their worth to the rest of the world.
A power drunk trying to dictate policy and spread a failed[b] Zimbabwenism [/b] to the rest of africa.
I trust Botswana and south-Africa to put the old dunce in his place.

Are u one of those guys who has no idea of the political nature of the world or were you just released from prison? Can't you see the truth in what the man is saying? Unlike your president that plagiarizes others' speech and shivers at the mention of UK, US and likes, he's bold and outspoken. Incase you don't know, he's 100% correct and right.

IykeChukz:
Who is prophet Nnamdi Kanu? Yellow journalist

Take the question to IPOB or Radio Biafra London

jamesharryson:
in as much as I want Biafra, I dont want propaganda. op, where is your source?

Radio Biafra London

I WILL ALLOW BIAFRA TO SECEDE IF ONLY NIGER-DELTA WILL BE CARVED OUT OF BIAFRA TO REMAIN IN NIGERIA:
-Buhari
.
According to a secret meeting held with Buhari and some Northern leaders early this month, he told the Northern Leaders that there's a serious pressure on him, to obey
the UN Charter on Self-Determination, and release Nnamdi Kanu unconditionally, and that he should stop violating his fundamental Human Rights alongside-Rights of other Biafra-agitators hield in different Nigeria jail, by also releasing them unconditionally-as well as allow for a UN monitored referendum-to test if the people of Biafra wish to continue with Nigeria or not.
.
He also told them that international community said that they have enough evidence that him (Buhari) and his government is violating the fundamental Human Rights of Biafrans by using brutal force on Biafrans during peaceful protests and rallies. He also told the Northern Leaders that if nothing is done right now, that one day, the North will wake up and lose all they asset of Nigeria to Biafra, that there may soon be a UN statement
on issue of Biafra and the violation of their fundamental Human Rights, which may result to a call for Biafra referendum.
.
According to the source, that after their deliberations, Buhari told the Northern leaders that he will only allow Biafra to go on one condition, and that the condition according to him, is that the Niger-Delta will be carved out-to remain in Nigeria, then only the Igbo-speaking States of South-East will be allowed to go as Biafra.
.
Also, that all the national assets such as refineries, sea ports, airports, telecomm, etc, belonging to federal government, especially those located within the Biafra territory, must be completely sold off before the referendum will be allow to take place.
.
So, before the Biafra referendum will come, expect that all the critical assets of federal government within the Biafra territory is going to be sold off. This is the latest plan of Buhari and the Britain/UN.
.
This is a true story and no one should joke with this information. All Niger-Deltans in this Group must not joke with this information because it is from a reliable source. I tell you, Prophet Nnamdi Kanu and IPOB
have opened our eyes.
.
So, what is your take on this issue? What do you have to tell Buhari about this evil plan?
...Say... your.. mind....!!!
...People....!!!
The world is listening. I WILL ALLOW BIAFRA TO SECEDE IF ONLY NIGER-DELTA WILL BE CARVED OUT OF BIAFRA TO REMAIN IN NIGERIA:
-Buhari
.
According to a secret meeting held with Buhari and some Northern leaders early this month, he told the Northern Leaders that there's a serious pressure on him, to obey
the UN Charter on Self-Determination, and release Nnamdi Kanu unconditionally, and that he should stop violating his fundamental Human Rights alongside-Rights of other Biafra-agitators hield in different Nigeria jail, by also releasing them unconditionally-as well as allow for a UN monitored referendum-to test if the people of Biafra wish to continue with Nigeria or not.
.
He also told them that international community said that they have enough evidence that him (Buhari) and his government is violating the fundamental Human Rights of Biafrans by using brutal force on Biafrans during peaceful protests and rallies. He also told the Northern Leaders that if nothing is done right now, that one day, the North will wake up and lose all they asset of Nigeria to Biafra, that there may soon be a UN statement
on issue of Biafra and the violation of their fundamental Human Rights, which may result to a call for Biafra referendum.
.
According to the source, that after their deliberations, Buhari told the Northern leaders that he will only allow Biafra to go on one condition, and that the condition according to him, is that the Niger-Delta will be carved out-to remain in Nigeria, then only the Igbo-speaking States of South-East will be allowed to go as Biafra.
.
Also, that all the national assets such as refineries, sea ports, airports, telecomm, etc, belonging to federal government, especially those located within the Biafra territory, must be completely sold off before the referendum will be allow to take place.
.
So, before the Biafra referendum will come, expect that all the critical assets of federal government within the Biafra territory is going to be sold off. This is the latest plan of Buhari and the Britain/UN.
.
This is a true story and no one should joke with this information. All Niger-Deltans in this Group must not joke with this information because it is from a reliable source. I tell you, Prophet Nnamdi Kanu and IPOB
have opened our eyes.
.
So, what is your take on this issue? What do you have to tell Buhari about this evil plan?
...Say... your.. mind....!!!
...People....!!!
The world is listening.

Muafrika2:
That will happen eventually. But membership is only voluntary on paper. The reality is not that simple.

Not with Russia and China behind us. By next year if Africa doesn't get representation in the UN Security Council, then know that it is time for #Afrexit.

PRESIDENT Robert Mugabe has claimed that African countries along with other nations from other regions such as Asia are prepared to pull out of the United Nations and form their own splinter Union.
He said that the idea came about after numerous attempts by the Africa Union to become permanent member of the United Nations Security Council we thwarted by some countries.
Currently the security council comprises China, Russia, Britain, France, and the United States.
Mugabe made the threat on Saturday while addressing to thousands of Zanu PF supporters gathered at Harare International Airport to welcome him back from the United Nations General Assembly which was held in New York last week.
"This year we went to UN as an African committee after we agreed to join hands and speak with one voice on the issue of vetoing power," he said.
"It's unfortunate that we had not finished and agreed on our position as the African Union, but I hope all will be fine next year.
"But next year in September if they keep on refusing to accept and give the Africa Union the veto powers we will pull out."
Mugabe claimed that not all security council members were against AU representation, and revealed that Russia and China backed Africa's position on the issue.
"But countries such as Britain, France and America are blocking us," he said.
"If they continue with their stance, they must know that more countries that are members of the United Nations are from Africa and Asia.
"They must not cry foul when countries from these regions pull out and form our own Union.
"The Union will have countries such as China, India and other Asian countries, and then we have to see that which countries will remain in United Nations."
Even so, the veteran leader conceded that not all African countries would back the call to pull out of the US.
"These are the countries we want, without fear like the founding fathers that formed Organisation of African Unity," he said.
"But now Africa is full of cowards who are afraid; so we need to give them courage during this process of deliberations.
"We have visited them country-by-country but they always tell us, you should be countries to lead us on this position.
"It's must not Mugabe alone who should always be outspoken on these issues. "

AutoJoshNG:
Add yours to the list and tell us if you have seen any of these cars.

GET MORE FACTS ON MY FAVOURITE SPORT CAR.


With the Bugatti Veyron’s top-speed records, a price tag over $1 million, and distinctive melted-scoop-of-ice-cream styling, it was an instant rolling superlative when it debuted in 2005. Its successor, the new Chiron , is even more of a record- and headline-grabbing show pony. Is it faster? A 310-mph (500 km/h) speedometer and Bugatti’s claim that it’ll do 261 mph say it is.
Never mind that there are few places in the world where anyone could achieve 261 mph, and even fewer owners who will ever attempt the feat, what could hypercars such as the Ferrari LaFerrari , Porsche 918 Spyder , or McLaren P1 offer in retort? That their top speeds are lower, they’re less comfortable, or, critically, that they’re—gulp— cheaper ? The Chiron’s game is to be so unattainable, so unimaginable, so magical as to reestablish Bugatti as the
ultimate automotive accouterment for those who measure their cash reserves not by face value but with a yardstick.
Make Bugatti Great Again
Bugatti says the 4400-pound Chiron is “the world’s first production sports car with 1500 hp.” It’s best to simply shelve any expectations of modesty on Bugatti’s part. After all, when the car you’re replacing produced 1200 horsepower, hit 258 mph, and cost more than $2 million, adding an extra 300 horsepower, 3 mph of governed top speed, and half a million to the window sticker matters. Oh, and just 500 will be made, because nobody wants a mass-produced $2.6-million car.
Between Bugatti’s braggadocio and posturing, there are real improvements to the Veyron’s formula. Does it matter that, if every strand of carbon fiber in its new central tub were laid end to end, they’d “stretch nine times the distance between the earth and the moon”? No, and we pity the Bugatti employee charged with checking the arithmetic on that factoid. But it is indicative of a real effort to reduce—or at least hold the line on—the Chiron’s weight relative to that of the somewhat pudgy Veyron. All of that carbon fiber—the body panels also are made of the stuff—helps keep the Chiron right around the same weight as the 4486-pound Veyron, despite being 3.2 inches longer, 1.6 inches wider, and 0.3 inch taller. Bugatti further claims that the Chiron’s structure is as stiff as those underpinning LMP1 racing prototypes.
At the risk of sounding beguiled, the styling of the Chiron is notably more fetching than that of the Veyron. The C-shaped curve carved into each side of the body recalls Bugatti’s 1930s-era art-deco masterpieces, the Type 57 Atlantic and Atalante, as does the spear running down the car’s spine. The all-mesh tail appears to belong to a different car, but the surfaces bending and flowing beyond it are nearly beautiful. Up front, Bugatti’s horseshoe-shaped grille remains—stamped with a badge rendered from five ounces of silver—and is flanked by quad-LED headlights. Moving aerodynamic elements range from a hydraulically operated diffuser, front splitters, and a four-position rear spoiler/wing that can sit flush with the rear bodywork, extend slightly (the setting for top-speed runs), fully extend, or fully extend and tilt in its air-brake setting. The underbody is totally smooth save for NACA ducts that gulp air for cooling the engine, the transaxle, and the rear brakes.
What’s an Extra 3 mph?
When chasing top-speed honors, horsepower matters. Even so, there are diminishing returns in the fight against the atmosphere at higher speeds. The Chiron’s redesigned 8.0-liter quad-turbocharged W-16 engine produces 1500 horsepower, 300 more than the outgoing Veyron Super Sport —and yet it tacks only another 3 mph onto that car’s top speed, and only eight more atop the 1001-hp Veyron 16.4 ’s 253-mph max. Bugatti has tuned the Chiron’s four turbochargers to work sequentially, with two operating at low engine speeds for better response before the other two take over above roughly 3800 rpm for maximum power. Down the line, there no doubt will be additional variations on the Chiron theme that add precious miles per hour to the top speed.
Exhaust is routed from the turbos to a new titanium exhaust that Bugatti claims weighs 44 pounds, which is “extremely light compared with similar [16-cylinder] units.” Perhaps the automaker is referring to the chrome stacks on semi trucks, because it also proudly describes two of the catalytic converters as being “six times as large as [those] fitted to a medium-sized car” and boasts that the total exhaust-scrubbing area of all six catalytic converters is greater than that of 30 soccer fields. This should give you some idea of the level of emissions produced by an 8.0-liter 16-cylinder engine.
As in the Veyron, torque is routed to all four wheels via a seven-speed dual-clutch automatic transmission. Bugatti claims the clutches are the “largest, highest-performing” such components ever fitted to a car. They’d better be if they’re going to stand up to the 8.0-liter’s 1180 lb-ft of torque during sub-2.5-second rips to 62 mph. Also like the Veyron, the Chiron is a rolling heat-exchanger farm, with more than 13 gallons of coolant circulating through two separate cooling loops. The first loop holds 3.2 gallons of liquid and cools the turbochargers’ intercoolers; the larger loop services the engine and pumps 9.8 gallons of coolant through its veins into three radiators. There also are heat exchangers for the engine, transmission, rear-differential, and hydraulic oils, as well as those needed for cabin heat and air conditioning.
Bugatti has expanded the number of drive modes to five. There is a standard “EB” automatic mode, as well as Lift (for speed bumps and driveway entrances), Autobahn, Handling, and Top Speed. Moving among the settings alters the dampers, the ride-height actuators, the electrically assisted power-steering calibration, the electronically controlled rear differential, the active aerodynamics, and the stability control. The driver can select Lift, EB, Autobahn, and Handling modes using a dial on the steering wheel, but, as on the Veyron, Top Speed requires a separate “Speed Key” and unlocks the Chiron’s Vmax potential. The other drive modes limit top speed to 236 mph (Lift mode cancels out at 31 mph), still more than enough to get valet attendants in trouble. Anything past 112 mph automatically activates Autobahn mode, while in the Handling setting, the Chiron lowers itself, raises its rear wing to its highest position, and stiffens the dampers.
Bugatti claims the Chiron can pull 1.50 g’s in lateral acceleration; this probably has more to do with the car’s massive 20-inch 285/30 front and 21-inch 355/25 rear bespoke Michelin tires than outstanding chassis tuning or light weight. Those tires, by the way, also are said to boast a larger contact patch than the Veyron’s and will apparently be “easier to install and allow lower operating expenses.” Considering how the Veyron Super Sport’s tires cost $42,000 per set and required the replacement of all four wheels after three tire swaps ($69K), the change is welcome. Because the rear air brake alone won’t quickly shave big speed, the Chiron uses carbon-ceramic brake rotors that are all 0.8-inch larger in diameter and 0.1-inch thicker; the front rotors are 16.5 inches across and the rears are 15.7. The front brake calipers employ eight pistons, while the rears have six.
Inside Thoughts
The Chiron’s interior has been completely redesigned and seems to have been given nearly as much thought as figuring out how to make a 4400-pound chunk of carbon fiber and metal hurtle through the atmosphere at more than 200 mph. The aesthetic is spare yet clearly upscale. A glowing rib echoing the external “spine” sweeps down the middle of the cabin and is said to be “the longest light conductor used in the automobile industry.” A waterfall of simple aluminum dials for the climate system pours down a gleaming aluminum strip supported by carbon-fiber ribbing, while infotainment and navigation duties are handled by a pair of screens flanking the analog speedometer. The entire gauge pod, in fact, is an incredible piece of sculpture that is milled from billet aluminum.
Whatever isn’t slathered in leather or hewn from aluminum is covered in carbon fiber. The audio system is provided by Accuton, and it can be tuned to account for any of the 31 different leather choices and eight microsuede options for the interior. (Have you ever heard the reverb produced by soft Corinthian leather? Ask Ricardo Montalban.) And whether or not Bugatti is lobbing a pun when it says that the one-carat diamond membrane in each of the four tweeters deliver “crystal-clear sound,” we’re pretty sure the point is that there are diamonds in the speakers. For Chiron customers with Louis Vuitton–brand tinfoil hats, Bugatti says the car has “an extremely high level of electromagnetic compatibility” borne out by tests of an unspecified military standard.
Awestruck yet? There’s little doubt that the Chiron trumps even the mighty Veyron in the jaw-slackening department. The Chiron is undoubtedly an engineering triumph and the pinnacle of immoderation; the masses should be properly enthralled. Most critically, so should those with the considerable means to purchase one.

President Buhari is Nigeria’s major problem-Fayose ON SEPTEMBER 18, 20167:25 PMIN NEWSCOMMENTS According to a statement issued in Ado-Ekiti on Sunday by his Special Assistant on Public Communications and New Media, Lere Olayinka, Ekiti State Governor, Mr Ayodele Fayose has described President Muhammadu Buhari as the major problem of Nigeria that Nigerians must solve, saying; “Our President, through his actions and inactions is destroying everything that makes Nigeria a country and well-meaning Nigerians must stand-up to be counted in the crusade to save the country from going under.” The governor said it was President Buhari that went to foreign countries to de-market Nigeria by calling all Nigerians thieves and dishonest people, asking; “Which foreign investor will invest his money in a country of dishonest people? Who made investors to leave Nigeria if not President Buhari, who created atmosphere of economic and political instability in the country by his acts of nepotism and vindictiveness?” Governor Fayose lamented that “President Buhari has not only taking Nigeria to economic recession, he has moved the country to economic depression and nepotism has prevented him from engaging even the best hands in his party, the All Progressives Congress (APC).” He further said President Buhari should realise that “Nigerians will not measure his government on the basis of what his predecessors failed to do, but on what he does or neglected to do between May 29, 2016 and May 29, 2019.” Governor Fayose explained that with the level of hunger in the country, President Buhari should rather get serious and be innovative with governance and stop his blame game, adding that; “No nation has ever reached greatness by their leaders engaging in blame game, nepotism and vengeance as being done by President Buhari and his APC government.” According to the governor “Nigerians must begin to speak out now before the country is totally destroyed by this one-man government, which does not see any idea coming from those perceived as opposed to the government as worthy of consideration. “Like I said before, the main issue confronting Nigerians now is hunger and hunger does not speak the language of politics. It is therefore no longer about politics; it is about preventing hunger from killing Nigerians.” Governor Fayose, who said the federal government should stop deceiving Nigerians with stories of injecting funds into the economy, added that the economic problems facing the country has gone beyond talks of injecting N350 billion into the economy through execution of capital projects. “If they inject even N500 billion into the economy by paying contractors executing federal government capital projects, how does that affect the price of rice and other food items? How does it affect the price of basic drugs? “Instead of unsustainable measures, what President Buhari should do is to bring economic experts in the country together not-minding their political and ethnic affiliations so that they can proffer lasting solutions to the country’s economic problems.”President Buhari is Nigeria’s major problem-Fayose ON SEPTEMBER 18, 20167:25 PMIN NEWSCOMMENTS According to a statement issued in Ado-Ekiti on Sunday by his Special Assistant on Public Communications and New Media, Lere Olayinka, Ekiti State Governor, Mr Ayodele Fayose has described President Muhammadu Buhari as the major problem of Nigeria that Nigerians must solve, saying; “Our President, through his actions and inactions is destroying everything that makes Nigeria a country and well-meaning Nigerians must stand-up to be counted in the crusade to save the country from going under.” The governor said it was President Buhari that went to foreign countries to de-market Nigeria by calling all Nigerians thieves and dishonest people, asking; “Which foreign investor will invest his money in a country of dishonest people? Who made investors to leave Nigeria if not President Buhari, who created atmosphere of economic and political instability in the country by his acts of nepotism and vindictiveness?” Governor Fayose lamented that “President Buhari has not only taking Nigeria to economic recession, he has moved the country to economic depression and nepotism has prevented him from engaging even the best hands in his party, the All Progressives Congress (APC).” He further said President Buhari should realise that “Nigerians will not measure his government on the basis of what his predecessors failed to do, but on what he does or neglected to do between May 29, 2016 and May 29, 2019.” Governor Fayose explained that with the level of hunger in the country, President Buhari should rather get serious and be innovative with governance and stop his blame game, adding that; “No nation has ever reached greatness by their leaders engaging in blame game, nepotism and vengeance as being done by President Buhari and his APC government.” According to the governor “Nigerians must begin to speak out now before the country is totally destroyed by this one-man government, which does not see any idea coming from those perceived as opposed to the government as worthy of consideration. “Like I said before, the main issue confronting Nigerians now is hunger and hunger does not speak the language of politics. It is therefore no longer about politics; it is about preventing hunger from killing Nigerians.” Governor Fayose, who said the federal government should stop deceiving Nigerians with stories of injecting funds into the economy, added that the economic problems facing the country has gone beyond talks of injecting N350 billion into the economy through execution of capital projects. “If they inject even N500 billion into the economy by paying contractors executing federal government capital projects, how does that affect the price of rice and other food items? How does it affect the price of basic drugs? “Instead of unsustainable measures, what President Buhari should do is to bring economic experts in the country together not-minding their political and ethnic affiliations so that they can proffer lasting solutions to the country’s economic problems.”President Buhari is Nigeria’s major problem-Fayose ON SEPTEMBER 18, 20167:25 PMIN NEWSCOMMENTS According to a statement issued in Ado-Ekiti on Sunday by his Special Assistant on Public Communications and New Media, Lere Olayinka, Ekiti State Governor, Mr Ayodele Fayose has described President Muhammadu Buhari as the major problem of Nigeria that Nigerians must solve, saying; “Our President, through his actions and inactions is destroying everything that makes Nigeria a country and well-meaning Nigerians must stand-up to be counted in the crusade to save the country from going under.” The governor said it was President Buhari that went to foreign countries to de-market Nigeria by calling all Nigerians thieves and dishonest people, asking; “Which foreign investor will invest his money in a country of dishonest people? Who made investors to leave Nigeria if not President Buhari, who created atmosphere of economic and political instability in the country by his acts of nepotism and vindictiveness?” Governor Fayose lamented that “President Buhari has not only taking Nigeria to economic recession, he has moved the country to economic depression and nepotism has prevented him from engaging even the best hands in his party, the All Progressives Congress (APC).” He further said President Buhari should realise that “Nigerians will not measure his government on the basis of what his predecessors failed to do, but on what he does or neglected to do between May 29, 2016 and May 29, 2019.” Governor Fayose explained that with the level of hunger in the country, President Buhari should rather get serious and be innovative with governance and stop his blame game, adding that; “No nation has ever reached greatness by their leaders engaging in blame game, nepotism and vengeance as being done by President Buhari and his APC government.” According to the governor “Nigerians must begin to speak out now before the country is totally destroyed by this one-man government, which does not see any idea coming from those perceived as opposed to the government as worthy of consideration. “Like I said before, the main issue confronting Nigerians now is hunger and hunger does not speak the language of politics. It is therefore no longer about politics; it is about preventing hunger from killing Nigerians.” Governor Fayose, who said the federal government should stop deceiving Nigerians with stories of injecting funds into the economy, added that the economic problems facing the country has gone beyond talks of injecting N350 billion into the economy through execution of capital projects. “If they inject even N500 billion into the economy by paying contractors executing federal government capital projects, how does that affect the price of rice and other food items? How does it affect the price of basic drugs? “Instead of unsustainable measures, what President Buhari should do is to bring economic experts in the country together not-minding their political and ethnic affiliations so that they can proffer lasting solutions to the country’s economic problems.”

Please always wait for the Pastor to end his prayer or statement before you shout "Amen!"
Pastor: There's a man here!
Man in the crowd: It is me!
Pastor: I repeat, There's a man here!!!
Man in the crowd: It is me oh!
Pastor: I say there's a man here!
Man in the crowd: It is me and my family, I claim it.
Pastor: They have been sucking your blood for 5 years now.
Man in the crowd It is not me!

A man who bed- wets went to see a psychiatrist. PSYCHIATRIST: Does a dream usually precede your bed- wetting? Tell me how it happens. MAN: A little demon appears to me in my sleep and says, "Oya, let us pee". Then, I wake up to see the bed wet with my urine. PSYCHIATRIST: This is what you must do. If the demon comes tonight and tells you "let us pee", just reply him that you have already peed. The man left and returned the following day with tears streaming down his face. PSYCHIATRIST: Why are you weeping? Didn't my therapy work? MAN: Walahi, you have worsened my case! PSYCHIATRIST: What? How? MAN: When the demon came, I told him I'd already peed. Then he said, "Oya, let us shit!".

@themonk. Were you born an idiot or you got it into your bloods through blood transfusion? Ask questions and stop acting like a bastard son of a bi*ch (that is if you are not). Who rides whose dicks and who slaps whose ass? After the war, the three Rs were introduced(Rehabilitation, Reconcilliation and Reconstruction) but name a single Federal Government project completed or even done half way in the region where the war was actually? 3rd mainland bridge, National theatre amongst others are the projects of reconstruction done in a place where the war was never fought. Biafran scientists who invented the mercenaries used during the war were never asked how they made those or even fund them to make advanced ones for Nigeria yet FG go to China and US seeking for technology when it is at their disposal. Does that show rehabilitation? Fashola used Black Maria to transport okada riders to Onitsha Head bridge using the ban of commercial motorcycle as an excuse, yet when people go into robbery, y'all will start complaining. Lagos State.Government would rather prefer employing an SSCE yoruba person than an NCE Igbo into service (I'm speaking from experience cause I'm taking a course under Lagos.State Ministry of Education), does that show reconcilliation? FG maintains Lagos-Ibadan expressway but Anambra state maintains its own federal road, what do you call that? There is a rail route from Lagos-Kano-Abuja-Port Harcout.and so on. How many do you have in the S/E? Onitsha port, is it still operational? Niger River dredging work, what level of completion has it reached? 2nd Niger bridge, how far about it? My friend just shut up. FG knows that an investment into the states means 2nd California in a bigger way for Nigeria. Still, how many SE states can't pay salaries? Lowest poverty rate, where do ya find it? Wake up to reality. IPOB and MASSOB have every fucking right to do anything seccessional. TAKE IT OR GO HUG TRANSFORMER! BETTER STILL, GO SLEEP FOR LAGOS-IBADAN EXPRESSWAY!

matamaros:
THE TROUBLE WITH IGBOS IS THAT THEY DONT ACCEPT CRITICISMS THEY DONT LEARN FROM MISTAKES THEY BELIEVE THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT WHY THE OTHERS ARE WRONG. SEE AS THEY ARE CALLING FOR EX GOVERNOR OBI'S HEAD FOR TELLING THEM THE TRUTH. IS MASSOB AND IPOB FIGHTING FOR THE PROGRESS OF IGBOS ARE THEY NOT FIGHTING FOR THEIR OWN POCKETS. IS IT NOT EVIDENT THAT IGBOS CAN SELL THEIR OWN BLOOD FOR MONEY. FOR TELLING THEM THE TRUTH EX GOVERNOR OBI HAS EARNED MY RESPECT

Hmm. As far as i know, Nigerians are not ready compromise. We are not ready to tolerate and as such split is the best. If you're talking about selfishness, then it is Nigerian leaders. According to the amalgamation document, Nigeria would legally expire after hundred years. After it has expired, the citizens would then choose to continue as one or to go back to their precolonial status. But what happened? Your leaders never said anything about it, knowing that Nigerians would opt for split and then they won't see where to steal money from. From these two groups, who is into money? Don't just say things, investigate before you start posting. He earned your respect by saying that the herdsmen should be allowed nomadism with guns? What if they enter your village and finish y'all? Think well, this is naija politics not developed nations'.

CAUTION: this message is only meant to make you laugh. Read on.
*A LIE CLOCK*
Stella Obasanjo died and went to heaven ... As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly gates, she saw *_a huge wall of clocks_* behind her.
*She asked*, "What are all those clocks?"
*St Peter answered*, "Those are *Lie-Clocks*. _Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock._*_Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."_*
"Oh," *said Stella*, "whose clock is that?"
*"That's Bishop Ajayi Crowther's*. _The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie."_
*"Incredible," said Stella*. "And whose is that one?"
*St Peter responded*, "That's *Nnamdi Azikwe's clock*. _The hands have moved twice, telling us that Zik told only two lies in his entire life."_
*"Where's my husband, Obasanjo's clock?"* asked Stella.
_"Obasanjo's clock is in Angel Gabriel's office. *He's using it as a ceiling fan, it's rotating with high speed:*_
*What of Lai Mohammed's?*:
_His own clock is being upgraded *to be used as a helicopter rotor for its incredible speed!!
DON'T LAUGH ALONE. CAUTION: this message is only meant to make you laugh. Read on.
*A LIE CLOCK*
Stella Obasanjo died and went to heaven ... As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly gates, she saw *_a huge wall of clocks_* behind her.
*She asked*, "What are all those clocks?"
*St Peter answered*, "Those are *Lie-Clocks*. _Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock._*_Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."_*
"Oh," *said Stella*, "whose clock is that?"
*"That's Bishop Ajayi Crowther's*. _The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie."_
*"Incredible," said Stella*. "And whose is that one?"
*St Peter responded*, "That's *Nnamdi Azikwe's clock*. _The hands have moved twice, telling us that Zik told only two lies in his entire life."_
*"Where's my husband, Obasanjo's clock?"* asked Stella.
_"Obasanjo's clock is in Angel Gabriel's office. *He's using it as a ceiling fan, it's rotating with high speed:*_
*What of Lai Mohammed's?*:
_His own clock is being upgraded *to be used as a helicopter rotor for its incredible speed!!
DON'T LAUGH ALONE.

MY VERY FIRST TIME The sky was dark, The moon was high, All alone just she and I. Her hair was soft, Her eyes were blue, I knew just what She wanted to do. Her skin so soft, Her legs so fine, I ran my fingers, Down her spine. I didn't know how?? But I tried my best! I started by placing... My hands on her breast. I remember my fear, My fast beating heart, But slowly she spread, Her legs apart! And when I did it, I felt no shame! All at once, The white stuff came... At last it's finished! It's all over now... MY FIRST TIME EVER AT MILKING A COW..! Kai.... See them with their bad thoughts. Say Ha if I really caught you... And Hee if I didn't!

project8:
funny nt i doubt if an igbo can dare make these speech

Let him go to Main Market and open his mouth like that, let's see if he'd be able to enter his car. To me, Obi is an idiot. Anambra state has no amusement park, yet he built one and a mall in Abuja where it is rampant..
He's a man i would never respect!!!

BREAKING NEWS: THE FORMER GOVERNOR OF ANAMBRA STATE, CHIEF PETER OBI CONDEMNED THE MOVEMENT " INDIGENOUS PEOPLE OF BIAFRA" IPOB AND MASSOB , CALLED NDI IGBO DISORGANIZED TRIBE.
On Saturday 10th of September 2016 , at Bolingo Hotels Fegge, Onitsha , sir Gregory Peter Obi addressed some famous Igbo sons and daughters during " Igbo Elites Convention " IEC.
According to sir Peter Obi, the criminals that gathered themselves together called IPOB and MASSOB are not in any way fighting the general course of the Igbos , the leader of IPOB Mr. Nnamdi Kanu who has been in detention for committing several crimes against Nigeria and that is the reason he remained in jail even after two courts had granted him bail, Obi went on to say that the pro-Biafran groups , IPOB and MASSOB are rebels , Igbo rejects projected to cause disintegration in Nigeria as well as destroying the government of General Muhammed Buhari who mean well for the Igbos and Nigeria in general.
Speaking further at " Igbo Elites Convention " IEC during the weekend, Obi said, It is greed that caused the the emergence of IPOB or MASSOB. He stressed saying that an average Igbo man is a betrayer, can kill his blood relations for easy money, therefore the two groups IPOB and MASSOB and others that are about to spring up are not exception, they want to get rich quick. They are saboteurs and disorganized tribe who betrays their brothers due to money.
How can any right thinking Igbo man support and calls for the release of the famous rebel and rascal called Nnamdi Kanu who happened to be causing harm than good in our beloved country Nigeria? Obi called on all important Igbo men and women to distance themselves from mr Nnamdi Kanu so that he will face the music squarely.
Obi fumed saying that the only way the Igbo man's voice will be heard is only when he joins the moving train by supporting General Buhari's government and not fighting to be dependent.
Sir Gregory Peter Obi, who started shedding tears at this point said that the tears was for Ndi Igbo , he proceeded to say that the Igbos needs leaders like him who can fight and get their ration of national cake from the ruling government and that's why he joined the Anambra Central senatorial race, at this point , he implored Igbos and Anambrararians to support him.
Speaking further at the occasion, sir Peter Obi went on to say that the Igbos should learn to accommodate others, that in the North, good number of Igbos lives there, marry, make children and do their businesses in comfortable environments without anybody disturbing them , that he do not see the reason the herdsmen won't be allowed to have grazing field in south East when it's one Nigeria we live in .
The herdsmen are peaceful and should be allowed to rear their cows and cattle in any part of the country they choose without interruption from any quarter .
Finally, sir Gregory Peter Obi said that the herdsmen should also be allowed to go about with AK47 and other dangerous weapons for self defense in case of any eventuality.
Culled from Mirror online.

I wonder why women are hard
My wife went out leaving our new born baby in the hands of our pretty maid. The little boy kept crying and the maid did all she can but he kept crying till she brought out her breast to give him and he stopped crying. As the small boy was sucking the breast, i entered and saw it, i was so angry and afraid that he could contact disease from there, i shouted for the girl, but she told me that nothing is coming out of the breast but i didnt believe her, i decided to suck the breast too, to comfirm, as i was sucking her breast, my wife came in, upon all my explanation, she refused to understand..
Abeg how I wan do now

Kyase:
Learn how to copy and paste, I have e book on that for sale

I left it on purpose Copy and past is my job

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© 2016 Vanguard Media Limited, Nigeria
buhari biafra
By Taboola
Biafra agitation beyond Buhari – IPOB
ON September 16, 2016 8:34 AM / IN
News, Trending / Comments
…Raises alarm over alleged plot to assassinate Kanu on October 1 
…As Police clamp down on Journalists over MASSOB, advert production
By Emeka Mamah, Nwabueze Okonkwo & Peter Okutu
ENUGU —The Indigenous People of Biafra, IPOB, has said the on-going agitation for the actualisation of Biafra as a country was beyond both President Muhammadu Buhari and others who pride themselves as fighting for the country’s unity between 1967 and 1970, adding that the indices were no longer the same.
IPOB said most people in the country no longer believe in Nigerian unity and asked those around Buhari to advise him properly since there was no longer any basis for such unity again.
In a statement signed by IPOB’s Media and Publicity Secretary, Comrade Emma Powerful in Enugu yesterday ,they wondered why President Buhari advised Igbo youth corps members serving in Daura, his home town to ask the youths in their area to stop the struggle for Biafra because, according to him, “it will not be a reality.”
Alleged plot to assassinate Kanu on Oct.
1
Also yesterday, the Indigenous People of Biafra, raised an alarm over what it termed as Federal Government’s move to assassinate its leader, Nnamdi Kanu inside the prison custody on October 1, during Nigeria’s 56th independent anniversary celebration.
IPOB said government in defiant of court orders which directed that Kanu be released from the prison custody unconditionally, embarked on several assassination attempts on the life of the IPOB leader, adding that having failed to assassinate him on so many attempts, it now set October 1 date for his assassination.
In a press statement issued to newsmen and signed by their spokespersons, Emma Nmezu and Dr. Clifford Iroanya, IPOB said they were wondering why the Federal Government is abandoning its prosecution of Kanu and going for the option of his assassination.
According to the statement, Muhammadu Buhari freed a terrorist Kabiru Umar (a.k.a Kabiru Sokoto) but disobeyed court orders on unconditional release of Nnamdi Kanu. Is the government not sure of the ability of its legal team to make a strong case for the conviction of Kanu? Is government impatient with the rule of law to the extent that it now wants to take the laws into its hands and resort to extra-judicial killing which has always been its second nature?
“What is the rationale behind government’s preference for the freedom of a terrorist and mass murderer over compliance with the rulings of courts of competent jurisdictions? Even with his limited education and non-existent leadership training plus lack of updated skills in modern and democratic governance, Buhari should at least respect the constitution of the country he is claiming to be the president of.”
Clamp down on Journalist over MASSOB, advert publication
Meantime, Ebonyi State police command was yesterday reported to have allegedly arrested and detained the Ebonyi State Correspondent of New Telegraph Newspaper, Mr. Uchenna Inya over his purported attempt to send a report on the Movement for the Actualization of the Sovereign State of Biafra, MASSOB’ 17 years anniversary in the state.
But in a quick reaction, the State Police Public Relations Officer, DSP George Okafor in a telephone conversation with Vanguard denied that the correspondent was ever arrested over any report.
But during his testimony at the government house Press Unit, the New Telegraph correspondent who lamented how he was detained for over 5 hours at the Command Headquarters, Abakaliki, said he was questioned on why he did the report on MASSOB.
In a related development, the publisher of National Issue Newspaper, Mr. Emmanuel Igwe also lamented how he was arrested and detained by the state police command over an advertorial he published indicting the state Commissioner of Police.
“The police broke into my house by 6:30am yesterday. My doors were broken and my wife, Mrs. Nnenna Igwe was allegedly beaten up yesterday. The matter is pending before High court on the enforcement of my Fundamental Human Right over an advertorial I published.
“I was granted bail on very stringent measure of somebody on grade level 14 who will bring his last promotion paper.” In his reaction, the Chairman of the Correspondent Chapel, Mr. Ogodo Mbam who described the action of the police as inhumane and undemocratic noted that after the union’s meeting, it would decide whether it would continue to partner the police in its activities in the state.
TONY
View All Posts By Tony →
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Disclaimer
Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.

Prolific Hit makers P-Square (Peter Okoye and Paul Okoye) Are back one’s again with another Party starter Tune Dubbed Bank Alert.
Following the recent public apology to fans by Peter Okoye and announcement of reconciliation between him, Paul Okoye and Jude Okoye, Nigerian singing duo Psquare have Released the audio, and have shot a video for The new single titled ‘Bank Alert’.
They have been teasing fans with new material ever since they reconciled a couple of weeks ago. The video “Bank Alert” being shot by Clarence Peters.
Which They also also revealed To start a new journey which includes their elder brother Jude Okoye returning as the group’s manager, and also stated they were coming back with new music and new ideas.
The singing duo tease fans with behind the scenes photos from the video shoot for their latest single directed by Clarence Peters.
The singers take back the video to the streets once again to showcase their versatile Ability. This new tune follows their collaboration in ‘Kidogo’ alongside Tanzanian singer Diamond Platnumz.
“Bank Alert” Happens to be their first collaboration together since they both began solo careers on the side.
Bank alert is a must listen tune which sure give’s back the P-Square Old days, The two brothers one’s again come together to create a party serenade tune which Brings back the Vibe of the African Fell good music.
While we anticipate the release of the most anticipated Video, Listen to the new tune and share your thoughts.

Khameal007:
LMAO.. will you give him?

Why i go give him? Now.wey he dey chop money, dey give girls belle up and down he know me? I no go give am even #5 wey don tear.

Khameal007:
I swear gan

If he were to be dating Linda Ikeji, he might not end up on the streets but since it's Justin Skye, then he should get ready to come and borrow money from me.

Khameal007:
Let whizkid try and enter money problem na.. Hehe... the only bank he'll be going to is blood bank... to sell one one pint every Wednesday.

I love where your head is at. If he ever have money problem, he'll either end up on the street or as a studio rat again

The United Nation has unveiled plans to set up two aviation security training schools in Nigeria as part of measures aimed at supporting the nation’s over-all counter-terrorism.
The move would also assist in providing a robust national aviation security policy that would mitigate the threat posed to civil aviation by terrorist organizations and their operatives.
The development was confirmed on Thursday by a statement from the Ministry of Aviation and signed by the Deputy Director, Press and Public Affairs, Mr James Odaudu.
The statement said the establishment of the aviation training schools in Nigeria is in line with the federal government’s vision towards turning around the aviation sector to meet global standards in infrastructure, safety and security.
It said that the Minister of State for Aviation, Senator Hadi Sirika, had been briefed on the development by the United Nations-appointed Project Manager for the schools, Mr. Douglas Melvin.
Melvin, according to the statement, said the initiative would also enhance the capacity within the UN system to help interested member states to implement the UN Global Counter-Terrorism Strategy in an integrated manner.

Tyga may have his fair share of money problems — but fortunately, he has Kylie Jenner for help!
A new report claims the reality star will do whatever it takes to keep her man out of financial trouble.
(Photo Credit: Getty Images)
MORE: Find Out Who Khloé Kardashian is Dating
“Not to be arrogant or irresponsible, but Tyga isn’t worried about his finances. What’s done is done. He’s learned from his money management mistakes and vows to live life on more meager means. Kylie‘s been his rock and has reassured him that she’s his bank and will catch him if he falls,” a source told Hollywood Life.
(Photo Credit: Getty Images)
“He’s not depending on her by any means, but, she’s his safety net in case some s--t goes down. Kylie’s holding him down, and that’s what a real woman, especially one who’s in her financial position, should do for her man.”
Last year the lip kit mogul was rumored to help him pay the $50,000 he owed in rent on his Calabasas, Calif. mansion.


This is what ladies do love and later, get abandoned or dumped by the guy they helped. We guys are wicked. Don't be surprised that Tyga might still dump Kylie. WHAT A WORLD! I know most ladies here can't even do that.

Aderola15:
Okay Desktop publisher, looks to me like you've got your mind made up already. So go for it, wish you the best

Thank you. And goodluck with your stance. You made a reasonable argument but aye......I'm not inlove with all of it.

Julietcutie:
18s

Why don't you be specific? C'mon girl, don't be a Grandma

iyobs7:
I was in one , and still in one. I said I was because it was a very long distance relationship out of Nigeria. What worked was our commitment to each other. For the three years I was out, we had lots of issues i can't even count. Trust issues, why was your phone switched off all day? Why didn't you check on me all day? So if I don't check on you, you won't check on me and so on.

Well am a Gemini and from what I read we are double sided, the good and bad side, well I guess everyone has this but they kinda say it is worse with Gemini.
She is Aquarius and not that I believe the whole horoscope of a thing but yes it gave me an insight of who I was dealing with. For instance her closeness to someone does not mean she is involved with someone. Sometimes Aquarius do sometimes treasure their relationship with their friends to someone they are in love with. So it helped me a lot when jealousy came up.

First my Queen and I were friends and we became lovers, our families were involved in our relationship.

During the period when we were apart, we were very matured about our relationship. We never spoke about sex or intimacy even during video calls. There was no need invoking the gods.

Ultimately what kept us together was the love we had for each other, the dreams that we shared and finally we always forgave and never too big to say sorry!!!

LDR works.

According to Zodiac Astrology, Aquarius and Gemini's compatibility is 70% positive. Hence, it is possible to work it out but sadly, i dated a Scorpio, one of Gemini's worst matches (i am a Gemini). It was cool but we have conflicting approach to issues though we always make up. Just that she's a scorpio with one of Aquarius' characteristics.