chaircover:


My dear this is 2015 & things have moved on
There are heaps of inter racial marriages all over the place
I see them everyday . . Today I saw some in ASDA. Young Vibrant couples.

People have this view that the "poor" man is being held there against his wish, he is unhappy and he needs a good Naija wife
Not true at all . . all lies.
At the embassy last week I saw a Naija guy with his oyibo wife and 3 children
What more does a Nigerian "wife" want to born? assuming there is one in the backgound

She will always be a "family" wife who they will be sending Primark tops to twice a year.
The one who will be tending to the firewood and cleaning the cows intestines when they have a family gathering, while the oyibo wife is holidaying in Miami with hubby and kids every year and shopping at selfridges and having toe curling orgasmms every night

I have cousins who married non Nigerians
None of them have a Nigerian wife in the village
Their mother will beat them with omorogun even if they try it. I trust my aunty.

Wahlahi, CC you are bad!

Yes, I wanted to pick up on that word "unhappy" but you got there before me. The man isn't unhappy jare. He is having the time of his life, with a bonus wife thrown in for good measure. The flatmate consoles herself that he must be unhappy, to make her bad choice a little bit more bearable for her.

yetseyi:
ma'am(s) efemenaxy, chaircover and yadoctura Thanks for your advice I just feel bad about the matter hoping something can still be salvaged. I just know marrying the guy is terrible. I just dont understand but she really is a good girl.

I guess I will just have to keep my opinions to myself and support her whatever way I can.

Re: the bolded, I don't think so.

Good girls wouldn't dream of doing what she's done.

EfemenaXY:


Re: the bolded, I don't think so.

Good girls wouldn't dream of doing what she's done.

She probably doesnt know any better
She may be damaged, have low esteem and no father figure to turn to
She may also be a victim of family pressure
There are many like her who go for plan B when plan A doesnt work
Its just that they never sit down to think of the long term effcects of their actions . .they are only concerned about now.
If only half of them know whast awaits them, they will run a mile.

chaircover:


She probably doesnt know any better
She may be damaged, have low esteem and no father figure to turn to
She may also be a victim of family pressure
There are many like her who go for plan B when plan A doesnt work
Its just that they never sit down to think of the long term effcects of their actions . .they are only concerned about now.
If only half of them know whast awaits them, they will run a mile.

I don't think so, CC.

It's obvious she feels since the other woman is white / foreign, she doesn't count.

I tell you, if this flatmate in question had her own man and was planning to marry him (after having a child for him outside wedlock), she wouldn't find it funny if some undergraduate university babe were to come in from nowhere, get pregnant for the man and plan to marry him as his second wife, even before the man's through with his honeymoon to the flatmate.

What would flatmate do? Short of tracking down the undergraduate and dousing her with battery acid, she would burn red candles, bath naked in the bush, bury juju at 12 midnight, and fast & pray for death to come take that undergraduate away from her man.

I reiterate, she knows exactly what she's doing.

Evil cow.

EfemenaXY:


Wahlahi, CC you are bad!

Yes, I wanted to pick up on that word "unhappy" but you got there before me. The man isn't unhappy jare. He is having the time of his life, with a bonus wife thrown in for good measure. The flatmate consoles herself that he must be unhappy, to make her bad choice a little bit more bearable for her.

I forgot to mention that these 3 kids I saw at the embassy had full Nigerian Names & they were there for their Nigerian Passport
No Beyonce or Kanye in their names

Then some girl in Nigeria will open her legs thinking she is the "real wife"
She only just gave the guy free sex fr 2 weeks
Cheaper and safer for him than an obalende ashewo.
I do feel sorry for thr girls though. I really do. They are just being used.

chaircover:


My dear this is 2015 & things have moved on
There are heaps of inter racial marriages all over the place
I see them everyday . . Today I saw some in ASDA. Young Vibrant couples.

People have this view that the "poor" man is being held there against his wish, he is unhappy and he needs a good Naija wife
Not true at all . . all lies.
At the embassy last week I saw a Naija guy with his oyibo wife and 3 children
What more does a Nigerian "wife" want to born? assuming there is one in the backgound

She will always be a "family" wife who they will be sending 3 Primark tops to twice a year.
The one who will be tending to the firewood and cleaning the cows intestines when they have a family gathering, while the oyibo wife is holidaying in Miami with hubby and kids every year, shopping at selfridges and having toe curling orgasmms every night

I have cousins who married non Nigerians
None of them have a Nigerian wife in the village
Their mother will beat them with omorogun even if they try it. I trust my aunty.

I agree with you. I only made an hypothesis on his reason for a naija wife.

chaircover:

She probably doesnt know any better
She may be damaged, have low esteem and no father figure to turn to
She may also be a victim of family pressure
There are many like her who go for plan B when plan A doesnt work
Its just that they never sit down to think of the long term effcects of their actions . .they are only concerned about now.
If only half of them know whast awaits them, they will run a mile.

This might be the case and explains why she did not tell her family members the nitty gritty.

emeraldoe:
my dear, I didn't cook for once in my parents house until after I got married. I learnt how to cook wen I got to d higher institution( thanks to my room mates) and overtime I became an expert. When I started dating my husband, he looks for an excuse for me not to cook in his parents house so his mum won't see my flaws. He even taught me how to cook different types of soup. Babe, u av to learn even if u av lots of cooks and maids. Im fulfilled weneva his friends come over and eat without leaving remnants on d plate and even ask for more it shows i've improved a great deal. Though it wasn't easy at all. At d early stage, I cook soup only wen my husband is at home so he can put me tru and he really encouraged me. Even if it's tasteless dat I can't eat it well, he'll eat it with so much joy. But now, trust me, he calls an hour b4 he closes so I can set d table

You make cooking sound so fun, I won't lie, sometimes I get frustrated, I started respecting my girl more the day I made okra for the first time, I had never eaten it till that day, the kitchen was messed up, he said it would be better if I did everything on my own with him there guiding me ofcourse, it wasn't funny at all but he scored me 70/100.

Thank you for your input, i'll continue to learn. I wish I discovered this site earlier than I did, though I was a guest for a while till I encountered this thread and decided to register, I like it here, too many great people.

chaircover:


I forgot to mention that these 3 kids I saw at the embassy had full Nigerian Names & they were there for their Nigerian Passport
No Beyonce or Kanye in their names

Then some girl in Nigeria will open her legs thinking she is the "real wife"
She only just gave the guy free sex fr 2 weeks
Cheaper and safer for him than an obalende ashewo.
I do feel sorry for thr girls though. I really do. They are just being used.

This is just sad, so she'd have to just basically be "the other woman"

Come to think of it, I don't think everyone is meant to get married, why don't some of these women that end up getting used like the lady in this story get that? I know lots of ladies that aren't freaked by marriage, they lead their lives to the fullest, isn't it better to be single and remain happy than married and miserable?

Preternatura1:
You make cooking sound so fun, I won't lie, sometimes I get frustrated, I started respecting my girl more the day I made okra for the first time, I had never eaten it till that day, the kitchen was messed up, he said it would be better if I did everything on my own with him there guiding me ofcourse, it wasn't funny at all but he scored me 70/100.

Pls I want to get something straight, you are a single lady who lives alone & you reside in Nigeria & you have a maid. Am I correct?

pls what's ur age range?

nannymcphee:


Pls I want to get something straight, you are a single lady who lives alone & you reside in Nigeria & you have a maid. Am I correct?

pls what's ur age range?

Yes, I'll be 25 in April.

Why?

yetseyi:
]

^^^^^^^^ is my challenge with the whole kangaroo arrangement . I would have said she should have her baby and take care of it and hope to marry a proper man. She wants to cover shame and is deceiving her whole family in the process and also getting into a hotter mess. I just dont know.




okay then

pls advise her to tell her family. They may be disappointed at first but after that, she will be surprised at how they will rise up to support her in her mistake and make sure she's not swallowed by it.

That problem is something she can't afford to be alone in except she just wants to abort and move on quietly without anyone knowing what went down.that doesn't seem like a nice option

But if she wants to have the baby, whether she marries the man or not she can't be alone in that predicament or she will get high BP from frustration.

It will even be worse if she marries him. he can't be a father to that child(even if he wants to). Not when he has a wife with him over there.

She shouldn't throw away her life because of pregnancy. It is not the end of the world.
I wish you can show her this thread from this page.

I could use myself as example. In this my small life,there was no kind of proposal I didn't see.
From the real to the fake to the fake-real.
Something should have gone off in her brain the moment he started talking marriage in just a few weeks after having never seen her for years.

In 2011 one almost came to my house for introduction. I knew him from when I was in secondary school. He was my bestie's cousin and used to visit us in the boarding how then. Fast forward to 2011 when I was doing my finals he started contacting me again on Facebook. Saying how he never forgot me from those days and how he wanted to come back and marry me that Xmas (he lives in New Jersey)
Before I knew what's up some of his family members (siblings) were already contacting me on phone.
He was sending me gifts,laptop,latest phone,money etc
"Our wife" was flying randomly in the air.
I wasn't even mature enough then. I almost got carried away.

I told my mom and she gave me one kind look
"You're 21 what's the hurry?"
She said
"I know men don't waste time when they are ready to settle down but for someone who hasn't seen you in a few years and already proposing marriage just a few weeks after you're connected to each other again,there's something fishy about it. So be patient and wait for him to come back so you give yourselves time to study each other and know if you're a match."

She Said I should find his address in the US and send back all his gifts so I won't be indebted to him . As if.
(Well my mom is so strict )


I didn't of course. But I exercised caution and digged around a little only to find out that a girl was already pregnant for him from his last visit home. I asked him and he said he didn't want to marry her. that it was a mistake and she would just be his babymama while I would be the wife(I guess that's a trophy there )
My fellow women don suffer.

If I was the type that would take any kind of man just to be married,I'd be married to an assholee now and regretting everyday of my life.
Probably Permanently At home with his family and a string of kids, competing for attention with his other baby mama while he would be far away giving another woman 'toe curling orgasms' in chaircover's voice.

Pls show your friend this thread from this page if you can. 29 is not too old to get her life back on track.

I do have quite a load of marriage-proposal-gone-sour stories.

I wish many ladies won't go ahead to make some of the mistakes I almost made.

Preternatura1:
Yes, I'll be 25 in April.
Why?

Dont think its relevant.
You have a maid - that's just you. End of


@everyone
Great thread here, thanks for sharing

Preternatura1:
Come to think of it, I don't think everyone is meant to get married, why don't some of these women that end up getting used like the lady in this story get that? I know lots of ladies that aren't freaked by marriage, they lead their lives to the fullest, isn't it better to be single and remain happy than married and miserable?

Our culture is not ready for that yet I dont think
Marriage is as inportnant as brushing teeth
ive worked with 3 people who deliberatly dont have kids
If a couple wakes up one morning and says that in Naija the parents will be binding and loosing at MFM
But on a serious note, some people dont have the emotional capacity to be married.
In this case, I dont think that this lady is not marriagble, its just that she is looking for the wrong type of husband and in the wrong way.

EfemenaXY:




Abeg not all of us are igbo. Kindly translate una Romeo and Juliet messages here, jare.

Efe why you de expose me na

Preternatura1:
Yes, I'll be 25 in April.

Why?

Just asking dearie, to the typical Nigerian family, you won't be a good wife, lazy bla bla bla (it's almost assumed that since you are this young & single, you don't do house chores, what then will you be able to do in your matrimonial home)

so make sure your fiancée doesn't have that typical Nigerian mentality & if he doesn't, then ensure he can protect you from inlaws.

This ain't Yankee, we don't marry in isolation here!! How many folks(resident in nigeria) have you read here who completely cut off from their inlaws

toshmann:


Sh-t


Wait o . . so this coco na igbo babe .

BabyO, i'm going back to Ohio soon. . [size=3pt]. NY girls na criminals all of them. Dem go give me psychosis[/size]

Yelx

nannymcphee:


Just asking dearie, to the typical Nigerian family, you won't be a good wife, lazy bla bla bla (it's almost assumed that since you are this young & single, you don't do house chores, what then will you be able to do in your matrimonial home)

so make sure your fiancée doesn't have that typical Nigerian mentality & if he doesn't, then ensure he can protect you from inlaws.

This ain't Yankee, we don't marry in isolation here!! How many folks(resident in nigeria) have you read here who completely cut off from their inlaws

Okay, thank you very much.

chaircover:


Our culture is not ready for that yet I dont think
Marriage is as inportnant as brushing teeth
ive worked with 3 people who deliberatly dont have kids
If a couple wakes up one morning and says that in Naija the parents will be binding and loosing at MFM
But on a serious note, some people dont have the emotional capacity to be married.
In this case, I dont think that this lady is not marriagble, its just that she is looking for the wrong type of husband and in the wrong way.

Hmmm, I really feel sad for her. People should not let culture or society decide how they'd live their lives, it's not like culture pays their bills, it would be a different thing was this woman in love with the guy. I have a first cousin, once removed, who isn't married and is quite happy with her life, your life is yours to live and you only get to do it once.

Plenty plenty epistles on this thread. . Apostle Paul would be proud

Am just so tired and not in the mood to type(busy weekend can't believe its Monday in less than 12 hrs again ) but will touch a bit on another side of the coin of the inlaw issues touched on this thread and that is when your own family seems to be the one that has issues with the way you choose to run your family.

My parents were both 1st children and not just first children but the first set of educated people in their respective nuclear families (ok not nuclear perse as there was polygamy on both sides).Our house was always filled with people and if you came to our house on a Sunday afternoon you would ask if there was a party going on.My mum is a very industrious woman and as well as fending for her family she was taking care of a battalion of people as well. Same as dad.I grew up around a large extended family.In short I can't count how many grannys I had I had granny ikeja, granny ijebu, granny eko, granny idumota etc etc auntys uncles cousins etc etc At a point I think my dad was sponsoring about 5 people in University while my mum was sponsoring weddings, funerals, paying school fees,paying hospital bills, etc etc. .Now I am very proud of who they are (or were in my dads case) because i know even though I have NOW not personally reaped any material benefits from those people directly I believe doing good is just great.

My husband grew up in a nuclear family lost his parents at a young age, was shipped to an aunty who used to use his school fees for aso ebi until his sister was able to get him back to the UK(was born here).So he is kinda wary of extended extended family.

I have never had issues with my inlaws.They don't even want to be in your business sef.Even if they would my hubby would tell them off.In short I tell him to chill on the 'leave my wife alone' ish.I remember one time I went to naija and his aunty moaned that I did not bring my daughter to come see her, I heard he told its not compulsory I see every body on every visit.He shields me from unnecessary drama and I guess its easy to get away from cos they are not his biological parents.

My mum on the other hand had (maybe I should even say has sef) issue with the fact that hubby is not really into extended family. I can say most of the major fights I have had with hubby is over my extended family drama.I am not even going to lie at the early stage of our marriage I said ALOT of things to him that in retrospect I should not have said.I would nag him to go to family parties, nag him to go and greet that uncle brother wife who is on holiday in the UK. My mum wanted to even make our house the extended family headquarters In London.This extended family would come and say my hubby is not friendly, he acts too britico etc.Mum would call me and complain. For things as silly as he greeted her with 'head'( non yorubas might not get this).Gosh was it draining.

Will be back later on how I coped and laid down boubdaries.I need to sleep

Ok before I hit my bed.

My mum would have told someone in naija that they can stay with us and then put me in the difficult position of 'informing' him as how can i tell someone who is due to arrive in 2 days sorry you can't stay with me.My mum would say 'I trained you better than all those UK people who are not accomodating' ; In other words she wanted my house to be what her house was as the first daughter even though we were married to two ENTIRELY different men.

CC said something on this thread that really helped me and that is to sometimes understand that you and your spouse are two different people from different backgrounds and trying to force your worldview based on your own experiences sometimes is a recipe for disaster.

I would nag hubby about him being 'antisocial'. I would even compare him to my dad and say my dad had slept on the floor to accommodate guests so why is he talking about privacy?

Hubby would not talk but unknown to me resentments were growing on how he felt he would ALWAYS take my side but I was always quick to side with my family against him.Mum would call and say ehen'this person said when they came to your house your husband spent 30 mins with them and went to watch football in the room' immediately I would attack him' why must you watch football now why are you so unsocial' mum would say 'so your hubby has not called Aunty A to say congrats on her granddaughter birth' I would nag him till he called.Funny enough he might not even call if it was his own Aunty A.

All these things were just brimming below the surface.

One day hubby had enough and turned back my mum cousin from sleeping over. I was soooo mad at him. Unfortunately or fortunately my mum was with us at the time.Gosh was my mum mad.i was also mad at him but I think he was just trying to stamp one kain authority. My hubby can be quietly stubborn sometimes.He insisted that this person will not sleep over or he will leave the house for us.Mum left our house that day and went with her cousin to a bed and breakfast.

Gosh what did I not hear. That was the point it dawned on me that I was supposed to be hubby's cheerleader.I was meant to be the one who laid down the boundaries to my family as he did to his.I was meant to be the one to say mummy we can't have guests with just one day's notice.

When I started lil by lil mum would say ' your hubby has changed you' etc etc . 'You have turned to all those London people(I know some Uk people are so unaccomodating ) but I knew I had to balance the equation because I thought to myself so what if it was me.The bible says do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.How would o feel if different people from hubby's sode would just be turning up without informing me or just giving me one or two days notice.

There were a lot of issues.Like when I decided not to work for a while.Some of my aunties started calling me 'Ruth abokoku(Ruth the husband lover) .But now they and my mum to an extent are learning to only give opinions when they are sought

toshmann:

Lol
The lord works in mysterious ways. He opens doors that seem unshakable and makes a way where rhere seems to be no way.

Cardiff is history, even Ohio is history. Its a new day, its a new era, its a new life, its a new hope

Where are you now?
Are you now eating our collective national moi moi in Abuja ?
Please it is for All of us o
Remember me

@ floodgater
It's actually good prenatura is hearing all the arguments so she is informed while making a decision. if she is scared by all that,it will make her look further and reevaluate and make the best decision for her( which I hope will also be the best for him)
I hate divorce.The best way to prevent it is by making the right choice to the best of one's knowledge
I have seen what divorce has done to some friends of mine
I have a friend who is divorced twice and is almost a basket case and she confessed to me that she should have never married either men.First one she hardly knew,he came from America to marry her, the second she met after the first divorce and married him because she didn't want to be alone and didn't want to live in sin so marriage was the best option.She realized pretty soon he was a terrible choice but she stayed on for show because of the false image of great love she had portrayed, she didn't want friends to laugh at her .

Anything to prevent a young woman from making an initial mistake is good
I bet you she will sit down and think this relationship through and that will be a good thing.

I need advice on how to break up wit out problems I have tried everything I can but non see to working. I tried ignoring, tried discussing with him but he always gives a 'good' reason y we should continue the relationship.

I cant continue being with someone who is so petty. I initially thought that the problem was from me but now I know otherwise. He doesn't want me to have male friends, very controlling. I have tried sitting down to discuss things with him but it's not just working out.

Just this evening I stopped to greet a male customer and he just started shouting saying he will start keeping female friends too n whatever happens I should just take it like that and that it will only lead to break up. I tried to explain and calm him down to no avail so I allowed him to continue boiling, lol.

when he finished ranting, I went to him and told him that there's no need to be scared and that I will never do anything to hurt him. The dude just said "now that u are having male friends when u go for nysc u may start sleeping around". I just left him and didn't reply.

so when we were going back home (he was actually walking me back to my house) he was still talking about it n I told him that I don't have the strength to quarrel and if he doesn't want to let the matter slide he better start goin to his house. He left n I had a peaceful walk home. When i got home I called to find out if he hadn't gotten home and he told me not to call him again. I jejely ended d call, I don't have airtime to waste.

This is what happens Weneva he sees a guys nota me on my phone book or watsapp. even facebook messages sef he will still want to check. He it's always paranoid. God knows I have never cheated on him before. Once he told me that if I get pregnant he will go for a dnt test o cos he doesn't trust me.

He found it really difficult to introduce me to anybody in his family until last year when we had a serious problem.

He is not as bad person though. Some other chic may be able to endure all those things but not me. I cant be giving explanations about things that shouldn't be explained.

I have done everything within my power to make it work but it just isn't working out. We argue everything week and if St's really exhausting. I am really tired of the relationship. and want to know if there's anything else I can do.
And i want advice on how to make someone believe you actually want break up. am a soft hearted person and always ready to please people as long as it's within my power.

cc:babyosisi
chair cover
cococandy

yetseyi:
Good day everyone, I really dont want to create a thread for this but I believe I would get advice from here.

Please I need to know how to advise my flat-mate. We have been living together for some months now and have built a relationship. It all started in December when we wanted to go our parents for christmas, she travelled to the east and I went to my house still in Lagos but quite far from town and I jokingly added 'bring husband ooo from the village'.

By early January I was back to the apartment to resume There was strike so she stayed back at the village but I was shocked when she called about a week after I got back that she is escorting her hubby to Lagos and he would come to know where she stays before he leaves( His flight to the UK was the next day). I was shocked, husband how come within 3-4 weeks , I knew I would hear the full story when she came .Anyway the guy came after he left I asked her whats up she said she dated him once in the past but didnt continue since he was out of the country and he was not coming home soon and when he saw her late december he was talking about marriage etc.

I was like okay so you have now married him, she said they came to 'knock' I guess thats introduction. I was relieved but then I realised there was more to the story than what she was saying then she said he has somebody over there. I was like ehn thats not okay now. But she was saying she doesn't mind he would come home twice in a year. I asked what about companionship etc she felt comfortable with it so I kept quiet but I was just wondering how she would accept such . She even asked if I can do it and I said NO.

She went back to her people at the village the next day and came back in february when the strike was called off. I was still looking for a way to discourage her from the relationship when she complained some days back about the guy.

I saw it as the opportunity it was and then spoke to her, I asked her if she is sure about the guy when she said its too late that she thinks shes pregnant. I didnt know what to say again. she was scared because of her family and shame and all of that and abortion is not an option

I had thought the pregnancy was just the issue but the shocker came this morning that the guy is planning to marry the lady for citizenship since his papers are expiring soon (and the lady has a 4year old child for him). And even the guys mum knows about it and told her that she should not let the foreign wife know that he has a nigerian wife. Infact she told me he had been planning to marry the lady and his family members were coming over to witness it but she didnt know she just knew he had a baby mama over there.

And the guy is saying its not a big deal because people are doing it. Now shes saying she wants them to quickly pay the bride price so she can be the real wife and it seems the guys people will come for list this week. Her family doesnt know about the guys foreign lady and the pregnancy.she says she doesnt want to have a child outside wedlock. Anyway the guy still wantsvto go ahead with the foreigner and also her.


I honestly dont know what to advise her.
I know marrying that guy would be a mistake,she doesnt want to be a single mother and as she is now shes kind of depressed although not showing it. She has a good job and can take care of the baby but then.... I cant tell her mum that would be breach of confidence.

I

Please what or how can I advise her.

I used to think these things happen only on Nairaland

She is very stoopid
Hopefully someone reading this will learn from her stoopidity
She is already a single mother and will just occupy the place of a mistress for when he comes home
That woman in the UK is his legal wife and he married your friend just to please his family,as simple as that.there are many here like that.
Now you know why i do threads like these
Many of these Nigerian men out here are very deceptive
I have tons of stories of how they have ruined a lot of women's lives who naively marry them only to come over and discover ( sometimes by accident) that they are paying child support for multiple kids and the new wife will have to work her butt off for a roof over their head.
Some of these naive wives never even make it over here because the man is still married here and they will keep giving the naija wife an excuse that immigration is withholding their coming

let every girl here with an Americana suitor read me well
First of all get to know the man a while
Secondly,in America there is something called a fiancée visa and it takes less than 6 months to get
That is the way most legitimate husbands go
Ask him to file a fiancée visa and make sure to use a condom till you get here or else you may be in Nigeria years and with kids answering Mrs in your father's house
Do trado in naija ,get a fiancée visa and come over here and marry him where his friends and people who know him are
America forbids bigamy so he knows not to try that here

blaizze:
I need advice on how to break up wit out problems I have tried everything I can but non see to working. I tried ignoring, tried discussing with him but he always gives a 'good' reason y we should continue the relationship.

I cant continue being with someone who is so petty. I initially thought that the problem was from me but now I know otherwise. He doesn't want me to have male friends, very controlling. I have tried sitting down to discuss things with him but it's not just working out.

Just this evening I stopped to greet a male customer and he just started shouting saying he will start keeping female friends too n whatever happens I should just take it like that and that it will only lead to break up. I tried to explain and calm him down to no avail so I allowed him to continue boiling, lol.

when he finished ranting, I went to him and told him that there's no need to be scared and that I will never do anything to hurt him. The dude just said "now that u are having male friends when u go for nysc u may start sleeping around". I just left him and didn't reply.

so when we were going back home (he was actually walking me back to my house) he was still talking about it n I told him that I don't have the strength to quarrel and if he doesn't want to let the matter slide he better start goin to his house. He left n I had a peaceful walk home. When i got home I called to find out if he hadn't gotten home and he told me not to call him again. I jejely ended d call, I don't have airtime to waste.

This is what happens Weneva he sees a guys nota me on my phone book or watsapp. even facebook messages sef he will still want to check. He it's always paranoid. God knows I have never cheated on him before. Once he told me that if I get pregnant he will go for a dnt test o cos he doesn't trust me.

He found it really difficult to introduce me to anybody in his family until last year when we had a serious problem.

He is not as bad person though. Some other chic may be able to endure all those things but not me. I cant be giving explanations about things that shouldn't be explained.

I have done everything within my power to make it work but it just isn't working out. We argue everything week and if St's really exhausting. I am really tired of the relationship. and want to know if there's anything else I can do.
And i want advice on how to make someone believe you actually want break up. am a soft hearted person and always ready to please people as long as it's within my power.

cc:babyosisi
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cococandy

He doesn't want you keeping male friends
What are the other things you don't like about this guy and how old is he?
I already have an idea how old you could be from your story about not yet done NYSC
Please answer and I will tell you what I think

blaizze:
I need advice on how to break up wit out problems I have tried everything I can but non see to working. I tried ignoring, tried discussing with him but he always gives a 'good' reason y we should continue the relationship.
I cant continue being with someone who is so petty. I initially thought that the problem was from me but now I know otherwise. He doesn't want me to have male friends, very controlling. I have tried sitting down to discuss things with him but it's not just working out.
Just this evening I stopped to greet a male customer and he just started shouting saying he will start keeping female friends too n whatever happens I should just take it like that and that it will only lead to break up. I tried to explain and calm him down to no avail so I allowed him to continue boiling, lol.
when he finished ranting, I went to him and told him that there's no need to be scared and that I will never do anything to hurt him. The dude just said "now that u are having male friends when u go for nysc u may start sleeping around". I just left him and didn't reply.
so when we were going back home (he was actually walking me back to my house) he was still talking about it n I told him that I don't have the strength to quarrel and if he doesn't want to let the matter slide he better start goin to his house. He left n I had a peaceful walk home. When i got home I called to find out if he hadn't gotten home and he told me not to call him again. I jejely ended d call, I don't have airtime to waste.
This is what happens Weneva he sees a guys nota me on my phone book or watsapp. even facebook messages sef he will still want to check. He it's always paranoid. God knows I have never cheated on him before. Once he told me that if I get pregnant he will go for a dnt test o cos he doesn't trust me.
He found it really difficult to introduce me to anybody in his family until last year when we had a serious problem.
He is not as bad person though. Some other chic may be able to endure all those things but not me. I cant be giving explanations about things that shouldn't be explained.
I have done everything within my power to make it work but it just isn't working out. We argue everything week and if St's really exhausting. I am really tired of the relationship. and want to know if there's anything else I can do.
And i want advice on how to make someone believe you actually want break up. am a soft hearted person and always ready to please people as long as it's within my power.
cc:babyosisi
chair cover
cococandy

Too controlling.

Breakup with him. He isn't your father. Let him kick up a fuss. It doesn't matter.

What matters is that you rid yourself of him. Fast. Or is there something you're enjoying in this relationship that you haven't told us?

Since you've made up your mind to leave, just toughen up and stick with your decision.

This kind man go fit slap you in public for embracing an old male friend you just surprisingly met after a long time.

Of course I know there are limits of relationship or boundaries of affection one should have with the opposite sex when in a committed relationship or marriage.
But if just saying hello to a male friend gives him the rage so much he wants to monitor your every move, then running is in your best interest.

If you go to camp and can't pick up his call one day or the other because of camp restricted activities, he will accuse you of being with another man and don't want to talk to him.
You will always be defending yourself all the time
Too much pressure.

For him to even say he will do a DNA test on any kid you guys have because he doesn't trust you speaks volumes in itself.

He may not even want to marry you. sincerely speaking. So don't feel bad about leaving him.
Nobody wants to be dumped. Everybody wants to be the one doing the dumping. So don't think him asking you not leave is because he wants you with him forever. Pfftt

He wants to be the one doing the dumping when he's had enough.
So do yourself a favor and leave first.



stick to your guns

blaizze:
I need advice on how to break up wit out problems I have tried everything I can but non see to working. I tried ignoring, tried discussing with him but he always gives a 'good' reason y we should continue the relationship.

I cant continue being with someone who is so petty. I initially thought that the problem was from me but now I know otherwise. He doesn't want me to have male friends, very controlling. I have tried sitting down to discuss things with him but it's not just working out.

Just this evening I stopped to greet a male customer and he just started shouting saying he will start keeping female friends too n whatever happens I should just take it like that and that it will only lead to break up. I tried to explain and calm him down to no avail so I allowed him to continue boiling, lol.

when he finished ranting, I went to him and told him that there's no need to be scared and that I will never do anything to hurt him. The dude just said "now that u are having male friends when u go for nysc u may start sleeping around". I just left him and didn't reply.

so when we were going back home (he was actually walking me back to my house) he was still talking about it n I told him that I don't have the strength to quarrel and if he doesn't want to let the matter slide he better start goin to his house. He left n I had a peaceful walk home. When i got home I called to find out if he hadn't gotten home and he told me not to call him again. I jejely ended d call, I don't have airtime to waste.

This is what happens Weneva he sees a guys nota me on my phone book or watsapp. even facebook messages sef he will still want to check. He it's always paranoid. God knows I have never cheated on him before. Once he told me that if I get pregnant he will go for a dnt test o cos he doesn't trust me.

He found it really difficult to introduce me to anybody in his family until last year when we had a serious problem.

He is not as bad person though. Some other chic may be able to endure all those things but not me. I cant be giving explanations about things that shouldn't be explained.

I have done everything within my power to make it work but it just isn't working out. We argue everything week and if St's really exhausting. I am really tired of the relationship. and want to know if there's anything else I can do.
And i want advice on how to make someone believe you actually want break up. am a soft hearted person and always ready to please people as long as it's within my power.

cc:babyosisi
chair cover
cococandy

@babyosisi: He is 24 and am 20. He always complain about my size that I should add weight and stop looking like a child. I look really young for my age. Most people don't believe am up to 20. He is looks little older than his age so people always feel am his younger sister. I'm not thin or too tiny, I'm not even tiny sef. I told him once that I didn't ask him to look older than his age, lol.

@efemenaxy: The relationship isn't bad when are happy but disagree on so many things which makes us argue most times. I just feel we are not compatible.


@cococandy:the control and insecurities is just too much abeg. If I make a call in his presence he will 'stylishly' collect my fone to see who is just called.
I got in contact with an old neighbour last year n we started chatting on watsapp. Wen he checked my chats with the guy, he blinded his eyes to the part where the guy asked if I had a boyfriend and I said yes. He only noticed the part where the guy said he has being wishing to see me since we moved and I didn't let him n how he will like to see moved in school. my bf said that I had something to do with the guy that the chat doesn't look as if I was just friends with him (my former neighbour).
The pressure is just too much. He even downloaded one call recorder like that.

If he wants to dump me let him just do It already. i really don't mind. This guy is my first boyfriend. i keep asking him if there's anything i did to make him not to trust me and he says girls are not to be trusted. hear nonsense.
I just want to be firm and stop him from stalking me when I beak up with him.

so sorry for putting all the replies together. Thanks for your responses.

Blaizze, I have always told women not to end up with controlling partners. They will never allow you to achieve much in life. Every friend or colleague will be treated as suspect. If you hug a man, you are a prostitute. If any man's number on your phone, you are sleeping with them. Am not saying some people with so much opposite sex friends don't get to flirt. But when I was in the university a pastor warned us against ending up with controlling partners.

Take a walk my dear. I will have loved to say more but my weakness is typing.

Run blaizze run