tibatobi:
u need to be wise .. the intention of that woman is to destabilize ur marriage and that is exactly what u want to do now....let me borrow u sense...be aggressive..go and look for the mother of that child and return that child back to her aggressively... If she bring her back 10 more time return her back 100 more time...be aggressive and be proactive don't be defensive in this matter protect ur marriage..

I will not do it , she didn't impregnate herself it is not like she left the child with strangers she left her at her father house. The have made her together so they should also share responsibility as a woman myself I will not blamed her because I have been with the child for a week it was hell and what about her who he rejected her because odf the child condition and has been doing alone for 7 years with no support from him ? Do you think it is easy no it isn't she deserve to rest, it is now the father turn to take over and feel what they mother has felt all those years. If taking care of the child was easy I just left the house this morning and he is been sending me plenty messages begging me to come back home. So please I have no business with the child mother and she is not my enemy.

teekay213:
I so much love this your reply..let those people condemning you come and carter for the child..some people don't reason before replying

Yes ooo at this moment he is alone with the child they should go and help him. actions speak louder than words.

umurphy:
Work on your marriage first before leaving. I have experienced such a situation in pH. The lady ran away. The hubby was doing all he could for the child. Another Very beautiful lady
had sympathy for the guy, started helping, both fell in love got married few months an NGO came to their rescue and viam. Both landed in Europe. The first lady heard 2 yrs later and to with troubles and name calling.
Do not loose him.

The experience is not the same as mine because the lady met the guy with his daughter in that condition so she knew about her from the beginning and have accepted to marry him and help him taking care of the child. My case is different because he didn't tell me anything about the child if he had told me i would have the choice to stay or quit and I wasn't prepared rhen boom the mother came and dropped her just like that and do you expect me to stay and carry the burden ?

mekzyjoe:

If after u have left and divorced him, and God forbid,ur child turns out also to b disabled,what would you do? Think from both sides n seek God n ur pastor advice too

God forbid bad things I will not have any disable baby do not make me guilty because I am not her birth mother she is not my responsibility. Both of her parents are alive everyone should take care of their responsibility,. The same way I will be taking care of mine in the village

obiyor2000:
My dear once you leave another willing woman who will take good care of that child and also yours will come into your marriage. Remember you are also pregnant.

That will be great I pray he found her as soon as possible so she can start taking care of her because he need to go to work and the child can't be home alone she need to be supervised. If you know any of your sisters or someone around you who can take care of the child please let me know I will give you his contact so you can connect him to her.

Kobojunkie:
Return bride price? Make sure you take out child support for the child you are carrying in your womb before you return anything or at least ensure to take him to court to make sure he pays for his share of the child's care every month.

My fear is once you leave, your husband might match out to marry and impregnate another wife without again first making sure his daughter, and now the child you are pregnant for, are both not adequately provided for. If he had been paying his first wife for the upkeep of the 7-yr old up until now, I doubt he would have married you or considered impregnating you to begin with.

Women need to be wiser about these things.

Honestly for the sake of my step daughter I will not make his life hard, I rather my family return the money to him so he can use it to take care of her if he care about her . As long I am alive I will work hard to take care of my son.

tibatobi:
I think the choice of been a single mother is difficult and more costly than staying in this marriage and find a way to work things out....

Being a single mother is not a death sentence but the choice of staying and taking care if the child will lead me to develop high blood pressure and depression. My health is more important I want to be alive to take care of my son than dying for another person responsibility. Her mother is alive he can take her back so they can both raise her together.

yuping:
Divorce Abeg don't let other people emotional blackmail deceive you, the man would have not accept you, if reverse was the case. Some people here can not even accomodate their In-law talk more of a child that will remain a kid forever.

Thank you

Kobojunkie:
Cerebral palsy is connected to sickle cell anemia?

Her comment weak me and I couldn't stop laughing when i read the part she said it was connected to sickle cell anemia lol

Olumaeme:
You don't even need to get divorced first, leave the house and relocate then do the divorce thing later, because divorced in the Nigerian court is not as fast as that, could take up to years but you can't continue to live there.

Your husband is very wicked and I cannot encourage you to take responsibility for another person's wahala.

Thank you. don't mind my title I wrote it out of frustration . We didn't do any court wedding . We did trad and church only. all my parents will have to do is to return his brideprice.

justiz5:

Stop replying that old demon. It will worsen your psychological state of mind and affect your health too.

Thank you I will not reply them again. If they care for her they should go and take care of her because actions speak louder than words

8stargeneral:
I really sad to cope with such...but u HV to consider ur husband if u truly love him...for d fact that he lied to u it's totally wrong...but u HV to forgive him...if ur husband is well to do it shouldn't be a problem...there's must be a way to sort it out with dirvocing him...my God see u through

Forgiving doesn't mean I should stay and take care of someone else responsibility. I have forgiven him but I am not staying. The child mother is alive he should go and ask her for forgiveness for abandoning her with a disable child then ask her to come back home so they can raise her together. Nobody else will raise her better than her own mother

tibatobi:
if he had told you...u would have ran away....same thing u want to do now

Of course I would have run away without looking back. If he abandoned her because of the child condition and why would I have accepted him in the first place ? He should take her back so they can raise their child together

Prettychild:
All these people saying you should take care of the child, hmmn! Ok! Remember you are heavy already, take the child back to her mother because if anything happens to the child, the mother would say that you killed the child. Take her back to her mother. This is wickedness sha

Don't mind them they are saying all that because they are not in my shoes sometime taking care of normal child is hard and what about a special child who needs you to care for her 24/7 . I think her father should be the one to take her back to her mother , they made her together and he should look for a way to take care back and start sending upkeep every month or if that can't be possible he can take her back so they should raise their child together because nobody will take care of her more than her mother.

Mina79:
My dear sis, that's not enough reason you should leave, find solace in the right treatment your husband is giving you.
What am I trying to say, you don't know why God put you in that position to help the poor child, you may be securing your generation from similar ailment.
Please stay and give the little girls life a meaning and you will not miss your blessing.

Please dear if you care enough come and take care of her so you can also secure your generation from similar aliment. It is not just my generations that need to be secure because it can happen to anyone

NofiuFade:
Don't mind those negative folks on this forum asking you to live your beautiful home just because of minor family issues, many of them are scums, BBNaija lovers, singles, they never know what family is more about ' although your story and your pain cannot be overlook nevertheless I plead on behalf of your husband and your unborn child, please give him some times to figure things out.. Never be in haste because quiting your matrimonial home is not the best solution for this kind of situation, rather consult for more family counseling and assistance 'it just a matter of time you are going to be alright

See my dear we are currently under serious arsh economy no single mum out there find life easy now a days, I'm telling you all this from a reliable sources


Shalom!

If I were your blood sister would you advise me the same or you are just saying that because you are not in my shoes? Well it is too late now because my elder brother said i will stay wity him until I go back to the village on the 4th. I will listen to him because he is my blood he doesn't want me to stay and suffer in an unhappy place carrying a burden which I didn't agreed for.

pedrilo:
Leave that man for manipulating you.

Thank you

ogascomax:


Take the child to Healing Streams live Healing with Pastor Chris. God can restore your family and healed that child. You can stream it through YouTube from 3pm today. God bless you.

Ok thanks I will tell him to take her there if he can

blissfulheart:
I am a special need facilitator and I know How difficult this must be for u ,especially in ur condition and taking care of a who is not neurotypical ,I will suggest u get a maid to care for her specifically,and make a routine list,when to eat ,change diaper and sleep
Secondly a carpenter can construct a lock chair where she sits nd cnt get out easily,nd more.please try ,its not the childs fault but u can do it if u want.

His salary is only 15k and his side hustle is not going well so he can't afford all that much. Yes I know it is not her fault it's her parents fault , they should get together and take care of her because nobody will take care of her better than her own mother.

UjuJoan2:


How old is this girl? I find it difficult to believe that taking care of her is as tiresome as you’ve been describing.

I understand that you have been taken unawares and your husband tricked you into taking care of this young girl. But such is life, you married him and must have been prepared to take all of him, the good and the bad.

You can leave if you want to, nobody will blame you for that.

But there is a little girl involved!!!

I know she is not your problem, her own mother abandoned her, her own father cannot be there for her and somehow she is now in your care. But life is full of unexpected situations.

This is a test of character and posterity will judge you for whatever decision you make now.

If it were me, I will stay. Not for the lying husband or his irresponsible ex, but for the little girl who clearly needs you.

You said that because you are not wearing the shoe that's why you think is easy carrying an 7 years old child up and down and bathing her in a baby bath like a newborn baby. Feeding her is a struggle and sometime she can poop 5 times diarrhoea changing nappies all the time . Some nights she stay awake all night just like yesterday she cried all nigght . by the way I already left the house if what you said it is true and you are single I beg you in the name of God please come and replace me so you can take care of her . The child need someone like you

komek:
@OP,I don't support you to stay because of the reasons given above. But I will be madt at you when this passes and everything normalizes and you suddenly want to return or bring additional problem to the man by dropping your own child because he is the father and he most equally pay the bill.

Please note you are leaving willingly o

That's not a problem. I am not a lazy person I am hard working even before coming to abuja I was already working and making cash so nothing will stop me from working and taking care of my child. No matter the situation I will face in the village I will never abandon my child

OlamideTosyn:
My take:

If he could hide something as huge as a child's case from you, I fear that he may have bigger, precarious things hidden from you.

My biggest fear is that he might hurt you. In fact, there's every tendency that he does. Watch your back from now on. Be very careful, even when you finally decide to go pack your things. Please, never be alone, at any time with him.

Yes oo even his salary of 15k he might even be a lie for a security guard to be receiving 15k in abuja but I stand by him with that 15k and why should I add another burden of raising a child that I didn't know she even existed in her condition too. Well my brother said I will not go there again my younger brother will go there in the evening.

Jovialjune1:



H0711 I stand by my previous comment, a fool actually cloned this account I quoted today, just ignore the dead brain.

No problem thanks

Duchessree:
Some of you are funny o .
I love the way OP is replying some of you that want to guilt trip her to stay .
The man abadon the first wife because of his child condition. He then met OP and didn't tell her about his past.
OP entered marriage with a clean mind she married a bachelor , then all of a sudden the man turn to a father overnight not only that but to a special need child that deserve 100% attention 24/7.
So the husband mother and sister and the first wife are all running from responsibilities of taking care of the child. Even the husband inclusive. But some of y'all here want OP who had no idea that her husband was a father to a special need child to carry the responsibility for the rest of her life. Responsibility that both the biological mother and father are running from .
Omo OP if you want to leave. Leave o. Abeg don't even look back.
The people that want you to stay should come and help you to take care of the child.

Thank you . I am already at my brother place I am not living here until thrusday when I will go to the village. Yes ooo if they care more about the child they should come and take care of her while I am gone. All the child need right now is people like them who will care for her without a single complain about it being hard.

usagee36:
He built the foundation of your marriage with lies. I hope your unborn child is okay too. Please don't suffer in the name of marriage. Good luck and safe delivery. Also never tell someone you are leaving them. They will plan to hurt you.

Thank you. He can't hurt me because I am already at my brother place

Nozino:



You don’t know Nigerians. The people asking you to care for her will turn against you at the slightest convenience. Dealing with other peoples children is a rocky path, dealing with other peoples special needs children is a no go area. Even if both parents are dead, any grandparents from either the maternal or paternal side should take over.

I agreed with you. Can you imagine my mother in law has even refused to release her daughter who is the child aunty to come and help and why should I kill myself for her when her both parents are alive and healthy.

paris7968:
Yes I can't afford it too because I am not working due to my condition





What were you doing before you got pregnant?

Hairdresser and make up artist

Nozino:


And if anything happens to her, they will say you killed her. That you never liked her

Kill her for what ? Is she an orphan ? She has a father and mother . She is not my responsibility please stop making me guilty as if It's me who birth her.

Atolu01:
"Women age faster than men". How won't they. If you were saddled with yourself and your nonsense of diverse kinds, wouldn't you age and drain fast. Useless draining parasitic self centered cowardly opportunists. Story sounds almost incredible. Sorry about your experiences. At 24? Hm. The Gaslighting, heavy manipulation and victim blaming/ shaming on this thread is sickening. OP will deliver soundly and safely in Jesus mighty name. The spouse should sort out his mess. Just irresponsibly shifting responsibility up and down.

Amen thank you I am not afraid my God will never failed me he cannot punish me for someone else responsibility.

EmahBoss:



I just want to say I love you already. We need more women like you who knows what they can take and what they can't. Please leave! Find a job and take care of your baby. What nonsense. Don't let anyone guilt trip you into staying. If the mother can't , then who are you to do it? And the man lied about it from the start? Where do you stay ? Do you need someone to come help you pack your load?

Thank you so much . I live in abuja I am at my brother place he said I will not go back until thrusday when I leave for the village. My younger brother is going to my place in the evening to pick my loads

Orgymy:
You may regret divorcing him at this stage of your life. There are other options you can explore. Give it a deep thought.

There is nothing to regret. I will be happy if he take the child mother back so they can stay together and raise their child. Nobody will love and care for her more than her mother.

wired4comfort:
How the biological mother suddenly got tayad of Caring for her child after the father got married is what i don't understand.

You are also a woman you are saying this because you are not in her shoe trust me it is not easy . I have done it for a week and I gave up and what about her who has been doing it for 7 good years. I don't blame her they made her together so they should share her responsibility.