Orgymy:


What a courageous woman you are. Though I never supported your decision initially but I soon realise this is the right thing to do at this fragile state you are. Taking care of a child with special disability involve serious commitment from both parents. I wish you safe delivery as you will soon become a mother.

However, I will advice you keep in touch with your husband. If eventually he make provision on how to care for the baby, then you can move back to your marriage. God help you.

Thank you so much my baby is 2 weeks 4 days

The ancestors will be angry indeed

So adorable

Bad decision grandma

A big lesson to men that go out with married women

Divorce is better than death

eyinjuege:
The OP herself has made the perfect suggestion.
The man in question should bring his child's mother close and perhaps just build a family together raising their child and perhaps even having other children.
The mother will be able to comfortably look after their child and do any trading/working from home that is possible, while the father also goes out to work.
There are many subtle signs in this whole case.
OP herself is extremely pleased to be back with her family who can look after her and not allow her starve with her pregnancy.
She doesn't believe she's missing anything in the farce of a marriage, and there is definitely a reason for it.
I won't be surprised if the marriage hasn't been too pleasant for her in the first place, especially as she also doubts her husband's claims of earning 15K per month as a security guard in Abuja.
He is likely lying about his earnings and I'm sure has also lied about a lot of things too, just as he's lied about his daughter's existence.
Living with a perpetual liar can make anyone go crazy, so this is just the perfect reason for OP to run far away.
She is even the one suggesting he marries his child's mother, which in itself is a rarity.
She is tired of the man and would rather he becomes someone else's baggage, so I believe this case isn't just about him having a disabled child even though that's enough reason to leave if she wanted to

Thank you. Everything you said is correct even though his other lies didn't bother me but the reason I actually left is because of the child. Taking care of a child with celbral palsy is a lifetime setence especially when there's no money and support , nobody else can do it better than her own mother. She's alive she's in the best position to move in with him so they can give her the best care she needs.

Blendy77:


So he's not even there with u to assist with the
child? This one hard. Now I understand why you want to leave. Let him explore the orphange options in ur state capital sha. If no way go and join him in Abuja and leave the child with his people let them sort themselves out, you can't kill ursef ontop matter that u were not preinformed. You also need to get somethg to do because leaving wt ur pregnancy there's possibility ur hubby may stop sending u upkeep Allowance. Pray about ur options very well sha before u choose..all the best

We were in abuja together with the child . I left him with his child and I am now in the village in my father house. I am hardworking after I put to bed I will look for a job to take care of my child.

Blendy77:
What state are u based? Why not look for an orphanage home and drop the child? Most accept kids with disabilities and am not sure they charge this much. Your husband made a mistake by not telling you before marriage but he probably thought its because you will leave him. Forgive his mistakes and help to find a solution. Both of I should look for a government orphanage home or school with boarding facilities and take d child there

I am in the village. He is in abuja

Ebymyk:
Today is 4th...have you moved out already?

Yes I am in the village

surgevessel:


I understand. It's fine
But before you take any step, you would agree with me that divorce is the last option after every other options to resolve family issues has been exploited and failed. I think this is more than just you and him, have you involved family members, have you had a heart to heart discussion with him, giving him that confidence that you are both in this together?? By the time you engage him and a few credible family members, solutions would come.

I still believe you havent played your last card before considering divorce.

Let's try further and see what works.

I am on my way to the village. If you think I haven't played my last card please come and play it on my behalf

surgevessel:


I'm so sorry oh. Please I withdraw my comments if it gets at you.

Apologies please.

Approach a court of competent jurisdiction and file for a divorce. I can link you up with a good lawyer.

Don't mind my title I wrote it out of frustration we didn't do any court wedding . We did trad and white wedding not need to file a divorce in court. My family will return the bride price that's it.

surgevessel:


It seems you have made up your mind, but you need no advise in that case.

The circumstance you just described seems like autisms to me, the child only need a good therapist and we have alot of them in Nigeria.

Moreso, the child can be sent to any of the Autism homes well managed by international NGOs at absolutely reduced rate.

I volunteered to take in an Autism child sometimes ago and bear the cost when the mother who happened to be a close family friend threatened to dump her off.

Do I tell you something? You are carrying a baby in your womb and no one have control what is conceived in there except God Almighty.

That girl could have been your daughter.

I dont see any problems

It seems like you don't even know what you are talking about because you can't even differentiate autism and celebral palsy , autism cannot even be compare to celebral palsy because a child with autism can move around , he or she can use the toilet on her own, feed herself ,dress, and play like any other children and the one with celebral palsy cannot do anything the body is paralysed so she need care 24/7. I can tell you have no idea about celebral palsy go and goole it to understand it better. If you think is easy and it is not different from autism like you stated please go to my house and help my husband look after her because he need to go to work. He will appreciate your help.

Foodqueen:


I hope your brother hasn't find out about what u posted about him some years ago.

The world is a small village now

Cos am very sure that alot of people including the girl's mother would av been aware that her story is online


Your view women on TVC and some radio stations will discuss it too. Cos it's a very deep topic.

Wishing you the best.

My brother and I weren't in good term because I left his house , he didn't attended my wedding his wife did. But when my mum informed him about what I was passing through he asked me to come over and has decided that I will not go back there again. No matter what happens in the past between us he didn't allow me to stay there and die because blood is thicker than water. Yes a lot of people are aware including my husband and in laws if the mother will be aware of the story too it will be great so she will know that I am not longer in the house because I can't take care of her child the father can't go to work he is stuck at home with the child and nobody else can do it better than her. She can go back to him so they can care of their daughter together. Yes even if worldwide discussed about it ,that's not a big deal. I hope when the story get viral , some people who have more money will come and help the parents to get the right treatment and equipment for the child. Thank you

quentin06:
The man should have told you that before marrying you, if he can keep secrets like that from you, who knows hw many more he is keeping?

Leave him now, that you can, cos do you really want to spend the rest of your life taking care of another woman's abandoned offspring?

Can you do that 5-10 years from now everyday, sacrificing all your dreams and aspirations why he goes around flexing and bringing more cerebral palsy products into the country?

Think well, dont believe anything he tells you, he married you to use you as his maid period.

The choice is yours sha.

Thank you I already left the house I am at my brother house and I am going back to the village on thrusday.

Ganjafama:
Whatever rocks her boat. She is wearing the shoe and she alone knows where it pinches. If she's made up her mind to leave the least we can do is wish her all the best and a safe delivery.

Thank you

onegig:


You have time to be answering that person.

Maybe reverse the situation and let's see how many of all those typing rubbish would say the same thing.

Even a normal kid is enough responsibility. You have to sacrifice your personal life till they are old enough let alone a child with special needs that needs 247 care.

I would not wish even my enemy such. Those who take care of those kids get paid for it. So it's a reward based system for them asides whatever passion they have helping such kids. To heap the responsibility of such on someone who was lied to, doesn't have passion for such, isn't paid and doesn't even have the required skills is wicked and absurd.

She should have left earlier.

@op. ho711 If you need transport fare back home. I would glady pay it.

Thank you so much . My elder sister will send me the tp money tommorow.

obiyor2000:


Unfortunately all my sister's are happy married. And won't leave their marriages no matter the pressure

Good for them

Sassy256:

I will tell you this, right now is not the time to divorce.
Since you are pregnant, give him space, go to your people and stay till you give birth, by then your head will be clearer to make a better decision.
Both your husband and your mother-in-law are mean to not have told you and then expect you to carry such burden.
Take a break till you give birth, then make your decision.

Thank you

gsparks01:
from the little experience Ive heard, your marriage is founded on a lie and should be annulled.

Thank you

okoroemeka:
why are you worried and want to leave your husband because of such?can't you guys just go to motherless babies and hand the child over and zoom off,or just drop it at the gate of red Cross , motherless babies or home for orphans,my in-law has such disabled child that grew up to become a terror,it kills and eat chicken raw with her bare hands and teeth,pls volunteer and give up the disabled child,no matter it has human form and physique without a human soul can we really say such is a complete human being?it will be a question for intellects,wise men and theologists to answer.

I don't want to take part in that . To me the child is a human like any other human beings and the decision should come from both of her parents and not me . Only both of them can decide on what to do with her

bowei:
I've read several comment on this matter, my candid advice is for OP to move in with her brother in Abuja immediately. TheAlaaye will sort himself, hes done it once he'll do it again.

Thank you I am already at my brother house , my younger brother and his 2 friends are on their way to my house to pick my loads

Nozino:



He should take care of her himself. She is his child. His flesh and blood.

Yes it s now his turn to take care of her because the mother need to rest 7 years is not a joke ooo , he must back her and take her to work with him tommorow morning .

elipheleh:


Sis. If you divorce him. You are now a single mother. And you do not have one iota of idea the things single mothers pass through in this Nigeria plus economy.

Do you wish to remarry?

Will you tell the new man about your new child?

Will you expect him to take care of her or even buy her shishi or house her?

Will he now accept your own baby seeing it's not his responsibility?

Will you hide your baby on first date? Won't that be a betrayal to the new guy too? Exactly how another betrayed you?

Do you have an idea how much baggage single mothers are? Do you know how much men run away from them?

Will you remain single for life?

Will you start begging to come back if things get better for this man. And he now can afford a maid?

Will he accept you?

Will he see you as good wife?

When if you remarry and your new husband hears about the reason you left your first husband. Will he judge you right? Are you a dependable wife? What will he think of you?


IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU JUST PRAY AND CONTINUE PRAYING FOR FINANCIAL SUCCESS IN YOUR HOME. NOT DIVORCE.

Being a single mother is not a death penalty that's all I can say to you

TochiEzubebem:
You want to end your marriage right while you are seven months pregnant??
Do you know that no man will want to end up with you cause of the fact you have given birth to another man in your past? Don’t end your marriage because of your husband mistakes because divorce is not always the best route.
If your husband still loves you, cares for you and treats you right, then where are you going to?
You will only end up in regret if you take this decision of yours because it will drain you emotionally and mentally especially of the fact that you are pregnant of him. You claim to love children but trust me you will happen to hate your unborn baby because you will not stop thinking of your husband especially if he is doing well.
Please don’t quit because life is too short for jumping upandan

I have already left. I am a hard working woman I will work hard to take care of my son and I will never hate him because he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

tibatobi:
it's obvious u don't want that marriage.initially..

Yes I don't because staying in the marriage will mean I have to carry the burden and I don't want to. My health and unborn child health matter the most

PrincessC11:
I understand how you feel. But I don't think divorce is the answer.

Ask him to find a help. That is the only solution. After all if you leave,he must find a solution. So insist on him finding a HELP that her work will solely to take care of the girl.

Remember, divorce is not the solution.

I have already answered the question he can't afford one because his salary is 15k and his side hustle is not going well.

braine:


Good. The marriage was a deceitful one.

I dont support divorce,, but it would be hypocritical for me or anyone to tell you to stay. No one on this platform will take such.

Thank you

braine:
That man is a very wicked person.

I would have said you should leave. But now you're carrying a child who needs a father.

I have already left I am in my brother house

MadeMan01:


1. Be careful of single girls advising you, a married woman to leave your husband.
2. You will now be 2nd hand. No responsible man wants a woman that has had a child for another man

No problem it's better to be a second hand like you think than risking my own health and unborn child health raising another person responsibility which might lead me to develope high blood pressure and depression. I believe if your sister was in my situation you would have also advised her just like you advised me. Why don't you convince one of them to come and marry him and help him take care of the child because right now he is alone with the child he need a helping hand

RosyIsBlessed:


Is he (your elder brother) same one that was talking dirty with you because of 20k he gave you?

My elder brother the stingy one who brought me to abuja to take care of his kids and the one who gave me 20k was his friend after he started talking dirty and wanted to sleep with me. I rebuke him

Jovialjune1:



I will encourage her to leave from now till infinity cos if God forbid any of my sister's husband did this same trash as Op's husband, I will advice her to leave. You can tell your sisters and daughters to stay with a deceitful and secretive husband, no one cares

The Op will not give birth to a deformed child in Jesus mighty name, she will give birth to a healthy child full of life, I proclaim your negative thoughts to you, your family, and offspring, amen.

Amen ooo any negative words back to the sender in Jesus name