Obiorahpcfg:
Pls don't leave him before he commits suicide
. he committed d since wt dt woman so they to bear it together. Let him take d child back without d consent of d woman but drop plenty money then relocate but be sending them money like a ghost.

Unfortunately he doesn't have any money to drop for the child upkeep , if he had the money wouldn't have dropped her off in the first place.

wowcatty:
That's a test for you with a reward of blessing, please don't fail. The only question you should ask yourself is, why you and then answer it yourself with why not you. Take care of that child with love just like your own and see doors open for you.

Give an update in a few months please.

No I can't I am not a robot to be lifting her up and down , feeding and changing nappies all the times in this my condition. I will give update on the 4th when I will be in my village

Akerele44:
Want to know what other people would do in ur situation


May God almighty not let's us be in ur situation

It's a curse

Amen I wouldn't wish it to happen to my worst enemy

delishpot:
Me I wont even near him and the child. Not because I am disgusted by tbe child but because he lied to me about his situation. Even if its a healthy child, I wont forgive and forget; that marriage is null and void to me. And many men will do same if the case was reversed so dont let my gender fool you into slaving for a fellow man. That is how men are raised to support each others hussle when women are concerned.

Thank you. I have made up my mind I am leaving on the 4th of August

Oyiboman69:
move out if you wish but make it straight and understandable to him that you're not quitting the marriage. I doubt if you're not aware of the outside child though....

Yes I wasn't aware of the child until her mother dropped her off

dopedan:

God bless u
Any decision u make will be justified

Amen thank you

Truvelisback:
It's just unfortunate that u are already pregnant for him b4 u found out his dirty secret. I wanna ask u, are u financially independent enough to take care of the yet to be born child?

Yes unfortunately I am already pregnant but I don't regret having my baby because he will be the best thing that ever happened to me. I am not financially stable I left my job due to my condition but back in the village I will look for something to do. I am a hairdresser and make up artist my type of job is always easy to get.

meetme01:


If he finds a place for the young girl at an affordable price, will you stay?

Which part of the country do you reside?

We both know you won't marry him if he informed you earlier of his child with disability. It is unfair weather disable or not. However, he ❤ you sincerely.

Let's find a way forward.

Remember, when you birth your child,he is the father and he will take care of the baby.

Of course I would stay if he find a place to put her or a house maid to be taking care of her at least I can also rest. I live in abuja. Yes if I knew about the child in the beginning maybe I wouldn't marry him I would have advised him to marry the child mother so the can take care of their child together because he left her due to the girl condition which it wasn't fair on her to be doing all alone. He doesn't loved me at all if he did he would have tell me the truth instead of leaving me in the dark . He lied to me that he didn't have any child and now he want me to take care of someone else responsibility which is not fair on me too.

dopedan:

How old is the child

She is 7 years old

tarantino1:
I'm a guy and if I was in your shoes, I'll disappear in such a way that it'll be like I never even existed.

I have a younger cousin with cerebral palsy and even though he was born in a very rich home, the case is still a very difficult one to manage.

I don't how one can handle such a case without being financially buoyant. It's a very sad situation all around.

Thank you at least you understand what I am facing because your cousin have the same condition , if it is not easy for his parents who are financial stable and what about us who doesnt have nothing and ni support.

Dailyparrot:


Verdict: Take a break from the marriage and not outright breakup.

A child is in the picture now so you are forever tied to your husband.

It's unfortunate what some women encounter in the name of marriage. We have read too many some unpleasant experiences lately.

When a man is too poor to take care of himself, something is definitely wrong with him but some ladies think there's dignity in suffering.

Thank you

Steep:
The man was fraudulent however biblically the only ground for divorce is adultery
That is why before marriage all diligence must be made to know the Truth of one's spouse.

Just like a man discovering that his wife had an abortion before marriage or was not a virgin before marriage should he then divorce her for it? The only ground for divorce is adultery.

Do not compare my current situation to what you just sated because it is not the same thing. My situation is about taking care of a disabled child 24/7 with no support . It cannot be compared to abortion or virginity.

Oizee:
it's a pity, the deed has been done, why don't you just leave the home, go to the village as you have earlier said to give urself some space to think things through about u divorcing him?

Let him sort him self out with that little baby first while u prepare for ur delivery with a healthy and sound mind, that's the price he has to pay for keeping such a secret when he was to get married to u.
The marriage is too early for dis.
The mother of the baby did dis to hurt u intentionally, don't give her the pleasure.

I'm super proud of you that u didn't put ur frustrations on the poor child for the one week u cared for her.

Thank you

oazeez1991:


I quite agree with you on this. It's easier to give advise to people, same one one would find difficult to follow should one find oneself in similar situation. Such is life. Whatever choice you make, it's yours cos at the end, it's same you that would face whatever that comes with it. You are the one wearing the shoe, so you best understand how and where it hurt you. Wish you all the very best.

Thank you

eyinjuege:
Has your husband been sending any money to the mother of his disabled daughter to help with the girl's care?
Probably not, which is why the mother came and dropped her .
He should at least have made life easier on her mother by providing basic necessities for both mother and child. She has to work and at same time care for their daughter who needs 24/7 care
I just hope he won't hurt that child.
Please speak with him, and ask him to call the mother of the girl for a meeting.
Let them agree how much he will be dropping for her care and how often he will go and be seeing her there.
He shouldn't have abandoned his daughter like that. Dangerous man
Ot better still, ask her mother to contribute money with him to get her a carer between 25 to 50K monthly like you mentioned.
If he had been doing his responsibility over that child in the past, the mother wouldn't have just dumped her on him now, so it's even hard to ask the mother to contribute to her care now.

No he hasn't sent money for a long time that's why she came to dropped her off. He is not financially stable salary is 15k and his side hustle is not going well too. The mother doesn't work too.

Ginaz:
My only worry is the child, But God always take care of its own. It is well!

Amen. I hope my mother in law will come and stay with her so far she hasn't been interested she also doesn't want my sister-in-law to come and help maybe if I leave one of them will come.

ugolightswel1:


Young woman listen to me if you can.

Anybody here advicing you to leave is a home breaker.

Your mind asking you to leave is actually trying to mislead you.

don't leave your marriage, it's for better for worst.

marriage is not come and chop
stick your ground and put the necessary sacrifice and make a great mother for your home.

Look for an assistant you people should pay like 50k monthly by the way there's no job people will rush in for it.

Assist the child in prayers and constantly take her to church for serious prayers; GOD of miracle still exists.

Try and forgive your husband

And endeavours to do all for the child with the love of GOD so that your prayers shall have a healing on her thanks

No they are not home breaker they are people who understand my situation they can feel my pain , you are not staying wity us so you don't know how the past one week have been taking care of the child in my condition. I will not stay for my own sanity.

Blessedmercy8:


You know @ the bold is not possible na. .

Oh.. you think accepting him in his poor state is doing him a big fav, right?
I'm very sure if pregnancy didn't happen you wouldn't have married him. So not like you married him in his poor state with your clear mind or your whole heart and the more reason you're not willing to accept his totality. This boils down to not thinking before you act like you're about doing now again.

You want to pack up a marriage under two months. Are you even thinking at all? Hian!

You can say whatever you like that's your opinion and you are entitled to it . One last thing I am leaving on the 4th of August. I will not reply you again , you know action speak louder than words if you care enough come and replace me the child need someone like you who will take care of her without a single complain.

Ginaz:
Hmmm I know exactly how you feel and your feelings are understandable without a question. It takes one to be mentally tough to take care of a physically challenged individual with no body mobility. They are 100% dependent on you for their every needs, let’s not even talk about handling of poo, urine, feeding them straight from hand to mouth. it’s a lot to take in without prior notice from your husband.

You are pregnant too and it won’t be easy. It won’t be easy and you should not be guilt-strip into making the decision to care for the child.

Rest and relax, move out if you absolutely need to. You should make the decision yourself if you want to handle the situation with your husband.

Nobody should make you guilty. Your heart should not grumble into helping the poor child, least you do all in vain.

May God send helper to the child. It may be it’s your husband’s karma in some sort of way!

Move on . A pregnant woman needs rest as well. Just take care of yourself for the now and prepare for childbirth, tomorrow will sort itself out.

Thank you. I am leaving on the 4th of August

fman:

Wt this ur condition...
Plz don't take a decision that will devastate u
Ok.
If u divorce him,
Do u wish re-marrying?
Make e no b say that your Ex-bf, dey deceive you.

I am 7 months pregnant it is my first pregnancy I should be resting a lot but ever since the girl came I have been up and down , lifting her , feeding and changing nappies it is not easy. Well I can't answer your question about remarriying because it is only God that knows what the future will bring for me.

fman:

So if you divorce him,
How r u gonna take care of urself and the baby?

I am going back to the village I will find something to do and take care of myself and the child

[quote author=Blessedmercy8 post=115222531][/quote]

Yes I did for better for worse I have accepted him with his poor condition that's already worse because a lot of woman won't take it but i wasn't aware of the child especially in that condition I will never accept that worse because it is a death sentence. You are free to come and accept the worse in my behalf

fman:
n you what can afford?
Nothing I guess!!
Lol

Yes I can't afford it too because I am not working due to my condition

Blessedmercy8:


Leave all this excuses. He didn't tell, he didn't tell you. Did you try to find out?

Oh.. now you're helping him look for a wife but if the mother had told you to leave her man for her, would you have agreed?

You don enter now, see wetin dey inside, you come dey run.

One thing you should know is, marriage is not all that fun. It's a parcel full of surprises and you just have brace yourself for it as each day unfolds. Or what were you expecting?

Sit down there. You don enter, you don enter.

Nwata fu ihe o choga, ahu e doe ya.
Happy married life.

Most of the things you are saying here if you were in my shoe you will not even take a quarter of it . Maybe if it was you by now you will be locking her inside the room like an animal . But i have tried my best to take care of her needs but i cant take it anymore.I will not stay where I am not happy . My happiness and health matter a lot. like I said earlier if you are a woman come and marry him to help taking care of the child

pointblank247:
You should leave that marriage because the man was too economical with the truth, but if he eventually finds a solution like a maid that can handle the matter, then you should consider staying

Thank you

Blessedmercy8:
This is what happens when you put the cart before the horse. When you ought to do your findings about who you're getting married to, you were busy consumating sex, getting yourself pregnant and rushing into marriage without proper background checks. Now you want to opt out just like that.

you think marriage is child's play? Or something you can just throw in the trash when the odds are against you? Think again cos this right here is the real marriage. So you have to accept and deal with it.

Oh... You want the man but you don't want his child?
What if it was you who gave birth to the child? Forget about how the mother is not willing to take her therefore you can't keep her excuse you're giving. The father didn't marry her but you. Maybe if he did, she won't abandon the child, so you who won the man should accept his totality.

Do you know what the one you're carrying will turn out to be?

Majority of you marry these days for the benefits. If nothing is in it for you, then you leave. You can't sacrifice and if they ask you now, you'll say you love the man. Mtcheeeeeewwwww..

First of all our relationship was based on lies because he didn't tell me anything about her or her condition if he had told me from the onset I would have decided whether to quit or stay but he didn't tell me anything until the mother dropped her off and why would I have suffer for someone else responsibility. My only mistake was marrying him with his lies but his child in that condition is not my responsibility at all. If her mother that carried her for 9 long months cannot do it anymore me too I won't do it because I have done it for a week and I am already tired. Please if you think it is that easy if you are a woman you care enough for her come and marry him and take care of the child or if you are a man ask one of your sisters to come and replace me so she can take care of her.

tonicyril:
which kain nonsense for better for worse??

For better for worse dey inside bible??

OP i cant advice u to take care of someone else responsibilities ooh, me sef a no fit do am, mba.

Thank you

Richy4:
<< Nigeria is indeed breaking a lot of homes...
<< If taxes are utilised and channelled to the right direction and corrupt practices are not in place, op will not be here talking about leaving her home..
<< Many countries with vision are the ones talking care of special need children with tax payers money...
<< We see them all the time looking nice in their special Van and their care givers taking good care of them because they are paid to do so..
<< The most annoying thing is that most of the law makers in Nigeria have been abroad... Most of them had their education there... They have seen how the government of those nations alleviate the problems of their citizens... They have seen how it works but when they get to Nigeria, they turned blind eyes.. they act like they have never seen or heard things like it..

You are totally right I agreed with everything you said. Taking care of a person with disabilities in nigeria is hell because they're jot help but in developed countries is so much better. Trust me is not easy for me is only one week and I have gave up due to no support.

Calibrator:
If you want to leave, biko leave!

Thank you

CountVersailles:
Since you’ve already made up your mind, what’s the purpose of bringing this matter here. You are going to do what you want regardless what anyone tells you, no be so?

Please read my last paragraph like I said earlier my post is not about changing my mind or stayimg because I will stick to my decision. but I just wanna know what other people would do in my situation. You know on social media we advise people on things that we cannot even take a quarter of. Even myself if i wasn't in this situation I would have advised the person to stay and look after the child because I am not the one wearing the shoe but I wear the shoe and it is not easy

Karleb:
You are too young to be suffering for another person's sin

Thank you

oazeez1991:
It's obvious you've made up your mind already, and no amount of words could have you change your mind unless you choose to. Moreover, you are right to feel the way you are feeling right now. In fact, you are justify to feel that way. We are all human, blood runs in our vein. What your husband did by not getting you inform from the get go is a totally wrong. He wasn't been fair with his dealing with you from start. But trust me, he did what he did i.e. hiding such sensitive matter from you cos he was afraid to lose you. He felt for the one who birth the child in question to not want to take up responsibility of raising him/her, how would someone who wasn't a part of it accept to? I understand and could resonate with his (your husband) fear, but he was being insensitive about how he deals with it. He forget that no matter how far lie goes, truth would one day caught up with it. Maybe he doesn't want to get you involve with the child all along, hence, his reason for keeping it away from you, not knowing there is no escape route to such reality.

The child in question is just the victim here. He/she didn't ask to be birth, atleast not into a family that would abandon him/her, but life do happen.

How you get to be in such marriage before finding out about such revelation is a destiny you just have to accept.

From one of your response, you claim should it's your child (I forbid it for you) that is the way the one in question is, you will treat him/her accordingly. It won't be easy and it's already evidence it has not been, but you can always treat that child as your own.

The main issue I see here is financial incapability. Had it been your husband is well to do, the situation would have been rosily handle, but the case is different.

Do what you wanna do, but give it a second thought. Divorce isn't the way forward.

Thank you I am leaving next month on the 4th