₦airaland Forum

AjiBussu:
Please leave. He ought to have told you.

Thank you

ibechris:
Being pregnant in Nigeria where emergency services doesn't work is a problem let alone taking care of a child in that condition.

Do whatever u want to do after all,life no get duplicate.

If anything happens to u,that man will rush to marry another woman without waiting to morn u. Do whatever u wish would help u in this condition.

Thank you I am leaving next month on the 4th

Richy4:
Ok.. it seems your mind is made up already... U are the one wearing the shoes and u alone knows where it hurts...

But let me ask you again..
<<Is leaving him and the marriage really what you want?...
<<You don't think it's a hasty decision that you are making at the moment?...
<<You are 100% certain that you are leaving without a backward glance/ no coming back when things becomes Rosey and better for your husband?..

If all the answers are No, then I really wish U the best dear..and take care of your unborn baby..

Yes I have made up my mind because it has not been easy for me because i take care of her everyday from morning until hubby get home at 7-8pm . It's been a week only and my head want to explode and my body want to give up. I am tired and the level of stress is too much for me in this my condition I need rest not all of this burden . I can't do it anymore. I am not leaving him because of his poor condition it is because I can't take care of his special need child , his financial state hasn't been a problem to me because no condition is permanent I know one day everything will be fine but i can't take care of his special need child in this my condition.

frozen70:
I understand what you are going through as a woman but taking such decisions is not the best for you at the moment

The child mother has tried and probably the man left the upkeep for her and married you, so since she lost the marriage, she has to return the child to disabilitize your marriage

Divorce is not even the best option

The best option is to take the child to a welfare center where the have the services the child needs or better still get an in-house Nanny to look after the child while he provides for the child care and pay the Nanny for her services

With the above, the child in not your business nor your responsibilities and you still stay happily in your home

Worst case, he can take the child to his parents and they all will sort it out there

If you divorce him another woman will come in and oversea the suggestions I mentioned above

Then you will be a single mum to be and you can still rock your life though

Unfortunately he can't afford to take the child anywhere. his younger sister has refused to come and help and I can't do it too. Being a single mother is not a death sentence I rather leave than carrying a burden which I didn't agreed for.first of all he didn't tell me anything about the child and her condition and why would I have to stay and suffer taking care of her including my own baby who will be born in 2 months time. If another woman would be happy to come and take care of the child is not my problem I wish her all the best.

Jovialjune1:
Pls leave.

Since he can keep something as huge as a child, who knows what else he's keeping from you

You are justified to leave abeg.

Thank you. I am leaving next month the 4th of August

Jovialjune1:
All these negativity instigators sef, they must sha have a nonsense excuse to type trash one way or the other.

She won't have a child with same issue IJN, proclaim positivity on others, it will also reflect on you.

A big Amen

Richy4:

Where is the real mother of the baby OP.. do you have an idea?

If u do, maybe u can pay her a visit to guilt-trip her for abandoning her kid.. I didn't say it's the right thing to do,But it's like your last hail Mary pass..

The husband should have told you from the beginning though... not just surprise you with a big responsibility...

Finally do U know if Nigerian government takes care of people/ individuals with such problems?

I don't know where she is , the first time I set my eyes on her was the day she dropped the child and I don't think I have any business with her. I am a woman like her she has her reason for dropping her off because taking care of such a child requires a lot of money too. My hubby is not financially stable he couldn't provide for her needs while she couldn't too so her only option was to drop her off with us and I can't also do it. The only option I have is to leave too she is his child he will find a way to take care of her. I don't think nigerian government provides care for such people. The only place he went they said they are happy to keep her in and they will provide all her care but he must pay 200k every month which he can't afford.

JONNYSPUTE:
..... I love your reply. Well the truth is that it's not going to be easy for you and if you feel you can't,then leave. Nobody will blame you for doing such. Let him carry his cross.

Thank you . I am leaving next month

JONNYSPUTE:
..,.. Lol. What if after given birth she finds out that her own child has the same issue? Wetin she go do?

Maybe drop her child with the husband and jepa her own

God forbid bad things but for my own child I will never get tired of him I will love him no matter what but for someone else child in that condition I won't. The worse is he didn't tell me from the onset maybe if he had told me I would have accepted her and be prepared but I wasn't prepared and I can't do it.

HRHQueenPhil:
He can't afford 25k for a small girl to help?
Ok, what will make u not to leave?

Yes to be honest with you he can't afford it.

crackhaus:
You can leave.

Thank you

HRHQueenPhil:
I can't imagine what u are going through
This is very wicked of the man
I wld advise u don't leave ur marriage
Every marriage has test and this is one of it
Two solutions
-get a good maid that can assist with looking after the child
- u can start a business that helps u support ur man and leave d house so u won't constantly be in pain
Remember to lift the child up in prayers and fasting so it shall be well with u as well

Thank you. He can't afford a maid and his younger sister has refused to come and help. I am also leaving next month.

dawnomike:
My churchy mind wants to tell you to stay in your marriage as it is for 'better for worse', but i surely can't judge you if you do otherwise as he was not truthful to you from the set go.

The burden is much as you presently heavily pregnant... If he can put his daughter in a place where she will be taken care of without affecting you, please, stay in your marriage.

Just in case he can't, give him space

Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Camera

mariahAngel:
Your little nephew(s)/niece (s), how are they coping?
If you feel this way, I can only imagine how they feel.... losing their mum at very tender ages
Are you taking care of them or taking the frustrations out on them?
You're in the best position to give them something close to a motherly love and care, but it is sad you feel the way you feel, especially with your brother not helping matters...
My advice to you would be not to be too desperate about the situation, or else it'll choke and suffocate you.
Calm down and be at ease dear. Breathe.
Have patience. Nwe ndidi, and you'll see that the situation is probably not as bad as see it...
Those babies need you....if only your brother had the wisdom on how to go about the situation
Consider reconsidering your decision for those little babies' sake.... biko nne ehn...jikota umuaka ndi ahu it's a sacrifice.

I do take good care of them because they are not my problem but their father is my problem here but I can’t keep taking care of them when I my own needs are not fulfilled yet. If he will allow them to stay with us in d village that will be good and I will continue to take care of them in d village if not he have to hire a nanny for them

stacyadams:
Talk to d secretary

What do you want me to talk to her about ?

Tony142:
When you get to the village do NOT go back to Abuja




If your mother want to force u to go back, tell her that u will either


1. Stay in the village or
2. Commit suicide


Ask her to choose between the 2, I am very sure she will choose number 1 , she will not want her daughter to commit suicide


Note: pls I am not saying u should commit suicide oo, what I am saying is that u should use suicide as a weapon to fight back in order for them to allow you to stay in the village


I repeat, Pls do not commit suicide, u can use suicide to manipulate them to let u stay in thee village but do not commit suicide, hope u understand?



Your brother may likely tell u that he will start given u money directly instead of his secretary, pls do not believe him, it is just a weapon to manipulate u, if u fall for it and later return to Abuja he will start treating u like b4, so even if your brother say he will be given u money if u come back to Abuja, do not believe him, it a lie

Thanks , even if he promise to start giving me 1 million every month I will not go back with him because I know it’s a lie , he just want to use me like a slave for his children while he doesn’t care about my needs it’s not like he doesn’t have d money but he have money and want me to suffer, I will rather go back and work in d village and earn d little money to support myself and my parents.

iamloyalty:
Please stick to this advice she has said everything I wanted to type.
I have a childhood friend that experienced exactly same thing when we tried to pull her out her OWN mother was the barrier and she refused to stand up to them so we left her to her fate.
To cut the long story short she later developed sever mental issues if not for God and her innocence....
So please stand up to your family and do the needful.

Thanks , I think am already suffering from depression I have to get out of here as fast as possible before it get worse and I will not allow anyone including my own parents to stop me

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CalliDora1:
You're welcome.

Just calm down. No need hating on yourself.

May God grant you your wish, dear.

Amen thanks sis

GboyegaD:
Follow that advice. Please don't yield to any eulogies manipulation. You have your life ahead of you, don't waste time building someone else's while you're suffer. If push gets to shove, remind them of his promises lady year and how in his wickedness he kept your life on a stand still for two years.

Thanks I will

CalliDora1:
Hmm.. I'm really touched by this.

You know what? When you get to the villa this Dec. Don't follow him back to Lagos even if your parents persuade you, don't go and don't drink snipper or else your beautiful dream of becoming a YouTuber will not come to pass and I won't be happy because I look forward to seeing your videos..
Just stay back if you feel it more convenient for you and actualise your dreams.

Dont forget to hint your parents about his sexcapades with his secretary. Maybe he would be advised to wife her as he's due for a wife. You're not his wife and will never be. Let him marry already.

Thanks , I can’t wait for December to come so I can go back home I am writing this with tears because I hate my life right now , I wish I never listened to my mum in d first place. Ave already told her about him and d secretary all she could say was my brother is trusting her with d money because she is older than me and she knows how to manage a home but I am too young to do it, she said I should respect her the same way I respect my brother. I just can’t wait to go back

frozen70:
God will see you through

Amen thanks sis

Organsmuggler:
u wanna commit suicide because of that, don't u have friends in Abuja that can help u get a job?

I don’t have any friends because I don’t even go out my life is like in prison , I will rather go back to d village and continue with my work because my boss is happy to have me back

frozen70:
My dear sister, you are just being used by the entire family to build your little cousins and your own career is in hold till only God knows when

As you are preparing for Christmas, make sure you pack all your belongings and play along you don't need to explain anything when you get home

Once it's time for them to come back to Abuja, seat your family down and let them know that time is going and you ha e not achieved any for the past two years

That you will like to stay behind to sort yourself out

You don't need to present it harshly or in an embarrassing manner, just simple polite manners

And once you say that stand on your feet and don't move your ground

If your mother wants to go with them, she is very free to do so

You have to plan for yourself and your life because you are not a priority to your brother

Worst case he won't send money to you that alone will prepare you to struggle and face your life

Thanks 4 d advice , this what I am planning to do when we get to d village

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