Kobojunkie:
First of all, the idea that women are caregivers is based mostly on a stereotype. Not all woman are built that way so please do not go around repeating that lie. Our society forces women into the role and so they all go around, some of them taking on responsibilities their mental are unable to handle. And this needs to stop. The role of caregiver, in marriage, ought to be shared by both the man and woman to whom the child belong.

This man chose to have a child, take on the responsibility on his own. Why should the lives of others be disrupted because he had a child? Don't they have their own burdens to deal with? Abeg, focus on the man who refused to inform his new wife of his child and stop trying to offload his burden so easily on others.

I

HRHQueenPhil:

He can't afford 25k for a small girl to help?
Ok, what will make u not to leave?

So the small girl call "maid" has nothing else to do in this life abi?

Oyiboman69:
move out if you wish but make it straight and understandable to him that you're not quitting the marriage. I doubt if you're not aware of the outside child though....

Yes I wasn't aware of the child until her mother dropped her off

You must be stupid for considering divorce. Are you really married to him or he just impregnated you and you ended up calling your boyfriend your husband?

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Since him no tell you say him get a child outside before marrying you
Please earlier the better pack your load and leave for your own good ooooo

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

I advise you to pray and ask God before making your decision.

delishpot:
Me I wont even near him and the child. Not because I am disgusted by tbe child but because he lied to me about his situation. Even if its a healthy child, I wont forgive and forget; that marriage is null and void to me. And many men will do same if the case was reversed so dont let my gender fool you into slaving for a fellow man. That is how men are raised to support each others hussle when women are concerned.

Thank you. I have made up my mind I am leaving on the 4th of August

If that child was her own, she won't take care of him or her? It's called selfless service and it's incovenient but rewarding. Have you thought about maybe she is carrying one just like that and God wants to see how she would accept this one and then use that to change it for good in her favor?

ifeanyiatuadu:


She would break her back taking care of the child.
Which strength would she use to enter the said 'door' opening for her

Akerele44:
Want to know what other people would do in ur situation


May God almighty not let's us be in ur situation

It's a curse

Amen I wouldn't wish it to happen to my worst enemy

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

go as fast as you can, don't compound his problems further, you don't love him in the first place so the reason why you were mounting pressure to leave, don't forget to go with your badluck, that man should realized he doesn't need these useless gender in his life again. He will be happy ever after

U lack knowledge and sense bro. Because the child has one illness now and she wants to go, does it means the child in her womb is purely free? Do to others what u want others to do for you in ur presence and absence. The only thing they are do here is to have the guy's mother to come live with them for her to be assisting. Face your problems and never run away from it ...that's always my blv

dawnomike:
My churchy mind wants to tell you to stay in your marriage as it is for 'better for worse', but i surely can't judge you if you do otherwise as he was not truthful to you from the set go.

The burden is much as you presently heavily pregnant... If he can put his daughter in a place where she will be taken care of without affecting you, please, stay in your marriage.

Just in case he can't, give him space

H0711:


I don't know where she is , the first time I set my eyes on her was the day she dropped the child and I don't think I have any business with her. I am a woman like her she has her reason for dropping her off because taking care of such a child requires a lot of money too. My hubby is not financially stable he couldn't provide for her needs while she couldn't too so her only option was to drop her off with us and I can't also do it. The only option I have is to leave too she is his child he will find a way to take care of her. I don't think nigerian government provides care for such people. The only place he went they said they are happy to keep her in and they will provide all her care but he must pay 200k every month which he can't afford.

let him file for govt adoption.

The state govt will take care of her , make the father surrender it to govt or worst come to worst, take the baby to orphanage home.

If u de Lagos, the first option fit work but If it doesnt ,the second option go work. The third option incase that two no work, give the baby a secret mark somewhere in her body den take it to the police and claim u saw her in the gutter, when they finally take care of her, come bak 25yrs later to pick ur child.



Wisdom.

wowcatty:
That's a test for you with a reward of blessing, please don't fail. The only question you should ask yourself is, why you and then answer it yourself with why not you. Take care of that child with love just like your own and see doors open for you.

Give an update in a few months please.

No I can't I am not a robot to be lifting her up and down , feeding and changing nappies all the times in this my condition. I will give update on the 4th when I will be in my village

Blessedmercy8:
This is what happens when you put the cart before the horse. When you ought to do your findings about who you're getting married to, you were busy consumating sex, getting yourself pregnant and rushing into marriage without proper background checks. Now you want to opt out just like that.

you think marriage is child's play? Or something you can just throw in the trash when the odds are against you? Think again cos this right here is the real marriage. So you have to accept and deal with it.

Oh... You want the man but you don't want his child?
What if it was you who gave birth to the child? Forget about how the mother is not willing to take her therefore you can't keep her excuse you're giving. The father didn't marry her but you. Maybe if he did, she won't abandon the child, so you who won the man should accept his totality.

Do you know what the one you're carrying will turn out to be?

Majority of you marry these days for the benefits. If nothing is in it for you, then you leave. You can't sacrifice and if they ask you now, you'll say you love the man. Mtcheeeeeewwwww..

The man lied to her and what is it with your statement "you won the man" like the man is kind of a prize.
Life is not that complicated, can you take care of a special needs child every day without rest, we are talking about your life, day in day out, you basically spend all your days taking care of the child, forget about working or starting a business, forget about your own health.
You think it's easy, she is a young lady, let her live her life not to be tied down in this stage of her life where she could be building something for herself.
The husband should take responsibility since it's his child, he should try harder to provide proper care and not expecting his wife to sacrifice her life because she is the "wife" and should just take it

He did you a diservice for not telling you about his child from another woman, it is your choice to want to live through this with him rather than force it on you. Know that whichever decision you take, you won't be wrong.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Go ahead please. If you need any assistance with the divorce, please contact me. If you need a lawyer, I can help you pay for one. If you need transport money to return to your village, I can give you.

That about to be deserves better. He did not marry the baby Mama because he saw that the baby Mama was heartless, long before she even gave birth to a disabled child. He dodged a bullet there. Unfortunately, he jumped into another heartless village street girl. Some people are unlucky in relationships.

If this guy begs you to stay, he will regret his life because he is married to a heartless village witch who I foresee will poison the disabled child one day.

Obiorahpcfg:
Pls don't leave him before he commits suicide
. he committed d since wt dt woman so they to bear it together. Let him take d child back without d consent of d woman but drop plenty money then relocate but be sending them money like a ghost.

Unfortunately he doesn't have any money to drop for the child upkeep , if he had the money wouldn't have dropped her off in the first place.

You are not at fault since he hid such from you... just do what will make you happy and comfort . Marriage with unwarranted stress is nor worth it. As long as you're saying the truth from the onset that he didn't tell you about the child then you're free to leave ...

Let me tell you something....

You don't know that gender...

If you leave now, no right thinking person should blame you. Even some churches annul marriages built on deceit and lies and I'm talking about even the most conservative churches here.

Wether you should leave permanently or temporarily is up to you but I highly suggest you leave first until he takes the child away to some other place because if you tolerate this then just know that he will throw much worse things in your face in the future and expect you to take it all...

A neighbor of mine has a kid with cerebral palsy and even she gets tired. The child is 100% dependent. They once left her for some minutes and she fell into fire and got badly burned and couldn't even leave the fire.... So sad.

Wish you the best

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

delishpot:
Me I wont even near him and the child. Not because I am disgusted by tbe child but because he lied to me about his situation. Even if its a healthy child, I wont forgive and forget; that marriage is null and void to me. And many men will do same if the case was reversed so dont let my gender fool you into slaving for a fellow man. That is how men are raised to support each others hussle when women are concerned.

ashawo no dey get conscience so why are you ranting, you are only available for the cash

If it hadn't been for that child's case, you seem like a woman who would hastily resort to divorce

Firstly you are separating not divorcing
Then depending on the type of marriage Yu did you might not easily go into another
And if you leave on this note, you might face all kinds of conflicts and disagreement from your husband and places where you don't expect

You have to apply wisdom and the wisdom is to first inform the parents and relatives of your husband about the situation, spread the news like wild fire and threaten them if they don't do something you will leave.

Do this for and after a while tell your husband you can't give birth in that home and under that condition and then get packing to your mom's or village

Tell him and arrange when he will be coming, let him give you tfare to go back or escort you.

Trust me, if you leave this way, he would call you back that he has gotten rid of the child

And that you can come back.

H0711:


Yes to be honest with you he can't afford it.

And you married a man like that?

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Don't leave your marriage...Call the elders and let them advice your hubby to have a meeting with the mother of the child and let him agree to pay monthly child support.
I personally think that he abandon her without providing for the child. Remember that both of them are responsible for the child but you can encourage your hubby to pay his dues then you can focus your attention on your unborn child.
You are a good person inside out and want to do the right thing but don't leave your husband... you don't know what the future holds.. he needs you now and we are not perfect, no one is...Your husband should go and see the lady and sort himself out. Dont think too much in your condition,you dont need it at all. i wish you the best.

Midas01:
Let me tell you something....

You don't know that gender...

If you leave now, no right thinking person should blame you. Even some churches annul marriages built on deceit and lies and I'm talking about even the most conservative churches here.

Wether you should leave permanently or temporarily is up to you but I highly suggest you leave first until he takes the child away to some other place because if you tolerate this then just know that he will throw much worse things in your face in the future and expect you to take it all...

A neighbor of mine has a kid with cerebral palsy and even she gets tired. The child is 100% dependent. They once left her for some minutes and she fell into fire and got badly burned and couldn't even leave the fire.... So sad.



Wish you the best

Thank you I am leaving on the 4th of August nothing will change my mind.

Blessedmercy8:
This is what happens when you put the cart before the horse. When you ought to do your findings about who you're getting married to, you were busy consumating sex, getting yourself pregnant and rushing into marriage without proper background checks. Now you want to opt out just like that.

you think marriage is child's play? Or something you can just throw in the trash when the odds are against you? Think again cos this right here is the real marriage. So you have to accept and deal with it.

Oh... You want the man but you don't want his child?
What if it was you who gave birth to the child? Forget about how the mother is not willing to take her therefore you can't keep her excuse you're giving. The father didn't marry her but you. Maybe if he did, she won't abandon the child, so you who won the man should accept his totality.

Do you know what the one you're carrying will turn out to be?

Majority of you marry these days for the benefits. If nothing is in it for you, then you leave. You can't sacrifice and if they ask you now, you'll say you love the man. Mtcheeeeeewwwww..

Yes you are right but the world has change you hardly find true love now nobody want to suffer

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

I won't blame you dear. If the man cannot find. Solution to the child, do whatever you decide. Don't mind them, marriage is not for better for worse.
But if it is possible, tell your husband that you cannot touch the child. Be leaving the house in the morning as he is leaving.
Isnt there medical remedy for the child? If there isnt, she. Is better off dead then

H0711:


Thank you. I have made up my mind I am leaving on the 4th of August

One strong advice I will give you is....... Make sure it is what you want and you will not miss him when you make the decision to leave. Incase if one day you decide to forgive him only to find out that he has remarried someone else it wont hurt you. If you still love him and wakeup one day with regret because you miss hom and wish you could have handled it differently then instead of divorce just take a break to clear your head. Have a heart to heart with him and make it clear that you ain't divorcing but you need to clear your head of his deception. Then go to your place and seek wise counsel from your mom or a trusted person who will not use blind religious or cultural yardstick to make you remain married come what may.

HRHQueenPhil:

He can't afford 25k for a small girl to help?
Ok, what will make u not to leave?

Omoh, 25k small nah, haba, that's slave trade.

Ijaya123:


And why does it have to be on my birthday?

Lol happy birthday in addy. The reason why I am leaving on the 4th is because my younger brother is in abuja at my elder brother place. He will also go to the village the same day and I want to go with him so he will help me with my loads

I hope your husband has a mother? If he doesn't, then he should give the child up to the authorities in charge of the establishments where persons living with disabilities are being taken care of. Advise him to visit the Orphanage homes or the Ministry of Women Affairs, the Ministry of Welfare and Social Development, or the Ministry of Health, for proper guidance and direction.

It is well with you.

ifeanyiatuadu:


She would break her back taking care of the child.
Which strength would she use to enter the said 'door' opening for her

a ma m oo..
They think it's easy.

If your wife brings a child from nowhere with cerebral palsy and says it's hers from a previous relationship, would you accept the baby?

Most of you expect women to take the rubbish you yourselves can't even take.

JONNYSPUTE:
..,.. Lol. What if after given birth she finds out that her own child has the same issue? Wetin she go do?

Maybe drop her child with the husband and jepa her own