₦airaland Forum

Verydarkhearted:
First of all you didn’t spend 15m on a wedding
Secondly you didn’t buy any phone worth 2m
Infact your entire story is a lie..

Run along kiddo. Go watch tellytubbies. Been on Nairaland since 2008 so I know your type.

bukatyne:
Maybe he is playing R.Kelly's 'if I could turn back the hands of time'.

Me way wan do babymama cause I no get time for women wahala.

Double0h7:
Firstly, your wife is forgetful and sometimes ungrateful. It’s childish to make generalisations. Secondly, your only choice is one of three: leave your marriage, take control of your marriage by communicating your feelings and boundaries, or take it as it is and stay in your marriage.

You have these complaints and your wife has just as many. If you don’t know how to communicate effectively then try getting a mediator to help you out. The only solution is to talk, set up some boundaries and come to a common understanding.

At the moment, you are going from two extremes; doing everything for her, and becoming resentful because she’s not seeing your sacrifices. Stop doing everything she wants, only do what you can do without discomforting yourself. Stop going above and beyond for someone who won’t do the basic things like respecting your family!

In motion now.

Mom007:
Where una dey ses all these kind of women sef? All that glitters is not gold o. Your choice in a woman to marry shows how sound your judgement is and bro, you are lagging far behind. Better start to curb those her excesses before she sends you to an early grave.

Na food cause am o. And she petit, so easy for me to flip during play play. Thanks, point noted.

alaind:
I'm really sorry to hear about all the tough times you're going through. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and challenges in your marriage and family life. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that might help:

First, it's understandable to feel overwhelmed with the financial pressure and the debts your wife has brought into the marriage. Money problems can really strain a relationship, especially when it affects both of you and your families. It’s good that you were able to clear some of the debts, but maybe you can work together to create a plan to manage the remaining ones. Communication is key here – try to talk openly with your wife about the finances and find ways to support each other.

The issues with your wife not treating your family members well must be really hurtful. Family is important, and it’s tough when there’s tension between your spouse and your relatives. It might help to have a calm and honest conversation with your wife about how her actions are affecting your relationship with your family. Maybe you can find a way to set some boundaries or find compromises that make everyone feel respected and valued.

It’s also really hard when your efforts to make things better, like buying her a new phone or helping your sister, aren’t appreciated or lead to more conflicts. It shows that you’re trying to take care of your family, but sometimes it feels like it’s not enough. It might help to seek counseling, either together or individually, to work through these feelings and find better ways to handle the conflicts.

Feeling like love is lost and being called names is very painful. It’s important to take care of your own mental health during this time. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional counselor about how you’re feeling. They can offer support and help you find ways to cope with the emotions you’re experiencing.

You mentioned that you’re struggling to find satisfaction in your marriage and feeling like you’re not getting what you need from your wife. It might be helpful to sit down with her and discuss what each of you needs to feel happy and fulfilled in the relationship. Sometimes, couples therapy can provide a safe space to talk about these issues and work towards solutions together.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take time for yourself to heal and figure things out. You deserve to feel happy and supported in your marriage and family life. Don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals or trusted people in your life who can help you navigate through these tough times.

Stay strong and take it one step at a time. You’re not alone, and there are people who care and want to help you.

Thank you for taking the time to put this together. Did some of the above today. Being called a name means I am not malleable as she thinks. I shrugged it off cause I felt it was said in an emotional state until I started doing self reflection.

Her cycle is tight, the only child of the mother as well, so the tendency to want me for herself and being close to her mother is high. I know I settled for a high-taste lady but I got to control some aspect especially when it comes to finance.

For those thinking why I married such woman, she sabi cook and hustle so I know my kids won't lack if I eventually leave this world early.

Thank you all for your contributions. Just needed somewhere to get it off my chest cause my words can be sharp and hurtful so I control it how I let it out.

cococandy:
What’s the role of your ex in all this? I’m asking because you started the story with her and then just dropped it abruptly. What’s up with that?

I was here six years ago to complain about her jare https://www.nairaland.com/4822748/it-possible-love-someone-not

Ensa777:
If your wife doesn't want your ppl let her ppl not come too.
It's too early for her wickedness.
I'm a woman and I give bullshit for bullshit.
You too man up,this is the time both of you decide how your marriage gon be.

Thanks for nudging.

Namaster:
You married a LEECH!

You are just a Sugar Daddy with EXTRA steps.

You married someone who OWES #40 Million and told you NOT to worry about it. And you believed her.

Then you REPAID the debts she told you NOT to worry about because she PRETENDED to be moody and DEPRESSED so that it'd affect her marriage and her Sugar Daddy would notice and pay it off.

And it worked!
I bet she's a stay-at-home Mum too.
A real Sugar Daddy!

You FORKED out money to fly her Mum and Sister to stay at your house for 2 months. You fed them and treated them like FAMILY.

YET when your own Mum came, your homegrown LEECH treated her HORRIBLY and made your mother feel like a NUISANCE.

Your Sister came for your assistance and the LEECH wanted her gone in less than 3 weeks. When you decided to finally grow a SPINE, she treated your Sister so TERRIBLY that you had to travel home to make EXCUSES for the BITCH you call a wife.

She treats YOUR family like GARBAGE.
But she treats HER family like ROYALTY.

On your dimes, too.

And you seem like a WEAK-WILLED man who can't take a HINT even if it's stomping on your head.

The same woman who threw a TANTRUM because your sister lived with you for 3 months wants HER mother to stay with you for an UNDEFINED period of time.

When you REFUSED and suggested that YOU pay for her mother's accommodation with your OWN money, the LEECH insulted you.

She ABUSED you because she didn't get her way.

Dude, you are a BITCH in your own house!

WHAT TO DO:

1. Tell her you will NOT be paying for her mother's accommodation.

2. She'll BLOW up at you.

3. KICK her out.

4. Get a DIVORCE.

5. Start the process on MONDAY.

6. BLOCK every card and account that she has access to.

7. Take your CHILD from her.

8. FLY in your Mum to take care of the child.

9. Don't NEGOTIATE with the leech.

10. DON'T take her back.

It is MADNESS to keep paying a woman and her family to make your life HELL.

Yea, this is the summary but a little correction, her mom and sister stayed for almost 4 months. When the love don clear comot from man eyes, reality sets in. Looking back, going back to my ex who was very close to my family looks like a better choice but she has her baggage and I don't want to go back to an ex. My other ex wanted me to choose her over my mother; help her to move her things to a new place as against helping my mother who was ill that very day. I just logged off from women mata until I met my wife even though I was careful.

LandMann:
Speak up to your wife in very clear simple language.... You have very little quality of a sigma male, that's why you can perceive her negative attitude towards your family.... your beta male side is just too dominant, that is why you keep doing everything to please an ungrateful person who hates a family that brought you to life.

The long term effect of all these, if you continue to suck it up and go about your business like it's nothing, is that you'll have a huge burnout. By then, your mental energy will be completely drained and you'll either dry up or be pushed to do something terrible.

Again, sit your wife down and tell her in very clear simple language how her behaviour is impacting you and your family.

She must learn to accommodate your family or there'll be consequences.

There's nothing wrong if you ban her family from visiting your home if she doesn't want yours to visit. If she wants to go visit her family she should use her money. Don't fund her selfish and ungrateful life.

And it's time you start focusing on your health and life. If you can, find another lady who's more closer to your family and plan how to make her your wife or concubine incase this present one feels she now has the remote control to your life.

Stop being a SIMP

Thanks for the nudge. I fear I might overdo things hence my Mr. Nice cause I overdid things in my Youth and I was losing touch with my simple upbringing and the kind of Man I want to be. During my youthful days, I hit women who looked for my trouble or thought I was a SIMP which never went down well with me after the actions. I exchanged "woman-wrapper" insult for a slap and some many things I don't take from women that I won't want to disclose which formed my present disposition.

madridguy:
From your narration it's shows you're a nice, considerate and caring man which your wife is capitalizing on.

I think you didn't address the visitation policy of you both loved ones properly as a man. You should know this without being told that many women don't like seeing their husband family around. You should have allowed your own family to visit you first, after your wedding to see her reaction towards them. This will give you clue if you will allow her own people or not.

I think at this point, tell your own family not to visit you and make sure none of her family visit too. If she stubbornly invite any, send them away directly or through cold body language. Let her mother goes elsewhere to stay.

When she's ready for peace talk, make sure when your own family visit for 2 weeks her own get 1 week.

Yes, I didn't address visitation policy but passing the message now with my refusal to yield to her mom's visit.

Villa12:
It is well. I personally don't like too many family (both husband and wife side) coming to my home as a man. It doesn't really end well most times. A newly married couple needs space. One of the mother can come around to help out when the wife newly put to bed and go after a period.

Yeah, learning the hard way. Although, my siblings and relatives live far away so no unscheduled visits.

Carcholce:
Wahala.


How we go solve this one?

OP, is your wife by any chance an ibo woman? Precisely from Anambra, Imo, and the neighboring states. Those women are the most ungrateful human alien of all time.

The moment they notice you are not bending to their selfish whims and demands, they’ll run away from you. I have been with a few to notice this. Infact it feels like I have a magnet that draws them to me. The first one I started with approached me by herself. The Second one nearly use complains finish my life. Nothing was ever working for her. Then I saw a picture of her parents, her mother is very robust and glowing while her father is like dried fish. Meaning She inherited the complains and nagging from her mother, for the father to be looking that way.


Even when She ran to another relationship, She continued slandering her man despite all his efforts to make her happy because the guy housed her, feeding her and taking good care of her but the complains still persisted and even tried packing her bags and running back to me.

The third one is another story. But I hold da one for neck because I became familiar with their tactics.


That being said, from your write up, it seems you already know what women/your wife is capable of. I don’t know why you are still ranting.

The day you accept her just the way She is, and jokingly bring to her notice your efforts and her ungrateful behavior, you will begin to see changes. Also refrain from family visits. Na their all the problems deh come from.

Yes, limiting family visits now and that was why I refused her mom's coming but she is an only child so stopping her mom from coming is like I don't want her to see her mom. I already accepted her the way she is, reason I married her just that sometimes, we get fed up.

Now I am married with a child. My ex who left me when things were tough came back. I almost took her back. I didn't have sex with her cause I didn't want any emotional attachment. I couldn't bring myself to accept her. We remained friends until I got married.

My wedding was a blast, I spent close to 15 million naira, which in present-day Nigeria, would be 45 million naira. Business is picking up, with pressure, and I am struggling to cope with it but the satisfaction I want from my wife I am not getting. First, I found out my wife owed close to 40 million naira due to a terrible business trade and some borrowed money. Even when I asked her before our church wedding when I found out, she told me not to bother about it but I saw her getting depressed from the constant calls. We were able to clear off some of the debts, especially the immediate ones from family members who invested in her business.

One of my pain is that she disregarded my family members by not treating them well. First was my mom when I asked her to come around after my wife put to bed, her mom and her mom's sister were flown in to stay with us 2months before she gave birth. My mom came 2 months after she put to bed cause we were planning for child dedication. This was a big mistake on my part cause it didn't end well. Even after her mom and mom's sister left, she requested her mom to come and stay with her cause I had a month away job which I obliged. This angered my mom but I had to control her cause it is my home.

Some months back, one of my sisters finished her NYSC and I asked her to come around so I could help her with some professional work experience and work ethics and grow her professional network. It didn't end well cause my wife wanted her to stay 2 weeks or a month which I bullshitted and made her stay for almost 3 months before she left abruptly. She had to leave because of the attitude of my wife which wasn't welcoming even after talking to my wife severally for her to make it work and see reasons why she needed to make herself welcoming. This led to an issue with my other siblings that I had to travel to meet with everyone to sort out and plead for understanding with my wife. To make my wife happy, I even bought her a new phone worth 2 million naira so she could be happy and learn to live with my sister while I was away but ...

Recently, her mom had an accommodation issue and has been depressed. Not that she doesn't have where to stay but where she moved to wasn't okay even when my wife told her not to. My wife was considering bringing her to live with us for a while so she can sort out a new place but I told her not to since the cost of a flight is high, I will add to the amount she would have used for the flight so she can get another place. One of the reasons why I refused was cause we just spent a huge amount for her to go stay with her mom after we quarreled about the way she handled my sister's visit. Because of my refusal, she said I was inconsiderate or something and then remembered that I offered to offset the cost of a new accommodation and thanked me. This is coming after I did some family expenses. I honestly can't remember what she said I was. I didn't consider her word or insult cause I shrugged it off but for 2days now, I have not been feeling okay, like love lost especially when I remember she made a comment that is not okay. I made sure she didn't lack and did what I needed to do as a man, take care of our home.

Now I see why men decide to live their lives or go elsewhere for peace and do whatever they can to be happy cause women can be forgetful and ingrates. I was in the mood for a night battle when she made the insulting comment. My morale just weak and pencil just dropped.

If you have the fund to do the wedding do it. Mine was a bit tight cause the expected fund didn't come in but at the dying minute. Looking back, glad I took that challenge to give my woman the kind of wedding she wanted even when I was not very stable to have that kind of wedding. Ended up spending about 15million naira on the wedding with little support from friends.

Dear aspiring husbands, don't listen to jokes and caricatures of your fellow men/women telling you to go get married cause they won't fund it rather let it be your decision solely.

Hello guys. please what is the link to the telegram group?

Thank you for the advice Everyone. Appreciate.

Hello Car Ethusies,

Thinking of going for Infiniti fx35 2004 but don't know if that is wise in terms of maintenance and fuel consumption. Just to use in moving around Lagos.

Funny but contains their own truth. Looking at the whole Pandemic issue, where did China go wrong? Is it by failing to tell the world early enough because they were trying to control the virus or that such virus originated from China. If these virus had been from Africa, the discrimination will be on a different level.

Tankunland:
sincerely I would take that advice seriously. I just penned it down without even given it a thought of fetching money because I just felt sad it was 1 year already but God would let me on what to do and how to go

Let the story end the way you wrote it. Leave us in that state of pain, confusion and sadness.

Fortuna2:
I doubt the catholic church had advanced to the level of celebrating masses online..

Lumenchristitv.com.ng/watch-live/

hammerFC:
THEY HAVE EXTENDED THEIR DEPOPULATION OF NON-MUSLIM PROGRAMME TO ANAMBRA.


THAT WILL BE THEIR GREATEST MISTAKE.


BECOS WE DEY VEX BEFORE, NOW DEY GIVE US EXCUSE.


OBIANO CANNOT STOP WAT IS COMING.

You mean the killing in mmiata anam? Anam will not take it likely. I heard umuiku is surrounded by the herdsmen.

partnerbizz4:
Is it only food that they are taking?

I summed everything to food. Others I'm learning to live with.

Evtspez:
To advice you on your question, talk to your brother.

I can't forget my mother's teachings, the one on food says "never deprive anyone of food, remember the end is poo"
I have this joy when I offer people food and they accept. I love it. If I'm your bro if you ask me about the food stuff, I will never eat anything that belongs to you again. But we are different sha but........
Don't let your bro start de look you with one kind eye.

Thanks for the advise. I don't deny people food. In fact, I cook more than most ladies and gladly share my food it's just the unexpected guest I receive when I am not ready. Imagine buying bread to last for three days and when you open the fridge the next day, bread don remain just 2slices and peanut butter don get deep hole for the middle. That thing dey paaain! I have talked to him before and trying not to cause bad blood between us besides he's my elder brother.

piroux:
As a poster said, communicate to him as gently as possible that you cannot afford to feed two mouths right now. Don't allow anyone undermine your feelings, people can be entitled without even being aware of it. It's your food and your money so you have a right to know how it disappears.
What you shouldn't do is talk to the girl. Let your brother do that. Why does a woman have a suicidal man who isn't doing well and still bothers him with her daily feeding anyway? Isn't she aware of his earnings and capabilities? Hmm, woman are trying sha.
Get someone to talk to your brother though. If you're afraid to talk about food to him, then you're in more trouble than you know.

Chiquitq:
how old are you/ are you the older brother or younger? why would you think of even talking to his fiance about not coming again? Food may be scarce today but abundant tommorrow. dont asssume that your brother wont be richer than you in the future. it may be this fiance that would be packing food stuff to give you. is your brother not working? if not, why the fiance status? if yes, what does he do with his money? Your brother should be able to read your body language also. small time now, he would impregnate her and she would refuse to go.

Richy4:
Firstly..How old is your brother

secondly..how long is he planning to stay @ your place ( Months or years)

Thirdly... Do not be too scared to show him or tell him the situation about your account balance... Even a child understands when money is not available not to talk of someone old enough to have a girlfriend... Don't be a nag but be realistic about your financial situations with him..

Thank you guys. Don't want to go into details as this post was intended to be a rant and outlet for my bottled up frustrations and I earnestly pray for things to turn around for him. My prayer has always been to have more than enough. I'll talk to him, it's just that I'm very patient to a fault.

donbachi:
New borns are brought into the world daily...God never complained of air shortage for you...common food you are complaining.why not hand everything to God and watch him provide more for you guys....whether you share or not,one day it will still finish.may God continually provide for you.

Amen.

So I have been bottling up for a long time now. My brother stays with me and his girl occasionally comes around. My issue with this is that my food wey I dey manage cos of hard weather, he gives it to her. I go to the market to buy food stuffs to provide for two mouths but he is adding one more mouth. I have other responsibilities to cater for and won't want food to be my headache but it gets frustrating when I come back or want to eat and can't eat what I plan. He's already seeing my complains as too much cos he stays with me which I don't want him to but mehn I'm getting tired. Tell his babe to stop coming or still talk to him and risk depressing him more(he once contemplated suicide). Na me dey go market to buy this stuffs. Tho it's not in our culture to use food do bad.

Yambee:
Lies.

Seen this video. This is how people start unnecessary ethnic violence. Thugs just running amok breaking bottles, and they did not even approach the crowd.

Now someone with a good imagination has turned it into an Igbo thing.

Shut the Bleep up. I casted my vote at balogun kuku. As we speak, votes in maxwell ijeh, ikare, muyiwa opeleye, Bolaji banwo, oladimeji polling units are being scattered and destroyed. All these places are in Aguda, Surulere. These places are where PDP will have much votes and are populated by Igbos. The thug doing this is well known and lives at maxwell ijeh. The mother is a known area thug-mother and has up to 12 children. All of them thugs.

chivera018:
The hype about Valentine day and sex,
some ignorant girls will lose their virginity that day.
It is a circle that will keep happening.

Assuming I was God, I will give everyone their sex organ on their wedding night.

you just made my Sunday.

Rhea:
You wan give am belle be that. You just dey reach out every other day to take keep body together. The day you go score, na her mother go give you the news with a big ghana must go bag in front of your house as per we are moving in with you levels. And like many over-experienced chaps don talk for here, compound t-o-t-o means an end to outside t-o-t-o, unless you wan stage nollywood fight for ya domot.

I don hear.

ImaIma1:
I really feel your struggles but most people will see as being selfish and not wanting to help your own family. It is the same entitlement mentality that they complain about.

You are not under any obligation to settle them but it is out culture that imprisons us with this idea.

I haven't actually gone through this situation. I am last child with 5 elder ones but I know what it means for people to overstay their welcome. I don't even like sleeping over at my siblings place. None of my siblings do either. They visit and go or spend one night.

I just hate to feel like I am inconveniencing anyone because I like my space and I don't like to deprive others of theirs too.

You need to be diplomatic in the way you handle it. If it was possible to be transferred to another state, that would be good. So that you can leave the house for them.

I wish you the best. You need it

Thanks

mhd5757:
Wow! Reading this topic and comments has really got me thinking how fortunate I am, my brother is in the United States settled with his family, my 2 sisters are married to men that are well doing. It's only me and one of my sister who isn't married that live in our family house, and i don't even live in the main house with my parents I live in a separate bungalow house located at the back of the compound alone, and I have privacy too with my 2 vicious dogs at the back yard. Only problem is I'm unemployeanr jobs are very scarce, I keep giving out CVS but nothing, my parents are helping by giving out my CVS to friends and relatives but still nothing, finance is a bit tight but I'm managing sha but atleast I don't struggle to pay bills, as when my folkes pay there's they include mine also.

Meanwhile even the people with Jobs in this thread are struggling, this country is very difficult sha.

Your elder brother and sisters might have taken the weight that'd fallen on you. Life gives us different crosses to bear. You might be complaining about not having shoe until you meet someone that doesn't have legs.

ImaIma1:
So how far? Have they gone or they are still occupying your house?

It's like you've gone through this situation before. I guess it's my cross to bear.. I just tire cos I can't live for me and even think about settling down cos automatically they'd need to give me space. Looking back at the way I struggled to survive and work for the family, I don't know if they think I had it easy or inherited what I presently have. Whenever I go broke or things get hard, it's between me and God for help cause can't depend on anyone. Mentally I am tired so I don't even need any other stress hence I keep off ladies that don't even know my battles and want me to fight another battle of keeping the relationship even when I try.
I pray things works out the way I'm planning so I just settle everyone to go find their destiny so I can face my live rather than having adults policing my progress even when I don't feel like revealing. Now extended family and friends are knocking. I just tell them I don't have cause I need to plan for myself hence I've gone off social media. Sometimes, people think the reason I smile a lot is cause I have it all good and perfect but nope, deep down my cross is heavy but I choose to smile and be source of strength to others. That's why any chance that presents itself for me to forget my pains, be it party or hanging out, I try to loose myself and make the most of it.
It is well.