₦airaland Forum

Very funny! Let us laugh a little! An Old Woman boarded a Bus to Lagos from Calabar and told the driver: "Driver, when we reach Benin tell me o" The driver nodded and then she shouted again: "My Children, una hear wetin I tell am" Everybody responded: "Yes, Mama" On the long Journey to Lagos, everybody slept off and forgot about Mama's request. . After several Hours of driving and then close to Lagos from Benin about 4hours behind, the Old Woman asked: "Driver, you never reach Benin since" "Ooooh!" the driver exclaimed, "Mama, Benin is like 4 Hours behind us" "Ah!", the Woman shouted and started crying, "take me back to Benin, abeg I no wan Wahala o" Considering the age of the Woman, the passengers agreed that the driver should turn back to Benin. On getting to Benin, the driver came down, opened the door and told the Woman she was in Benin. . The Woman simply opened her hand bag, brought out 2 tablets of Panadol and swallowed them with Water. She then smiled and said: "Thank you, my Son, Na my daughter say when I reach Benin, make I drink 2 tablets of Panadol. I don take am now, Oya make we dey go Lagos..

Please Nairalander, if a pregnant woman gave birth to a twin, the first one comes out by 11:54pm of December 31st, the second @ 12:03am January 1st, questions is :
1. Are they age mate?
2. Which year will they claim?

" Fayose only impresses illiterates. He's never in the news for laudable projects, he's either riding bikes,cutting ponmo,cutting fish,buying pepper,pricing palm oil or insulting the FG Fayose is the tragedy that happens when Ekiti people chose 'rice' and 'a bastard' over an educational colossus like Fayemi. What a disaster!" Baba Iyabo you don kill me with laugh!

lovely gals 4rm bad daddy....

so, e get dstv?

HungerBAD:
Eye brows thick like that of a Man/Mexican.

Two Gold teeth strategically placed in the mouth to give it a Vampire look.

Too much Powder on face and making it difficult to tell if she is black,light,ebony,chocolate,albino.

Tattoo on top of Breast giving her the Whorish/Afro Candy/Street Thot look.

Lips looks like they Smoke a pack of Benson in a Day.

Her eyes, you could tell from the Hardness have seen different things.

The Necklace?looks good.

The Eye Wear?on point.

The Hair?she could do better.

Did the OP say radiant?or is the OP the same person in the picture?

Conclusion:

Whoever this lady is, needs a complete image,wardrobe,hair stylist and dentist Change.

hmm. guy, u shld b given an award n also b appointed as d minister of analysis....i rest my case

ororo no dey deer?

Lampard: hello T
Terry: how fa bro
Lampard: am cool ooo
Terry: Nice1
Lampard: weytin dey happen dis day nah
Terry: see guy, na dis d stupid one wey dey call himself d special one b our problem o. first, he axe Eva Canero 4rm bench, d woman wey dey make us happy whenever she treated us, second, pple dey players during transfer market, he says dey were buying title, den he go buy baba ramoni n one digboluja 4rm one ghetto.
Lampard: dat is too bad of him
Terry: na so we c am o. hw i which u n drogba dey here to send d idiot away.
Lampard: i don repent broda, i no dey plan coup again. free advice 4 u, retire or join me 4 MLS. take it or leave it.
Terry: (crying) mane com dey shine like Cr7
Lampard: sorry bro. i will buy u dagrin music album (if i die). if Chelsea die, don't cry 4 dem, u hear?. bye...

Jose Mourinho launches into astonishing rant live on TV after Chelsea horror show

JOSE MOURINHO has launched into a stunning referee rant after Chelsea's defeat to Southampton.

The Blues boss, speaking for seven interrupted minutes live on Sky Sports minutes after the 3-1 loss, accused refs of refusing to give his side any decisions - then vowed not to walk away from Stamford Bridge.
Chelsea have suffered their worst start in 37 years and sit four points off the drop-zone..
He said: "We are in such a bad moment. We should not be afraid to be honest. The referees are afraid to give decisions for Chelsea.
"If the FA want to punish me then punish me but it's not a problem for me. "Referees are afraid to give decisions to Chelsea. "Clear penalties are not given to me because there's one and one and one.
"Even in the Champions League, which is a game with not three officials but five, we are not given a penalty in the last minute."
Pressure is now on Mourinho, who just 132 days ago was lifting the Premier League title.
But he vowed: "I am not running away. If the club wants to sack me, they have to sack me. I am more than convinced we will finish in top four. "If they sack me they sack the best manager this club has had."
But Southampton boss Ronald Koeman said: "If they should have had one penalty, we should have had two penalties."

this everteen team are too goodison 4 dis chelshit

Health Benefits of Water and Honey
Often while preparing our favorite drinks, such as coffee or tea we add lemon, honey or some other ingredient to sweeten or improve the taste. But, if you think about it, those ingredients are actually very healthy on their own.
As we all know, keeping ourselves hydrated during the day isquite important and good for us and your body as well. However, what you did not know is, that a simple mixture of water and honey is a very powerful combination that will do wonders for you and your overall health. Honey – one of the healthiest and most commonly used foods even since the ancient times.
Thebenefits from eating honey are many and are amazing. Here are only some of them that are most commonly known and popular:
> Unlike the sugar we consume every day, honey contains a natural sugar which is actually a very healthy source of calories. So, consuming honey, means consuming a healthy intake of sugar that is good for you. It might even ward off your sugar cravings for all those artificially produced juices and beverages.
> It might even help you in losing weight and get rid of all those extra pounds you might have. You will not be able to notice, significant results immediately, but it in the long run, there will be results to be shown.
> Honey is a powerful antiseptic, and has antibacterial and antiviral properties. Raw organic honey is filled with enzymes, vitamins and minerals which help to protect your body from bacteria. It is also a very powerful antioxidant that helps in the body’s fight with free radicals.
> Honey reduces the body’s susceptibility to environmental allergies. The compounds found in honey, make it a great energy booster for the body.
< When combining honey with warm water, not only will it keep you well hydrated, but it will also improve your energy which will help you pass through exhausting days more easily. There will be no need to drink several cups of coffee a day to help you go through the day.
> Hot honey with water has a soothing effect on the throat. It reduces soreness and irritation which are the main causes for coughing.
Warm water and honey is a great way to detoxify and flushout of all those toxins like mucus swirling around in your body which can be reasons for many diseases. As the honey collects water from the kidneys, it also helps when it comes to unpleasant and uncontrolled night urination. It helps cleans the digestive tract from parasites and the intestines from deposits of toxins. It rejuvenates the colon’s flora and helps in eliminating of bacteria.
> Preparing this wonderful mixture is very easy. Add and mix a teaspoon of honey in a glass of water.If you want an even stronger healthy energizing preventive weapon, you can also squeeze a bit of lemon in your glass. It’s recommended to drink it in the morning on an empty stomach, but you can drink it in the evening as well.It will have a soothing effect on your kidneys and their work. You can even use it to clean and detoxify your face skin as it makes it softer, silky and shinier.
Evidently, there is a vast number of benefits you can get from drinking honey water, so if you have not done so already, make sure to start using it as soon as possible.

FruityLass:
Op, try to space your write-up.
Apple makes me weak like am running out of fuel anytime I eats it.

if u r always weak, here's another health benefit 4 u; get original honey, add 1 teaspoon in a glass of warm water. take it every morning b4 eating breakfast n evening b4 going to bed. thus, honey is d naturally endowed food dat reduced high blood sugar in d body n when took with water, it boost energy. this is what i can say 4 now. I will post health benefit of honey+water tomorrow. take care.

@fruitlassy
if u r always weak, here's another health benefit 4 u; get original honey, add 1 teaspoon in a glass of warm water. take it every morning b4 eating breakfast n evening b4 going to bed.

thus, honey is d naturally endowed food dat reduced high blood sugar in d body n when took with water, it boost energy.

this is what i can say 4 now. I will post health benefit of honey+water tomorrow.
take care.

This simple fruit brings some big health benefits, and makes a tasty and low calorie treat at any time of day. Below is a list of positives from the consumption of at least one Apple per day 1. Helps Protect the Brain An apple a day may protect you from neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. Quercetin is the primary phytonutrient found in apples. According to research, this phytonutrient helps to protect neurons and reduce cellular death caused by inflammation and oxidative stress. Quercetin is concentrated in higher amounts in the skin of apples, so its best that you don’t peel them for the highest brain protecting benefits. 2. Prevents Heart Diseases Apples contain a water-soluble fiber known as pectin which is an antioxidant. The cardiovascular benefits of apples are also associated with their antioxidant polyphenol content. These antioxidant compounds are able to decrease oxidation of cell membrane fats that can lead to clogged arteries thereby eliminating any disease threat to the heart. 3. Regulate and Reduces Blood Sugar Quercetin and other flavonoids found in apples, inhibit enzymes that break down carbohydrates into simple sugars, and communicate to pancreatic beta cells to produce more insulin to regulate existing blood sugars. Apples can reduce your risk of type 2 diabetes by slowing the rate of carbohydrate digestion, and stimulating insulin production in the pancreas. 4. Reduced Risk Of Stroke According to a study of over 9,000 men and women associated , there is a significant rate in the decreased risk of stroke between those who consumed less apple and to those who ate the most apples over a 30-year period. 5. Reduced Risk Of Asthma The unique asthma protecting properties of apples are thought to be a result of the unique antioxidant and anti-inflammatory action of the fruit. Apples have been associated with a decreased risk of asthma in multiple studies. Apples have shown even better asthma reduction results than even a combination of other fruits and vegetables.

have not had sex 4 d last 6 month. mehn , masturbation on point jo. no wahala.... . have not had sex 4 d last 6 month. mehn , masturbation on point jo. no wahala.... .

hmm!!! warri pple actually different 4rm oda Nigerians





una well done ooo.....

the guy will kill d woman b4 her time

white or black, politicians are d same,
when dey r naked, dey r unashamed of themselves....politics is a game of mind.....be wise ma pple

nerodenero:
PMB has declared his asset but I know Code of Conduct Bureau are still estimating his worth. As soon as that is done, I am very sure PMB would mandate CCB to make it public.

I just hope relevant law would be amended such that upon declaration of asset at whatever level of the public servant, CCB would be empowered to make it public even if the individual likes it or not.

As for the OP, you poor die . I just hope you won't use a trusted family member to launder money and return to it when you leave public office? This another aspect that would be difficult to investigate.

don't worry, change will start 4rm me n ma families

vickerz:
lol, u still owe mtn money? should i declare mine?

declare urs n let's c

TRANSFER NEWS: Man Utd
EXPECT DEAL, Arsenal Martinez
JOY, Chelsea TALKS, Liverpool
DEMANDS


By Ibrosantus / Published 12th June 2015

The Gossip

Manchester United are expected to sign Morgan
Schneiderlin, according to the Daily Mirror.
The Southampton midfielder has been linked with
a move to Arsenal but Louis van Gaal joined the
race last month.
Old Trafford chiefs believe they have the upper
hand on Arsenal due to their good relations with
the Saints.
And Schneiderlin is reportedly set to join United for
£25m.

The Metro claim that Arsenal are set to sign
Jackson Martinez after AC Milan admitted a deal
was proving difficult.
Porto striker Martinez has been in negotiations
with the Italian club but the Gunners are now
reportedly set to swoop.
"It’s a difficult negotiation," Milan chief executive
Adriano Galliani said.
"There are a lot of other clubs interested in the
player, his wishes will be crucial."

Chelsea have given Loic Remy permission to
discuss a move to West Ham, The Sun report.
New Hammers boss Slaven Bilic is keen on the
French striker, who is rated at £8m.
Remy reportedly wants to leave Stamford Bridge
and is happy to move to Upton Park.
He is said to have told Chelsea team-mates that
he has no future at the club.
The Sun also report that Liverpool are demanding
£50m for Raheem Sterling.
Manchester City have seen a £30m bid rejected

with Anfield bosses ready to get the biggest fee
possible.
Sterling has rejected a £100,000-a-week Reds
deal and told club chief Ian Ayre that he wants to
leave.

Meanwhile Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and Real
Madrid have all been linked with the England
international.

My dad, will be out of the country
for 2 weeks.He has appointed me
the ACTING FATHER and Family
director.
In that case, these among many
others shall be my rules:
1. All my single sisters to
surrender
their mobile phones to me every
day from 6PM to 7AM the next day.
2.6PM tea is suspended indefinitely.
3. My mother to remain the assistant.
We assume I am older than everyone
here.
4. All my meals to be served like I
am dad. Those special plates &
cups are now mine.
5. Anyone who needs any financial
help should communicate to me in
writing 3 days
prior to the intended
day of use unless it’s a medical
emergency.
6. The moment I am home, I become
the DJ by default.All the remote
controls to be surrendered!
7. Anyone who has
school fee
arrears should clear with dad
before he leaves. I will not take
responsibility thereafter if you are
sent home.
8. I will be providing notebooks for
everyone to write
their day’s
complains. I will NOT accept
verbal complains and/or arguments
whatsoever.
9. Any MALE visitor coming to my
home should bring a letter from the chief
or a
Pastor, clearly stating
the reason for visit.
10. Last but not least, all
communications,
I repeat ALL
communications to dad should be
through me. All calls should be made
through
my mobile phone in which all your
conversation will be recorded for
Quality purposes! Looking forward
to your full cooperation.
Yours truly, Acting Family Director.....

jeffizy:
You didn't declare your toothbrush.
Abi na chewing stick every morning?

na water n salt I dey take to cleanse my mouth

DECLARATION OF ASSETS....
Since 'our' president has declared his assets,
it is very important that l also declare mine
too and it goes thus:
1. Four pencil trousers.
2. 9 T-shirt.
3. 1 jalamia cloth
4. One bathroom slippers.
5. 4 shoes.
6. Many of note books and text books .
7. Half bag of pure water.
8. One keg of rain water.
9. One skin light cream
10. Two GSM (1 Techno & 1 Nokia)
11. One small generator.
12. Six lace
13. 3pots and one kettle.
14. One set of spoons and a set of plates.
15. One rechargeable lantern.
16. One stove.
17. One gallon for buying kerosine.
18. Red Rug on d floor and one Mouka foam.
19. -200 naira debit card.
20.No Girl friend.?
21. #10 @ GTbank and #576 @UBA and #754 @
first bank
22. One Panasonic T.V with PS2.and GOtv
Plus plenty polo.
Pls, all good Nigerains should pls do this for
transparency sake.

Lagos 4 sure

she is dreaming of becoming dat gul dat says; ur acc balance is low pls try again later.....lol

nobody beta pass each other, na their subscription go speak 4 dem. lol

that is wat am talking about, Nigerian govt need somebody dat will poked dem in d eyes n tells dem dat wat dey r doing is bad. sai baba

4get dat 1 wey u dey talk, if we no get work, we no dey chop, abi u b God wey dey give us food ni?


south african pple dey kill our pple n u dey here dey talk rubbish. y una no dey kill dose wyt pple like dat e.g kill 1 american citizen ur pple don go b dat. oga pack well jo.

I can't believe dis is happening after Mandela's death.....

weytin dey worry dis pple na? we say dem dey wrk 4 buhari, nw buhari don enter as presido, dem still dey do dia rubbish tin. who dem con dey wrk 4?

this is how dey will b killing like say dem dey kill chicken....anyway... i pray 4 peace in rivers cuz ma online gal frnd dey there ooo..lol :-Xthis is how dey will b killing like say dem dey kill chicken....anyway... i pray 4 peace in rivers cuz ma online gal frnd dey there ooo..lol