Ignorance I stated not from a difference of opinion but of assumptions. Again, your reply is laced with more assumptions. I did not state any kids on my part. I said nothing of marriage. You again assumed. We've only been together 10 months.I stated that I respected the honesty positive or negative. The assumptions and add ins were you guys doing. You made this Topic yours an about you. Your personal feelings. One thing for sure as americans we pick whom we love, becuz we have to live w that person. So outside interference is minimal.My comment on stagnant is no matter the times and how people change and grow to adjust in the times-the foreign education. The mindset stays the same. Life is GROWTH. I'm only hearing a culture that refuses to advance thinking. Prejudices against those that look like you, Speechless,

This has been a waste of my time. I inquire and got nothing but negativity and judgments. At least get it right. His mom left his father with 3 sons. She raised them to be outstanding men. I'm proud of her accomplishements. I never stated I had 3 sons out of wedlock. Totally your assumption. I did not bother to read the remaining message as I do not have the energy. Its retarded. As I read I realized I did not need your approval, forgive me for trying to educate myself on a culture lost. For now on I'll stick to books as people are ignorant in their thinking an minds do not grow. Stagnant. I triumph. Thx Africa.

His I was a single mother of 3. Boys no less. I guess we were lost in translation. Nevermind. I got info I needed. Thx Again.

Negative, I love my mama too and my grandma, my aunts, cousins, 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins. All you have said is why and all i have asked was why? needing an analysis from a survey of people of what the mentality i would be facing. i knew that aktha would be mentioned eventually. I inquired the meaning from several different countries throughout the continent, none of them flattering. I stated I wanted to love her as my own. The black mother is the Matriarch no matter culture. Sometimes they are single mothers. "My opinion she's God, meaning the female. who create life." I also call her mother nature. It was a topic/difficulty. mothers are protective of their sons cross culturally. I have a mother and a brother. Black mothers and their sons, Wow! Persian Mothers and her sons. WOW WOW! So the love and respect he has for his mother I admire. She's a person that created and raised the son i love being a single mother of three. I have madd respect for her. He is the SHIT! Dont get it twisted. You made this your forum to eventually spit venom. Dont. Be . Negative.

I totally understand and respect the honesty. All interactions positive and negative. He's most certainly worth it. an whatever HEARTACHE in between. "' At least I knew him at all" I dont plan for it to be easy, nothing worth having usually isn't. I dont expect respect that I dont deserve, Earn, I am willing for something as Great as he.

I DISGREE.  IVE TRIED TO REMOVE MYSELF FROM THE RELATIONSHIP. HE'S STILL HERE.  I UNDERSTAND THE NEED FOR HIS MON'S APPROVAL. I KNOW HIM. HE NEEDS HER APPROVAL AND UNDERSTANDING.  HE'S VERY PROUD OF HIS MUM. AND HE LOVES HER WITH HIS WHOLE BEING.  HIS FAMILY BOND IN SICKLY STRONG.  AND WHAT I MEAN BY THAT IS HIS BROTHER AND COUSINS BECOME JEALOUS WHEN HE SPENDS DAYS WITH ME.  HE HAS TO CALL AND CHECK IN. THEY HAVE TO CALL AND CHECK IN. HE HAS NEVER SPENT TIME WITH A FEMALE LIKE HE DOES WITH ME. ITS NEW TO THEM ALL, SO WHEN HE DOES NOT SHOW HIS FACE FOR DAYS AT A TIME THEY SPAZE OUT. NOW I CAN SPEND DAYS AT HIS HOME AND THEY ARE FINE.  WE JUST RATHER HAVE MORE PRIVACY, FOR MY SAKE THE JOURNEY TO THE BATHROOM FOR A SHOWER AND FOUR MEN IN THE HOUSE IS A CHALLENGE FOR ME.  WE HAVE TO CONSTANTLY LOCK THE DOOR. SO NOW WE SPEND QT AT MY PLACE MAJORITY OF THE TIME.  IF HE WANTED TO BE RID OF ME HE HAS HAD HIS CHANCE AND THE DOOR IS STILL OPEN. LIFE GOES ON, TRUST ME, I WILL HAVE NO ISSUES WITH FINDING A MATE. I'M FLY LIKE THAT.  HE KNOWS THAT TOO, THATS WHY HE'S STILL HERE.

it shows that the only beauty lays in god!

sillyme:

they will just try to advise you against marrying him because they are so miserable in their own country that they will try to put your heritage down. pay them no mind!

i give you the BEST advice when i tell you to not seek advice from these people!!!

they don't even know what's good for their country so how can they advise you?

they back stab their own families
they lie
cheat
are hypocritical to the nth degree
and are most of all
BITTER.


trust me i would know. i know how nigerians work more than you.

listen to them at your peril.

[color=#770077][/color] I KNEW COMING IN THAT I WOULD FACE OPPOSITION. I JUST WANT TO GATHER A VARIETY OF IDEAS AND HAVE A SOUNDING BOARD TO MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION. I DONT WANT TO LIVE IN MISERY AND HIM EITHER. ALL I WANT TO DO IS MAKE HIM HAPPY AND LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY BEING. BY GAINING AND UNDERSTANDING I WOULD HOPE TO DEFEAT SOME OF ALL THE DRAW BACKS OF THE CULTURE CLASH. I REALLY APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT AS WELL AS THE DESENT. ITS THE REAL WORLD, NOTHINGS EVER 100% POSITIVE. I JUST WANT A CHANCE. ITS A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP FROM BOTH OUR PERSPECTIVES. THANK YOU ALL, IBUKUN THE AMERIKKKAN

C2H5OH:

The country tries to teach people a lot of sheet.  The country also gives you a very good opportunity to educate yourself.  Your education has allowed you to make better informed decisions, I think.
Similarly, the stereotypes of American TV about the black gangster rapper who demeans women, the brainless twats who sell crack to kids, and the lazy dolts who think their only way out of the ghetto is by dribbling a ball has not caused me to alienate my African American brothers and sisters.
Black on black criminality is nothing new, sweetie.  Not even in your beloved America among your own people.
InfInfiltrationure.  Anything with that muchmuchosure has the potential to infiltrate.  But has it impacted us positively.  Have your music and movie stars been positive role models to the young generation?  You can argue yes and no.  Your choice.We need understanding and patience as well. 

That's exactly what I mean. When does all the madness stop. Again, American TV has brainwashed us both on both sides. You have your ideas of who we are from tv and its not our true essence. Dont get get me wrong we do have those types that allow tv to determine who they become and vice versa. Im not in love with Amerikka. I overstand the negative and impact this culture has on the world-American or White American Culture. My exact reasons for screaming out DONT JUDGE ME, Im American. I took responsibility of self and I am rebuilding. The choice and the wording i am using is to clarify I have no doubt in the strength of my relationship. I am not holding him. I am willing to let go. We are holding on to each other. My choice of wording is to describe the bond, not to control. Again, I am a very patient and giving person. Im not here to start any arguments only to gain understanding. I'm searching for knowledge of something I am ignorant about. I dont make judgments nor feed into stereotypes. I come to the source. As I stated the world needs communication be a safer, healthier place to live a world of tolerance and understanding.

so i guess i have to add bullet point. some people are taking this way to personal.
1. i said his dad married a high school teacher.
2. I'm nit his high school teacher.
3. i never mentioned anything about kids.
4. the only thing i asked for was elaboration on the issue that personal feelings.
5. he's a man, and I'm not the possessive one.
6. don't make judgments without the facts.
7. this is becoming a disappointment.
8. i was seeking knowledge, not personal hang ups, from females whom don't want Nigerian men with American females.

as you can see i removed that segment. it was not necessary. and yes, it did piss me off. I'm not controlling. i was elaborating on statements made previously and i wanted to address them all in short. if i was a control freak. the relationship would be a done deal. I am here for understanding of a culture and I had held previous in high esteem. now I'm not so sure. let me explain. all my days here in the states, this country has taught the African American to despise the African. the stereotypes, of American TV, the man eating jungle people. the worst of the worst. and my rebellion and my independence in my thoughts as made me even as a child to gravitate towards Africa my original homeland. now for their to be racism for African toward black Americans continues the cycle, yet and still our black American culture has infiltrated your land in our music, movies and stars. yet, i am despised. its very confusing. we are the same just separated my water. so don't spit fire. i chose not to. its not worth it. we need communication to bridge the gap.

Spirit of Wine, the last thing I am is Aktha. I have read your posts and even though you seem to be giving advice i sense the bitterness in your response. That word shows the pure form of ignorance. I could bash you, but its mos def is not my style. I'm peaceful and loving. A free spirit. I know that when she meets me and get to know me, she will become a fan like everyone else I have touched. My personality is magnetic. See I'm only trying to shed light and in return gain some insight. Now I needed opinions of his people to see what I was getting myself into. And yet again, i will state this, I know he is mine. I know that we will be together whether his mum approves or not. I have been the only woman that has lasted longer than 2 weeks. We've been together for 10 months and he has told his friends if there was not an age gap I would be his wife already. See the thing is his dad's first wife was his high school teacher. So I'm sure that will open a few wounds his mum has. Furthermore, he never leaves my side and i keep him intrigued. We talk and laugh, we kiss and cuddle. I lay in his arms throughout the night and if I move away he drags me back. We share our most intimate thoughts and i have his back through the  pits of hell. Again, he's mine. I am only trying to be respectful of her. Cause see that's what I was taught, even thought you may call me Aktha. My folks and my environment was very much like his growing up as a child. I am from Louisiana and I had 3 generations of my family in my life and a big family it was both sides maternal and paternal. Did i mention that we had a lot in common. Another reason we are so tight. I have no issues with his cousins and brothers. He has already told his mum about me and they debate about the age, but he's very respectful even though he stands his ground. I just don't need nor want anyones feelings to be damaged. I want to get along with her and respect her as my own mother. Because of my love for him. I don't want any additional stress for him, the world places enough on our backs.

no the slave trade is not eating me alive inside; and yes i am black. i have no hang ups about anything. let me further elaborate on some things. he is the eldest son, here with his cousins educating themselves to better Nigeria. i don't make judgments against anyone. i think its simple and i would never classify a country or a people for the frank decisions of others. my stmt about the slave trade was my argument regarding the issues with a continent that was rich in natural materials, knowledge and culture. the continent became a 3rd world country because of separation and slavery; because it sold its people for weapons, rum and mirrors. 500k people were slaughtered in Rwanda because of tribal differences. and yet the continuation of separation, whether Yoruba, Ibo, Kenyan and Ugandan. lets for debate sake call it black on black hatred. no its not an excuse to break up. i know that he cares for me deeply. like i stated before our relationship is very functional. he's not going anywhere. he's mine. he is a mothers boy and his mom and dad divorced long ago. his dad had 5 wives. she had 3 of his son's and mine promised never to be like his father. our relationship is a surprise to us both. I'm much older.

the funny thing is his mum is Ibo and his father Yoruba. that's where my difficulty in understanding is beyond comprehension.

exactly, and my mentality is opposite of American. that's where i was born, its my nationality by birth, not by choice, i accepted responsibility for my true reality a while ago. i search for truth and knowledge. i tore down what amerikka made me and rebuilt and rebuilding what was lost or stolen by my ancestors slave masters. i am enlightened and intelligent and i teach him things Africa has failed to do so, the result no other woman has been able to hold his attention, i have, i believe in foundation, structure and foundation. i believe and love a culture that sold my ancestors to fight a civil battle against one another.  a culture that still separate Ibo and Yoruba, Tutsi and Hutu, this has gotten Africa no where, sankofa has taught the people nothing. things will never change and Nigeria and Africa will continue to be at war with one another and the people separate if the cultures are intolerant of one another.

his statement to me was this, his cousin's could never marry ibo. it would never be accepted by their family. his uncle had refused his female cousin to marry and ibo man graduating from med school. and he would never be able to take me back to Nigeria. if one can not marry cross country, meaning west and east Nigeria. what are my chances. and who makes these rules. not to be negative but it seems really ignorant to have these hostilities within the same country and the same heritage before the Atlantic slave trade. what makes this so wrong? we constantly divide ourselves culturally. thus we never remove ourselves from our present position globally. it sucks that people refuse to open their minds and continue the things that has been our demise from the beginning of time.

It's the most functional relationship ever, the difficulties we are facing are cultural. Yoruba culture will never accept me as his partner. If its difficult for Ibo and Yoruba to cross cultural lines for marriage, then what are my chances. Please add some light.