It's the most functional relationship ever, the difficulties we are facing are cultural. Yoruba culture will never accept me as his partner. If its difficult for Ibo and Yoruba to cross cultural lines for marriage, then what are my chances. Please add some light.

Who is speaking for yoruba culture?  Who told you yoruba culture will never accept you as his partner?  What . . .

I think you and your boyfriend need to sit down and seriously pinpoint why your cultural differences are getting in the way of your relationship. If possible, try to compromise on some things.

They won't never accept you as his partner,it'd just be hard for them to swallow.

You can't blame them, atleast I don't Just give them time

american
pls since yoruba didnt accept u
pls try JAMICANS~!

his statement to me was this, his cousin's could never marry ibo. it would never be accepted by their family. his uncle had refused his female cousin to marry and ibo man graduating from med school. and he would never be able to take me back to Nigeria. if one can not marry cross country, meaning west and east Nigeria. what are my chances. and who makes these rules. not to be negative but it seems really ignorant to have these hostilities within the same country and the same heritage before the Atlantic slave trade. what makes this so wrong? we constantly divide ourselves culturally. thus we never remove ourselves from our present position globally. it sucks that people refuse to open their minds and continue the things that has been our demise from the beginning of time.

Course it seems really ignorant, but don't let your American mentality tune out the realities of the world. Cultural and tribal differences lead to conflicts and disapprovements in many other parts of the world.

Moreover, if he knew this before you guys got serious, did he bother communicating it to you until feelings got deeply involved? If not, then he is kind of inconsiderate. To me it sounds like you care a lot about this guy and don't want to lose him. If he feels the same way he would find a way to work it out with you. It's not like I don't have parents too. In this day and age your parents should be able to understand your right to choose. This is not one of those olden archaic times where you have no say in the direction your life should take.

exactly, and my mentality is opposite of American. that's where i was born, its my nationality by birth, not by choice, i accepted responsibility for my true reality a while ago. i search for truth and knowledge. i tore down what amerikka made me and rebuilt and rebuilding what was lost or stolen by my ancestors slave masters. i am enlightened and intelligent and i teach him things Africa has failed to do so, the result no other woman has been able to hold his attention, i have, i believe in foundation, structure and foundation. i believe and love a culture that sold my ancestors to fight a civil battle against one another.  a culture that still separate Ibo and Yoruba, Tutsi and Hutu, this has gotten Africa no where, sankofa has taught the people nothing. things will never change and Nigeria and Africa will continue to be at war with one another and the people separate if the cultures are intolerant of one another.

the funny thing is his mum is Ibo and his father Yoruba. that's where my difficulty in understanding is beyond comprehension.

For one, don't let his decision to put you in the dark fuel your dislike for African culture. African culture is beautiful, loving and encouraging. There are good and bad in all parts of the world. Not just specific to Africans alone.

You seem willing to learn. You sound open-minded. I can tell you have a mature mind by the way you question things you do not understand. Just don't jump to conclusions about a whole continent until you really understand why your boyfriend is closing the hole on you.

Face it, what he has said does not make sense. His father and mother are not from the same tribe but they are married. Why is it that they have refused to accept his Yoruba cousin getting married to an igbo? Is that an excuse to break up with you?

Sit his ass down and try to make sense of what he is telling you.

Are you black?

Seems like the slave trade is eating you alive inside.

no the slave trade is not eating me alive inside; and yes i am black. i have no hang ups about anything. let me further elaborate on some things. he is the eldest son, here with his cousins educating themselves to better Nigeria. i don't make judgments against anyone. i think its simple and i would never classify a country or a people for the frank decisions of others. my stmt about the slave trade was my argument regarding the issues with a continent that was rich in natural materials, knowledge and culture. the continent became a 3rd world country because of separation and slavery; because it sold its people for weapons, rum and mirrors. 500k people were slaughtered in Rwanda because of tribal differences. and yet the continuation of separation, whether Yoruba, Ibo, Kenyan and Ugandan. lets for debate sake call it black on black hatred. no its not an excuse to break up. i know that he cares for me deeply. like i stated before our relationship is very functional. he's not going anywhere. he's mine. he is a mothers boy and his mom and dad divorced long ago. his dad had 5 wives. she had 3 of his son's and mine promised never to be like his father. our relationship is a surprise to us both. I'm much older.

All Naija parents have the dream of having their Naija children marry other Naija children. Some even say that American-born Naija children could possibly be an issue. Based on my experience, Naija culture and American culture is like vinegar and oil- it can never mix. You can try all you want to try to mesh it, but his family will not be willing to mix and it will eventually get to him too and it will affect your relationship with him too.I've seen this happen several times and I have never seen a good outcome.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings Ibukun- but that is what it is.

Yeah, most naija parents do have this sometimes "unsaid" fondness for having their children get married to other nigerian children. And it's even worse for you since this dude is the "eldest" son. You are in for a battle babe.

Btw, I will formulate my own opinions on the impact of the slave trade on African solidarity.

C2H5OH:

Yeah, most naija parents do have this sometimes "unsaid" fondness for having their children get married to other nigerian children. And it's even worse for you since this dude is the "eldest" son. You are in for a battle babe.

Btw, I will formulate my own opinions on the impact of the slave trade on African solidarity.

I didn't even know that one. Yeah, It's really not looking good for you, unless he is willing to be disowned

i honestly think it depends on the (pardon my seeming insult here its not meant at all) level of exposure of the parents
if the parents i mean the nuclear family of this boyfriend dont care,
why should it bother u?
out of curiousity tho
i suggest u try to meet his folks u should know what they feel about u
tho the yoruba's are experts at hiding their feelings

Most Nigerian men in general prefer marrying their own Nigerian females.You and your boyfriend needs to sit down and discuss it. If the love is real then it can definitely work out.

bluespice:

i honestly think it depends on the (pardon my seeming insult here its not meant at all) level of exposure of the parents
if the parents i mean the nuclear family of this boyfriend dont care,
why should it bother u?
out of curiousity tho
i suggest u try to meet his folks u should know what they feel about u
tho the yoruba's are experts at hiding their feelings

You think that is best? to the poster, How long have you been dating? That also may help/hinder things too.

He will introduce you to them if/when he is ready.

@poster: from all i've read ur bf could av sumtin up his sleeves cos if his parents(ibo & yoruba) wont support d union then y r they still married?

biola44:

@poster: from all i've read ur bf could av sumtin up his sleeves cos if his parents(ibo & yoruba) wont support d union then y r they still married?

Igbo & Yoruba still Nigerian. She's akata. Slight difference.

same thing i said
if she meets them on a neutral ground she'll know if brotha's telling a tale or two

bluespice:

i honestly think it depends on the (pardon my seeming insult here its not meant at all) level of exposure of the parents
if the parents i mean the nuclear family of this boyfriend dont care,
why should it bother u?
out of curiousity tho
i suggest u try to meet his folks u should know what they feel about u
tho the yoruba's are experts at hiding their feelings

this wat we r talking abt-racism, u can use one man 2 judge a race/tribe, wat does d last sentence mean?

C2H5OH:

Igbo & Yoruba still Nigerian. She's akata. Slight difference.

I like you- we are operating on the same frequency, THAT is the issue

ievbuomw:

I like you- we are operating on the same frequency, THAT is the issue

but she seem to aknowledge d cultures n willing 2 learn also,

biola44:

this wat we r talking abt-racism, u can use one man 2 judge a race/tribe, wat does d last sentence mean?

a yoruba man can hate u from the bottom of his heart and still come to ur party and 'spray' money on u

im yoruba, i know

ievbuomw:

I like you- we are operating on the same frequency, THAT is the issue

Do you really like me?  Don't tease me now.  I might like you too.
I do understand what the message you are trying to pass across to the girl.

biola44:

but she seem to aknowledge d cultures n willing 2 learn also,

You and I both know that just because she wants to learn, that will not give her bonus advantage with his parents.

bluespice:

a yoruba man can hate u from the bottom of his heart and still come to ur party and 'spray' money on u

im yoruba, i know

I am yoruba too.  Many people can hate you from the bottom of their hearts without revealing their true feelings.  It's not particular to yorubas alone.  Can happen anywhere.

ibo is evil and yoruba is evil too. why marry 2 evils. that is y they dont marry each other becos they will born devil himsef.

biola44:

but she seem to aknowledge d cultures n willing 2 learn also,

Yeah but she is still a carbon copy in the dude's eyes.

i mentioned that because she's talking of yoruba's here



lamidi get some sense will ya!