₦airaland Forum

Just to say thanks to those who responded to my questions.
My mother and sister got their visas yesterday.
Biometrics 1st November,visa received by courier 15/11/17.
My husband and I were sponsors for my sister and I wrote a cover letter to that effect.I didn't get called by home office.I suspect maybe because she submitted with my mother who is self sponsoring and has an extensive travel history..I don't know for sure.

My sister is a final year student,we added copies of the following documents:

A letter from her school stating she studies there
A cover letter signed by husband and I stating our jobs and we will sponsor and accommodate while with us
My 6 months pay slips
Council tax
Proof of accommodation
6 months salary account statement
Husbands 6 months account statement
Our joint savings 6 months statement and my own 6 months savings account statement
My employment letter
Our British and Nigerian passport copies
My birth certificate

Also wrote a cover letter for my mother.

I'm sure it was a bit too much but it seems to have worked as they didn't bother to call me.

Cheers!

.

Hello,
Sorry to bother you all but ive tried to read and cant seem to find the exact answer to my question.

Husband and i are uk citizens and want to invite my sister for a visit,she is a final year student.
She had been denied last year for no proof of sustenance on her part despite her stating my parents would sponsor along with their bank statements.
We want to be the sponsors this time around.
Please what would she use as her tie to NIgeria?How do i prove relationship with her? My father wants to send her like 500k into her account to boost it,they are the ones sponsoring her education.Do they need to also say they will sponsor her and write a letter with their bank statement too?
I also want to ask from my end what bank account to use,Husband is self employed and does not have payslips,do we attach business account statements,i will add my payslips.
Hardly leave money in current account except for bills,rest go into savings.the joint account in our names is for grocery shopping and daily expenses which dont have any extras at all.Once the bills go,the accounts are empty ish.
2 savings accts in my name like 60k ish?Husband ISA in his name also like 10k.Should i throw in all of them as well as the near empty current accounts in our separate and joint names?
The sponsor letter we are writing together.

Thanks and sorry for the epistle.Please can i not be quoted as i would want to delete after im answered.

Troll alert jare

So bush= black
Classy = white


No need to say more

Thank you SiSiKill,
I've read Debriefs post over and over again and i'm wondering what the uproar is about..Abi today na her turn?
She never condoned beating up the elder sister..she's just saying don't go ahead and provoke violence and then start claiming elder sister or claiming woman as shield.


Not everyone is tolerant or sentimental,not everyone will say 'i don't beat women' or 'i don't beat men',go through many threads in family section..Some people are always ready to go jackie chan on you at the slightest provocation..So,if you go looking for trouble with those type of people,they will use force on you and then bear the consequences later.Who would go to put hand in the mouth of an alligator?Does it make it right?NO.but that is life.

The brother that beat up the sister had a koboko on standby,did it materialise from the sky?..doesn't it go to show that the wife may have received some lashes from this same whip since he even used it on his own family member with such speed??With this type,no one is spared.

He beat another human being and that is wrong,whether she is elder sister or young cousin..No one should beat up another person male or female.Everyone should respect boundaries,simple and short.


Some people are very chummy with their inlaw,thank God for that but do not assume that every inlaw can be pleased.Some will perpetually look for ways to deal with you for trivial reasons..she's not from our tribe,she gave me 2 pieces of meat and ate 3 etc..In instances like that,there's usually tension everywhere and any small thing could stir up trouble..

Let us all respect ourselves and each other.

@ Seru
The common complaint is that kids change everything and you hardly have time for eachother.Sex almost nonexistent due to the pressure the kids put on you especially when they are very little.My mom was very busy so i basically took charge of my little sisters right from when they were babies,staying up at night,bottles, the whole works.i was exhausted.If its like that as a sister,what would it be like as a mom?I dey fear.I'm in my late twenties and still a wuss about having kids.As im going to be working as a doctor pretty soon and hubby is a doctor as well,i worry a lot as to the effect that will have on both of us and the baby.It's just complicated or i am just freaking out for no solid reason.

spoilt:
@ Iamconfused

Okay where do I start?
My husband is a good man with a good heart. However, when it comes to communicating sometimes I scratch my head puzzled at how different we are. He says I nag. I see it differently. If I don't say something or give friendly reminders, chores will go undone and all our pillow talk plans will fall through. If I remind him as the deadline approaches there'll be an accusation of nagging. If I don't, guess who will end up running all those errands?! Moi. I think guys use that verse in the bible to cover their shortcomings. they accuse you of nagging at the drop of a hat.

I have started to take on more responsibilities so as not to fight. Deciding what schools or daycare the kids go to, making and keeping doctors and dental appointments etc its all me. Even for things that concern HIM I have to remind him. otherwise guess who's plans on that day will have to change to accomodate him running around like a headless chicken?

One thing Ive never quite understood is his inability to say sorry. We'll fight due to him being annoying as heck. At the end of the day on his way back from work he'll buy me something sugary like nice cookies, etc. Or a store bought card saying how I'm the best thing ever. I'll eat the cookies, read the card and have great make up sex with him (yeah I said that!). and just like that we're friends again without actually discussing the real issues or him actually acknowledging my hurt. Besides if he always apologizes with a snack i'm going to get fat! Not on the agenda oh!

I'm a go getter, planner and thinker aheader.  I have no patience for dillydallying etc. He for some reason thinks its a bad thing. Though I've always thought he benefits greatly from me being the way I am. His life is smooth and easy and he confidently knows that wifey will take care of everything. I often tell him if I were like him we would be lost like sheep.

I have learnt to let chores go undone without it bothering me to death. Or I'll just vaccum myself. Yeah I'll be even more exhausted but at least a fight was averted so to me that's a win.  It doesnt matter if its career moves, housework, child care, relationships with friends, we have tried to compromise as we go along. Its not all perfect but we make it work. I talk less (not that I was even a great talker to start with). I like to watch him crash and burn. (he may learn a thing or two.  .  ,  eventually, LoL)

I have also learnt to not stress about everything. There'll always be tomorrow for him to take care of some of them.  .  .  .  .  .if he remembers.

@ spoilt,
Omg.I am starting to believe they are all the same.I am the unpaid secretary.I read and reply even work emails.I am sooo entrenched in his work that i always know what to say.Looking for a document, imconfused @ your service.
I agree that it sometimes gets overwhelming but at least we plan together and i know of every dime he has.I'd rather that than live with a dictator who hides his salary
  I am also learning to ignore his fake listening tactics.Left eye on tv,right eye on me while supplying the right answers.

Having kids is even more scary cos they complicate things.I am truly afraid of what life will be like with small kids.It's not like age is on my side oo.

On the nagging bit,i don't even get what nagging is.Reminding someone of the stuff left undone??Should it be called nagging?

I would like for us to communicate more effectively,i'd love to learn to harness my anger and pick my fights.I hate arguments and quarells,but he hates them more than me. .I am learning a lot on here,i just pray i will remember to apply them esp when he starts acting like a martyr

Spoilt i need to ask.what if you say sorry first does he say sorry too??or just buys the cookies?

@ Seru,my hubby says i'm sorry,i have no qualms with apologising.He also almost always offers the olive branch and then i crumble and start saying sorry,lol.

serubawon:
Now on to the questions I was talking about. The questions are for the women and I appreciate your candid responses.

[b]1. What are your expectations from your spouse emotionally.[color=#770077]Love and listen to me,pay attention when i'm talking.Put me first above everyone,make all the decisions with me.I hate family interference from both sides

2. What are your expectations from your spouse in the bedroom?I expect him to flip over and do it hanging from a tree .Seriously,i don't think anything is a taboo except the really sick and depraved stuff.I expect to know his body totally and him to know mine.I expect the big O not the i almost had it O.It is amazing the number of guys who believe that penetrative sex always gives the O.For some lucky ones,yes.For others errrrrrrrr,

What would you do? [/color]Give pleasure,that's my ultimate goal,and ofcourse open his eyes to new things.

What would you NOT do? 3somes and swinging.

What would you try to do as an experiment? Toys,toys and toys.Don't own any yet.

What do you WANT him to do, but he's NOT doing it?[color=#000099] We are still discussing toys.he feels it's a bit too early,i feel like y d heck not.(he still sometimes cannot believe he was the first for me,lol).I have a lot of potential and have to maximise it.


3. If you could make any changes to your spouse, what would they be and why?The over laidback attitudeee.The possessiveness.

4. What was the deciding factor that made you agree to marry your spouse?[color=#990000][/color]Many things.He was extremely committed to us,you know when someone just wants to make u happy?? ,his maturity,patience and tolerance.He is just so understanding and he knew to back off when it was pms.His being down to earth was a huuge plus too.I have to add his belief and positivity in marriage.
Thank you for your answers.

Thanks for sharing Africaine

thanks seru,madam cc,spoilt,paris for responding,

@ Seru
We will make that list.One thing i know is that we are willing to go any mile to make this work.all this my spitting of fire and being fiesty have to be toned down well well,if not i may come off as a raging bull .It is extremely important to me that i learn when to quit and how.He is not perfect but he is a great guy.Soo many people didn't want us to marry cos they felt he wasn't rich enough or handsome enuff.I used to say i have enuff fineness for the 2 of us.I made my decision to be with him because of his down to earth nature and the fact that he listens to me(my grandma told me to watch out for this trait,lol).I'm not into all that butterfly raging emotions.So,i just don't want to antagonise him or cause him any unnecessary pain.

@ Madam CC
I am the Queen of one strike and you are out.I don't think anyone can beat my record.I also have an Msc in silent treatment.I have to stop it,i just don't know how.I am very comfortable not having any friends so i guess it is easy.I have to blame my first born status for this too.My sisters always want to be my good side so i wont unleash my evil prayers .I used to tell them i would pray so God would flog them etc.Ofcourse i would never ever do that,
I will try to learn from him cos like seru,he is very patient and understanding.

@ spoilt and parisienne
I thought i was alone ooo.I didn't know i had other dragons like me ooo .Can't wait to hearrr

@ ALL,just tell me the tactics to use to be calmer,to listen and not become a nag.

Not to derail the thread but since it's the only thread where i can get advice that will help me,i just have to ask.

I am married,my hubby is great, i just need advice on how to act and talk properly to him.
  I am the first child in my family,have been thru a lot and it has made me to become a go getter.
By that it means i am very vocal,when i want something i ask for it cos i feel the worst thing anyone can tell me is no.
I am proactive and may come off as a bit aggressive when i am trying to put my points accross.He is the laid back type,i am the one that is realistic.He believes in always being in love 24 hours of the day,sweeping things under the rug sometimes etc but i feel that having extreme expectations about someone is wrong.I'd rather be realistic and accept that people fail.He sees this as being negative and not believing that humans can change and be good.
  My hubby feels that i make him feel foolish ,especially when we have to discuss issues.
It pains my heart.this is not my intention and i have told him.
I feel i have to push to get things done and get more.He is the type that believes that as long as he has love,everything will be fine,no need to struggle for cash,be contented etc.lol
He's a doctor so he's not lazy ooo.Just that before he even got to where he works now,i had to push and push and apply and apply,and seek for help and advice.I don't mind at all cos it's my nature.

I need advice on how to behave more properly,i do not want to be a nag and i definitely don't want him to feel foolish.He is a great guy,good heart,i do not want to lose respect for him cos there are loads of things i don't agree with.Yes,as you have guessed we are newly married.I want to adjust without trauma.

2. How do i state my opinion without being offensive??I only have loads of sisters(no brother) who are younger than me so i'm used to being the fore runner,and leader.He is the head of our home,i need to know how to show him that and resist taking charge.

3.Before him,i only had an unhealthy 3 months relationship(if you call chatting on the phone and 1 visit a relationship).
So, he is my first relationship which lasted for a couple of years and then we married.
Before then,i left naija for uni so we depended on calls(3 or 4 times daily), plus skype etc.He is the very committed type.He is also my first errr(you know what).So i really dunno how to be with a guy and treat him right,

4.The issues i have with him are nothing i cannot deal with but i need to learn how not to bring up past stuff,how to pick my fights and how to have hope in humanity and stop being negative and also how to know when to stop when i'm making my points.I am very open to changing my behavior but i need to know how.
Any suggestions are welcome.Thank you.
I am sorry Seru for this post on your thread,please pardon me.

I don't want to open a new thread cos i don't want the insults and bickering that normally follow.

^^^^
Abeg ooo!! who be dis scammer

@ Nemesis,
Had to come out of hiding to write this.Seru has been uncomfortable since you came on here and started writing stuff.I'd have thought that you would show wisdom and respect and not post on his thread again.
We agree you know him,no one is dragging with you but to come on here and embarrass him despite his pleas to you is a horrible thing to do.
Please,show some restraint.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-15589596
It is still a proposal though and won't come into effect for a while

please u guys shld add pounds nawwwww

what of sending gbp back to naija and i dont have a gbp dom account back home
western union,moneygram and the likes r huge ripoffs

.

@ Serubaba
  What of the couple that start with nothing?Girl meets boy living in a b/q with correct civil servant salary?The type that work hard,make plans,suffer setbacks but still keep going?The kind of couple where the wife encourages and plans,where you hear i wouldn't be here without my wife etc?Where things seem to go wrong and at the breaking point God just does a miracle?
 
Group 3 is too drastic and Group 2 seems a bit too mellow,

@ Serubawon,
God will give you the right person to fill your heart and your children's hearts with love and light, Today's gist has been soo deeepp
@ Analytical,sooo Spot on!!
God bless you all for your wisdom.

Have been blessed reading this thread,it motivates me to be a better partner,friend,sister and daughter.When we have a good thing,we should cherish it.

Chuksethel:
Do u think that it is a wise idea to pay evil wif evil?. Remember 2 wrongs don't make a right.

I cannot believe someone would open his mouth and say this, A lecturer is harassing a student for sex.What good do you want her to pay his evil with?Praying and petting?
You will pray but return faya for faya

Hi poster,
I am sorry for what you are going through.This same thing drove me out of  naija and worst of all,they were two dirty smelly old men.I was a young girl,no bf ,nothing.I was just  trying to pass my 2nd MBBS.I thought it was a joke until my result came out and i saw FAIL and it was too late to do much.My viva was hell with the man insulting and threatening me.We requested remark etc but my script got missing.Eventually,i was forced to repeat the class and the same man came to deal with me again.I told my parents and all hell broke loose(note that my mom na fellow professor oo but different unis yet they had guts) and even though it didn't happen on the spot,it set off a trail of events which eventually got them sacked and disgraced.
 
   You can't imagine the depression i went through,people came to tell me to do it,after all i wouldn't be the first and my privates were not made of gold etc(i was among the no sex before marriage bridgade so sleeping with oga lecturer wasn't even an option).
I regret not being technology savvy,this cost me a lot cos i had no proof, I just had to leave naija

  Please,INFORM YOUR PARENTS.they will pay him a visit to dissuade him OR  like mine,go straight to the provost of your Uni.
  Do you have a recorder or even a phone with a recorder?USE IT!!
  Do you have male friends?The very aggressive ones?They could massage his jaw and spine with their fists(NOT RECOMMENDED!!this is if all other techniques fail)
 
Please,do not beg him to have mercy on you etc.You will come off as weak.Tell him NO,Report him to who you can and go and read your books.

VOICE OF DADDY :

SERUBAWON + PRITTIII

Why are you two wasting time?The door has been open since,wetin be dis?
I don dey grow grey hair since i dey wait for una,

silent readerrr
You both should hook up nawwwww, U both know yourselves.Been followwing this thread for agess.
God bless u bothhh

Beneliiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sooooo happpy you are here(dancing alanta
I mailed you,no relplyy,hehehehehehe, Guess you didn't see it.
  Truly,my exhaustion get as e be ooo,you no lie but i just taya for the thing,lol.
Maybe it's exam stress.
  I love psychiatry,i can't explain the reason.Behavior fascinates me,i just dunno how to break it down.It's just amazing that every one is different,and that we all choose our own reality to be able to cope,lemme stop babbling.I just cannot put it into wordsss.
  I have heard all you said and will take time to reflect then email youuuu.
Thanks soo much for always pulling through,  you are uber amazing sir!!!

   I don't like reading text books ooo  ,i just have to.I prefer interesting stories and talking .
Maybe my talent is persuasion,i am known to be extremely convincing, where am i needed?
Jah save me ooo

lol@sisi,jenny,madam cc.
Was shocked at first till i fully got the flow.It's amazing how things look from the other side

Thank You Lord for answered prayers.You are faithful,Ekene dili gi Chineke onye ebube.

^^
lol,i'm sorry sir.I love psychiatry already and it's what i had planned to specialise in but my whole family and hubs are against it.They have named psych docs back home and truly truly,there's something a bit off about all of them.
  Beneli has been mia,even mailed but no answer so i am seeking advice cos i am confuseddd.
Where are all the doctors on NL??
What options are open to me if i don't want clinical medicine and what do i do to start off??

Happy Birthday ma, God blesss you

Hi Mr Ajanlekoko,
Sorry for derailing this thread
Please i have a question for you in the med career section.
Thank you.

Just a quick question,
Finishing med school in a few months,i have started thinking that the clinical route may not be the best for me.I am truly confused.
What is the best option for me to take,i have zero skills except reading text books.Where and how do i start developing the skills?Let's say i have an interest in working with an NGO or something in health management,Do i have to study something new?Am i doomed to giving injection?
What do i do?Married so movement is limited.
Final abode UK.Helllp!!!

jennykadry:
^^^Don't waste your time. Serubawon will not fancy you. Not after talking about his kids and himself here(with or without pics)

silent reader.madam jk idiwa harshh