₦airaland Forum

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying.
To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many
had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

[b]

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of
them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,"So you're a
man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be
a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live
together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't
break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it
back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and
hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police, "[/b]

Hey why all the hoolabaloo.

If u r using a wireless router, log into it, when the subsriber subscribes, get the mac address of his system,
configure a static ip on it and nat it to his mac address on the router. That way when he refuses to pay, u can easily remove his mac address
from ur router.be sure u copy it somewhere in case u need to reenter it. The router must be configured to assign ip statically.

by the way which ISP are u using would like to replicate it somewhere in Lekki Lagos.

Tried in a hostile town, a guy didn't think he had a chance of getting off a murder charge, so shortly before the jury retired he bribed one of the jurors to find him guilty of the lesser crime of manslaughter.

The jury was out for over three days before eventually returning a verdict of manslaughter. The relieved defendant collared the bribed juror and said: "Thanks. How ever did you manage it?"

"It wasn't easy," admitted the juror. "All the others wanted to acquit you."

Oga Tony Preach brother, Preach.

You know it is easy 4 any1 to post anything on these threads since there is no way of knowing or verifying their identity.

Be that as it may, we should all try 2 get our facts right before we draw conclusions on issues we know little about.

Yoke:
I have used them and wasn't too impressed, can't remember what package we signed up for but it was supposed to be a dedicated 384 kbps downlink and uplink, we barely got 50/15 downlink/uplink. Each time they came to "fix" it but it was still slow, we cancelled our subscription only after about 2 months.

First Swift doesnt give a "dedicated" 384 Kbps. 384 Kbps is a shared bandwidth.

Secondly, I don't know how u tested ur link to get 50/15 but i know even on their worst day, u can "NEVER" get dat from swift broadband. Use 2wire.com speed test and wow urself.

And thirdly, "slow" is relative to what u use the service for. Use it to upload a web site dat is heavy, and it will be slow. Pls Ur experience is peculiar to u.

I dnt use it full time but have use it to download Programs, watch videos and listen to song at "swift" speed.
so if any1 wants to try it, go for it. Besides, they offer one month money back guarantee.

Try Swift Broadband.
It covers Ajah, Badore, VGC and environs.

U tell me,

A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically, so he asked his dad.

His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000.

He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes".

"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question."

He did and came back and said,
"She said yes."

And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing."

He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"

And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a gay!

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks,

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using cocaine.
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant , twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better

Two old ladies, Sunny and Tina, were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain.

Tina pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Sunny: "What's that?"

Tina: "A condom."

Sunny: "Where'd you get it?"

Tina: "You can get them at any chemist"

The next day, Sunny hobbled into the local chemist and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a pack of condoms.

The guy looked at her strangely (she was, after all, in her eighties), but politely asked what brand she preferred.

"Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

Hi evry one.
   

    I have the latest pass4sure 2.83.


you can download at
   

    http://rs111.rapidshare.com/files/26973674/640-8012.83.rar

Try Using Swift Networks Broadband service.


It is super fast and very reliable.

This is a mail i got from saharareporters.com.
i think i shld share this.




[b]
Dear Saharareporters List Members,

Since we first broke the news about Prof. Iwu's fraudulent background, the Nigeria media have kept a suspicious and conspiratorial silence until now when the acclaimed Professor of "Herbal Medicine" has shown his true color. He has secured for Mr. Emmanuel 'Andy' Uba -another fraudulent character- an "oppononent -free" electoral contest in Anambra State and disqualified candidates not favored by President Obasanjo and members of his "Kitchen Cabinet". There is a history to Professor Iwu's dubious ways as documented by Saharareporters.

University of Bradford says Prof. Iwu never did an Undergraduate degree at their university

By Omoyele Sowore
www.saharareporters.com
Latest e-mail exchanged with saharareporters by the University of Bradford indicates that INEC Chairman, Maurice Iwu did present a "Certificate of Pharmacy" obtained from the National University of Cameroun, Younde in 1968 contrary to his claims that he never studied in Cameroun. The university spokesperson also refutes the 1972 story, instead he stated categoricaly that Iwu arrived at the University of Bradford on May 10 1974.

Full e-mail below:

'' Your most recent enquiry has been passed to me by my colleague Richard Wheelhouse. Following enquiries by your colleague Omoyele Sowore last week, I feel it is my place to pick this up from here. I have read your article and see that there are some serious allegations and some contradictory statements being made about Mr Iwu's qualifications. I hope the following information will be sufficient to satisfy your enquiries.

1. I can confirm beyond doubt that Mr Iwu did NOT take an undergraduate degree at the University of Bradford. In a student registration form for his Masters course, he declares that his date of arrival in the UK was 10 May 1974, ruling out any involvement with the University prior to this date.

2. In terms of his admittance to the masters course, the following was taken into consideration: Mr Iwu's record states that he achieved a 'Certificate en Pharmacien' from the Universite Federale ou Cameroun Younde, which he stated he completed in 1968.

Mr Iwu also undertook a six month preliminary (or access) course in Pharmacy in 1974 to ratify his knowledge and skills and prove he was able to undertake the masters programme. As part of this preliminary course, he passed a qualifying examination equivalent to Special Honours Pharmacognosy. This paper was examined by Professor J W Fairbairn of London University who concurred with the marking and approved his registration to the Masters course at Bradford.

I hope this is satisfactory. If you have any further requests for information, please get back in touch with me in the first instance. If you wish to quote any of the above in an article, please refer to the source of the information as 'A spokesman for the University of Bradford."

Previous Story:

Prof. Maurice Iwu: Full details of communication between Sowore and Bradford University

Following spirited attempts by Prof. Maurice Iwu, to run away from the truth regarding his academic qualifications, we hereby tender to our readers a full copy of our communication(s) with the University of Bradford, Bradford UK.

* In order to reduce the amount of time wasted on this very important story, we have requested via a text message to Professor Maurice Iwu (INEC Chairman)a letter of authority addressed to University of Bradford at the Department of Pharmacy authorizing Bradford to release his academic records to Saharareporters. So far he has refused to acknowledge our request let alone grant the request.We are still waiting.



From: Omoyele Sowore [
Sent: Wednesday, January 24, 2007 1:14 PM
To: O Tipper
Subject: RE: Maurice Iwu

Dear Oliver:

Thank you very much for the assistance thus far. It is well appreciated.
As you cited the restrictions as dictated by the British Parliament Protection Act of 1998 on the disclosure of personal data or information, we understand that you are not are able to go further with the release of the requested information.
However on the issue of degree verification, since the British Parliament Protection Act of 1998 does not bar you from speaking on this issue - then we would want to know whether Bradford do degree verification as of 1975, if so, was this particular student's degree verified?

-Omoyele Sowore

____________________________________

From: O.Tipper@*****
To: sowore@*****
Subject: RE: Maurice Iwu
Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2007 14:21:08 +0000

Omoyele

I don’t think I can help you with your enquiries any further. The University of Bradford has legally provided you with all the details it can about this individual, but under the British Parliament’s Data Protection Act 1998, we are not permitted to disclose personal information relating to students that does not concern the University.

Regards

Oliver


Oliver Tipper
Senior Press Officer
Marketing and Communications
University of Bradford (UK)
BD7 1DP



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Omoyele Sowore
Sent: 23 January 2007 17:11
To: O Tipper
Subject: RE: Maurice Iwu

Dear Oliver

Thanks for your good help in clarifying the date of admission. It is highly appreciated. I have been involved in getting degree verification done in the US as a reporter for a while, but it was a bit challenging getting it done with your school until you came on board. If you don't mind helping further, we would like to know which university in Cameron issued Mr. Maurice Iwu with the undergraduate Pharmacy degree that Bradford admitted him with in 1975. When was this degree issued in the 60's (please include possible Month and year)? To enable us complete our report/profile, we would be contacting his undergrad university. Does Bradford do degree verification as of 1975, if so was this particular student's degree verified?
Please endeavor to help clear this final part so that can proceed to conclude this matter on schedule.

Accept our regards and thanks for your excellent and prompt communications.

Omoyele Sowore
__________________

> From: O.Tipper@Bradford.ac.ukThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
> To: sowore@hotmail.comThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
> Subject: RE: Maurice Iwu
> Date: Tue, 23 Jan 2007 16:19:57 +0000
>
> Hi
>
> I've just double checked with our student registry department and Maurice
> Iwu did not do an undergraduate degree at Bradford.
>
> He was enrolled here in 1975 for the Masters degree in Pharmacy, but we have
> on our records that he studied Pharmacy in Cameroon during the late 1960s
> before coming to Bradford.
>
> I hope this helps
> regards
> Oliver
>
> ------
> Oliver Tipper
> Senior Press Officer
> Marketing and Communications
> University of Bradford (UK)
> BD7 1DP
___________________________
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Sahara Reporters [mailto: sowore@hotmail.comThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ]
> Sent: 22 January 2007 17:55
> To: 'O Tipper'
> Subject: RE: Maurice Iwu
>
> Hi Oliver,
>
> Thank you!
> Can you kindly provide the date he was admitted to University of Bradford.
> We require dates and possible information about his undergraduate degree.
> Regards,
> Omoyele Sowore
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: O Tipper [mailto: O.Tipper@Bradford.ac.ukThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ]
> Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 12:14 PM
> To: sowore@hotmail.comThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
> Subject: Maurice Iwu
>
> Dear Sowore
>
> Following our conversation earlier today, I can confirm the following about
> Maurice Iwu.
>
> He graduated from the University of Bradford with a Masters in Pharmacy
> (MPharm. by research) in July 1976, and gained a PhD in the field of
> Pharmacy in July 1978.
>
> I hope this is satisfactory, sorry for any delay you've encountered with us.
>
>
> Regards
> Oliver
>
> ------
> Oliver Tipper
> Senior Press Officer
> Marketing and Communications
> University of Bradford (UK)
> BD7 1DP

[url=http://Iwu's Fraudulent Academic degree]Iwu's Fraudulent Academic degree[/url]

How Prof. Iwu defrauded CITIBANK of America

In 1999 at the 16th International Botanical Conference, Maurice Iwu made the announcement that he has found the cure for Ebola following his groundbreaking research under the auspices of his non-profit outfit-BDCP. Maurice Iwu indicated that Garcinia kola extract stopped the replication of the Ebola virus. Maurice Iwu followed his proclamation with the call that "Our limiting factor is funds. If we have a sponsor, we can do it in no time." Judging from available information, Prof. Iwu received lots of monies towards the development of his findings. As Saharareporters discovered, Prof. Iwu received millions of dollars. BDCP financial earnings as stated in Form 990 which BDCP presented to the United States Internal Revenue Service {IRS}. According to the form, BDCP amassed through grants and donors the amount of $425,947 in 1999, $367,870 in 2001, $640,917 in 2002 and $980,771 in 2003– totaling over $2.4million. It also stated clearly on the form that all of the monies were spent for the purpose of “medical research on the use of African herb for medicine”. However till date there appears no mention of further development of Garcinia kola extract to cure Ebola or any significant discoveries beyond some patents of which one of them was an “Alkaloids of Picralima Nitida used for treatment of Protozoal diseases” invented by Maurice Iwu et al., and assigned to the U.S. Secretary of the Army, Washington, D.C. U.S. Patent 5,290,553 issued March 1, 1994. Interestingly, neither U.S. nor European pharmaceutical houses have shown interest in following the leads.

[url=http://How Iwu defrauded CITIBANK of $45,000]How Iwu defrauded CITIBANK of $45,000[/url]

Emmanuel 'Andy' Uba buys the Judiciary and the Media

Why is the Nigerian media totally silent on Emmanuel Andy Uba's atrocities. Why won't won't the media at least report that Emmanuel Andy Uba's fake degree is being challenged at the Federal High Court ? Why wont the media report that Justice Rose Ukeje of the Ikoyi Housing Scandal fame scuttled a case filed against Emmanuel Andy Uba- President Obasanjo's senior special assistant on domestic affairs- that was progressing well to trial midway?

How much did Andy Uba pay to silence the Nigerian media and compromise the judiciary?

[url=http://Andy Uba buys the media and judiciary]Andy Uba buys the media and judiciary[/url][/b]

hey u didnt tell us what deja knew means.
guess it means the feeling that you've known this before.

deja cool
the feeling that i've felt this cool before.

Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

Nothing - This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead - (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

<Loud Sigh> - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

<Soft Sigh> - Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome".

Thanks A Lot - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

[b]Deja boo: The feeling that I've been frightened like this before

Deja coup: The feeling my government has been overthrown like this before.

Deja clue: The feeling that colonel mustard has done it in the billiard room with the lead pipe before.

Deja do: The feeling my hairdresser has given me this cut before.

Deja eau: the feeling I've smelled this perfume before.

Deja fu: The feeling I've been kicked in the head like this before.

Deja who: The feeling I've known who was on first before.

Deja jew: The feeling I've wandered in the desert like this before.

Deja knew: The feeling that I remembered this information before (before the test, that was).

Deja loo: The feeling I've been to this bathroom before.

Deja moo: The feeling I've drank this milk before.

Deja mu: The feeling I've calculated the mean of this population before.

Deja new: The feeling I haven't experienced this before. (AKA, "Vuja De" - Nothing like this HAS EVER happened to me before.)

Deja ooh: The feeling I've exclaimed at these fireworks before.

Deja poo: The feeling I've stepped in this before.

Deja Q: The feeling I've encountered this entity before.

Deja rue: The feeling I've regretted this day before.

Deja stew: The feeling that this is made from the pot roast my mom served the week before.

Deja too: The feeling that I've experienced this before, also.

Deja two: The feeling that I've experienced this before, twice.

Deja woo: The feeling that heather has yelled at someone like this before.

Deja you: The feeling that YOU have experienced this before.

Deja zoo: The feeling that the monkey has done this in public before.

DUH-ja-vu: The feeling that the answer was so obvious, that you *surely* should have known it before. DUH! [/b]

An American, Japanese, and a Nigerian were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The American presses his forearm and the beeping stops.

The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile I have a microchip in my hand.”

The Nigerian, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'M GETTING A FAX FROM OUR PRESIDENT," He explained.

i think the show is doomed to fail.
it will eventually show the world not how bad we are at singing,
but how bad we are at discovering them or in this case, judging them.

Dede is a big joke who was alway lurking behind Fela,he's finally had a chance to
be known(cheap publicity).
Nana, excuse,ever heard of her?
the only thing Dan Foster knows about music, is playing them.
please Dan stick to wat u know.


don't get it twisted most of the contestants are terrible,but heard some voices
that simply were up there. the judges were all just gambling to see who they'll chose.
they might as well draw straws.


it's all a shame as is everthing Nigerian.

PPle how do i convert my dad's old 45 LP's to digital format.
Would like to hv them on CD's.they may likely deteriorate.
any suggestions on hardware and softwares to use.

Just received a call this evening to come collect an appointment letter tmrw.

Hello any1 attend the test/interview with Swift Network?
Pls let me know if u've heard from them.

[center]

A man is on his deathbed, and his wife is sitting by his side.

The man says to the wife: "Hon, I have to tell you something."

The wife replies: "Yes, you can tell me anything."

Man: "I slept with your sister"

Wife: "I know"

Man: "And your mom"

Wife: "I know"

Man: "I also slept with your secretary, Mary"

The wife puts a finger to his mouth and says "I know, my darling, now just relax and let the poison work".

[/center]

One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"

The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."

Yo mama is so ugly,every time she looks at the mirror her reflection gives her the finger.

Yo mama is so poor pple break into her house at nite to leave her money.

Yo mama is so dumb she tried to drown a fish

Yo mama is so dumb that she shoved the phone up her ass, and thought that she was making a booty call.

Yo moma is so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

Yo moma is so fat her yearbook picture was taken by satelite.

u can get the latest pass4sure v2.37 at

http://www.mandeibem.com.br/v2006/downchave.asp?cod=200611289282134218


DGIEL 2004? that is ancient probably written in hieroglyphs.

cisco released a new format for the ccna exam sometime in sept 2006.