₦airaland Forum

Here is a collection of short jokes 4 Y'all dat are not vry patient with the long ones


[b]Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.




Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"




When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.




A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"



"I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine, I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar."




Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.




In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.




Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood. "But he acts so stupid," said one to the other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs." "Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind."




Love thy neighbor all through the day, but first make sure her husband's away!





Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!
Wife: You wear shorts!




What's the best date to bring on a picnic? One who will arch her back so your balls don't get grass-stained.




I wonder what fish smelled like before women went swimming?




It is well known,
Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up.



Boy: Do you like parties?
Girl: Yes, why?
Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!




What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.




A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there's nothin' special, we just flat out tell' em they're gonna die,




HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.




Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"




A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"




Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue."




Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit, A talking muffin!"




A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "No peer pressure."


There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.[/b]

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Hey that is tight,LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
I've got one for u,check it out and holler back

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window,

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

Hey i knw its kinda funny,but it is rather very serious.
these things are now on MNET,who knows where nxt? If we hv to put content out there, it has to beworth it.
dont just release a "movie" cos u got ther money to do so.
Simply put, our "movie industry is twisted"

XKAPE feeling u real good.hnx 4 being a witness.

nothing but love for 9ja though.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man,' Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will provide you with companionship and satisfy
your desires. Yet, he'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring. So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. So, just remember: it's our secret. Woman to Woman."

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.

Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, "There really is no justice in the world."

The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"

The first little old lady replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

thanks Valentine Obih for the invite. to evry 1 else, i've got 1 dont send to me.

some 1 plzzzzz hit me with an invitation imomoh24@yahoo.com

some1 hit me plzzzzzzz imomoh24@yahoo.com

If ur hips dont lie like Shakira's, then u cant go wrong.

It cant be old if pple still listen to Temptations

she sho can move those hips,thats why ur boyfriend might probably like more than you, know wat i mean?

1. Only in America, can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America, are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America, do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America, do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America, do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America, do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America, do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America, do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America, do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.

Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.

Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.

Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Your mother's so fat, when they used her underwear for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "OK"!

Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"

Your mom's so big, she plays marbles with planets.

Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.

Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.

Your mom's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.

Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.

Your mom's so fat when she took her dress to the cleaners they told her, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."

Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.

Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.

Your mom's so big, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.

Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World.

Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

Your mothers so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Your mothers so fat, she's on a light diet, as soon as it gets light out she starts eating.

Your mothers so big that she sat on a rainbow and got Skittles.

Your mothers so fat that when she wore an "X" jacket a helicopter tried to land on her back.

Your mothers head is so big, it shows up on radar.

Your mothers so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.

Your mothers so fat your bath tub has stretch marks.

Your mothers so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

The first ladies of UK, Russia and France were having a meeting with Lady Hilary Clinton.
The subject of discussion was the penis of their respective spouse.

The first lady of UK says, "It is like a gentle man- it stands up, as soon as I enter the room"

The lady from Russia says, "It is like an army officer- you do not know where he will attack from- front or back, "

The French lady says, "It is like the screen in the auditorium- once the act is performed, it drops down, "

Then Hilary says, "It's like a rumour, it moves from one mouth to another"

One day about a month ago, Bill Clinton was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge---a blonde , a brunette , and a redhead.

To the blonde he said , "I am the president of the united states. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied, "Two hundred dollars."

To the brunette he posed the same question , and she replied, "One hundred dollars. "

He then asked the redhead the same question.

The redhead replied, "Mr. President , if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes, Get my panties as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times, Keep it high as the gas prices, keep me warmer than my apartment, and, screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me Mr. President , it ain't gonna cost you a cent"

Viper i sent a mail to u last week. guess u ddnt get i. the flats go for 450K pa(u hv to pay 4 2yrs though.hit me back,if u r still interested)

if u want an original copy of flash 8,go to a good software dealer.or get a bootlegged copy at your own risk.

just installed mine today(original),it is sinply out of this world.

for tutorials go to

[color=#990000]http://smartwebby.com/resources.asp[/color]

3 Generals,an American,a Russian and an Englishman were arguing whose soldiers were the most courageous. they then decided to put their soldiers to the test on an obstacle course.

The English General,beckoned to a corporal and told him to go through the obstacle course without his shirt on.Yes sir he said. The corporal did the drill,crawled through the barbed wire,jumped over a 12 ft fence and the works.He did this all without breaking a sweat,went back to the Generals and asked his officer if he should do it again. The English General smiled,looked at the other Generals and said "That is courage"

The Russian Gen. sneered and said that is nothing. he called a corporal in his army asked him to run through the course without his shirt or pants on,return and do 50 push-ups on broken glass,all these twice. the corporal did his thing in less time than the English corporal,came back and wanted to go once more.The Russian Gen. smiled,looked at the other Generals and said "THAT is courage"

The American Gen then said "get a load of this". called an American corporal, The Gen looked at the course and told him to do wat the Russian corporal just did.
The American corporal looked at the course and looked at his Gen and told him in the presence of the other Generals "You gotta be out of your fucking mind"
The American Gen looked at the other Generals and said "Now that is wat u call courage,a corporal saying that to a Gen,You cant beat that"

Nubian most pple build houses and sell
can u get a flat?It'll be kinda difficult but possible.Anyway u hv 2 be very careful not 2 get scammed.

Thanks Thirdeye,but no I'm not an agent.

my2cents I can relate to your fears,I'll ask someone i know at Alausa to confirm.Thanks for that.

Viper there are flats where i live
3BR, with a master that has on-suite bathroom,on the top floor of a storey building.

Dipo they go for around 700K to 1.5M


Christino,i moved here 3yrs ago
conflict here then,are u imagining things.
Hey i dont live at Ajah,u r getting it twisted.

Plots of land for sale at Ibeju-Lekki in Lagos opp the new Lagos GRA and environs.Affordable. Quiet environment,unlike most parts of lagos

An old man once assembled a group of young children under a tree to tell them stories.He said "Back i the days there was this big tree in the center of the village.Blacksmiths sit under the tree to do their work. The tree was so big at the base that if a Blacksmith is hitting a metal on one side, another will not hear him at the other side." The children stared at him in astonishment. But one among them knew it was all lies but courtesy will not allow him to say it to the old man's face.

The boy then said he too has a story to tell, the old man urged him on. He went "The other when we went out hunting, we saw this giant bird. The bird was so big that when it spread its wing to fly, a kind of darkness covered the whole forest" The old man was truely baffled and said,"You are very Lucky to ahve seen such a sight at your very tender age. Only God knows where that big a bird will nest?" The bot Quickly rotorted "Probably on that big tree that was in the middle of the village."

I heard somewhere that the filling sysyem of your hard drive does a lot to affect multimedia programs.dont know if its true.but learnt they work better on FAT 16 or 32 filling systems.check it out.And if your system is cloned,when installing windowsXP,it automatically converts the fillings system to NTFS if your hard disk is less than 30gig,unless you choose otherwise.
Alot can go wrong if a program is not properly installed. Just get Adobe Premiere,i've used it and it is easy and fun to work with.
Goodluck

he should get some form of education first.he finds it difficult to express himself. no hard feelings he has a damn good voice,but he just cant cut it with a limited vocabulary.u need to see all his jingles on MTVbase, he said "my name NA tuface in one of them". bro get ur game tight.