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[center][b] Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track." "What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there", answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector. "Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box." "What if the phone was busy?" "In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station". "What if that had been vandalized?" "Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo". This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train crash." [/b][/center] |
[center][b]Once a girl is quite fantasized about "69".She has a regular boyfriend they have never done it before. One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for romantic dinner. After heavy dinner, she tells him that she wants to do "69". But the Boyfriend doesn't have any idea about what is 69. Girlfriend gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do 69. she asks him to lay down, and she then lays on top of him in reverse direction so as in 69. The boyfriend is confused but is eager to know about 69. So he does as the GF tells him to do. They lay down in this position for about 2 min. She is thinking that he will, by the time, get excited by this. but suddenly the GF has to let go one Fart, directly on her BF's face. GF quickly apologises and asks him to stay in that position for some more time. After 1 min she has to let go one another fart, this time bigger than the previous. The BF quickly throws her away, gets up, starts dressing up and yells at her, "If you think I am gonna take 67 more like this, you are MAD" [/b][/center] |
serubawon,my email add is imomoh24@yahoo.com send me an email and i'll give u my number. would really love to share in your Robert Ludlum collection. |
So wats beef? Beef is wen u need 2 glocks to go to sleep, Beef is wen ur mom ain't safe up in the street. Beef is wen I see u,guaranteed to be an I c u. B.I.G.- Beef |
Somebody wake me I'm dreaming I started as a seed of semen. swimming upstream planted in the I'm screaming. On the top was my Pop my mama screaming stop, from a single drop, this is wat they got. Tupac Shakur |
I ain't a killer but don't push me, revenge is like the sweetest joy, it's next to getting p***y, Tupac Shakur |
My best rapper(s) alive, are Bone thugs 'n harmony then Twista then Kanye West Then Luda |
yeah we should, guess we should not underestimate the nairaland audience. walking around everyday as if in a daze, submitting to the antics of our leaders. with 2007 around d corner,here comes the next phase. possible culpability can we be accused of, accept things as they are regardless of what, guess of this suffering, we can't get enough. Teno take over let's see how far we can take this |
[center]MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A “Nice Guy”[/center] Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys? Of course you have. Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks", but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU. What's going on here? It's actually very simple, Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. And guess what? Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION. And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you. I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT, but GET OVER IT. Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want. [center]MISTAKE #2: Trying To “Convince Her To Like You”[/center] What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like, but she's just notinterested? Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently. Well, I have news for you, YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION! Never, ever, EVER. You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning". Think about it. If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her? But we all do it. When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind. Bad idea. One that will never work. [center]MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission[/center] In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission". Another HORRIBLE idea. Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them, EVER. Don't get me wrong here. You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you. But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again. You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval. Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her, [center]MISTAKE #4: Trying To “Buy” Her Affection With Food And Gifts[/center] How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did? If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT. Well guess what? It's only NATURAL when this happens, That's right, I said NATURAL. When you do these things, you send a clear message: "I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection". Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION. [center]MISTAKE #5: Sharing “How You Feel” Too Early In The Relationship With Her[/center] Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on. Attractive women are rare. And they get a LOT of attention from men. Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME. An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month. And guess what? Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men. That's right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect. And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates. This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast, and can't control themselves. Don't do it. Lean back. Relax. There's a much better way, [center]MISTAKE #6: Not “Getting” How Attraction Works For Women[/center] Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it. When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction. But does the same apply for women? Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on? Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks. Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around? Think about it. Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men, and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone. If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman. But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this. And ANY guy can learn how, [center]MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks[/center] One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started, because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money, or guys who are a certain height, or guys who are a certain age. And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things. But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks. There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet, And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys. YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome. Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman. [center]MISTAKE #8: Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women[/center] Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission. Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women. Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants. Another bad idea, Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over, Women aren't attracted to Wussies! [center]MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women [/center] Now I'm going to blow your mind, A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking. Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES. I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it. And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help! And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating, Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical, everything. If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up, and LOSE EVERYTHING. And you KNOW it. It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman, from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom. [center]MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP[/center] This is the biggest mistake of all. This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want. I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help. Hey, I've been there myself. Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women, About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to. It frustrated the hell out of me. One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night, right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating. Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out. I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well. It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling, like I don't know how to meet women, and I might wind up alone. I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women. I've written a book on the topic, and I've done seminars on both coasts of the United States, and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world. |
[center]The Rose that Grew from Concrete[/center] [center]Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's law is wrong it learned to walk with out having feet. Funny it seems, but by keeping it's dreams, it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else ever cared.[/center] Tupac Shakur. |
[center]In The Depths of Solitude[/center] [center]i exist in the depths of solitude pondering my true goal trying 2 find peace of mind and still preserve my soul constantly yearning 2 be accepted and from all receive respect never comprising but sometimes risky and that is my only regret a young heart with an old soul how can there be peace how can i be in the depths of solitude when there r 2 inside of me this duo within me causes the perfect oppurtunity 2 learn and live twice as fast as those who accept simplicity[/center] Tupac Shakur Rest in Peace @rof-lmao, DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME U SOUND ALL GANGSTA LIKE WILL DEFINATELY GET U NOWHERE. Pac will always have my props |
Now i'm fresh dressed like a million bucks, threw on my white suit and my all blue chox. stepped out the house,stopped short oh no, i went back in,i 4got my INDO Snoop Dogg (Lodi dodi) |
sup Teno been down with pneumonia.dat explains d absence. trying to take the msg out, hmmm i'll be careful if i were u though. newspapers will want money before they'll publish,thats why i dont believe anything i read in them only sure truth in papers are adverts,comon they are an extention of the system which we are talking about. so i'm not suprised. let me step aside a little for others to contribute. cheers |
[center]Go ahead girl come to the back, V.I.P. drinks on me [/center] Timberland in Sexyback (justin timberlake) |
Hey pple lets hear your best ever song lines,the artist and the song title. [center]here on earth, tell me wats a black life's worth? a bottle of juice, it's no excuse, the truth hurts.[/center] Tupac(i wonder if heaven got a ghetto) |
[center]Hey the very best rapper ever was TUPAC SHAKUR. Because he was many things to different people. To a mother he was a good son. to me an inspiration. to a thug,the original gangsta, to a LovePeddler,the worst love-vendor, to a woman,your ideal lover. to movie lovers,a good actor, to other rappers,a damn good competitor. ne1 wants a link to all his official and unofficial web sites,holler imomoh24@gmail.com. want more check out YOR BEST MUSIC LINES(QUOTES) at the music forums[/center] |
[b]A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense," So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit." [/b] |
I started this topic as a way to express my feelings on the way this country is being run, its good to know others feel the same too a lot of the poems here are so good,if not for the msg they express,they can be used in any poetic competition. but u and i know,wat the leaders we have will feel about that, because, [b] leaders we have,sweat and strive to make sure their regimes survive. they'll intimidate,harass and incarcarate, till all opposition capitulate. with one view point and one only, oppossing will be a folly. EFCC,ICPC potent tools with which opponent are stifled and some even impeached. draconian laws meant to subjugate the masses, cause soldiers they are,but without khakis. public funds stolen and invested in private ventures, wat the future hold for us,we are not sure. now 2007 is here,where will they take us next, they'll kepp things as they are at best. so i'll just sit at home and bend my head in shame, cos i know,come 2007,it'll just be more of thesame.[/b] |
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!" |
[b]Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers. The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink. The women says, "Sure, if you have sex with me." The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then have sex with you." The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. He and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "Well, let's do it!" The man agrees to start but only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, uses it on her and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for more. The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water. The friend replies, "The hell with the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."[/b] |
[b] Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, when Jack asks his wife, “Betty, have you ever cheated on me?” Betty replies, “Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question.” “Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please.” “Well, all right. Yes, three times…” “Three?!? Well, when were they?” he asked. “Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years-old and you really wanted to start a business on your own, and no bank would give you a loan? But, then one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?” “Oh, Betty, you did that for me? I guess I can’t be too upset about that. Well, when was number 2?” “Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and needed that very risky operation that no surgeon was willing to perform? And, remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to perform the surgery himself?” “Betty, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life. To do such a thing, you must truly love me darling. How can I be upset with that?” “So, all right then, when was number 3?” “Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?”[/b] |
[b] This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship the Lord." "Thank you!" the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!" [/b] |
A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God. "God? You there, God?" he asked "Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered. "Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked. "Go ahead, my son, anything." "God, what is a million years to you?" God answered, "A million years to me is only a second." The man asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?" God replied, "A million dollars to me is worth only a penny." The man lifted his eyebrows and asked his final question. "God, can I have a penny?" God answered, "Sure, give me a second." |
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that was the time the cock fights occurred in the village. So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning. At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" All the alter boys stood up, |
[b]A fancy lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with shit, crossed her path. "Oh, dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!" She took a Kleenex from her purse and whipped the duck clean. After finishing, she urged the duck away saying, "Be careful next time!" She walked on and another duck, with shit all over it, crossed her way. Again she took out a Kleenex and cleaned the little duck. She warned this one as well and the duck took off. Soon after, she encountered a third duck with the same problem. "Now I've had it!" She whinned. "What have you all been doing?" And for the third time she acted like a Florence Nightingale and tended the duck. She continued her stroll when suddenly she heard a voice from the bushes. "Hey, you, lady!" sounded a male voice in distress. "Yes?" she replied. "Do you have a Kleenex?" "No, not anymore," she answered. "Too bad. I guess I'll just have to use another duck."[/b] |
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: 1. You have tennis elbow. 2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. 3. It will be better in two weeks, That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis: 1. Your tap water is too hard. 2. Get a water softener. 3. Your dog has ringworm. 4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 5. Your daughter is using cocaine. 6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. 7. Your wife is pregnant , twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better |
Swearing Parrot There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird's foul mouth is driving him nuts. One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets angry and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird meekly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded and amazed at the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the CHICKEN DO?" |
A gent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself", she answered. "Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?" "Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked. "Beersex." |
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace." The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?" So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!" |
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first." "What a wonderful answer!" the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God,I'm coming!" If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her." The nun fainted |
[center]The Answer:[/center] The contents or the ten envelopes should be as follows: N1, N2, N4, N8, N16, N32, N64, N128, N256, N489. The first nine numbers are in geometrical progression, and their sum, deducted from 1,000, gives the contents of the tenth envelope. so u can combine any no of envelopes to get any amount asked for. |
A man told his son that he would give him N1000 if he could accomplish the following task. The father gave his son ten envelopes and a thousand dollars, all in one dollar bills. He told his son, "Place the money in the envelopes in such a manner that no matter what number of dollars I ask for, you can give me one or more of the envelopes, containing the exact amount I asked for without having to open any of the envelopes. If you can do this, you will keep the N1000." When the father asked for a sum of money, the son was able to give him envelopes containing the exact amount of money asked for. How did the son distribute the money among the ten envelopes? |