₦airaland Forum

Chei, imagine. Yet Naija Government dey lament sey the prisons are filled up. Make Netherlands relocate their prisons come Naija abeg.. Chei, imagine. Yet Naija Government dey lament sey the prisons are filled up in Naija. Make Netherlands relocate their prisons come Naija abeg.. The Iboris of this world need am.

As prison populations surge in the UK, with overcrowded cells and repeat offenders, the opposite is happening in the Netherlands.

The country is actually to close eight prisons because of a lack of criminals, the Dutch justice ministry has announced.

Declining crime rates in the Netherlands mean that although the country has the capacity for 14,000 prisoners, there are only 12,000 detainees, reported the nrc.nl.

The decrease is expected to continue, the ministry said, with Deputy justice minister Nebahat Albayrak saying that natural redundancy and other measures should counter any forced lay-offs.

A report last year on prison overcrowding said that surging populations undermined the rehabilitation of prisoners and risked increasing reoffending in the future.

The Criminal Justice Alliance (CJA), which represents more than 60 organisations, called for the government to urgently limit "the unnecessary use of prison, ensuring it is reserved for serious, persistent and violent offenders for whom no alternative sanction is appropriate".

It came after Chief Inspector of Prisons Nick Hardwick said the rising pressure on prisons from budget cuts and increasing numbers cannot go on indefinitely.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/06/26/netherlands-prisons-close--lack-of-criminals-_n_3503721.html

Well many people have drawn their condemning conclusion that I belong to the Anti-Christ Movement. That is okay by me, as their opinion does not change the fact that stares at us all.

The fact remains that many of your pastors and churches and imams and mosques are thieves! They give their blessings to those who loot our common wealth, accepting expensive gifts from them always.

I say this without the fear of being condemned further by anyone.

Let me talk further to the Christian family where I was born... I will not stop emphasising the fact that many of your leaders are thieves and they brainwash you all the time. You can say whatever you want to say to me, I care less as long as I am telling the truth.

Sincerely, I am constrained to have a re-evaluation of the values you hold as Christians and as citizens of this country. Are you all saying it is okay to steal this country's money and give to some people called men of God by you Come off your bias-infested thoughts and free up minds.

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ” said Mahatma Gandhi having closely watched your hypocritical ways. I like Gandhi's observation because it's very true, it finds wide expression in Nigeria!

Some have warned that I am neglecting the assembly of the brethren, and this is what I have to say to their warning... Assembly of the 'brethren' offers me no good benefits. The church has become a place to share testimonies of how people made millions/billions, even when those who wallow in abject poverty are sitting next to millionaires/billionaires in the church.

The church has become a place to show how much you are worth, even when your neighbour is worthless and down financially and cannot afford a meal at all.

The church has become a place where I am distracted from having true fellowship with God.

So, what do I stand to gain from the church if it brings me down more than when I am alone behind closed doors at the corners of my room?

If it is all about making heaven, no problem. Let's all wait till we get there. I will have myself to blame before God if I have done wrong here on earth. After all, none of us has been to heaven and returned to the earth before.

When I was child, they told me who God was in the Church. Talking to many Christians around, I was led to believe that only priests and prophets can commune directly with God. On the contrary, I grew up only to discover God myself. I found that He's not Who many say He is!

Communion with God in the Nigerian context is when you have money, jets, mansions and use expensive things, all of which Christ says make heaven difficult for the rich. God is not whom many people think He is. I have rediscovered Him, and I do not need any religion or pastor to lead me to Him.

Each time my children ask me who God is, I tell them they will know who He is when they grow up. They only need to listen more carefully to His voice and they will hear Him speak audibly to them. I can only guide them in life, I cannot brainwash them the same way our generation was and is brainwashed by religion.

Each man has got to discover God by himself. I love to say this a lot, "When I was born, I knew nothing. As I was growing, I knew mostly what they told me were right or wrong. When I became grown up, I discovered things myself."

The word of God lies there in your heart, not in any book. The book only serves to guide you. These are the Biblical references to my claim: Jeremiah 31:33 and Hebrews 8:10:

"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel

after those days, declares the Lord:
I will put my laws into their minds,

and write them on their hearts,
and I will be their God,

and they shall be my people."

There are many people who will make heaven without having to read the book you call the word of God! How do you explain that, ugh? This is stated clearly in the book of Romans 2:14-16:

14 "For when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law." 15 They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them 16 on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus.

It took me unrelenting quest for Godly knowledge to find the truth after I had gone through many years of indoctrination and brainwash under religion.

The Nigerian Christian's problem essentially is that of poor interpretation of the Bible. Many would quote their pastors rather than the book they call the word of God. And even when they quote the book, they quote it out of context most times.

My Point: Whether you read the Bible or not does not concern God. I know that there are many who cannot read or write, yet they will not miss heaven. It does not matter whether they get a preacher or not. God has already devised a means to heaven for them.

The Bible is not God's standard. God has put His standard in our hearts, and that is our conscience! It judges us even before God Himself. I call it God's CCTV Camera in the hearts of men. It sees and judges everything we do.

I have stated my mind without any fear of facing further condemnation by bias Christians or any other religious group of people.

Renowned American novelist Charlotte Brontë in the Jane Eyre says “If all the world hated you and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved of you and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.” You can remain my friend and you can unfriend me after reading this; it's all okay by me.

God bless Nigeria!

Olusegun Iselaiye

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-k0FdUedFV4

This story is not true! I live around Jubilee Hills, Hyderabad, India. We have taken the necessary steps to caution the reporters and the Indian authorities over this libelous report... I am unable to attach the clarification letter from the Indian Inspector General of Police because it exceeds 200kb. I suggest that those of us who have access to the Nigerian media should please take up our corrective pens and right the wrong aspect of this story.

So, D'banj released official video of Oliver Twist without Don Jazzy. I feel that's quite unfair. I think D'banj has a big problem... Recall that he had issues with (1) JJC 419 back then in London, (2) Ikechukwu, (3) Geniviv, (4) Many Nigerians during GEJ's campaign, (5) Many Nigerians during Occupy Nigeria, and (6) Even his church, Winners Chapel. And now, he is having issues with Don Jazzy, the young man who has relentlessly worked with him since his struggling days!

OPINION: D'banj 'abandoned' JJC-419 Crew in London for Don Jazzy's Mo'Hits Records... Now, he has done the same thing to Mo'Hits. For those of you who are not so familiar with D'banj's antecedents, I enjoin you all to ask those who are familiar with his story. He will do the same to Kanye West very soon. Just watch.

CONCLUSION: I don't think D'banj's approach to life is good. He is 'Oliver Twist" indeed!

Nigerians like anonymity too much, an obvious manifestation of our high level of illiteracy. Many inpatients die in our hospitals because our healthcare givers administer 'anonymous' drugs for them,

Sadly again, when these poor patients die, their identities remain 'anonymously' reported by our media. Victims of auto crash are also largely reported 'anonymously.' What about embezzlement and abuse of power? Our media also keep them 'anonymous.'

Also, Boko Haram is 'anonymous,' the cabals destroying our power sectors are 'anonymous', and the cabals destroying our refineries are 'anonymous' etc.

Therefore, I declare my intention to form a political party called Anonymous Progressive Party (APP). Inbox me to find out the details…

Thank you all!

@Walala or whatever you call yourself, you are simply disgusting! I can't even imagine the kind of children you will raise in your life. WHY ARE SOME NIGERIANS (LIKE YOU) SO DAFT LIKE THIS? I can't believe someone would throw praises Bidemi for disgracing our country.

What more can I say? Nigeria's problem is not just bad leadership as many people inaccurately believe. Should we also steal because our leaders are stealing? No! This is very bad habit!

A friend of mine wrote yesterday, excerpts:
“WHAT THE NORTHERNERS NEED TO LEARN FROM THE YORUBAS

I have my root from the Yoruba speaking part of Kogi state and my education in Kwara state.

My parents also live in Lagos state and maternal grand parents in Ibadan.

I am a christian and surrounded by both Christians and Muslims.

It's in the Yoruba land that I still discover that u can hardly separate the two religions.

In some cases, Christians marry Muslims.

A Muslim neighbour once requested a Christian neighbour to release his son to follow them to HAJJ(MECCA). They went and came back and it didn't stop his belief.

Of course, if anyone would sponsor, I won't mind going to Hajj.

Some Muslim friends attend fellowship with me, yet they still don't miss there Islamic prayers.

I could remember one of the fellowships which I had to remind a friend when it was his prayer time. Believe me, he went to pray and joined again in the fellowship.

Someone, might be saying he doesn't know his bearing. He definitely knows it. He is a Muslim. He's simply educated and exposed to know that he needs to respect other people's belief.

I use to ask people this question.

What religion would u have been practicing if u were born in Japan, China or India?

We need to move beyond religion and respect one another.

Don't forget that our four fathers were worshiping Idols until the introduction of this beliefs.

We have Muslim governors and ex governors who have their wives as minister in the church. They still live happily together and render supports in political ambitions.

OUR NORTHERN BETHREN, WE NEED TO GROW UP

Now what do we tell those who lost precious ones in the Xmas bombing. Maybe to take heart or what?

Just read about a 13 year old who lost her parents and siblings. Do we tell her to take heart?

GROW UP!”

And here is my comment to his post:
“@Seun: "Grammatical blunders" or not, this piece is a master stroke of refined thoughts, an undiluted expression of what †ђξ ideal Nigerian society should look like. †ђξ northern "bombers" & other renegades who suffer frm somewhat irreversible myopia should learn frm this piece.

Our heterogenous society is fast becoming over religionised, a condition that made redefine illiteracy after critically looking @ Alvin's definition of †ђξ 21st Century's illiterate. Recently, I posted this on my wall:

"Does religion really leave any room for inquisitive reasoning? Has religion destroyed us as a nation? Do the Christians still believe that a Muslim cannot lead Nigeria well and vice versa?

I am always thrilled by Alvin Toffler's quote which states, "The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read or write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."

Drawing from Toffler's quote above and my various conversations with many people all over the world, I have been inspired to redefine the Nigerian illiterate as an individual that is not able to reason beyond religious sentiments, In other words, the Nigerian illiterate isn’t the man or woman who cannot read or write, but the one who lacks the ability to question religious practices that are visibly parochial.

I personally do not have a problem voting for A PAGAN that has the credentials to stop corruption and take us to the Promised Land… Many if the so called "Committed" Christians and Muslims have looted the most in this country so why do we keep attaching to religious sentiments to everything we do? The answer still boils down to "illiteracy redefined.""

YOU HAVE SAID IT ALL BRO, THE NORTHERN ILLITERATES HAVE GOT SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM US.”
I will conclude, therefore, that no one should accuse our journalists for reporting anything about Boko Haram. Instead, we should prove that we are mature enough to handle the challenge that is before us as a nation. We are about to split based on our ethno-religious fault line.

GOD BLESS NIGERIA1

We run a Banana Republic here in Nigeria, Merit has been totally discounted, collegiate favouritism is †ђξ order of †ђξ day. Even in most private offices, nothing is done based on merit again, rather, people are hired or given contracts based on their ability to get a letter from †ђξ Presidency, Nigeria is one of †ђξ few countries where those who steal either covertly or overtly are celebrated even with chieftancy titles αи∂ are given all sorts appellation. Why? It is because †ђξ average Nigerian has lost integrity somewhere along †ђξ line. Sanusi Lamido said he hasn't seen a Nigerian that will not fall for a bribe of a trillion naira aи∂ I agree totally with his posit. Fellas, we are all responsible for this quagmire αи∂ until each of us retraces his/her dignity, Nigeria will continue missing it big!

GEJ during his campaign was NOT able to present a blueprint with which he would lead Nigeria yet people still came out to support him. China's constitution αи∂ America's are 2,200 words αи∂ 4,000 words respectively, whereas Nigeria's is over 74,000 words! No wonder our Senate is confused. I was amazed when I even found that no arm of our government has a blueprint for this country; not even †ђξ legislative. Obama reportedly had his economic team ready even a year before he was elected. His team had prepared all sorts of blueprint for America even a year ahead of Obama's landslide victory. Historically, great nations have blueprints apart from their constitutions, Nigeria never had one, αи∂ our academia should share in this blame.

People in †ђξ academia fondly blame govt officials, accusing them of corruption when lecturing students, whereas we all know how corrupt most of these profs are! †ђξ present disconnect between †ђξ academia, govt αи∂ private sector is a misnomer that is not unprecedented: it is a clear reflection of our general selfishness αи∂ languorous tendencies. Govt has wonderful policies that are never implemented αи∂ enforced, whereas these policies if appropriately enforced would have cushioned †ђξ effects of this disconnect. Professors supervise wonderful projects, though mostly plagiarised, but †ђξy don't as a matter of fact report †ђξ economic importance of those projects. India, China, Brazil, αи∂ other countries alike that are ostensibly somewhat immuned against this economic meltdown do a lot of research. I haven't seen any coming from Nigeria! Rather, we prefer to buy certificates or pay "mercenaries" to complete our studies for us. Yes, we are heterogenous αи∂ we should have used it to our advantage, unfortunately, our diversity is more or less a curse, plaguing us to death.

THERE'S NO WAY FORWARD EXCEPT EACH ONE OF US TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS.

PRESIDENT GOODLUCK JONATHAN PLEASE PUNISH THOSE COMPANIES THAT HAVE ILLEGALLY PROFITED FROM FUEL SUBSIDY PROCEEDS.

GOD BLESS NIGERIA!

@Everybody: I'm not saying what Bishop Oyedepo did was right or wrong. In fact, I think †ђξ issue is †ђξ least of our problems as there are many issues facing †ђξ country today. However, since it appears ds matter is causing too mch noise,I'll briefly share my unbiased view with you again,

It is clearly indicated in both hagiographic & sermonic literature that health is the most sought miracle: people become saints not as mch for their souls to be blessed but due to physical health issues, Ds is a little digression though.

A quite significant role among the remedial procedures of a saint is Exorcising the Demoniac--in that it remains d most outstanding proof of the saint’s God given powers. In fact, exorcism was the conditio sine qua non of sanctity (i.e., no sanctity wtout exorcism) in medieval times. Also, I like to indicate clearly in my argument that those early age demoniacs were seen as dependable 'attestants' (witnesses) of d presence/existence of sanctity (demon, who was compelled by d saint to affirm demonic powers via d possessed's voice, was an influential authority to a medieval man). D same still happens today, & dt was what happened when d possessed girl "allegedly abused" by Bishop Oyedepo spoke!

I shld let you knw dt, in performing exorcism, a saint is also involved in a general battle against Satanic Powers, manifesting thru d possessed. D body of d possessed forms a sort of a battleground btw d forces of heaven and hell. Consequently, every single act of exorcism performed by a saint/exorcist becomes a part of d eternal struggle/battle btw Satan and GoD!

When warring against these demons, saints/exorcists often use several mtds, wt d following 3 being d most common techniques of miraculous/supernatural healing: prayer, cross &, less commonly, laying hands on the possessed. Some exorcists even use holy water, alcoholic wine or unleaven bread. Now 2 my main point, some more radical & drastic means are used, whch include BEATING the possessed/demoniac, whereas d beatings are of course addressed 2 d demon (evil spirit) NOT d demoniac as you people think. In conclusion, d slap was perhaps addressed to d demon inside d allegedly abused girl NOT d girl herself. Simple!

"An exorcism is tantamount to a miracle - an extraordinary intervention of God" says Gabriele Nanni, an exorcist and an expert on the history of the exorcism. Father Nanni et al hv done great works on exorcism yet †ђξy unanimously came up wt d above quote, I don't knw how mch of d Bible you knw, but I'm sure, wt my little knowledge of d Bible, science or human knowledge cannot explain d miracles of GoD, which He often performs thru His Men such as d Bishop in question.

"So he (Jesus Christ) gave them permission. And the unclean spirits came out, and entered the pigs, and the herd, numbering about two thousand, rushed down the steep bank into the sea and were drowned in the sea" states Mark 5:13, If people like you had existed during Jesus' days, I'm sure you would hv done one or all of d following:

(1) Institute a lawsuit against Jesus Christ for environmental (water) pollution for sending d pigs & herds to die in d sea

(2) Sue Jesus Christ for violation of "animal right"

(3) Look for a way of seeking some sort of nonsensical lawsuit against Jesus Christ.

I'm sure, somehow or some way, Jesus Christ would not hv escaped your condemnation if He was physically here on ds planet today.
A friend of mine writes, "I don't really think this issue is as critical as other national issues,some bigots are at it again .isn't it ironic that we (Nigerians) considering our passion 4 spiritual issues are blowing this out of proportion,Isn't it absurd that Yerimas issue has been swept under water and all of a sudden its Oyedepo's,what abt girls that get bethrothed to their husbands at teenage age wtout consent, a practice common in d north, what abt increase in VVF disease a function of the same topic of arguement. Yet we sit and discuss a man of God that slaps a possessed girl. Here is my point,even if we choose child abuse as a topic,there r more critical cases to address b4 this. Personally I'm not against the slap as deliverance could come in different forms as led by the spirit,no defined pattern in the scriptures,hence the use of signs and wonders in the Bible. That's my opinion as a christian. Come to think of it,when did slapping become a big issue in Africa,Nigeria 4 that matter,something we grew up to know especially coming from someone older than you.Much ado about nothing abeg.If your opinion differs you can campaign and even file a litigation against him,if the slap is truly divine it will be a waste of tym and resources.
FINALLY, I WANT TO ASK HOW MANY OF US ARE RAISING EYEBROWS ABOUT THE MUSLIMS THAT MARRY UNDERAGE IN THE NORTH? ISN’T THAT PRACTICE CHILD ABUSE

Some of us may not like Bishop Oyedepo’s style because of some of his beliefs like not announcing church members’ deaths… I am waiting for the day he will pass away whether his death will not be announced! Bible says, “Do unto others what you would have them do to you.”

But with all due respect to our individual views on the allegation of child abuse or whatever we may call it against Bishop David Oyedepo, I do not see the merits of discussing it at all. Let me categorically say that the unction of God upon Bishop Oyedepo cannot be denied. For those of us that feel he is wrong by raising his hand against that child in the video, I suggest we read about Smith Wigglesworth and a book titled God’s Generals by Roberts Liardon… and we will understand that God allows his men to use different styles to exorcise.

Please let us not be carried away by the brouhaha of “human right” or “child abuse.” There is no point talking about this issue at all, especially to think that it happened like 4 years ago! God knows His styles and the kinds of judgments He dishes out against His men…

Our country is presently faced with grave issues and I think we should be discussing the solutions to these issues—fuel subsidy removal, insecurity, power outage, abnormal unemployment rate, unemployability, etc. not Bishop Oyedepo’s issue!
This is my humble view, I stand to be corrected, albeit.

God bless us all!

EXCERPTS FROM Judek2: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-801408.96.html

On the bolded,it seems you are out of this world . Islam was formed on violence
"The Messenger and those who
believe with him, strive hard and
fight with their wealth and lives
in Allah's Cause."
(Qur'an:9:5)"Fight and kill the disbelievers
wherever you find them, take
them captive, harass them, lie in
wait and ambush them using
every stratagem of war."
(Qur'an:9:112) "The Believers fight in Allah's
Cause, they slay and are slain, kill
and are killed."
(Qur'an:9:29)"Fight those who do not believe
until they all surrender, paying
the protective tax in submission."
(Ishaq:3257)"Muslims, fight in Allah's Cause.
Stand firm and you will prosper.
Help the Prophet, obey him, give
him your allegiance, and your
religion will be victorious."
Qur'an:8:39 "Fight them until all opposition
ends and all submit to Allah."
Qur'an:8:39 "So fight them until there is no
more Fitnah (disbelief [non-
Muslims]) and all submit to the
religion of Allah alone (in the
whole world)."
Ishaq:324 "He said, 'Fight them so that
there is no more rebellion, and
religion, all of it, is for Allah only.
Allah must have no rivals.'"
Qur'an:9:14 "Fight them and Allah will punish
them by your hands, lay them
low, and cover them with shame.
He will help you over them."
Ishaq:300 "I am fighting in Allah's service.
This is piety and a good deed. In
Allah's war I do not fear as
others should. For this fighting is
righteous, true, and good."
Ishaq:587 "Our onslaught will not be a
weak faltering affair. We shall
fight as long as we live. We will
fight until you turn to Islam,
humbly seeking refuge. We will
fight not caring whom we meet.
We will fight whether we destroy
ancient holdings or newly gotten
gains. We have mutilated every
opponent. We have driven them
violently before us at the
command of Allah and Islam. We
will fight until our religion is
established. And we will plunder
them, for they must suffer
disgrace."
Qur'an:8:65 "O Prophet, urge the faithful to
fight. If there are twenty among
you with determination they will
vanquish two hundred; if there
are a hundred then they will
slaughter a thousand
unbelievers, for the infidels are a
people devoid of understanding."
Ishaq:326 "Prophet exhort the believers to
fight. If there are twenty good
fighters they will defeat two
hundred for they are a senseless
people. They do not fight with
good intentions nor for truth."
Bukhari:V4B52N63 "A man whose face was covered
with an iron mask came to the
Prophet and said, 'Allah's
Apostle! Shall I fight or embrace
Islam first?' The Prophet said,
'Embrace Islam first and then
fight.' So he embraced Islam, and
was martyred. Allah's Apostle
said, 'A Little work, but a great
reward.'"
Bukhari:V4B53N386 "Our Prophet, the Messenger of
our Lord, ordered us to fight you
till you worship Allah alone or
pay us the Jizyah tribute tax in
submission. Our Prophet has
informed us that our Lord says:
'Whoever amongst us is killed as
a martyr shall go to Paradise to
lead such a luxurious life as he
has never seen, and whoever
survives shall become your
master.'"
Muslim:C34B20N4668 "The Messenger said: 'Anybody
who equips a warrior going to
fight in the Way of Allah is like
one who actually fights. And
anybody who looks after his
family in his absence is also like
one who actually fights."
Qur'an:9:38 "Believers, what is the matter
with you, that when you are
asked to go forth and fight in
Allah's Cause you cling to the
earth? Do you prefer the life of
this world to the Hereafter?
Unless you go forth, He will afflict
and punish you with a painful
doom, and put others in your
place."

They re uncountable. If you want more, visit
http://Prophetofdoom.net/Islamic_Quotes.Islam

‎"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read or write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." Alvin Toffler

ANOTHER DEMONSTRATION OF SHAME as Ghana prepares to sell electricity to Nigeria. Since we are bent on importing everything, I guess we need a country frm where we can import water & good roads. We need suggestions, please.

No be my fault, na too much anointing!
I was in a big crusade where the Lord used me to perform many miracles…
1) I prayed with a man that wanted to travel to Canada. There and then while still at the crusade venue, he got his travel papers approved, airline ticket, and he heard boarding announcement (by the host of angels) to Canada. So, he happily flew to Canada that same night! [Hmm, no be small anointing!]
2) A barren woman conceived there and then and put to bed at the crusade ground. [Hmm, no be small anointing!]
3) Some people who needed cars got cars there and then at the crusade venue.
So, instant miracles continued that night… and anything I said came to pass instantly!
I suddenly realized it was 15 minutes to 12 midnight, the time when I was supposed to commune with Papa God again… Then, I said SHIT! OMG, it took 1 month before they could start using that venue again

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her.

She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast, He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay, How old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says. "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man replies, "promise you won't get mad?" "I promise! I won't" she says.

He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.

They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?"

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing.

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose."What's wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?" she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

She is satisfied with this answer too.

At last the groom takes out his underwear and the woman exclaims "Oh no!! Don't tell me u also had Smallcox??"

[size=20pt]Do you think people like D'banj, Aki & Pawpaw, Don Jazzy and other xters in Nigeria that are recipients of our National award deserve it? I only know of Prof. Chinua Achebe, yet he's shunning the award amongst others. Can we quantify how positively each of these people (D'Banj & co) has imparted on Nigeria? If Snoop Doggy Dog and Tupac Shakur were Nigerians they would be the highest on our award list for OFR, MON, etc. Are we truly progressing?

Why aren't the likes of Oga Bello, Aluwe, Jide Kosoko, Tunde Kelani and Tade Ogidan get these awards too? Are we saying the likes of Aki & Pawpaw have imparted Nigeria better than Jide Kosoko & co

God Bless Nigeria![/size]

Thanks!

THIS IS WHAT I THINK,

Someone, a friend, posted this, "Arabic classes for children & adults now hold Sats & Suns at [], 10am-12noon. Call 0703000000 for details."

And here is my Response:

Look Mr, I want to be very frank with you here. Studying Arabic is just one of the ways that Nigerians have continued to religionise blindly, So, I personally will not lead in with stuffs like this.

Quite frankly, have we asked ourselves who a child would become after studying Arabic? At best another Arabic teacher who will be interpreting/translating the Koran. To me, I feel our generation should henceforth desist from religionising because religion is the problem of the world.

Perhaps you have seen this mind arousing message before, but I enjoin you to ponder over it more deeply and you find out that most of the things we practice in religion are actually other people's cultures.

Excerpts:

There was an army barracks that had on its duty roster 4 soldiers to guard at all times a concrete slab in front of the barracks. The soldiers changed shifts guarding the slabs for many years. Different commanders came and went and the tradition continued.
After many years, a new commander was assigned to the barracks. Amongst the things he did was asking why things were done the way they were. When he asked why soldiers were guarding the slab, he was told, "We've always done it this way. It's our tradition. Our former commanders instructed us to do that."
The commander was adamant on finding out why. He went to the archives to look for answers and he came across a document that had the explanation. The document was very old. It had instructions written by one of the retired commanders who had even passed away.
The new commander learnt that over 80 years ago, the barracks wanted to build a platform where events could be performed. When the concrete slab was laid, wild animals walked over it at night before the slab would dry. The soldiers would fix it the next morning but when evening came the same thing would happen. So the commander ordered that 4 soldiers should guard the concrete slab for 3 weeks to allow it to dry. The following week the commander was transferred to another post and a new commander was brought in. The new commander found the routine and enforced it and every commander that came did the same. Eighty years later the barracks continued guarding a concrete slab.

What beliefs, attitudes, traditions have you carried on that were relevant to certain people or a certain time and they are still being carried out by you? Is your opinion about yourself, people of a different race, the opposite sex, certain business opportunities, new products etc obsolete? Question the status quo.

The human mind is like a key that should open many locks (nature's mysteries), Unfortunately, our ancestors have created a system that is unusually restrictive and preventing our keys (minds) from unlocking the mysteries in nature,

Don't get me wrong my brother. I AM NOT AGAINST ISLAM but I AM against anything (religion specifically) that incarcerates the mind.

Religion, contrary to what we erroneously think, does NOT liberate the mind! Rather it worsens the state of the mind, reducing it to something akin to infertility. God created the human mind to be fertile but religion is subjecting the mind to the antithetical phenomenon. For instance, Galileo Galilei was killed by the so called CHURCH because he said the earth moved round the sun!!! What do we have in science today I have archives of many others that the Islam religion has destroyed. I won't go too far on the Islam thing but I'll never forget the way Gideon Akaluka's head was paraded on the streets of Kano by MUSLIMS, our fellow Nigerians!!!


Sirs and Mas, I submit, with passion and humility, that life is far worth much more than religionising. God has NO RELIGION, let us stop deceiving ourselves.

Thank you!

[size=20pt]SUNDAY MESSAGE: IT’S YOUR DREAM, KEEP IT![/size]

I stumbled on this story somewhere and felt I should share it with you people. Enjoy!

A friend of mine named Monty Roberts who owns a horse ranch in San Ysidro. He has let me use his house to put on fund-raising events to raise money for youth at risk programs.

The last time I was there he introduced me by saying, “I want to tell you why I let Jack use my horse. It all goes back to a story about a young man who was the son of an itinerant horse trainer who would go from stable to stable, race track to race track, farm to farm and ranch to ranch, training horses. As a result, the boy’s high school career was continually interrupted. When he was a senior, he was asked to write a paper about what he wanted to be and do when he grew up.

“That night he wrote a seven-page paper describing his goal of someday owning a horse ranch. He wrote about his dream in great detail and he even drew a diagram of a 200-acre ranch, showing the location of all the buildings, the stables and the track. Then he drew a detailed floor plan for a 4,000-square-foot house that would sit on a 200-acre dream ranch.
“He put a great deal of his heart into the project and the next day he handed it in to his teacher. Two days later he received his paper back. On the front page was a large red F with a note that read, `See me after class.’

“The boy with the dream went to see the teacher after class and asked, `Why did I receive an F?’

“The teacher said, `This is an unrealistic dream for a young boy like you. You have no money. You come from an itinerant family. You have no resources. Owning a horse ranch requires a lot of money. You have to buy the land. You have to pay for the original breeding stock and later you’ll have to pay large stud fees. There’s no way you could ever do it.’ Then the teacher added, `If you will rewrite this paper with a more realistic goal, I will reconsider your grade.’

“The boy went home and thought about it long and hard. He asked his father what he should do. His father said, `Look, son, you have to make up your own mind on this. However, I think it is a very important decision for you.’ “Finally, after sitting with it for a week, the boy turned in the same paper, making no changes at all.
He stated, “You can keep the F and I’ll keep my dream.”

Monty then turned to the assembled group and said, “I tell you this story because you are sitting in my 4,000-square-foot house in the middle of my 200-acre horse ranch. I still have that school paper framed over the fireplace.” He added, “The best part of the story is that two summers ago that same school teacher brought 30 kids to camp out on my ranch for a week.” When the teacher was leaving, he said, “Look, Monty, I can tell you this now. When I was your teacher, I was something of a dream stealer. During those years I stole a lot of kids’ dreams. Fortunately you had enough gumption not to give up on yours.”

“Don’t let anyone steal your dreams. Follow your heart, no matter what.”
Not all our dreams are meant to be shared with people, learn from the kids whose dreams were stolen by Monty’s teacher. How many people are we sharing our dreams with? A story is also told of man who went to pray on his contract papers on a Friday. When he got to the office where he was to submit is contract papers on early Monday morning, he met his pastor (the supposed man of God that had prayed with him the Friday preceding that Monday) waiting to tender documents for the same contract!

My people let us guide our dreams without seeking to kill other people’s dreams.

HAPPY SUNDAY!
God Bless Nigeria!

nobody can claim ownership of any joke. that is why they call it a joke.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE! I DID NOT KNOW I WAS GOING TO STUMBLE ON THIS THREAD TODAY. THANK GOD! I JUST SENT THE MESSAGE BELOW TO A FORUM:

I want to be very frank with you here. Studying Arabic is just one of the ways that Nigerians have continued to religionise blindly, So, I personally will not lead in with stuffs like Arabic studies.

Quite frankly, have we asked ourselves who a child would become after studying Arabic? At best another Arabic teacher who will be interpreting/translating the Koran. To me, I feel our generation should henceforth desist from religionising because religion is the problem of the world.

Perhaps you have seen this mind arousing message before, but I enjoin you to ponder over it more deeply and you find out that most of the things we practice in religion are actually other people's cultures.

Excerpts:

There was an army barracks that had on its duty roster 4 soldiers to guard at all times a concrete slab in front of the barracks. The soldiers changed shifts guarding the slabs for many years. Different commanders came and went and the tradition continued.
After many years, a new commander was assigned to the barracks. Amongst the things he did was asking why things were done the way they were. When he asked why soldiers were guarding the slab, he was told, "We've always done it this way. It's our tradition. Our former commanders instructed us to do that."
The commander was adamant on finding out why. He went to the archives to look for answers and he came across a document that had the explanation. The document was very old. It had instructions written by one of the retired commanders who had even passed away.
The new commander learnt that over 80 years ago, the barracks wanted to build a platform where events could be performed. When the concrete slab was laid, wild animals walked over it at night before the slab would dry. The soldiers would fix it the next morning but when evening came the same thing would happen. So the commander ordered that 4 soldiers should guard the concrete slab for 3 weeks to allow it to dry. The following week the commander was transferred to another post and a new commander was brought in. The new commander found the routine and enforced it and every commander that came did the same. Eighty years later the barracks continued guarding a concrete slab.

What beliefs, attitudes, traditions have you carried on that were relevant to certain people or a certain time and they are still being carried out by you? Is your opinion about yourself, people of a different race, the opposite sex, certain business opportunities, new products etc obsolete? Question the status quo.

The human mind is like a key that should open many locks (nature's mysteries), Unfortunately, our ancestors have created a system that is unusually restrictive and preventing our keys (minds) from unlocking the mysteries in nature,

Don't get me wrong my brother. I AM NOT AGAINST ISLAM but I AM against anything (religion specifically) that incarcerates the mind.

Religion, contrary to what we erroneously think, does NOT liberate the mind! Rather it worsens the state of the mind, reducing it to something akin to infertility. God created the human mind to be fertile but religion is subjecting the mind to the antithetical phenomenon. For instance, Galileo Galilei was killed by the so called CHURCH because he said the earth moved round the sun!!! What do we have in science today I have archives of many others that the Islam religion has destroyed. I won't go too far on the Islam thing but I'll never forget the way Gideon Akaluka's head was paraded on the streets of Kano by MUSLIMS, our fellow Nigerians!!!

Sirs, I submit, with passion and humility, that life is far worth much more than religionising. God has NO RELIGION, let us stop deceiving ourselves.

Thank you sirs!

[size=20pt]

Orikinla has said it all. Religion is no guarantee that you will see God. What each of us must understand is that God Himself does not value anything but the individual person. Religion makes little sense to me because it divides and is largely responsible for practically all of the problems we face in today's world.

[/size]

WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'.

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book,' she replies,

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

ogaga25:
story so fake as the poster

I guess you are the fake one here. Mscheew!!! Have we not heard of more terrible cases than this before Abeg carry that your hypocritical ideology comot for here joor.

Boss says to secretary: For a week, we will go abroad, so make arrangements.
Secretary makes a call 2 her Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, so look after yourself.
Husband makes call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let's spend the week together.
Secret lover makes a call to a little boy whom she is giving private lessons: I have to work for a week, so you need not come for class
Little boy makes call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week, I don't have classes 'coz my teacher is busy. Let's spend the week together.
Grandpa ( d boss ) makes a call to his Secretary: This week I am spending time with my grandson. We can't attend the meeting any longer.
Secretary makes a call to her husband: My boss has some personal matters to attend to, so our trip is cancelled.
Husband makes a call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together; my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover makes a call to little boy whom she is giving private lessons: This week we will have classes as usual.
Little boy makes a call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't keep you company.
Grandpa makes a call to his secretary: Don't worry, this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangements.
Question - WHO CONTROLS THIS CHAIN ?,

A wife asked her husband to describe her.
He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.
She said, 'What does that mean?'
He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'.
She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'
He said,
' I'm Just Kidding'

One day in the forest, 3 guys (Hausa, Igbo, and Yoruba) were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of cultists attacked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the cult's throne.

The don then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one nut fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man (Hausa man) returned with 10 groundnut fruits. The don then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy (Yoruba man) came in with 10 cola nut fruits. The don soon ordered him to do the same as the Hausa guy. After to the 9th fruit, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more cola nut and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the Igbo guy walking in with cocoa nut fruits."

Judek2:
Halt !!!

Now its time for Church,

Now time to sip the vodka!