₦airaland Forum

Sometimes, a person is not attracted to another becuz they do not feel worthy of the other. Maybe she feels that she really is not worthy of a good man who would treat her well and cherish her since her history is quick, throw away relationships. I might also add - that sometimes - it's the "nice" guys that do not inspire immediate sexual attraction, that are the very, very best at lovemaking! Cuz they r making love, not sex. also, it takes a lot more to truly love and be loved, than to feel that immediate sexual lust that comes and goes. Give me love & reality every time, is sooooo much better than the fantasy! Just my 2 cents worth!

I want a man like that!!!!

mine is march 21st.

I have dated a few naija men and I find them to be verrrrryyyyyyy romantic. None of them spent great sums of money on me which is good, cuz that is not d way to ma heart. Each person has a dominant Love Language - the Language that makes them feel loved. Some examples are: quality time, talking, service (doing things for them), listening, gifts ( not all inclusive). For me, romance from ma man would be in spending time wit me and truly enjoying each others company. Especially when he is busiest, to know he carved a bit of time (could even just be 10 minutes) to be just with me! Another thing I find romantic is his provision for his family-now I don mean just buying expensive things, I mean when he goes to work every day to provide his families needs, even when I KNOW he don't want to, but he does it cuz he is the provider. My romantic man, he has my back all d time, maybe sometimes even when i'm in a situation cuz of ma big mouth *blushing*. These are the romantic things that stand the test of time. Now, if I can just find one, SINGLE, romantic man for me!

Life is such a journey! Just because someone is seeing someone else, does not even mean it's the end unless u make it so. Love - it's such a complex thing. Being older, I have seen relationships of mine change and grow beyond just a romance. If you truly love your man, the love him, it may have to be a bit different from your romantic notions, but love knows no wrong. Responding to the poster who was saying a "full blooded naija man" will do his thang and no tell her, tsk tsk. I know many good, faithful, honest, hardworking naija men who would never do such to their wives and families. It's not all about chasing d skirt. It's just in d person. Now, if I can just find one single good naija man for mesef, it'll all b good! KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!

@ GNature, yup yup, JUST LOVE IT!!!

mail order?

@ Boondoggle
amen there! I am sooooo with Paul the Apostle, but then if we weren't, we wouldn't NEED Him!

so already confirmation I cannot purchase a reliable car in Lagos for only $500?

my boyfriend only loves me when I have money. But I do love him. What do I do now? Are there any men out there who can love a woman even if they don't have money?

Can I buy a car in Lagos with $500? ummm, a running car I mean!?

I am a woman who prefers the truth. The truth is always much more exciting than lies! The truth lasts! Give me a real man who can tell the truth with love and respect, that man will win my heart!

AMEN Dios! One cannot underestimate the church family. There are other pockets of Nigerian communities besides Texas also,
Wales1, just keep on keepin on,

yup yup, Not always the case, but a soul mate ideally should be your life partner. makes for a more tolerable life!

I am planning to travel to Lagos in November and would like to know of good hotels there and about what the rate/nite or week would run? I will be staying 2-3 weeks. Thanks!

right on, Kobe. I keep telling my friends they need to EXPECT to be treated like a queen, so act like one. Sex can be a beautiful part of a committed relationship, but it is NOT a relationship. As for placing blame where it belongs if my man cheats on me, yes, I DO have an ex husband, cuz i will not share - and it's not the other woman's fault. It's his. period. Now i have a very fine, honest, faithful man. Not perfect, but neither am I, but i don't need to worry bout him bringing me home some disease that will kill us. Great writing Kobe and thanks for letting a sistah know what a real man thinks!

I agree with kimba. The thing to remember is that we ALL lie. My husband did start out with some lies, ones that really did not need to be lied about. I just stayed my time, and within a few months he said he had to come clean cuz he realized he did love me and want me forever. For over two+ years now he has always told the truth, a couple times when he started not to, he corrected himself. He has shown me he is an honest man. It's when they DON'T want to be honest that they need to be kicked to the curb. Girl, if u r looking for am an who never lies, you'll be looking a long time. IMHO

There are definately valid points to so many of the responses. Men need to know their place in the home and their responsibilities. Women need to know their place in the family and responsibilities. They are really well spelled out in the Bible. God also says that when this balance is changed, then the family will disintegrate. This is what we are seeing. People are sooooo "enlightened" and "modern" that they have forgotten what their roles are in the family to make it strong and work well. btw - I am an American woman married to a wonderful naija man, and we both know what is expected of us to make a very happy home.

nice nice! As a woman who is biologically 48 years old, but nobody believes i am over 30 years old until they check my drivers license , I love this age! So much better than when i was 29 and still trying to figure things out. Now I KNOW what i like, KNOW what i want, KNOW what i need! one of the lessons i've learned is that every woman needs a hammer, cordless electric drill and a black lace bra! *ahem* oops, that should be another thread ah well, and my man is younger then me also by 11 years.

Woa! There are so many things going on in this thread! I truly don't understand what the difficulty is here, she married a man (no matter the reasons/circumstances - we all marry for so many different "reasons"; she cheated on him; he wasn't happy about it but is trying to do right by not just jumping into a divorce. As I understood the author, her husband has his papers already, but hasn't 'burned rubber". No matter where a man is from - he's still a man. And he deserves to be honoured and respected-especially in his own home. Just like any other country in this world, there are bad ones and good ones - men and women. IMHO, if y'all r still married, then stop all the "dating" others, sleep in the same bed, share the same bread, love the child u had together and WORK IT OUT. Talk it out, what does each of u want. Sleeping separate and pretending u r both free to date is nonsense. You both need to take it to the negotiation tables as a team, that is what a husband and wife are. Forget u married him to "help" him, that is all in the past, talk out where u both r now and cleave together. You both made a commitment, u need to abide by the commitment u made.

Roadblock:
Final word- Premarital sex lands people where they don't like. It rids a relationship of trust. If I can sleep with you before marriage just because I am your friend and i believe I love you, then anybody can sleep with you as long as they give you the kind of attention that I gave you. A better looking guy, more comfortable, and more caring guy will do the magic. Also fore the guy, he can sleep with any girl that he feels comfortable with and all these continue after wedding.

I agree with u all d way Roadblock. It erodes the issue of trust between a husband and wife. I will be getting married this coming fall, and my beloved and I have both agreed, that despite our strong attraction and physical desires, we want our marriage bed to be undefiled when we come together as one after marriage. Yes we are both older and have been in a relationship before this one, but since being together, at this point, we will be each other's last - and are saving ourselves to give to each other AFTER being wed. We cannot do anything about the past except repent, learn and turn away from those things - which means to come back to priniciples of our faith together. So 5 - 10 + years from now, my husband will not have to look back and wonder "if another man pays her attention and she is put out with me - will she lay with him?" And i will have that same trust in him. THAT is a large basis of building a life together. IMHO

What is societal view in nigeria for a man of 30 years old to marry a woman who is 48?

Orosunnuku:
@westee,
The future for you as a 419ner is definitely jail & lamentations, unlesss you repent now.
Repent today and chart a new course

are there any yahoo boys out there who have actually repented and turned their life around? I know it seems very difficult due to economic reasons, but can this honestly be done?

@Sweet T, wow, now r u one of those men who change? can hardly believe it being y'all from denton, (UNT here) really, and not all the "chicken heads" just go round spreading em, some of us insist on a man continuing at the 6 week level cuz we work hard to treat a man at the 6 week level.

Thank you so much for clarifying that for me titilayomi!  I appreciate it!  My comment did focus on marrying due to a deep love for each other as that is also as I understand your sister's relationship.  I had been wondering why the delay, but now I surely understand and I can understand better why they would stay separated with visitation.  Since it sounds like they have discussed it between them and the goal for US citizenship is mutual, I do believe that they can do this.  Marriage is for a lifetime, no matter where each party is.  And so often, even when the couple is living together, the distance can be greater.  Marriage can also provide a permanance to their union as well which could be beneficial for each of them.  And if getting married also provides him the ability to travel more freely to be with her, that is a definite plus also.  Again, thank u for educating me!  And the best to your sister and hers,

This is surely a difficult decision. And while there are those who have gone thru it (minniepoe) - it didn't appear that her situation was planned to be apart for so long. I am a US Citizen and will be married to a Nigerian man this coming fall, but our decision is to start his visa process right away so we can be together as soon as possible. We are also not marrying for papers, but because we are very much in love. There has been a lot of discussion regarding which continent to settle on, but it appears there are better job prospects here in the US for him, as well as the issue of my two sons. We had to look at who would be best able to relocate to which place. Myself, I cannot feature making the decision upfront to get married then plan on being apart for years. Best wishes to both of them, tho!

Layi ~ you would be a most precious diamond. Unfortunately, many women when younger would mistake the lump of coal and overlook such a fine man as you. Men - give women time. After they have been let down again and again by the bad boys/playas, they will WANT the man that before they only wanted to be "friends" with. Their loss. I'm a "simple" women, looking for a "simple" man, please do not read into that. I only prefer reality, the kind of man who has staying power, in life. THAT is the one for me. I think when a woman is taken in my a playa/pretender, it's cuz she is pretending too. Naw, not for this chica. Ain't got time for it. Give me a REAL man.