My biggest lesson?

Master the art of being valuable, this won’t happen unless you are extremely open - minded

Need money? Find out what people are people are paying for and find a way to either produce that thing or get it at a reduced price, opportunities abound.

Need a job? Find out what skills you need to learn to make ur cv attractive and get to work!

Need a girlfriend? Get in shape, learn social skills or just get get money! (Don’t ask me how, I stated that up there)

When u master being valuable, u will because a bit busy and won’t be idle, u will meet new ppl, meet new partners, new friends easily.

Time is the most valuable currency. Learn how to organize your day

Don’t multi task on anything.

Always look out for opportunities in your field by being an avid reader

Don’t be lazy

CowbellY:


Go to a tax office and pay a direct self assessment tax. It should be about 10k and they'll issue you a tax certificate for the last 3 years.

Its enough to cover you.

bro, please your attention is needed sir, thanks

CowbellY:


Go to a tax office and pay a direct self assessment tax. It should be about 10k and they'll issue you a tax certificate for the last 3 years.

Its enough to cover you.

CowbellY:


Go to a tax office and pay a direct self assessment tax. It should be about 10k and they'll issue you a tax certificate for the last 3 years.

Its enough to cover you.

My people help me oo, I am at the tax office and this guy here is telling me I need to pay minimum 100k tax for the past 3 years in order to pass the visa interview at the embassy- he said the will confirm how much I’ve paid in taxes and relate it to my income over the past 3 years. And if they do not correlate properly I would be rejected. I’m speechless right now

Toks2008:
If you ever did this then life has really dealt with you.

So let us know when and why you did it.

I think I did it for few days in my university days when i was so broke to buy new slippers.

Did this all through my childhood. Alhamdulilah

vikkimimi:
Help her get past this stage, and she'll be grateful...OR .....Do as you please, whatever your conviction is, follow it.

Sure, thanks dear and good morning

Splinz:


That's it: what you have to overcome in order to succeed. You know it's tiring and frustrating, also not willing to send her away.

No doubt, we all have our point of saturation. And if peradventure it gets to that level, you wouldn't be blamed.

So what? Just maintain the status quo till it gets to that stage. Luckily, it could be that it wouldn't get worst when everything is back to normalcy.

Ndo.

Thanks for this input man, peace

FreeMejoor1:
Rubbish talk..better mind ursef..

Kid #1, swerve

.

AllenSpencer:
Fvck the hell outta her pvssy and move on.

If she still stays glued to you, use her for money rituals

You deserve to drive Brabus 6X6

NIGERIANS!!!!

CowbellY:


Go to a tax office and pay a direct self assessment tax. It should be about 10k and they'll issue you a tax certificate for the last 3 years.

Its enough to cover you.

Thanks for this bro, I really appreciate

Yea so I am talking to a travel agent since I’ve not been able to pay tax due to other stuffs taking my time. The travel agent said the CAC certificate with a letter detailing how I’m earning money is enough for applying for this visa. I think it won’t hurt to go in that direction or what do My bosses think? Thanks

Ishilove:

That's great news. Now the ball is in your court.

Yes dear. With Gods guidance and divine intelligence, My family will get the best out of life.

Creamcustard:


I wish you all the best going forward!!

Special thanks to you madam(sir?). I sincerely appreciate your contributions

Ishilove:

How did it happen? Did you drive her or it was pops? What's the gurantee she won't come back?

When she returned. She was being hostile towards everyone including pops, no greetings et all. I suggested to pops to just ignore her and let her stay but all provisions in the kitchen, money he provides etc. should STOP until she apologizes for packing out for no reason. This went on for two days and I guess she got tired cuz she packed out on her own.

Nah she ain’t coming back in here. 100%

ferrariLaferrari:

Op you chased her? Full gist biko

I don’t think a “gist” is necessary. Thank you

.

carammel:

This woman
You may not be far from the truth though, the only difference is that the old man at least has a child that still cares even upon all the bad treatments towards his mom.

While the internet helps to gain perspectives from strangers. It also exposes you to psychopaths. Sighs

LadySarah:


lol
No boring day on Nl
Are You sure You are not Ops mother?

she must be my mother lol

Creamcustard:


Thank you for replying.

From the little you've written it does seem your father was very harsh when you were growing up and it is baffling for you to see him in this 'weakened' state.

It must've been quite a difficult childhood,sorry about that.

You mention that his mind is not sharp at all and he is super forgetful,he's even forgotten that he lost a huge amount of money and is saying different things.

It seems he was saying different things and you thought he was lying.

When I asked about cognitive decline,I mean forgetfulness,problems with memory,misplacing things, difficulty paying attention,getting lost,
moody,sometimes agitated, difficulty recognising people,places or things,finding things they used to do before very overwhelming, difficulty carrying out daily tasks,slower speech, struggling to remember words etc these are some features,depends on how severe.

What you have mentioned sounds like a man who now appears confused ,disorientated , lost,misplacing things fearful,not confident,bad short term memory,now very dependent on people to make decisions for him and do things for him, a complete opposite of the person you knew him to be.Arguing with your brother may be default mode,him doing what he knows to do best.

In the elderly some cognitive decline is normal,but for some people it veers towards dementia.

I'm not saying this is what it is as I haven't assessed your father,but where I work( outside Naija) when we see people like this we like to speak with them and their families,do a scan,do some blood tests,some paper exercises before we can say for sure this is it.

We also give medications but the medication is not a cure,all it does is slow down progression of disease.

I don't know what the pathway is in Nigeria and I think I'm jumping the gun but if you are concerned you should go to see a medic to rule out any other causes of this. Maybe it's normal aging,maybe there's something more? Can't tell.

What I'm really trying to say is that the forgetfulness could be very frightening for him ,The changes he may be noting in himself would be quite distressing .
Imagine being in a constant state of confusion , misplacing everything.. imagine the state his mind is in..a huge whirl so confrontation may lead to further antagonism and agitation.

If there is a medical problem,he may never return to the man you knew so simple steps to make life easier and simpler.

Eg 1. A watch that has the day and time
2. A diary and a pen for him to carry around and remind himself of things
3.Keep stimulated: it's excellent that he's started tennis
4. He can join the choir

He is also very vulnerable and already is being abused by his wife and her sister. He must be afraid of them but sees them as his care givers ,they are familiar to him so in situations like this,will swallow abuse than be in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people.


Abusers don't change,instead they will terrorise him further and hide the abuse better.

If they've started leaving his surroundings dirty,imagine what would happen if he declined further and maybe wets himself etc?


The only way to stop this is to find a carer to help him with his day to day living and also remove him and cut contact from the abusers.

However,if you feel his behaviour is no cause for concern per se,it's talking and gentle encouragement.


I wish you all the best..I'm sure I've forgotten to write a lot more things, busy at work.sorry

Thank you so much for taking your time to write this. You’ve expanded my perspective. I will take time to take your suggestions into play

keepingmum:
What the OP failed to mention here is that this woman is his father's Karma. The mother struggled and suffered with his dad when they were married. Op's dad was very abusive, a chronic cheat and abandoned his responsibilities. Infact, he built his new house and moved there with the step mum.
Eventually, Op's mum got her mojo and bounced....OP's dad is now old and frail and is expecting a slay queen to moddle cuddle him?
Where was he when OP's mum was been maltreated? When she got diagnosed with Diabetes and High BP? What you sow you reap!
Oga shebi we advised you to hands off this matter when you brought it to SDK but you no wan hear? Go and face your own home and leave your dad to face his marriage

Huh? Are you sure you did not miss road?

ericbertrand:
OK. Try to get her to talk to him, they were once married so she probably knows him more than anyone. Pls before the new wife drives him to an early grave.

okay bro, thank you

ericbertrand:
I know they are divorced but what is your mum saying about this? Did she remarry?

Yea she did. Reconciliation is not an option at the moment. Thank you bro

Creamcustard:
Hello jackyraw09,

This must be very distressing for you and especially your father.

He chose the woman himself for reasons best known to him so disengaging from her must be his decision with you gently encouraging him otherwise,no matter what you do,he will pine for her and sneak back to her at the slightest opportunity.

When you say he is weak,what do you mean? Does he have any cognitive impairment? Is his mind as sharp as it used to be,is he forgetful,is he able to feed,bathe, dress himself without help?
No cognitive impairment, his mind is not sharp at all, he is very forgetful, super-forgetful. This is someone who has forgotten he lost over a million couple of months ago and is not even supporting the efforts of the soldiers tracking the fraudster. They asked him where the woman lives and he was lying that he does not know the place. he took them to her shop and was afraid of getting out of the car. tell him A, ask him a minute later and he will argue that you said B.

On top of this, he's super secretive, you would decide on this, he would proceed to do something else, perhaps this has to do with him forgetting what you decided on at the first place, i am not sure. Growing up, he abused his children just to satisfy outsiders, always beating us even for the most trivial issues as long as its an outsider that came to report, (maybe inferiority complex?). Now, he lacks the confidence to confront ANYONE except my lil bro who is 20+, he cannot even confront the lil girl the woman brought from another marriage but let my bro just try to correct my Dad on anything and you will see the fearless part of him.

What is the woman's function? Companionship or help with daily stuff he needs done for him?
it is supposed to be companionship, but being the heartless person she is, she does not offer him none, his bathroom has remained unclean for the past one month, tell him to confront her and he will tell you he will do that tommorow. tommorow no dey finish.


Ask him what he wants? What are his interests? What does he want to do? Where are places he wants to visit? Travelling sounds great if in a group that share same interests.

This man has none! no goals, no dreams, no taste, give him sharwama, he will eat, give him garri, he will eat, buy him expensive clothe, he will wear, buy him rag, he will still wear, ask him what he wants, he will answer anything, ask him where he would like to visit, he will say he needs to consult his alfa, ask him what to cook, he will say anything, he has no identity of his own. damn!

He can start up a small walking football club for oldies ,they can meet and walk kick football for one hour just to keep fit.
he's now playing tennis. thanks

A university may be too much to handle but have you asked him if he wants to attend? A computer school may even be simpler just to keep him occupied.
Anything just to build his mind and get him back into being responsible on a daily basis.

How about book clubs?They read a particular and pick a day to discuss it.
Do we have those in this country?

Stuff like that that are not too tasking but can keep him occupied.

It's important you don't infantilise him as he may resent this and just do the opposite of what you want.

Gentle encouragement to see things from your perspective and accept the help you can offer.


I hope it improves.

Cheers!

Creamcustard, modified, thanks

ifyalways:
Do you know a "good" woman to introduce him to?
Is your mom remarried or/and any hope.of reconciliation between them?

Vacations, education, social media etc won't give him whatever he's seeking in a woman, you can only erase that woman by bringing him another and if he likes her or gets hooked, quietly arrange to annul the other marriage.

We became vulnerable when we grow old, reason the young and carefree should endeavour to get it right by marrying and staying married to the right person. When you are old and stupid , a loving spouse that has been through thick and thin with you makes the whole journey pleasurable.

Main reason why I want to start exposing him to environments where he will start having access to his mates who are likely not opportunists and have something going for them, atleast on dating sites we see women of 50+ getting swindled by G boys. Why? Because they have a vacuum in their heart that needs to be filled. I believe if my dad Starts exposing himself to nice environments he will surely meet his soul mate one way or the other. Due to the current economy it’s rare to see a comfortable woman who is sincerely seeking a soulmate, all we have are liabilities who are looking for someone who will shoulder their bullshits.

ImaIma1:
The university degree is a good idea and something that will keep him busy and challenge his mind. It would also make him mix up with a new crowd especially the part time program where you have more mature students.

Also, the vacation will do him good to see the world outside where he is which will expand his thinking.

You should also get him a laptop and let him join Facebook and connect with friends. And if possible, he can also learn a sport like tennis if it is accessible around.

Thanks dear for this reply, it has been noted. I will surely start planning this whole thing now.

Issue has been solved.

CityNGR:

Laugh at your ignorance

You get time sha! Reported for derailing

stagger:


Yes, FIRS has a calculator on their website which you can use. Then get a tax consultant to do it for you.

hmm thanks for this boss but i got one more. I have been doing business using my personal bank account and don't have a business bank account
at the moment.

now i have so many thoughts:

1. will i need to upgrade the personal account to a business? Also, since the earnings are mainly from online freelance and farming - will i be taxed by FIRS based on both or only farming?

i will proceed to the tax consultant's office tommorow but i want to be armed with as much info as i can get tonight.

thank you