Jaybeyblu's Posts
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OnyeEgo1:My dear the issue was not with his parents but with the man in question that does not know what he wants! He loves my food and always praises it. when I cook for him so why would he still be asking his mom and siblings if I cook well and if they like my food? I was on my best behaviour when I got there but after that I saw another character in him that I wasn't aware of before and that was he depended on his family's opinion to make any decison. What I am saying in a nutshell is that he dosnt need his family's opinion to know if he wants to marry the lady in question. Maybe this would be an opportunity to study her fiance and know how he behaves towards her when he is with his people. At the end it is her decision to make. |
Sophyrocks:Best advice so far! Your fiance is yet to know what he wants. I was in your shoes he told me, innocently I obeyed. After all I heard was him asking his mom how do u see her? Is she a wife material? He wld ask his siblings how do u like her food? He dependend on his people's opinion about me, from there severe scrutiny came, wahala, too many problems till I ran for my life. It was not a good experience. From my own experience I don't advice u to go. |
Amelian: OP, I smell money ritual things o.... a billionaire leaving his finance for his lover to control? when no be say na jazz person use for am?... no man in his right senses leaves his money for lover to control , even wife sef , na by sheer luck... op, such men dont exist..Thank you o! That's exactly what came to my mind, billoniare ko! Billoniare ni!, either she is about to be duped, or pimped or used for rituals, the gist is so shallow! Billoniare wants her to control his finances why? Amelian has said it all! Tell your wife to be very careful. |
joywendy: hehe this op's story is sounding like all this nollywood movies, where you can always predict what will happen at the end.Hmn 80 missed calls was better I said he called me none stop for a whole week, heaven would bear me witness. 2am when I wake Up to go to the bathroom my phone is ringing, it was scary my phone was useles for 1 week cos it was always ringin. When I confided in my colleagues at work they were laughing and one was even telling me that I am overeacting that when her man refused to pick she called and gave him over 70 missed calls but he dumped her sha! Later on when I finally picked I told him how can I leave my phone for few mins and get back and I see 80 missed calls does it seem normal to u? He told me that because he is" very very emotional" that's why that for that one week he cldnt eat he wld be bathing with one hand and d other hand he is holding his phone trying to call me!My luck was I never disclosed my house to him, I knew he is a psycho but my friends are thinking I am overeacting hence my coming here. Thanks to you all for your contributions. It really made my day. God bless u! |
aisha2: You sabi, these days just say "Baby, I am not here for games I am here for marriage and watch how fast the pants fly. "I want us to date will give you se-x alright, but "I want to marry you will give you all styles, hanging from chandaliers so she can "show" you how many yards of wife materials she is. Then after that you will get free food and free dry cleaningLmao! |
aisha2: Block him and move on.Thank you sis! God bless you. |
Icherishu: Please is there no block settings on your phone. Or rather you put him on reject list. Please do that as soon as possible. You are liberal o, if na me I for din block you tey tey.Thank you so much! I would block him asap. |
aisha2: Poster please Indulge me, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE IN THIS GUY THAT MAKES YOU HOLD ONI am not dating him I told him off like I stated in my post he just keeps calling. Thanks |
Another time , he told me he has a gift for me, kept talking that he has to send the gift across to me, he had to give it to my dad who was coming over to my city, kept over emphasizing about the gift and all that, so when I got the gift I saw it was airline pyjamas! (With qatar airline business class written all over it)I felt insulted but I thanked him anyways. I was very loving when we started talking but now I am just plain rude. My bestfriend told me to play along but I just can't. Am I wrong? |
Here is it: I met this guy mid last year, and he asked me out took my no, tried calling me but I was in a rship then so I didn't give him a chance. This year I broke up with my bf,2 mnths later this same guy that I met last year started calling me and was telling me that he has always loved me and he wants to marry me, I was suggesting we get to know each other 1st, he said ok, but I noticed the info he gives me about him self is very sketchy: he told me he works with a poular oil coy and he goes offshore 6months on and 6months off, so I asked him his offshore location and I am familiar with where most coy locations are but his story dosnt add up, he tells me he is travelling to uk today and I don't hear from him for a month and then I get a msg 'I just got back to nigeria' out of the blues. I have a feeling he lies a lot, and another aspect is that when he calls and maybe I was in a meeting he would keep calling till I pick, I wld go to d bathroom b4 I am back 80missed calls, I have only seen him 3 times, he is in a nearby city and can easily come if he wants to. My question is: if he is really serious won't he be very regular coming over to my town to see me? This is d 5th month since we started talking on phone, instead he wld call me go to so place go and collect this go and collect that, I told him that he shld stop sending me on so much errands, he would insist I leave my work, I should take permission, when I refused he started shouting at me that he wonders what is giving me wings, cos of that statement I hung up on him and refused to pick his calls and for 1 whole week my phone rung none stop I mean 24 hours a day my phone is ringing I cldnt receive any calls my phone was useless, when he calls he must question me, what happened I called u, I told him to stop questioning me, we are always quarelling he calls me always but I have told him we r not just compactable dat we shd be better of as friend but my friends tell me I may be so harsh towards him. Initially when he stared calling the only talk is what is the colour of ur pants, I would be like its 7am and I am at work, pls stop he wld be like this girl I am telling u that I am Hot and u are saying another thing u are not serious to settle down. he told my sister that I am very rude which I admit when he gets on my nerves but nairalanders am I over reacting? |
husu: I need a god fearing girl for marriage, the girl must be below 30 preferably from Anambra State. I am working in an oil servicing company and reside in Portharcourt. am having difficulty seeing my people here in Portharcourt. pls I need a fine girl. 08103291186Hope say you be fine bobo oo ![]() |
Thanks@shizzle11 i have called off the wedding! I was astonished as you are now when I met him, and as an Ibo lady also this was new and strange to me, I have racked my brain trying to figure out why would he be like that ( I even nicknamed him ancient of days ) because though he is a well learned man in his field of occupation, his reasoning is something else.so backward when it comes to marriage issues and relationships,I tried to convince my self that when he moves out everything would be ok maybe because he is not so exposed and lived all his life there, the last time we had a heated argument I told him that he was under a spell,he told my sisters that I abusedhim and told him that he was under a spell. he was so pained by that statement.. My brother trauma no be small, I even went for counseling in my church (that was early last year)and the pastor advised me to carry on with the wedding that it is their culture and I should just bear it that I can't change it. That the place my guy is from it is their tradition. I noticed so because those around him full grown men are still living with parents having kids there, but recently, most of them are getting their own places small boys around him including his younger ones have all moved out except him. |
When we started dating and I went to his house for the first time, I was shocked because of the state of his room so old, no better furniture just an old and out dated tv, if you see him outside, he is cute, looks good,dresses very well,has good cars and I was very disappointed when I came to his house. I told him for starters paint this room which he did, and I told him changed this old box tv to a plasma tv or LCD one. I told him to buy a 32 inch tv he said he would buy a 40" one I said fine, on reaching the store, he was like won't my father complain that this tv is too big? My father would say, this or that. I kept telling him but that is what you want go for it, he later changed his mind that he would go for a 29" TV because he is not so sure about his father's reaction. Then I didn't take this issue serious but now I am recalling all, if he can't make a stand for common tv that he wants to buy with his own hard earned money to put in his room, how much more to move out. ( at last he bought the 40" I seriously convinced him no be small thing oo) and his father (of course he has to show him the tv if he approves of it) approved and liked the tv so my guy was happy to finally hang it on his wall ![]() |
veave: RUN babe.He is the one that has decided to stay there, because he has brothers and they all have moved out and even as at that his father still bugs them to come back to the village and "why would they pay rent" 'and what is bad in living in the house with them' and each time they applaud my man telling him that he has done the right thing, and you see him beaming with smiles telling me ' you see what my father said'? He would tell me, "how many years remaining for them to stay on this earth highest 30 yrs." you can manage with them, his parents keep telling him almost on a daily basis how it is a scary world out there, why the village is the best, that he may move out and armed robbers would be disturbing him, and sunk so much fear in him that till this day my man hardly sleeps be it his friend's house, my house nor anywhere except a well secured hotel and his " almighty" village house.. ![]() |
greatestmistake: @ OP We are just in too similar shoesWow! God bless your mother! Calm down bro nothing is too difficult for God to do ! He can and would change your wife ok? Try and read this book: the power of a praying husband. *cheers* |
soul_glo: So you sat down and discussed with your parents to come get the kids and did not bother to mention it to their mother. Congratulations. You are the cause of your parents heartache and if they know that you never told your wife and still support your behavior then they are not being honest with you. They are adding to firewood to the fire. Good luck with your divorce. Ruin your children's life to make your parents who have lived their's already happyGod bless you for this comment! There are 2 sides to a story @ op do you derive her from seeing her own parents? Or the children from staying with her own parents ? Do you allow your parents to interfere in your marriage? Do you put her last and your parents first in all ?( in other words does her opinion count or they would have to be approved by mom and dad? ) I believe there is an underlying issue that makes her behaves this way but if you don't permit your parents to control your marriage and deprived her right as the woman of the home,then they have every right to see their grand children for Pete's sake preventing them from seeing the kids is just plain wickedness and it must be stopped.. |
I just told my father ( not the full details though!) but I told him that I am no longer interested about the marriage and he encouraged me. And told me to be prayerful that let God's will be done. That if we were meant to be we would be , but if he is not the right one for me, my own MR RIGHT would come soon. I am hopeful, and I thank you all for your advices God bless you... |
Acidosis:Thanks dear, I would keep that in mind.. |
@ candy dear I have complained about this long time ago on nairaland but nobody responded to it, I have complained to my close friends and as at last month his boss begged me to be patient that after January and my man doesn't move out I am free to make any decision I want to .. Whenever we have this issues my man would run to my sisters and promise them heaven and earth and they would feel sorry for him and be begging me to be patient. I know my guy he is good in winning people over he would tell the story like he is the victim here.. But I wear the shoes and I know where it pinches me.. End of January was the last ultimatum but as at 2 days ago he started picking fights with me out of the blues and I know that is his pattern as the time to move out is drawing near so he tries to use quarrels to avoid it! |
@ nikkyshine I love him and he is very caring but like someone said the family house problems beclouds everything and 90 percent of our misunderstanding is because of his staying in his family house.Whenever I give him an ultimatum he would start calling everybody, my sisters, brothers and friends to talk to me that he would move out, and actually that period he would contact agents and start searching for a house, but in the process of that he would be giving some funny conditions like: 'I don't like upstairs because my mom is not so strong she may not be able to climb it' but even as at that he went as far as buying properties for the new apartment and I was convinced that he would move out we kept tabs on a particular house, but later on we got disappointed as the lady that was supposed to pack out told us her sister was interested in the house. So my man stopped searching for another house and I try to talk about it he would start quarreling all over again. It is not like I have been there folding my arms for 3 yrs I would insist he should move out he would make a move that period when I relax believing he is serious to move out he would give one excuse that he is eating the rent money he would replace it next month and that's how he would relax and not move out again. |
Jbluv55: JUNE BABIES IN THE HOUSE |
MayorSchwags: june 8 or no bdayYay! Birthday mate! ![]() |
Thank you all! I would tell my dad today.....Sorry OP for delaring the thread I am just a sister in distress.. |
Ok thank you guys please how do I call it off (the wedding is supposed to be next month) how do I tell my parents, they are really excited about the wedding and all that. We have almost concluded all preparations . Thanks |
When we have misunderstandings and we are trying to resolve it and I tell him; I don't like how you went about this for instance, his response would always be my father said that this or my mother said that , I would ask him please am I dating your parents ? The other day I was showing a close friend of mine our text messages and he was shocked because no text message my man sent to me doesn't start with my mother or my father.. Even if he eventually moves out would he change? And be a little detached because he is a mama's boy to the extreme in this case it is with both parents, or he behaves that way because he simply has stayed there for too long he is so used to them? Because I have lost interest and even if he moves out he can always call them on the phone to discuss our marriage issues with them..that time he promised he would move out, he said even when we do we must spend every weekend in his village and I was like weekends are when you clean up, and spend time with each other and we could go visiting on Sundays after church stay there till evenings and go back home. And All hell was let loose! "That I hate his family that he has agreed to move out but he must spend weekend in his village". Please should I call of the wedding? Because I am exhausted and depressed |
I was about to create a thread about this issue till I came across this topic. Because it is a serious one.. I am engaged to be married this year and my fiancé still lives with his parents in his village. It is quite a distance to his work but he prefers to live in their house ( which is not so modern just to please his parents) and as his wife to be,these years of dating him has been a tug of war .and as I am typing this we are at the verge of breaking up because he has bluntly refused to move out of there..NO single privacy; any single thing that happens he would run to mama this is a man in his mid 30's with a good paying job.. This is a house that he was born in, so he is still living there in that same room, it is so small and uncomfortable but he is staying there and his parents back him up. Because of this we are always having serious issues about petty things: you said this about my mother, my mother said this, I don't like the fact that you don't spend enough time with my mom. It is driving me crazy I am working and he expects me to sit down and fry garri with his mom any little time I visit him in his words;" it would show that I am fully integrated in his family" ... I can't even spend time with him because when I come visiting he would tell me to go and sit with his mother , his parents come first before anything and he is obsessed with them.. I have bought my wedding gown and we have even fixed a wedding date but I don't think I can cope any longer because I am stressed out and loosing my mind because of this family house issue. For 3 yrs of dating him no single misunderstanding that happens between both of us that he wouldn't tell his parents. Living with parents ruin marriages it has ruined a lot and yet people still consider it.. If you want to be happy in marriage please move to your own apartment no matter how small.. The worst part when he finally agreed to move out he kept postponing it and till now he hasn't made a single move, instead he ran to his parents and told them that I am insisting he should move out when his mother came to confront me ,that I want to separate the family I explained to her that it was her son that promised me that prior to our wedding,he would move out. his mother was so bitter, she turned to him and asked if it was true? My man started stuttering that he has tried to stay there and he has to move out, that the space is so small, no electricity, his mom flared up and told him that he should take a break with me . The matter escalated and he promised me he must move out. Afterwards, when the date to move out draws near he would start picking fights with me out of the blues, act like he never even said anything about moving out, and we would just go back to square one. Some times I think he is manipulated diabolically... I really need help! |
I had wanted to create a thread for this issue but I searched and found that it was created . I am facing similar issues. I am engaged to be married early next year and my fiance still lives with his parents and has bluntly refused to move out, to make matters worse it is just a 3 bedroom apartment and he is restricted to only a tiny room but he sees it like a palace and is very comfortable there,he even created a small kitchen and toilet inside the room, I can hardly breathe because it is such a small place,very hot tight and uncomfortable, he is a graduate and his salary is very ok he has fleet of cars but wants to stay there and get married, anytime I tell him he shld move out all hell would break loose and he would rush out and tell his parents and they would gang up against me even telling him to break up with me cos I want to seperate them. I even started wondering if his parents use diabolic means to keep him there because it seems his life depends on staying there from his reactions if I tell him to move out. He finally agreed but has been prostponing it and I know that he may want to trick me. This issue has caused me headaches and serious stress and I am thinking of calling off the wedding because I am tired. We are very much in love but I am confused that why would he enjoy staying in his village house very far away from work? He would make comments like every weekend we would come back to the village even when we pack out,and I can pay for the house but still be staying here meaning I would be alone. Smh* I am tired I have battled this for more than 3 yrs and he is not ready I am just feeling bad that I have bought my wedding gown and all our stuffs for the wedding, because I really can't cope with living in that small room. No privacy nothing! He is a complete mama's boy who is in his mid 30's and everything that happens between us he runs to mama to tell her,he is sooooo attached that it is weird, his younger brother advised me to manage because if I eventually succeed in making him move out he knows that many people would fight me, (his bros dosnt live with his parents and they don't control him so they see him as the black sheep of the family) while my fiance who is easily controlled they see him as the best! I am really devastated. |
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) because though he is a well learned man in his field of occupation, his reasoning is something else.so backward when it comes to marriage issues and relationships,I tried to convince my self that when he moves out everything would be ok maybe because he is not so exposed and lived all his life there, the last time we had a heated argument I told him that he was under a spell,he told my sisters that I abusedhim and told him that he was under a spell. he was so pained by that statement.. My brother trauma no be small, I even went for counseling in my church (that was early last year)and the pastor advised me to carry on with the wedding that it is their culture and I should just bear it that I can't change it. That the place my guy is from it is their tradition. I noticed so because those around him full grown men are still living with parents having kids there, but recently, most of them are getting their own places small boys around him including his younger ones have all moved out except him.

. Thanks