anthochie:

Ull apply for rp ...which is issued for degree programs and vocational...if u need a list of vocational schools I could provide a few for u.

Please if you could list a few it would be appreciated.
Thank you

anthochie:

Like I said an understanding for the denial is key. I am sorry for the denial, I know how u feel. Now that we know the denial wasn’t based on any unprovided document or key unmet criteria...yes ..u should take the study route..there r vocational schools that offer free tuition and the application begins in February..the bachelors degree has tuition fees and requires u take an examination outside Nigeria (poses some stress). Ask ur husband to fill u in on the vocational thing..it’s quite easy to apply for and easy to get accepted. Best of luck ma’am...and hey no worries...u surely will come over to be with ur husband...na just small time be the sacrifice.

Thank you for your kind response, so i need to apply for RP or visa? On the site the only criteria for application for Rp based on studies is only if it is a degree programme. I would make a research about the vocational courses and also talk with my husband about it.

anthochie:


If u dnt mind sharing, what was migris reason for the denial...a clear understanding of this will help in future applications...switching from one application to another (spousal to study) immediately after a denial raises a lot of red flags...this is my opinion cos u will be asked at the interview why the sudden switch rather than rectifying the reasons for the denial in the first application...and the last impression U want to give them now is that u r desperate..(with all the immigration crisis going on in Europe especially with Nigerians)

The reason: we didnt live together before our marriage and currently not living together (living together meaning minimum of one year or so).
And yes we are desperate we need to live a normal family life. So i felt if i applied for school
Then we can live together because how would we live a family life when they keep refusing me entry to his country? What do you suggest? Do i reapply again? Or appeal the decision

Thank you

Good Day all!

Please i need advice because i am really confused on the next step to take. i applied for RP based on family ties to Finland but after a year of waiting (Really delayed) i was rejected, my spouse suggested we re apply again but i am really scared and i just dont want through the same stress and sleepless nights of waiting and unsure of the decision. so i am suggesting i rather re apply for RP based on studies, Then i can school and also live a family life with my husband. I had the intention of studying information management systems and i just started checking universities online this week regarding it but i could not find any studies on IMS in English or maybe i am not checking the right websites.

Please if anyone here can give me ideas, regarding schools in Helsinki or close by. i intend to do a bachelor's degree and then continue with a masters degree program, My first degree is in biological sciences and is not related to IMS and i dont intend to further my studies as my job here in Nigeria has taken me away from that career path and it is steering towards this new interest that i intend to study

Thank you
(forgive my typo errors if any, i am pretty destabilized at the moment )

Thank you.

These are some of the traits of a narcissistic mother;
1.she has to be the centre of attention at all times.
2. She demeans, criticizes and makes derogatory remarks against you.
3. She violates your boundaries
4. She destroyes your relationships
5. She favourites (that is where the golden child and the scape goat child comes to play)
6. She is a habitual liar
7. She is very jealous and highly competitive of
her child/children
8. She makes you look crazy
9. She is self absorbed
10. She is childish and petty. (My mom is the queen of this, when i was 14 years old she gave me the silent treatment for 2 yrs in the same house, she never uttered a word to me. Now we are all out of the house, my father is going through a lot now).
11. She terrorized you
12. She sheds her parental responsibilities as soon as she is able to.
13. She is never wrong about anything.
14. She goes on smear campaigns.(this was done almost on a daily basis to us)

The list goes on and on, i know it is a sensitive topic to discuss, but i have met just a few people who have family members like this, and i also try to reach out to others who may not even be aware that this is the issue. Then i didnt know about Npd it was really confusing to me, all i hear is have they prayed for your mother? Have you prayed? Sure prayer works but what if she dosnt change? Do i spend the rest of my life wishing and hoping that when she becomes a better person then she would realize all she did to her children and then we would be happy?
My siblings and i have accepted it that she may never change, matter of fact she is getting worse and the person i feel most sorry for is my dad, (most times he dosnt come home during his work break because he knows my mother is unpleasable).

@ stewie101 i hope i have answered your question

Hello guys,
I decided to create this topic especially for those who are dealing with a family member with narcissistic personality disorder, it could be your spouse, sibling or parent.
I for sure know the negative effects of of narcissistic abuse and how emotionally draining it can be with such a person.
unfortunately i have a narcissistic mother and know how traumatic it was for me growing up, my teenage years i remembered was mostly full of pain and agony as my mother would maltreat me for no reason. As the first born of my family, i thought she just hated me and i doubted she was my real mother but as my younger siblings grew she did the same to them and even now that we are adults the abuse continued, and she extended it to our immediate families as well. i and my siblings had an agreement that in order for us to have our sanity and peace of mind we had to totally cut contact with her and also to protect our marriages because she was on the verge of destroying them.
This was quite a painful decision but it had to be done, now i can say finally we have a breath of fresh air!!!
It is 2 years and counting now with no contact with our mother and though we hope she would change to be a better person we still love her, but if she does not change, we have to focus on us and our healing from the emotional scars done to us over the years.

i would give a break down of my story later, i made lots of research and i realized few years ago that she was a core narcissist and also came to the realization that they hardly change. so this group is aimed at supporting those who are dealing with similar issues, sharing our own stories and also providing solutions for healing and dealing with a family member with NPD.
sorry for my lengthy post

Wow, this is serious.. i never knew what succubus was till i watched an episode of haunted on the investigation reality channel.. to me it is your husband that needs the deliverance more, let me share the story;
The man was always sexually aroused while asleep, then a beautiful woman makes love to him in his dream and he really enjoyed it that he hid it from his wife. every night he said he looked forward to his experience in the dream. after some weeks, the demon began to get violent and possessive even attacking his wife with scratches when the man got intimate with his wife. he put up a night surveillance cam and what they showed on tv when the tape was played was really scary. it knocked down the lamp on the table and the man began to gasp for air like someone was strangling him. he got this strangulation attacks every night he becomes intimate with his wife that he had to tell her the truth.

Solution; they called a demonologist who used a sage, which is known to chase away dark energies from a space, and he said the only way the demon would leave is by will. they told the wife to take charge of her home telling the demon to leave her and her husband alone, they dont want it in their home, and the woman kept repeating it. they told the man also to tell the demon that he dosnt want it in their home and the man kept saying "I cant" after so much convincing he mustered the strength to tell the demon that it is not needed and it left their home. it was an intense session that even the camera crew man was attacked with scratches by the what-so-ever.

I strongly agree with the camera idea, you need to know what is happening, even if you cant see the "demon" but you can view your reactions during that time or any moving objects like your getting unclad etc.
also if your fears and suspicions are proven, any prayer or casting out to be done with both you and your husband present.
my take. good luck dear.

Does it have a seal from the ministry of foreign affairs? if not he should go to the ministry of foreign affairs Abuja they would stamp the marriage certificate. it is called authentication of your document it costs about 600 naira (i also photocopied my marriage cert and it was also stamped ). i think your embassy also should have a way of legalizing documents. my husband is a foreigner and his embassy had a consulting firm which specializes in legalizing documents. so we paid a certain amount about 100k to the consulting firm (depending on the conditions) and the legalization was done within a week.
Hope this helps.

Hi OP, Just a suggestion. as the head of the home you should lead by example. i am not here to say who is wrong or who is right but your marriage is very young and this should be the time you both should be so lovey dovey with each other. one word i am sorry would end all this stress. life is too short to be sad most of the time. the silent treatment is a wrong way to go about things but refusing her food either is not the right way as well.
If she was the one that made the complaint i would tell her to go apologize to you again. but you said she has apologized. on her behalf i am saying please forgive her and move on.
why would you be unhappy on purpose? you want to have high bp at this young age? please forgive and forget. Perhaps she said that out of anger and that was totally wrong. Please do not waste precious time being unhappy, marriage is full of ups and downs, strive to be happy no matter what. I wish you the best in your marriage.

LOL I thought i was the only one till i realized it is a norm here. when i begun work here i scanned everywhere i was like; hmm OK some really cool single guys. For where? instead it was married men that came flocking around me, i mean serious pestering by these men, none were exempted except for the expatriates that i worked with. at a certain stage i was getting depressed, i asked my single friends why are only married men coming my way? and they also expressed concerns as well that same thing happens to them. so i knew it was not my problem.
The annoying part is that the single ones never ask me or my single friends out. the ones that manage to do wants just a side piece, it is crazy!

Dear Op, nothing is wrong with you it is the society we live in. and i must confess that maybe the reason why some girls date married men is because they are the only ones that seem to be serious with them. it takes the grace of God to overcome these temptations. what i do is i laugh with them and i am not rude to them, because most of them are my bosses in the office and then i keep posting them and eventually they get the message that i am not interested and they back off.

Wawu! BUT march salary not yet paid.. ENJOY!

Sage the house or burn incense.

kibzz:
My mom is superb.. Marry one of her sons..

wow! ok

cococandy:
Instead of her to pray for a good one she's prayed for a dead one. Lol.
Hope she's ready to die before her sons marry? God forbid though. Just using it as rhetoric.

She should have been wise enough to know that everyone can't be bad like her mom who treated her (your aunt's) SILs badly.

I just don't see any sense in such comments and that she made them to you shows she's no different from her mom (your grandma) whom she's trying to avoid in a MIL.

Exactly! Funny enough my aunt now has 3 boys imagine if their future wives pray the same prayers. lol.

My aunt prayed to marry a man whose mother is dead and she did marry one. her reasons was that she saw how her mom (my grand ma) treated her daughters in law terribly and she wouldn't want that. on the other hand, I love the inspiring stories i read here on wonderful MIL's and i pray to God that i would have a wonderful MIL who would treat me like her daughter despite the past experiences i had. It depends on the individual though like someone said, if you are a good person you are good, MIL or DIL. I for sure know that my mother would be a bad MIL to her future daughters in-law, she is insatiable. and i just hope my brothers stand up for their wives when the time comes because honestly i feel sorry for them already.

My siblings i would not change.
my mom i would change in a heart beat
my dad also i would change

In Nigeria it is now compulsory If you are getting trained here, at least i am aware of the one in Zaria it is a criteria before you are considered for admission . In previous years it was not so, i have friends who were former classmates who after secondary school went for flying schools and they are doing well and working in good companies without a Bsc . I think the most important thing is if you are a qualified pilot Bsc or no Bsc.

@op you have to work on healing first and recovery from the trauma of your past before you may be able to function properly, the anxieties and depression you feel is an after math of the abuse you suffered. I suggest you see a psychologist, but if you are unable to do so, you could check the internet and look for ways you can heal from emotional abuse. You can also join a group of people (there are lots) or a forum where you interact with people who have gone through similar abuse and are recovering, just like a support system. As for changing your job, most bosses shout, you have to work on your self first if not you would keep changing jobs. Are you a christain? If you are i suggest you get some books on mental health and emotional healing, i can recommend the book; beauty for ashes, by joyce meyer. I hope this helps. *Hugs*

Sure! @Emperior1 you can send me a DM..

Now I have made a decision t want to totally cut off from them, they are more harm than good and very toxic us. I thought all we change when we get married but I see how they are almost wrecking her home. Thank God for her type of inlaws. I read about narcissistic parents and my mother is an ideal candidate.and the only solution preferred is cutting off entirely. I don't want them to even be at my wedding and my sis mother inlaw is saying that they are my parents it is their right to be there, but they said they don't want and honestly I am through with them, because I know they want to use it to trap me especially trad wedding and my mom's friend was telling me how my mom keeps telling her how she would show especially me pepper, especially when I want to get married. I have had it up to here and I don't mind only doing court wedding and my husband to be would just fulfill all the things in the list for the village people and all that. And ignore that of my parents because I am tired.. I pray God gives me an understanding husband and inlaws,. As for my future kids. god would help us to become good parents, now I am aware of how a child can be damaged when their upbringing is terrible. So we deliberately try to be not like them.. We are very close as siblings and my siblings see me as their mom. And I thank God for that.. I have a niece now and I see how my sis loves her.. And I know she would be a good mother.. My own mother tormented me that I was a wicked child that she went through labour for 2 days. But my sister went through labour for 2 days also and she doesn't even remember because she is over joyed that she has a child. God help us all..(thanks all for your kind words) God bless you.

My sis mother inlaw called her and told her that my mother called her and was telling her that we maltreated her.. Her mil was like she knows her daughter inlaw is not like that maybe there was a misunderstanding. My mother responded that she is always supporting her daughter inlaw and hung up on her. And since then my sis mother inlaw tried calling my mom till today no response this happens about a month plus ago.. Immediately my mom left that early morning my sis called my dad and told him how my mom behaved. Her husband also called my dad and my dad was very sad and apologized to them both. I had to go to work that morning so when I had settled at work by 11am I called my dad to also tell him and his tone changed to be very aggressive. I knew something is wrong and I asked if he had heard from my mom and he said she is already home with him. And I was like ok. And I ended the conversation . My dad now called my sis husband and started telling him that why would he allow his wife (my sis to be controlling him) so he was there and we maltreated his wife. And her hubby was shocked . After wards my mother called my sister's father inlaw started criticizing her before him. My sister was fed up and sent my mother a text that she dare not run her down before her inlaws or husband and the next time she does, she would teach her a lesson she would never forget... After w while. I got a text from my dad while I was at work, that I seize to be his daughter I should never contact him or my mom again they have disowned me... That he was traumatized by all the problems we are creating, I called my sis and she said my dad sent the same text to her.. ...this is not the first Time my father has told me severally he has disowned me. If he is having a misunderstanding with any of my sibling the burden would be on me he would just pour his anger on me.. And as at this time he sent me this text I was fed up with the bullying. I responded the text that so be it.. I would not die but he shld remember that if he used to use knives and cutlass to beat us up and call police for us and we were innocent and enough is enough.. He now responded my text that I am a total disgrace and a shame to my family that all my mates are Married and I am not ashamed of my self( pls I would get back in a bit) work tins

Sorry for the delay. Ok so despite the fact my sis was very reluctant for my mom to come for omugwo her mother inlaw pleaded that we pamper her and we did she never bath the baby, she watched african magic all through. The baby would be crying and she won't even carry her, she would be like " you are going to make her get used to carried" I gave my mom all the necessary attention she needed my sis was stitched down there so she Cldnt move properly but we tried our best to please my mom..that night she wanted to bathe the baby she asked me and I told her we don't normally bathe the baby so early, we bathe her by 10pm so that she would sleep and not wake up so early. As that is the case when swe bathe her by 7pm. My mom said or maybe she dosnt want me to touch her baby? And my mom went straight to her room. I later dished her food out called her to eat she refused, put off the light and slept. My sis went to wake her up " ok mom come and bathe baby" no response. We knew it was her usual self so I gave the baby a bath and we all went to bed... 4am my mother packed her load.. She wants to leave.. My sister's husband was shocked,asking her what happened she started screaming" let me go, I have my own comfortable home, rubbish " my sis was like mom pls stop embarrassing me in my home my mom just dragged her things and left. ( pls I would continue let me tend to my work a bit) thanks.

Hi family, I just want to pour out my heart on the challenges I and my siblings are going through. It is quite long because it has been on since we were kids so I would write them in bits. I am in my late 20's and the first child and grew up an unhappy child, as young as 9-10 yrs old my mother maltreated me severely (and yes she is my real mom) she is very malicious that she kept malice with me in the same house for 3yrs without saying a word to me, I was in jss1 then And it never stopped. When I talk to friends and family they would say the parent is always right go and beg your mom, and then my mom would be laying curses on me, "u wld suffer you ugly girl" and so on and so forth, I would be reading in fear because she cursed me I won't pass and I would actually fail the exams and she would come back to taunt me, she starved me in the house that I relied heavily on a friend of mine for food till I finally got to the university.in my teenage years I thought I had a problem, I even contemplated suicide so many times. Then she started extending this attitude to my younger siblings we all were in the university and only her and my dad would be at home because we schooled in other states. For a full semester my mother would never call any of us for one day all 5 of us.we the kids knew we were not the problem because my mom doesn't speak to her in-laws, she has quarreled with her best friend, she is keeping malice with her own siblings....... Now my father has his own problems he may have cautioned my mother on her malicious behavior but instead of her to listen she would keep malice with him. My father has a very violent temper. He used to beat us without mercy with any weapon in hand, knives, he kicks my stomach on a regular basis the last time he beat me was 3 yrs ago. I had finished my nysc and was working already, he is a respecter of none he has beat up his mother inlaw, his sisters inlaws and his siblings nicknamed him " idi Amin" when my younger brother grew up, he became our muscle, so my father couldn't beat us again because he was getting weaker, so he resulted in calling police for us all the time I have slept in the cell twice....., for our part as kids we are not perfect we made good results in schools, we were never expelled or known as reckless kids, curfew in our house is 6pm and we abided by the rules till we all graduated and left home. One time my father called the army for us and (no offense to the police) but the police just picks us up to the station without even listening to us but the army men told my father that before he picks us to the barrack to "flog us" as my father has instructed him to do what was our crime? My father couldn't give a reasonable answer. The army men were pissed off and instead criticized my parents and advised us to try and leave the house as soon as possible.... Now today we all work (thank God) and are all out of the house but the torture still continues... my younger sister just gave birth. But from the 6th month of the pregnancy my mother never called her till she gave birth, I was the one who was with her in the labour ward and followed her home to take care of her my mother never called just for no reason, and it is her first grand child.. Tongues started wagging that my mother can even extend her malicious attitude even when she has her first grand child, and out of shame my mother decided to come for omugwo ...... She came and stayed for a day and I know my mother always like to be the center of attention but she saw that all attention was been given to my sister and the new born although I tried my best to please her, .... (Pls I would continue let me prepare for work)

diegs:


same with me. i bot the line and dey said u av to be on CUG. we could form a group and see if it works but then we need a third person.

It is not the registering that is the problem it is for etisalat to send you the "link" that you are supposed to send your biz plan that is the big wahala. I got 3 people to register as a matter of fact bought 3 sims for them, registered them did everything for them. When i was now eligible according to etisalat to send the yes to 5885 to get the link where I could submit my biz plan, I sent it everyday. I send yes about 10 times a day no response I have sent over 69 yes msgs no response nothing. Their customer service is nothing to write home about. I sent them a mail, dm them on Instagram no response. It is just a waste of my time money and energy I spent about 8 thousand naira in all. Na wah.

Nugess:
Just stumbled on this thread,@jaybeyblu are you married now??what is the situation of things?

Lol! Nope not married yet.

I had serious pimples since I was 12..(mind you dear my mother always yabs me and calls me stone face ) so don't be depressed you are beautiful! last year, I noticed all my pores were blocked with black heads. No single empty pore! it was like my face was manufacturing pimples so I bought avon clear skin scrub.( u can use any facial scrub that is mild) and I scrub my face with it every 3 days and I saw good results. My pores were open and my face smooth, but if I leave it for about 2 weeks it would be blocked again .so it is a continuos process for us with acne prone skin. Also I take vitamin c 1000mg supplement everyday and it actually heals my skin and brightens it cos I was always pinching it . And for the spot remover, my sister introduced me to one Chinese spot remover cream .I bought it at shop rite lekki. The cream is in a white small container with a brown cover. I don't know the name because it is written in Chinese. Within one week all my spots cleared.( please don't rub it all over your face ! just specially rub it on the spots only) it works like magic the cream is about 800 naira. Now my skin is smooth as ever no spots . Also every weekend try and steam your face . thank me later!

Still available

bnovative:
why do u want to sell it?

I want to sell because I got another car. The car is in good condition. Thanks.

Still available