₦airaland Forum

Galatians 6: 1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

This phrase comes from the book, As a Man Thinketh by James Allen.

I’ve been spending quite a lot of time with a very good friend of mine, teaching him about how to interact with girls and create sparks of attraction as he talks to them.

It was slow going at first, but once he picked up momentum, my man became as excited as a puppy with two tails. Almost every evening, he’ll come to see me and share testimonies about how the lessons I’d taught him were effective.

But there was a big problem.

He’s in love with a girl who absolutely cares nothing for him.

I mean, I understand why he’s attracted to her; the girl is quite sexy and interesting to look at—a thicc Igbo girl, caramel skin, long lashes, full-formed eyebrows, pouty lips, and well spoken.

But my guy is smitten.

Every lesson he’s learned and applied with other girls, once it comes to this girl, it’s like the tap dries up.

And because she can sense he’s weak for her (guy-man even confessed his feelings to her and she shut him straight down), she disrespects him, spends his money, and he won’t even get a hug for all his troubles.

He spends time talking to her, being emotionally supportive, escorting her to places, going to see her at home, hanging out with her and their clique at their usual watering hole. She comes to his place, eats his food, gets him to spend on her, tells him to ‘borrow’ her money which she never pays back… Lol. And he doesn’t get anything in return.

I don’t spend a fraction of the time he spends with her as she does, yet when she’s around me, she purrs like a kitten. She just casually holds me and rubs herself against me, and I return her energy. If I wanted to bed her, I could have done so several times over with practically minimal effort.

I even try to restrict my flirting with her (I flirt unconsciously) because I can tell my guy is jealous and his emotions are involved. But this girl is a fully sensual creature in her prime, and well aware of her sexuality. Lol.

Unfortunately, my guy is getting the short end of the stick. In his front like this, guys will call her and they’ll go out, and guy man won’t do anything about it. She’ll go to spend the weekend in God-knows-where and she’ll come back, and my man will have to swallow it. After all, it’s not like they’re dating, but still—

Coupled with the endless hours of advice I’ve given this guy, he is still watching videos about getting girls on Youtube. Yet. Nothing changes.

Normally, he’s an insomniac, but recently, he has become an increasingly frustrated and borderline violent insomniac. He’s down on his self-esteem. The confidence he’d gotten from other girls getting attracted to him, blushing around him, and giving him that much-needed respect, has evaporated.

He feels he’s useless. He feels he’s stuck. He feels he’s a coward. He feels all sorts of negativity in his life

Last night, I called him and asked him to tell me one good piece of advice he knows on how to deal with his situation. He mentioned one. So I asked him, why hasn’t he applied it. He started to give me reasons—that’s when I interrupted him.

I told him, it doesn’t matter how much I try to tell him, or how many videos he watches online. If there’s something inside of him that’s resistant to the advice he’s getting—if something is stopping him from acting on all of that advice—then coming to hear more advice is pointless.

And it’s funny because he’s really frustrated at the way things are. He knows the answer but doesn’t want to admit he does because doing so would involve him letting go of some things.

He knows what he needs to do, but he’s too in love with who he has been, yet he wants the results that come with being a different person.

You see it with many people today. They want to change their circumstances, but they don’t want to change themselves. They don’t want to do the hard work. They don’t want to discipline themselves. Yet, they complain endlessly about their situation and why things are not going their way.

No be juju be that?

It’s almost like holding a key in your hand and still crying because the door won’t open. My guy, you’re the one holding yourself hostage.

The truth is, change always comes with pain. It demands discomfort. Sometimes, it feels like shedding your own skin. But a lot of people would rather stay in familiar pain than take a step into unfamiliar freedom.

He’s not alone, though. Many of us are on this table; I'm just using my guy as an example. Maybe it's fear, maybe it's laziness or ego. Maybe we've become so familiar with dysfunction that it feels like home now.

But the bitter truth is this: if you don't do the hard thing, life will keep doing it for you. Over and over again.

And guess what? Life doesn’t get tired. You do

Moreover, it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.

This is so powerful and imperative for me as a person. I've discovered God has given me so many gifts and abilities. I've enjoyed of those gifts, that intelligence, and wisdom. By His grace, I've been able to impact one or two people around me.

But for the most part, I've used it for my own selfish ends, when there's a world out there who should be benefiting from the gifts of God in my life.

I watched an old interview of Will Smith some years ago where he said his grandma told him, "If you're not helping someone here on this earth, you're wasting your time."

If your life doesn't benefit anyone else apart from you, you'll have lived a wasted life.

During the years when I was trying to find my purpose, this statement was one that served as a guide to me. I came to the conclusion that, no matter what I chose to do, I must make sure it was of benefit to somebody.

And now, I've found it in the Bible.

"It is required that a man be found faithful."

I'm a steward with whom some highly valuable gifts have been kept in their possession. It is my job, my duty to make sure I make of them their best possible use.

First off, this is not what you think.

I was sitting in church when the pastor said, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."

It really struck me, but in a way that may surprise you.

I know myself as an intelligent guy--I've always performed well academically, so I grew up feeling I could get things done myself. And I did--to an extent. But as I journey deeper into the world of adulthood, I've come to face some challenges that beat me hands down; they floored me like an amateur who didn't know his right from his left.

If I'm being honest, there have been a lot of those challenges.

As a matter of fact, those challenges seem to grow bigger and progressively more difficult with each passing year.

I know I'll have to outsource help from an agency outside myself if I wish to accomplish the tasks I set for myself.

Enter: GOD

In the past few months, I've not only grown spiritually and in my knowledge of God and his will for me, but I've also come to a better understanding of God's desires for humanity as a whole.

Here's the problem: a lot of what God requires goes against many aspects of the identity I designed for myself.

Example: I happen to be a very proud person. I'm not necessarily pompous, but I have a very decent sense of self-worth, and there are things I've tagged as being 'below me.' Due to the wide range of my capabilities, I find it difficult to ask for help or to admit weakness in any facet of life. In my experience, sooner or later, I end up finding a solution.

Except now, aligning myself with God's plans and purposes for my life means that I might need to ask for help. I was given instructions to go and beg someone I know has a nasty mouth on them. The words they used on me so hurt me, that I cried for two days (no kidding).

Walking in obedience to God means I can no longer try to solve every problem on my own. I now need to work with others. That goes against everything I am.

Why did the bible verse in Matthew 11:29 impact me so much?

It's because--as difficult as it might be to swallow my ego, as difficult as it might be to become a different person entirely, to obey God's direction even when it's painful and hurtful to my ego and dignity, it's much harder to make it in life on my own.

God says his yoke is easy. He'll ask us to do certain things we may not like, but he's there to make things better for us.

These are my thoughts as I journey in knowledge and relationship with God.

Hope it helps someone.

Cheers.

Cheap solution.

Find a nearby church and become a worker. Not just a member o. A worker.

That will compel you to talk to people and get to know them better. It would take more of your time, but every single time it requires from you would be spent in the company of people who will be talking to you and you to them.

If you're working in a visible place like usher, choir, media, it would also make you recognizable and people may approach you first to say hi, especially if you wear a smile.

If you're a worker, you might also have to go on assignments outside the church that would require you to meet people — for example, organizing an event in the church.

And of course, if you're meeting people, you have the chance to make friends.

famozine1:
Good day nairalamders, one of the regrets that can hurt a man, for a very long time is dating/ marrying the wrong woman.
I have no dating experience, as this is my first time in a serious relationship, as an adult, since I have no dating experience there re somethings I don't even know maybe it normal or not, sometimes I which I quit just to compare. sometimes I will just be scared not loosing the right person. my questions is for those that really understand relationship, beauty and body shape apart what are the signs that u re actually dating the right person bcoz I prefer to stay single rather than falling into a wrong relationship thanks

First thing I'm going to ask you, why are you in this relationship? What do you hope to achieve from it?

Did you get into a relationship just because you thought you're now old enough or cos your friends are into it?

People want different things from relationship - sex, money, companionship, connections.

You decide what you want from your relationship and ask yourself if you're getting what you want.

I strongly believe that the essence of a relationship is to get married. If I can't marry a lady, I can't be in a relationship with her. I don't fancy the roller-coaster of jumping in and out of different relationships, getting heartbreak, carrying emotional baggages upandan and all that stuff.

That said, before you ask yourself if you're dating the right person, ask yourself if you're also the right person to be in a relationship with.

Lemme tell you something: you attract your kind. You'll likely attract someone who has similar values, and is on a similar trajectory of self development as you.

Work on yourself, fix your character flaws, become a better person, improve your financial worth and self worth, and you'll attract high-caliber women of the same type.

Real recognizes real.

Don't be looking for a perfect woman when you still have a lot of growing to do.

It simply won't work out.

If you're also becoming a better person, you won't have the time or patience for people who've decided to remain backward. You'll naturally repel lower quality people.

Beyond all this, you should know that dealing with women requires a truckload of patience. You might not be able to tell how good or bad someone is at the onset of the relationship, but there are little tests I like to set to determine a person's character.

If you find a flaw they have, check if they're teachable and open to changing. Talk to them maturely and see if they listen. Learn how to resolve conflicts without putting her down. Master the art of great communication because this is the foundation of any good relationship.

If you do this things, you'll have a wonderful relationship, and you'll be able to make any high quality girl fall in love with you.

McStoic:
I for respond the boy sha but he should be my child's age. Make him pray sha let nothing happens to his father. Cos the absence of his father will change a lot of things for him in the next few years. I know of a very rich man who died and his sons' lives have never remained the same since then. In short I know more than 10 such scenarios.

Most times when someone is still young, he thinks those ahead of him haven't passed where he is. There are sure yound wizkids who life favoured from childhood, but it's not always as easy as it sounds. Life is a teacher...forget about those who say age is just a number. Age matters in a lot of cases

Chief, abeg advice me. They say pikin wey no get papa, when other men dey advice their children, e go put ear.

Me, I need advice like mad. Just ignore him and give me the advice

Honestly, I'm still under thirty but the rate at which the small boy dey cap nonsense just dey muzz me.

Own a hotel at 23?

Omo.

Let's even assume he did it sef, the young man has absolutely NO IDEA the challenges and problems that come with being successful at a young age in Nigeria.

This Bible verse comes to mind:

Romans 1:22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools

A sign of wisdom, if he really is as wise as he claims, is to keep quiet and speak less than he listens.

I was on Nairaland for years, even after creating an account, before I felt mature enough to interact with the intellectuals I found here. Someone that's not even of legal drinking age dey claim "wise" to people that can birth him several times over.

That said, of course he can achieve it. There's actually nothing impossible in this world.

But then, this is Nigeria where the middle class is being quickly eroded at the speed of light. If he (or his father) doesn't have connections that carry serious weight, all he has typed up there would be nothing more than pipe dreams.

If no be private university he dey attend sef, na there I go know say this guy problem is about to start, he just doesn't know it yet.

I dunno how old you are but apparently, you're a young guy who's hustling to make money.

See free money! Lol. The girl likes you, obviously. But try not to get excited. Based on your hustle, it seems like to me looking to build a nest egg, like most young men in Tinubu's economy. Good plan, good vision.

You're not focused on finding a mate (I think) but it doesn't mean if a good one comes along, you'll ignore her.

As for the lady, the money is good, but gifts blind the eyes. It takes more than spending to build a good relationship (I assume a good relationship is what you want). Watch out for other things, based on what you expect from your ideal woman — character, personality, and yes, looks.

If it's not relationship you're not looking for, then by all means, avail yourself of the free knacks being presented to you on a platter.

If she gets admission, this your play-play love will end, so you can see this either as a golden opportunity or waste of effort. It depends on your perspective.

✌️

Goodluck.

I liked the name Jacob. It's a fictitious name I gave myself when I didn't want to use my real name on 2go. I like it also because I can get two short forms out of it — Jay and Cobbs.

I called myself "Cobbs" for a while because at the time, Hobbs (The Rock) was popular when Fast Five came out.

Anyway. Jaycobbs is simply a unique way of spelling Jacob, a name I gave myself.

Read time : 8 minutes

I cannot speak for everyone, but I can share my personal experience.

Compliments are underrated. As a matter of fact, one of the most transformative moments in my writing career came from a single compliment. My first client told me: “When you see someone who knows how to write, you’ll know.”

This happened a handful of years ago, but I wish I could have framed that statement and hung it on my wall. It was that powerful; I mean, it literally changed my life. That single statement gave me a huge confidence boost that I didn’t even know I was searching for.

My first foray into professional writing started with me applying for a web content gig. Ever since I was in high school, I’d been told I knew how to write, so I already had an inkling that I possessed some talent. By the time I got to the university, I’d already written a novel, though it was lost before I could convert it to a digital format. What I had left were a few poems I’d submitted to competitions. I had no proper portfolio, just a little passion for writing, and a few scattered works to my name.

After I’d successfully completed a few projects with this client, I went back to ask him: “Why did you hire me even though I didn’t have a portfolio?”

His response? “When you see someone who knows how to write, you’ll know.”

This moment taught me a very valuable lesson: talent will always find ways to express itself. You may not be able to present your skills in a fancy way like the well-established experts do, but when you’re good at something, it shows.

Someone was able to recognize my ability even without having a fancy CV or listing out a long list of credentials. It was one of the first indicators that my skills were marketable.

How Do You Know If Your Skill is Marketable?

It’s not just about the money, though being paid for your work is an important marker. One of the earliest indicators that your skill is marketable is feedback. If people—whether friends, family, or maybe even strangers—consistently compliment your work, there’s a good chance you have something valuable to offer.

If there’s a task you excel at that others find difficult, that’s another sign. In my case, it wasn’t just writing. I had developed a fast typing speed from years of helping my parents type exam questions for their school. I also became a voracious reader, though some may make an argument I was born that way.

I grew up in a family of book lovers. It showed early in school when I discovered I could finish any passage in the textbook faster than anyone else in class—and get full understanding while reading too. This skill gave me an edge when it came to writing research.

The ability to quickly sift through large amounts of information and pull out valuable nuggets is a skill that has served me well in my writing career. It’s not glamorous, but it’s essential. It’s an ability not many people around me possess and it also nudged me in the direction of professional writing.

Has anyone ever asked you to teach them how to do something—anything? If you have something that people are willing to learn from you, then you may have a marketable skill.

Everyone Is Doing It

One of the biggest obstacles to sharing my skills with the world was the idea that others were already doing what I wanted to do—and doing it better. It’s easy to feel discouraged when you look around and see so many people excelling in your field.

When I started, there were writers with a large following on social media, some people had a professional-looking website, some were invited for speaking events—if you’re looking to be intimidated, there’s lots of examples everywhere. How about when you hear what some writers charge for their services, and you ask yourself, would I ever be good enough to charge that amount?

Here’s the truth: there will always be people with more experience or knowledge, and that’s okay. Do you want to know whether you’re going to make it in your field? I’ll give you one sure-fire guarantee: If you find yourself in a state of constant growth, then you’re going to make it.

I learned that even successful romance writers like Nora Roberts would acknowledge to you that they’re still learning. The key is to stop comparing yourself to others and focus on improving your own craft.

Have You Been Paid for Your Skill?

If you have this, then nothing should stop you from putting yourself out there. If you still have doubts, one of the final and most concrete indicators that your skill is marketable is whether you’ve been paid for it. Even if you were paid in kobo, if someone is willing to exchange money for your work, then it means you have something of value and you should be willing to put yourself out there.

Once you’ve reached this point, the next step is simple: observe the best in your field, learn what they’re doing, and find out ways to improve your own skills. If people can pay a little, then they can pay a lot for the same skill.

Final Thoughts

If you’re getting compliments, doing something others find difficult, and have been paid for your work, even though it’s one naira, there’s a good chance your skills are marketable. From there, it’s about honing your craft, learning from the best, and pushing past your self-doubt.

The key isn’t waiting until you feel completely ready—you never will. Start now, and trust that your talent will speak for itself.

Hmm

Well, it's a decent write up but it could be structured better. I wish more focus had been made on details about the actual steps rather than the lay-up

Wish you wouldn't use uppercase letters so liberally in your writeup too.

Pornographic addiction is a beast but it can be overcome. Good luck to everyone out there fighting the good fight.