₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
1. God never laid a standard of headship for men, so yes, you falsely accuse God in this.

2. God never made man the head of a home or any home. So, yet again, you falsely accuse God in this too.

3. Why do you want so bad to hold on to structure that God Himself does not approve of ?

By the way, what advice to keep what structure do you accuse me of giving now?

4. First of all, the book ain't Holy unless you are hear and now declaring the words of Satan written in the same book also Holy by default.

Such as institution as what? I have delved in the pages and found God instead cursed the institution and what is the inequality you see today along with all the structures you claim are all results of God's curse, also near the beginning. So, realize now why I keep saying you falsely accuse God in all of this?

1. God approved of a structure. Delve into the pages.

2. God made man the head of woman. So, if the two cohabit as a couple, who is the head? Delve into the pages and form a conclusion.

3. God does not approve of men who deal treacherously with thier women? Is it the same as assigning headship to the man. Besides in the absence of a man, a woman is her own head. In the absence of the father, the mother assumes headship, even though she has a male child. Delve into the pages.

4. Even the Holy Book clearly states that Satan utters inspired sayings.

God cursed this institution. The same institution that is responsible for you being born? Or you dropped from the sky? Or you were born out of wedlock? I believe you can complete the sentence. No diss intended.

Should I start digging up your comments and POV's and attach scriptures that back them up. I won't. Read through the pages of the holy books yourself. It doesn't have to be the whole cause it could take a whole lot of time. The sections that touch on marital dealings, you'll see your thoughts there. You will know and realize that on the basis of precedence, the Holy Books uttered then first, at least 19 centuries before you came into being.


However, I want to ask. What structure did God approve of?

Kobojunkie:
Again,You accuse God of putting some strata in place but where or when exactly did this happen??

You use the word accuse so much it appears sketchy. Where exactly are you getting at with the word. Newton's Law of action and reaction, should I accuse him of formulating it when he actually did formulate it.

You know where this is going to descend to and I'm not game. God did not lay down the standard of headship, fine. It's your choice. You have the agency to choose what you think is right, I think it's called freewill. Feel free to exercise it, as I've exercised mine.

One thing I'd like for you to think about is - God making man the head of a home, is it faulty? Should he have made them co-equals? Ask yourself. And mind you, not being co-equals doesn't make one gender less worthy or more worthy of value before the eyes of God.

God did not make women second class citizens cause if he did, they wouldn't even be made mention of. He himself spoke against men who dealt treacherously with thier wives. He is not to blame for the way some of mankind treat womankind, which I guess is one of the reasons that gave birth to this gender equality you're talking about. Tell the men to work on themself inside out, instead of deciding to wreck structure. You yourself have given such advice to men on this forum.

Perhaps because you haven't delved page by page, with all humility and honesty into the Holy Book, that's why you think God could not have made such an institution that you make an accusation against Him. And if you think what the Holy Book says about where and when God instituted marriage, and furthermore the guides, principles and commands to govern it and make the house a home are false, feel free to argue with history.

Kobojunkie:
It's not a religious thread but you freely level false accusations against God in it?,

I've reread my initial comments. And I do not find anything there labelling false accusations against God. If you are of the opinion that he did not set the standard, fine. But to label a statement of fact as false, a standard God himself set, you should be ready to decry a good number of the postulates and laws and sayings we've known so far - Newton, Faraday, Boyle, Charles, Aristotle, Socrates, Plato, Archimedes etc.

Kobojunkie:
You accuse God of putting some strata in place but where or when exactly did this happen??

First, it's not an accusation. It's an allusion based on clear facts.

2. This is not a thread on religion or faith but I'll draw my answers from there. Do you really want to go there.

Moving forward, it's not like the standard is faulty, ' I'm sure you are familiar with the saying - Two cannot captain a ship', so clearly there's a need for a head of the house (feel free to cite the case of co-ceos and heads in the professional world but it's not marriage, nor is it a home). And the role is designated to the man . We have seen countless men, or even know this men who misuse their God given rights, but that doesn't make the standard less standard, less effective.

Kobojunkie:
Gender equality isn't western but commonsense.

I hope gender equality doesn't leave the kitchen when the heat is much.

You want gender equality, go find someone who agrees with your ideology and be with such a person. I wonder why you guys can't fathom the fact that a person can treat you with mutual respect without being equals. It's not the fault of the world you didn't witness an environment where women gave their opinions in the home.

And you were asking about who put this strata in place? Simply God, and before the knowledge of God got introduced to Nigeria, the ways of our forefathers. Take it or leave it a man as the head of things is going to stay because it has always been and it is what God deemed right and set as a standard. One movement that vies for equality between the genders is not going to indoctrinate the whole wide world, at least not me. Also, take it or leave it, his standards have always been proven right, time and time again.

olisaEze:
If dem like let dem play only Sis. Osinachi’s Ekwueme throughout the wedding, marriage wen go quick spoil go still spoil. The groom’s dad is just like many Churchgoers in Nigeria, majoring in minor issues. I doubt he’d have allowed alcoholic drinks too. When people like this hear that Jesus turned water into wine, they tell themselves that it was probably Zobo and not Four Cousins.

I wonder what goes on in the depth of your mind. To mock the dead just to make a point that isn't even making sense...it's morally depraving. So because Osinachi die for her marriage, make we no follow add God for marriage again? Abi na christian music kill Osinachi? And, even if something is not your taste, respect other peoples choices just as they put up with your depravity.

TheWolfen:
Fish brains people are the ones that always presume things that didn't happen. Op never said he made sexual advances to the underage house help.
Some set of people can't just deal with the truth. They would rather throw insult.

They should just rest. If someone talks they'll label the person -phobic.
Finding a balance is key. Even if you were looking for a loophole in his story, find the one that is applicable in this scenario so you don't sound like a bandwagon and you drag others into a fight they didn't ask for and, clearly wasn't needed.

akpunda86:
Hi all .I have a helper staying with us 15years,she no dey even see me nor recognise me as the head of the house expect my wife.
The thing dey piss me off.
1) I was collecting soup from the pot took meat,kai this girl reported me to my wife.I warned her .
2) This girl in serving me food just drop food on table and go sometimes put water sometimes not.
3)All my movement this girl tell my wife,
The thing don do me everything got a limit,sent her going today,all this helpers believe one can't do without them,I told my wife Na she cause am cos gave the girl 2much soft hand.She have reached her village .
Helper never insult me like dat bf

I've read this over and over. There's nowhere I presume the OP made advances to the 15yr old girl, talk less of implying anything of the sort. So I wonder where some of you are getting the 'he is a pedophile; he must have asked her for sex and she refused, hence his fault finding' reasoning from. Why should you have to derail a thread because you want to avoid a simple discussion. The help is plain rude, no mincing of words. If she does this and he looks the other way, what happens when her wings solidify? She'll talk back at him? He should be walking on eggshells around the maid hired to help around his house? You guys should be moderate in whatever philosophy we believe in as a rule of life. You should know when to call a spade a spade, to speak the truth that is right in front of you.

BunbleBee:
Too much of introversion is bad, especially when it comes with lack of social skills like networking and public speaking.

I'm an introvert: I can play and enjoy myself alone, always indoors, few friends and running away from the spotlight.

I have lost out on lot of opportunities just because I couldn't stand up and utter two to three sentences. One of such is when we had a representatives of WHO visit my secondary school. An assembly of all students was held for them to address us. One of the representatives asked a question about hygene. The assembly was silent, I knew the answer but I was scared to speak up. So I told my classmate the answer, he gave the answer and guess what! He won a LAPTOP!

I went home crying and thereafter made a conscious decision to develop myself. Today, I'm still introverted with more improved social skills. I can relate well with people, address a gathering without little or no fright.

On the positive side, introversion has saved me from troubles and rejections. However, it encourages you to remain in your comfort zone which is bad for growth.

Introversion doesn't encourage remaining in your comfort zone. Perhaps you were too shy to talk. I'm an introvert yet the loudest person in class during teaching periods in secondary school, not to add representing the school externally several times, spoken thrice in the university as a public speaker, all this despite being an introvert. And I intend to do more public speaking this new session. Perhaps you weren't sure hence lacked the boldness to speak up. I hope you've broken out of it cause that's one true inhibition.

yinkaOdutuyo:
But am having a conscience like am starving my wife or being wicked.

I can't really say you were wrong in denying her your own cooked food neither can I call it wicked, maybe a little less fair. But I must commend the thoughts behind your action. A little reminder doesn't hurt so much.

temmy2210:
My brother, women can be funny at times. They have their ways of making fun and creating wonders.
Am sure, she is only pulling your legs to make things happen in the house. She only wanted to feel you and spice up the night...

Next don't deny her joining you on the table rather laugh it off and let her do the really cooking at the other room.

'Pulling his legs to make sure things happen in the house'. There are better ways of doing that, common sense could have told her to go into the kitchen when she saw that he was serious with having his meal but no she stayed there, doing what exactly? Even when couples have an argument it doesn't block a meal, so whats up with her acting up like she is the only one facing stress. Is it not the same stress her husband passes through and still manages up to 90% of chores. Abi e should kuku do everything and then she rewards him in the other room? As if it's the only thing that makes a marriage work. Things of this nature is what makes sex unpalatable, makes one rethink why he got married to her in the first place.

Therealjosh1992:
Gosh!..see the likes, how more toxic can we be as a people, that your wife doesn't feel strong to cook is too much for you to understand.and that's a marriage you both enjoy?.. well well

You call that toxicity? Ever heard of repeat offenders. Do you love being with repeat offenders or being one?

[quote author=yinkaOdutuyo post=111514356][/quote]Were you wrong? Absolutely not. The only thing you did wrong was trying to be a good husband in the home, helping out with the kitchen. And I wouldn't say you were wrong in helping out in the home, it's just too bad she's mistaking your being nice for something else. Even if you know the way around the kitchen more than she does, that doesn't mean it is your kitchen. It's her kitchen, not yours.

Now, to her actions. If it was that she was truly tired and needed a break, you sure wouldn't be there watching a movie and even hav the strength to search for BT Audio. She clearly just didn't want to cook.

It's best if you relegate her duties back to her and you just do yours. At least until she gets her acts back. What she needs right now is just a husband, not one who assists her with her duties cause she's taking it for granted.

The exact question that entered my head as I saw the headline. When did he become Senior Lecturer or Reader in FUTO that he's now a professor. Even the ones that are honorary have contributed significant quota in the field of study or expertise. Ooh, maybe because he's minister for ICT, hence the promotion.
When did he even lecture in FUTO. Ndi futo in tech or comp sci dprt, was he a lecturer at any time?

Sheggy13:
Although he had lectured in ATBU Bauchi and also Saudi Arabia, I can't recall at anytime he started lecturing in FUTO for them to promote him to the rank of Professor from Associate. At what time was he an Associate Professor in FUTO? Going back to check his research and publications profile, I couldn't find anything outstanding for him to be made a Professor of Cybersecurity - he barely has up to 4 papers related to Cybersecurity and they are not even highly cited and in high impact journals. This is clearly a dubious Professorial promotion from FUTO. There is more to it than meets the eye. I used to think FUTO was a reputable University before, my mistake then. I can't imagine the likes of UI and OAU doing this nonsense, when many people with much better research profile are yet to be Professors there after over 20 years of lecturing experience.

If He's planning for divorce, let him go ahead. He's clearly free to do so. I can try to understand your story doesn't imply I'll take you back. Not everyone can forgive infidelity, male or female.
Talking about the kids, if he chooses to keep on paying their fees or not, he is definitely in his sane mind and he is making completely sane decisions. If you do not see yourself doing so, its likely because you are looking at following scenarios playing out :'how can I sponsor who is not my flesh and blood', 'what if he/she goes to look for his father after he/she is matured', and the others. Well the truth is - this scenarios play out, another truth is - even our own flesh and blood might relegate us to the backseat when they mature. Children are way beyond flesh and blood. Deeply intense parent-child bonds can be nurtured with or without flesh and blood and trust me, a child that will remember you, be it by duty or desire, will remember you. Of course nothing a definite assurance as flesh and blood, but we all gat bloods who stand by us even though we do not share parents, we even call them brothers or sisters. So why can't you give the same benefit to a child who is not yours.
That said, people adopt children every year, and they treat them as if they were their own.
I don't know what I'd do if this scenario plays out on the infidelity part, but I definitely know what I'll do with the kids part.

And what exactly is a mans perspective? I'm definitely not letting her go scotfree for infidelity. But the kids, if he still sees them as his own, he can go ahead to keep sponsoring. They did nothing wrong.

Janesouthall:
Speaking from a woman's perspective...

Religious compatibility is very important in a marriage. And it would pose a greater problem when children start coming in and maybe some forms of family norms.

Both . D

the infectious acts bill is suicide

Toks2008:
If it looks too sweet to be true then it is definitely a hoax.

Such relationship usually ends up abruptly. I was in one for 6 years and the way the thing ended was like film trick.

it ended , yes.
a hoax, haba

I believe there is the fear of 'too good to be true' becoming more of a nightmare or more out of being genuine. I believe if the girlfriend had one flaw even if its a flimsy one, the OP would be a bit comfortable.

In truth, some people are absolute gentlemen and ladies and that's just them being in their skin, while another set of people are able to put up such a front.

But to get scared of a perfect boy or girlfriend or relationship, it is definitely normal and okay. It shows that your consciousness when it comes to that person is still active.

kingemaker:
I'm in one .
Although it isn't perfect but initially, she was too good to be true, had to go all CIA on her, omo, she came out clean. I can't say I've vetted her 100%, but with what I've discovered so far, she's above the average naija girl. No pretense sighted so far. She must be related to Mr. Real

Exactly.

You resume to your supposed level. No double promotions at all.
Freshers to 100, 100 to 200 and so on.

Michaelcas:
myself, i mostly ignore calls except it's something too important, most times i ignore all except you text me

that's peculiar to just you. Introverts don't ignore calls or texts

amerengues:
Without mincing words, ASUU is one of the associations that knows how to hold the government at the jugular. This Government must not be engaged with levity if you want to get result.

I must agree with you.
while the effects of the strike doesn't sit well, I praise their doggedness in not backing out and agreeing to 'we will look into it'.

the back and forth is tiring , hopefully this leads to a feasible agreement between the parties involved.

its tiring

[/b]

introvert2:
i am the type of person that goes the extra-mile just to make people happy.I go out of my way to get things done for others.imagine doing something that ain't my job or my responsibility but because i was trying to help,you start seeing it as something normal and even demand i do these things for you.But when i refuse such demand,you start seeing me as a bad person.like seriously!people's sense of entitlement is out of this world.

No crime to be a good boy, no should we pick who we can be good to. in all generalities , one should try to be good to all. And if someone starts to take advantage of your good nature, withdraw it. whatever their reaction may be, withdraw it. It shows that you know what you are doing by being indulging and that they should not think that they are wiser or smarter.
If they badmouth, it does and doesn't matter cause while one might be pained at how your refusal made such words out of their mouth, the fact that not all of those whom listens to their stories will go with them. so no wahala.

People should learn to take no for an answer and stop feeling entitled

if there's one of the few things I've gleaned from my relationships with people, its that we cannot always be on the right side of history -from their perspective , at the very time one refused to do their bidding or refuse a request , and then all of a sudden a proud tag is attached to you.
set limits , set boundaries as to what you can tolerate.
and if they can't seem to accept this boundary, leave them be. whenever they're done being angry,they'll stop being angry.

IFEOLUWAKRIZ:
Unemployment is everywhere. We still have Harvard's and Cambridge's graduates rotting away in unemployment.

More grease for the wise reply.

perimeter

AoTMHG:
Precisely why I said you guys need to live more outside than within.

its unfair to recommend changing your personality so as to fit in.
mind you introverts have people they connect with , and even do well in the midst of a crowd. not every introvert is stuck up in a virtual world. once in a while I hang out with friends, even if I don't engage myself while in their midst , I sure love and appreciate being there. Its not about living outside more, its about appreciating and taking in a little dose of the company of people.