₦airaland Forum

A lady approaches her priest and
says, "Father, I have a problem.
I have two female talking
parrots, but they only know how
to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest
inquires.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi,
we're prostitutes. Want to have
some fun?'"
"That's terrible," the priest
exclaims, "but I have a solution
to your problem. Bring your two
female parrots over to my house,
and I will put them with my two
male talking parrots whom I
taught to pray and read the
bible. My parrots will teach your
parrots to stop saying that
terrible phrase, and your female
parrots will learn to praise and
worship."
"Thank you!" the woman
responds.
The next day, the woman brings
her female parrots to the
priest's house. His two male
parrots are holding rosary beads
and praying in their cage. The
lady puts her two female parrots
in with the male parrots, and the
female parrots say, "Hi, we're
prostitutes, want to have some
fun?"
One male parrot looks at the
other male parrot and exclaims,
"Put the beads away. Our
prayers have been answered!"

There was a boy standing on a
corner selling fish.
He was saying, "Dam fish for
sale, dam fish for sale."
A preacher walked up and asked
why he was calling them dam
fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at
the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took
them home and asked his wife to
cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in
bewilderment and said,
"Preachers aren't supposed to
talk like that."
The preacher explained why
they were dam fish, and she
agreed to cook them. When
dinner was ready and everyone
was sitting down, the preacher
asked his son to pass him the
dam fish.
His son replied, "That's the
spirit dad. Pass the fucking
potatoes!"

There was a little boy whose
mother was about to have a baby.
One day, the little boy walked in
and saw his mother naked. He
asked his mother what the hair
between her legs was.
She responded, "It's my wash
cloth."
Weeks later, after the mother
had her baby, the young boy
walked in on his mother again.
While she was in the hospital,
the doctor had shaved her pubic
hair.
The boy asked, "What happened
to your wash cloth?"
The mother responded, "I lost
it."
The little boy, trying to be
helpful, set out to find his
mother's washcloth.
A few days later, he ran to his
mother yelling and screaming, "I
found your washcloth."
The mother, thinking that the
child was just playing, went
along with the boy and asked,
"Where did you find it?"
The boy answered, "The maid
has it! She is washing daddy's
face with it."

An Illinois man left the
snowballed streets of Chicago
for a vacation in Florida. His
wife was on a business trip and
was planning to meet him there
the next day. When he reached
his hotel, he decided to send his
wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of
paper on which he had written
her e-mail address, he did his
best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one
letter, and his note was directed
instead to an elderly preacher's
wife whose husband had passed
away only the day before. When
the grieving widow checked her
e-mail, she took one look at the
monitor, let out a piercing
scream, and fell to the floor
dead.
At the sound, her family rushed
into the room and saw this note
on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything
prepared for your arrival
tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

I wish.

Girl: "Forgive me father for I
have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my
child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a
bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a
son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my
hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he
touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call
a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my
breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he
touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call
him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my
clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes
off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call
him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you
know what into my you know
where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck
his you know what into her you
know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES
FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes):
"That's no reason to call him a
son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A
BITCH

A policeman
comes to the
office with
one black
shoe and one
white shoe.
His boss
starts to yell
at him:
- You are
ruining police
reputation,
go home and
change the
shoes.
The
policeman
goes home,
and comes
back after a
while.
- Boss I have
a problem,
the other pair
of shoes at
home are
black and
white, too.

Juan pedals up to the Mexican
border on his bicycle. He's got
two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and asks,
"What's in the bags?" "Sand,"
answers Juan. The guard says,
"We'll just see about that. Get
off the bike." The guard takes
the bags and rips them apart. He
empties them out and finds
nothing but sand. He detains Juan
overnight and has the sand
analyzed, only to discover that it
is pure sand. The guard releases
Juan, puts the sand into new bags,
hefts them onto the man's
shoulders, and allows him to cross
the border. A week later, the
same thing happens. The guard
asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan. The guard
does his thorough examination
and discovers that the bags
contain nothing but sand. He
gives the sand back, and Juan
crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is
repeated every day for three
years. Finally, one day, Juan
doesn't show up and the guard
sees him in a cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I
know you're smuggling something.
It's driving me crazy. It's all I
think about. Just between you and
me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and says,
"Stolen bicycles."

President George W. Bush is hit
by a strong case of constipation.
He sends his Spanish secretary,
who knows little English, to the
local hospital. She tells the
doctor, "Big President Bush, no
shit."
The doctor understands and gives
him some medicine to take with
him.
The next day, the secretary
comes back again and says, "Big
President, no shit."
The doctor gives him even
stronger medicine. A few days
later, the secretary comes yet
again and says, "Big President,
big no shit."
The doctor gives him the
strongest medicine he has.
The next day, the secretary
comes back to the doctor and
says, "Ba-Boom! Big shit, no
President."

CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - Six people
drowned yesterday while trying to
rescue a chicken that had fallen into
a well in southern Egypt. An 18-
year-old farmer was the first to
descend into the 60-foot well. He
drowned, apparently after an
undercurrent in the water pulled
him down, police said.
His sister and two brothers, none of
whom could swim well, went in
one by one to help him, but also
drowned. Two elderly farmers then
came to help, but they apparently
were pulled down by the same
undercurrent. The bodies of the six
were later pulled out of the well in
the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles
south of Cairo. The chicken was also
pulled out. It survived.

A blind man walks into a store with
his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden,
he picks up the leash and begins
swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man
and asks, "What are you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking
around."

Wow. Educative

No catholic members in nairaland? Or are you shy of your believe?

I sleep with a minimum of 38 females per day

Is that suppose to be a joke?

No matter how far, meet your home guys. G-luck.

i think pesticide works better

gud idea. now they can back their theft with gud certificate. why not masters

diddy4:
ewwwwww, that is so disgusting. what the bleep?

very disgusting. yakk