₦airaland Forum

Behold!
The BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS!
You PIPO should stop eating “cake” for breakfast.
Habaaaaaaa!!!!!

Presentation nko?
100%!
Did you see KPOMO for breakfast dia?


Stop skipping breakfast because you have to JUMP out of your “SHYTE-HOLE” without washing your SHIraaaaaassse, or brrrrrrrush ya DORTY Mott all to catch “molue or keke NP!”
Eat well and receive SANCTITY and SANITY!

Good morning!
Awake and ready for my last day off!
Making my most popular breakfast items in advance. Can’t be fooling with bacon and sausage before going to work. My work uniform will be stinking ke!

The only people making money, thriving in Nigeria are politicians, ritualists and fraudsters.”

IGBO-gate wedding.

Wash your DRY FISH WITH COLD WATER AND SALT to remove sand, WORMS AND STALENESS.

Remove the bones. Maggots hide in the bones and die within. Yuck!

How to peel YAM!
SHAVE! Don’t CUT! Less wastage of your YAM!
Thanks grandma for teaching me that!
Just in time. The yam don begin rotten from the tail.

Before I chop for pesin house ehn? I must know you in TOTALITY.

I don’t take chances with DORTY PEEPS!

And. . . . I must see your FRIDGE and how you store YOUR FOOD!

I nor day for ONE-CHANCE diets o!

H-enjoying my “valcony-view” jare!
Opening the door to let out all that smell of food.

Thanks for NON-SHYTE-HOLE CUNT-RIES I SWIA!

No fear of “FULANI COWS”, KANURI-KIDNAPPERS OR “FRIEND-BY-FORCE” visitors!

Tomorrow’s menu ready.
Time to eat dinner.
Then shower. To bed at 8:00PM

This DORTY OVEN CAN WAIT TILL TOMORROW! Shikena!

Downstairs washing water nko?
Changed!
Oya kontinu the cooking.

E good to get beta home training o. No wonder husbands no dey gree lef we oooo.

Ahem. Upstairs washing water changed!

Now, I feel berra!
This wan go last another 1-2 days.

My dish water don dorty gaaaaaan. Time to refresh. No bore-SHYTE-hole water biko!
Time to change the one in the other kitchen too.

Yes o! Na 2 kitchens.

Wey my bleach and dish washing liquid jare?
Not a fan of dish-washer!

I use MY HANDS!

Any DINNER PRESENTATIONS?
No “mentions” to chop?

Anoda wan say na YAM and DRY FISH SAUCE im go chop this night. Hmmmmmm!!! It is a wah-wah!

Off I go to prepare another dish o.
Dinner is in 1 hour.

We nor dey force pikin to eat food. They must have choices. Na so my papa train us. If I don’t have it at home, different story. Make dem concentrate on dem homework. Shikena!

E nor want “white oil” o, but RED OIL for the sauce. Hiahn!

VILLAGE PIKINS!!!!!

Issssssorite!!!!

Food is ready!
I don’t like potor-potor rice o.
Each grain must stand alone.
Make I change my pot colors before some “oversabis” complain.

Washing rice!
Please rinse out all that starch for less carb content.

I must have dozed off!
Chai!!!!
Rested my old bones.

Back to the kitchen.
Woe is me! I am DONE!
Just imagine the nonsense?
Some aje-butters in this house say they are TIRED of eating “AGOYIN FOOD”? They have requested for FRESH PLAIN RICE AND STEW!
Who am I to complain?

I can’t wait for my nanny to return from Nigeria biko! I don taya to siddon for kitchen. I need my 6-FIGURE annual paycheck o. Can’t do that sitting at home and playing maid and chef! Shioooor!

CHAI!
What a SHYTE HOLE!
Trump was RIGHT first and last time!

I forgot I had TORTILLAS!
Almost expired.

What those SH countries call “SHARWAMA”!
Aka a WRAPS!
I saw that Nigerian “Sharwama” of a thing o.
FEEEEEAAAAAARRRR nor let me chop am o.

The CONCOCTION was SCARRRRRY. The kain pipo making da tin nko?
Come see DORRRRRTY? ? ?

Anyway, what doesn’t kill you make your SHYTE-HOLE-INTESTINES STRONGER KE!

Sweeeeet AKARA!

Time to combine left-overs!
Avoid wastage!

PRESERVATION + PRESENTATION = HEALTHY, LONG LIFE!

Amiiiiiiiiin oooooooooh.
No work till Wednesday! Hallelujah.

Thawing stew for lunch.
We are still eating that MAMA PUT food I purchased 2 weeks go ooooooooo.
The food had REFUSED to finish! Kai!!!!


Only the puff-puff done finish. Thanks to the sugar-mouths in the house!.

Time for lunch jare!

Yes o!
We have goooooood jobs here.
We PAY taxes to a WORKING GOVERNMENT!

Which sugar daddy go pay my $150,000 A YEAR for this world. A Nigerian one?
From where?

Sorry, I nor dey that kain “Bush-Meat-In-A-SHYTE-HOLE- COUNTRY business o!

I invest my MINIMUM WAGE earnings well. My retirement portfolio dey SOUND!

Make una siddon for NL dey type trasssssssh!

Awon ‘desperate babymama/housewives/babydaddies/househusbands and AGING SPINSTERS/BACHELORS NL”!

Muchechechecheche

Ice fish? Tufiakwa! Poor man food!
See awon “minimum wage” fish?
Please upgrade to RED SNAPPER!

Pipo still dey chop fish wey resemble SNAKE? :
Or

OBOKUN!(CAT FISH)

Or

CROAKER!

Ahem bo! Asawaz saying.
A hungry dog/bytch na H-ANGRY wan o!
No breakfast pics? Some pipo don skip wan meal for shyte hole o!

Everywhere FRIDGE!
So your food can lasssssssst!
Don’t DIE in your kitchen please!
Even h-inside garage FREEZER dey ke.
With FULL 4.0 GPA current o.

If na SHYTE HOLE COUNTRY dem ehn?
Give eggs 1 week for then “oven-fridge”.
THE EGGS GO HATCH CHICKENS oooooo.

Na so-so “quack-quack” you go dey hear from h-insai the fridge ke. Meat go RRRROTTEN h-insai freezer too. Guaranteed.

Desert time?
Some sweets for the hungry “mentioners”!

I loooooooove “ENTENMANN’S” mini cakes.
Naaaaaaaa. . . . I don’t do “MESSY JEDI-JEDI CREAM AND ICIING CRAP-CAKES”! I love my cakes PLAIN! So I can SEE WHAT I AM EATINNG.

Great with ice cream.

“NEPA nor bring light ooooo. GENERATOR WAN TIA MY HIA. . . . .

We are not in SHYTE-HOLE 15TH WORLD CUNT-ries with generator noises. Please, upgrade and avoid “one-chance meals” because you do not know when or IF you will have any “current” of electricity.

This is minimum wage TRUMP LAND.
Everything WORKS!
Clean, store and PRESERVE, so you will ALWAYS have GREAT PRESENTATIONS!

No RATS or ROACHES please! Clean your SHYTE-HOLE MANSIONS!

Mommy is awake. Breakfast came in handy.
I save the rest.

REMEMBER?

PRESENTATION and PRESERVATION are key points in the KITCHEN.