₦airaland Forum

olorun ma je

Ghadafi, Oboy, I dey ooo. Abacha, U
come late ooo. Ghadafi, Aboki, I tried
to gather more cash. Abacha, U Bleep
up. Ghadafi, Hw? Abacha, U don
collect so much, even pass my own, u
for take off when the heat started.
Ghadafi, laaaf it out

A warri boy abroad called his mum 2
say he's got HIV. His mum begged
him nt 2 ever com back, he was
suprised n asked y? And she replied, if
u com, ur wife go get am n giv u
younger broda, who go giv ur house
gurl n she self go giv ur papa n ur
papa go giv me n me go giv our drive
who go giv ur sister. And if ur sister
get am, d whole village don get am b
dat.

G.E. Jonathan met with the Queen
of England. He asked her, "Your
majesty, how do you run such an
efficient government? Are there,
any tips you can give to me? I
want to help Nigeria"
"well, said the Queen, "the most
important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people."
Jonathan frowned, and then
asked, "But how do i know the
people around me are really
intelligent?" The Queen took a sip
of her tea. Oh, that's easy; you just
ask them to answer an intelligent
riddle. The Queen pushed a
button on her intercom. "Please,
send David Cameron in here,
would you?"
David Cameron walked into the
room and said, "Yes , your
majesty?" The Queen smiled and
said, "Answer me this please.
David, your mother and father
have a child, it is not your brother
and it is not your sister. Who is
it?" without pausing for a minute
David Cameron answered, "that
would be me." Yes, very good, "
said the Queen. Jonathan went
back home to ask N. Sambo,
answer this for me, your mother
and your father have a child, its
not your brother and its not your
sister, who is it?" "I'm not sure"
said Sambo. "Let me get back to
you on that one, but none could
give him an answer.
Finally, one day, he ran into Dora
Akunyili. Sambo asked, "Dora, can
you answer this for me? Your
mother and father have a child
and its not your brother or sister,
who is it?" Dora answered
sharply, "That's easy, its me!
Sambo smiled, and said "thanks!"
Then he went back to speak with
Jonathan. Sir, "I did some research
and I have the answer to that
riddle", It's Dora Akunyili!
Jonathan got up angrily, frowning
he said to Sambo. No wonder
Nigeria isn't moving forward, I
don't have intelligent people
around me. "You Dummy!" The
answer is David Cameron!!!!, l
who laffed it out, ?

this wud make u laff like craze, loading,

Wife: Can you help me in garden??
Husband: What do you think, I'm
Gardener, ??
Wife: Can you fix door handle??
Husband: What do you think, I'm a
Carpenter, ??
In the Evening when husband came
from the work, He saw everything has
been fixed, !!
He asked: Who fixed this, ??
Wife: "our Neighbour but he gave me
2 options, !!
Either I should give him burger or a
kiss, !!
Husband: I'm sure you must have
given a burger, !!
Wife: What do You think, I'm
Mc'Donald's, laaaf it out peepz

boy: Sweetheart I have two tickets of
inglis movie wanna come?
Girl: which movie?
Boy: "Condom of Shailesh"
Girl : You idiot it's "QUANTUM OF
SOLACE",

teacher asks timmy''what is youre cat
doing in school''?
timmy: i heard daddy say to
mommy''im going to eat that pussy
when the kid leaves''!, so im saving
him!

Jim Iyke There
might be an explanation for actor
Jim Iyke’s recent lavish spending
include purchase of two extra
expensive cars. The actor aged 35,
was on Thursday arraigned before
an Abuja Chief Magistrates’ Court
charged with N15 million fraud. The
Police Prosecutor, Mr Chijoke Okezie,
told the court that on Aug. 8, Habiba
Abubakar wrote a petition to the
Inspector General of Police (IG) to
investigate the fraud, 234next
reports. He said that investigation
into the case revealed that the
accused, a resident of Sunnyville
Estate, Abuja, deceived Abubakar
into acquiring 15 per cent equity
shares to the tune of N15 million
from his company, Untamed Records
Ltd. Okezie said the accused
admitted that the complainant paid
the money into his Oceanic Bank
account No. 00500173691, deviating
from his initial plan of investment
and converted the money to his
personal use. He added that when
the complainant confronted the
accused, he resorted to beating her
and threatened to kill her. Okezie
said the accused was charged with
criminal breach of trust, criminal
force, assault, cheating and criminal
misappropriation. The accused
pleaded not guilty to the charges.
Jim Iyke got bail on liberal terms and
for self recognition. Chief Magistrate
Okeagu Azubike, said that the bail
application had merit and granted
the accused bail in the sum of
N500,000 with two sureties in like
sum. He ordered that the sureties
must be responsible Nigerians who
must reside within the jurisdiction of
the court. He adjourned the case to
Dec. 9, to enable the police complete
their investigation. source, naijabreakingnews.com/jim-iyke-allegedly-duped-woman-of-n15m-as-investor-in-clothing-line/?utm_source=&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=jim-iyke-allegedly-duped-woman-of-n15m-as-investor-in-clothing-line

AKPAN : I am proud because my son is
in Medical College
Friend: Really? What
is he studying?AKPAN: No, he is not
studying, they are studying him.=))

ode remo:
You killed a nice jioke with your silly ego.'the igbo man donated the chips on your shoulder. Yeah , walahi thats what he did.

same here,

lovin this, cool @poster

A nigerian man trying to avoid pay of
doctor's fee after eye operation by
saying, "I still can't see"Dr. asks a sexy
nurse to UnCloth in front of him.He
again says "I cant see"Dr. tells nurse to
open her legs. Again he says "I can't
see"Dr. says : "{mother fucker}!! if you
can't see, how come your DIç.K is
standing, LAAAF IT OUT!!!!

loneytunes:
Bros pls no kill me with laughter.

hmm,, thts d aim
laaf it out!!
A pastor wanted his congregation to
be in high spirit. He said, do
something crazy for God. Everybody
jumped and scream He said, u don't
understand I mean crazy things,
people rolled on d floor wit excitement,
d pastor said yet u aint dere do
something crazy. Warri boy ask his
friend, make we crase His friend
replied yes, he ran to d alter grabed d
offering bowl n ran away. pastor
realising wat happen dropd mic ran

updates coming soon,

A guy in hurry uses ladies toilet in a
posh hotel.He sits down & notices4
buttons- WW,WA,PP & APR. Curious,he
presses WW & his ass is gently
sprayed with warm water,den WA & a
blast of Warm Air dries him. PP & a
Powder Puff leaves him smelling
fresh. Feeling pampered,he presses
APR. Later,he wakes up in hospital. A
nurse smiled & said,"APR
meantAutomatic Pad Remover.Ur cock
& balls r in dis jar in case u want to it.laaaf it out, in this hot afternoon

7months old twin babies in the womb
saw a penis coming towards them.
The 1st baby said see daddy is coming
inside to say hello. The 2nd baby said,
fool! Its uncle. Daddy never comes in
with raincoat!

soldier: I will rape all of u!Girls
(crying): Rape us but pls leave our
grandma out of it! Grandma
(shouting): Leave who out?:/ , War is
war/ , everybody must face the
consequences!
laaaf it ooooout!
morning peeps

soldier: I will rape all of u!Girls
(crying): Rape us but pls leave our
grandma out of it! Grandma
(shouting): Leave who out?:/ , War is
war/ , everybody must face the
consequences!
morning nairaland

Judek2:
Hahaha Kangaroo,

my teeth don dey fall off o.

eeeya sorry for the teeth loss oo, hope money dey to buy cereals.

PretiEbony:
,
@ judek i been talk am say you get problem with your teeth, see other people dey laff but their teeth no fall off but you your teeth dey commot one by one.
kingron u try well well

OSHEEE!

wtf

: news, news, Mark Zuckerberg
that facebook will be shut down on the 15th March
2012. You can read the full story after the cut. PALO
ALTO, CA –Mark Zuckerberg announced that
Facebook will be shut down in March of 2012.
Managing the site has become too stressful.
“Facebook has gotten out of control,” said
Zuckerberg in a press conference outside his Palo
Alto office, “and the stress of managing this
company has ruinedmy life. I need to put an end
to allthe madness.” Zuckerberg went on to explain
that starting March 15th of nextyear, users will no
longer be able to access their Facebook accounts.
That gives users (and Facebook addicts) a year to
adjust to life without Facebook. “After March 15th,
2012 the whole website shuts down,” said Avrat
Humarthi, Vice President of Technical Affairs at
Facebook. “Soif you ever want to see your pictures
again, I recommend you take them off the
internet. You won’t be able to get them back after
Facebook goes out of business.”
dont know how true this is, say it online.

@rare gem keep chuckling,its good 4 d (earth) health 3 rat in 9ja were arguing abt who had
more swag n effizy; 1st rat; I chop
food wit rat poison, I no die 2nd rat: I
dance awilo on top mouse trap,
nothing do me. 3rd rat: make una
bone dat tin!!! See dat cat wey dey go
so na me give am belle!(See swagger.laaf it out! nyc nyt peeps,dont sleep angry.

ikechukz:
u try.na d second one make sense pass

Osheeeee!d koko b say smile dey ur face

hmmm, nyc joke

A baby was born at the st anns
hospital laughing like crazy, the
doctors noticed the baby was holding
something in his tiny hands, he
carefully pulled it's little fingers apart
and found an abortion pill, the baby
looked up at his mother and said ''am
alive bitch''Lol, laaaf it ooout!!!!

A man dials his home and a strange
woman answers.
The man says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the
woman. "We don't have a maid," says
the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this
morning by the lady of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her
husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in
the bedroom with someone who I
figured was her husband."
The man is fuming and says to the
maid, "Listen, would you like to make
$50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to
do?" The man tells her, "I want you to
get my gun from the desk, and shoot
the witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the
man hears footsteps and then two
gun shots. The maid comes back to
the phone "What do I do with the
bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the
swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you
don't have a pool."
A long pause and the man says, "Is
this
08068321488

thnx bro

A man dials his home and a strange
woman answers.
The man says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the
woman. "We don't have a maid," says
the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this
morning by the lady of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her
husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in
the bedroom with someone who I
figured was her husband."
The man is fuming and says to the
maid, "Listen, would you like to make
$50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to
do?" The man tells her, "I want you to
get my gun from the desk, and shoot
the witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the
man hears footsteps and then two
gun shots. The maid comes back to
the phone "What do I do with the
bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the
swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you
don't have a pool."
A long pause and the man says, "Is
this
08068321488

For Adults- (Kids Don't Read) ;p
Boy Goes to a Chemist & Said: Give Me
a Condom,
I'm Going to My Gfs house for
Dinner.Actually Give Me 2 More.
Her Sis is aBomb!! & Her Mom is Still
Hot ♥ ;p
During Dinner,
Girl's Father Came to Home,
Boy Lowers his Head
Immediately&Start Praying,
Girl: I Never Knew You are So
Religious ;p
Boy: I Never Knew Your Father is a
CHEMIST! ;@ ;
shout out to all d muslim bro out dere.nd

laff it out!!!!

afternoon peeps,
laaaaaaaaaaaf it out!!!
An Igbo man had no child, no money, no home and a blind mother. He prayed to God, and God moved by his prayers,told him 2 make only 1 wish which will b granted! The Igbo man prayed thus: God,I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my children's hands in our new mansion! Then God said, Damn! I still have a lot to learn from these Igbo people