₦airaland Forum

laaaaff it out!!!azin i cant stop laffn o

CHINEKE MEI!!!!
A guy named Chukwudi went for an
acting audition, and he was picked.
In the movie, he starred in a part
where he was hit by a car.
After production, the movie was a
hit as it was released and started
selling in the market.
It got to his hometown and his
mother watched how her son
was killed she wept uncontrollably.
A week later, Chukwudi went back
home to visit his mother.
When she saw him she got scared
and thought that it was her son's
ghost until he threw N25,000 at her.
With this, the mother realized that
her son was alive so she decided to
pray for her son saying;
Chukwudi my pikin, Na small motor
jam u wey u bring dis big money!
Now, as u dey go back 2 Lagos na
caterpillar go jam u!
YEEEPAAAA!

I have a dig black bick, that akward when you u thought i said sumthn ekse dere nd dat i said 'akward moment' you this read wrong, you read that wrong too

sutoboy:
passing by!

Thank U though!!

Lady: HELLO, Police Station, ?
A Man Has Entered Into My House & iS
Rapping Me Right Now,
Can Yoouu
AAHHH,
OOHHHH, YESSS, Harder,
O GOD,
AARESSTT HIMM
TOOOMORROOW. . .

Bokoharamist & Obama were having a discusion in a bar.

A guy walks in & asks them what's the discussion about ??

Bokoharamist: "We are planing to kill 14 million Nigerians & Angelina Jolie"
,
Guy: Why Angelina Jolie ??
, Bokoharamist turns to Obama, "See I told you, Nobody gives Dam about 14 million Nigerians

val is ova nau,

Boss to secretary : We're going abroad

for a week .

She calls her husband : I will be going
abroad with my boss for a week .

Husband calls girlfriend : She's going ,
let's enjoy ~

Gf calls her student : For a week you're
free .

Student calls his grandpa : I am free for a
week !

Grandpa ( BOSS ) calls secretary : I'm with
my grandson this week .

Secretary calls husband : Trip cancelled .

Husband calls gf : Wife's not going .

Gf calls student : Your lessons as usual
this week .

Boy calls grandpa : Sorry I have to attend
my class .

Grandpa (BOSS) calls secretary : We are
going abroad,
laaf it out

(who gets this joke)

Three pastors met and agreed to sincerely tell each other their problems which must be kept from other people. The 1st pastor said, my problem is money, "I do steal even from the church offering, please pray for me". The 2nd pastor said my problem is women, "whenever i see any woman, my desire will be to go to bed with her, In fact, I've slept with most of my female church members, please pray for me". Turning to the 3rd pastor to hear his problem, he started crying, it took his friends some effort to calm him, after dat, he was asked to continue and he said still crying that my problem is gossiping, when we leave this place everybody will hear what you two just told me, please pray for ♍ƺ too. laaf it out

A man was chatting with his
friend on BB. He suddenly
discovered that the man sitting
beside him in the taxi was
reading their conversation.
Since he did not want to
embarrass the intruder, he
decided to change the topic of the
chat and
he wrote:
“abeg oga, please tell Kabiru
Sokoto or Abu Qaqa that I only
took two of the bombs we just
manufactured for this
operation.
Let them know as well that I may
find it difficult to get to the target
place before the bombs explode
becos there is terrible traffic jam
now but nevertheless, I am sure
casualty figure will be high since
we are five in our taxi and all the
vehicles in the traffic will be
affected too. We've less than
3mins for the bomb to go off, bye
and take care of my children as
agreed.” The intruder quickly
opened the taxi door and jumped
out.

!!!!!!! Who get what happened here

►►"Dude! He just called you a thief!"

►►"Oh HELL NO, hold his wallet!"

In Abia, a man was roaming around d streets and feeling very hungry when he saw a sign board outside a restaurant which reads: 'EAT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AND LET YOUR GRANDCHILDREN PAY THE BILL'. He smiled, heaved a sigh of relief and quickly walked into the restaurant and ordered for different kinds of palatable dishes.
He ate as much as he can and the waiter gave him his bill, After eating, On seeing d thunderous bill He smiled again and Pointed to the sign board and said; 'Don't you see, only my grandchild needs to pay for this bill'.
The waiter replied; 'Sir, this is not your bill. This is your grandfather's bill', : .

Laaaaf Iiiit Ooooout Jooooo!!!

laaf it out!!!!

VERY FUNNY MUST READ: LOL
Men are Honest (story)

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked,

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with MEGAN FOX. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others

Father : hey Son! why is yOur mother sitting so silent today?
Son: nothing Dad. She asked for lipstick and i heard
" GLUE STICK "
Father : God bless u my son

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes.'

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'

The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to'.

The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
woman and he will have eyes only for me.'

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world.
And he will be ten times richer than you.'

The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine.'

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a
mild heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here
and continue feeling good.

Male readers : Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times *milder* than his wife .

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show
that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who
have a good sense of humour.

18 yr old girl got pregnant,
crying,
Mother says: Who was that
crap?
Call him.
Half an hour later,a latest model limosine stops in
front of their house & a
mature grey hair in a vry
expensive suit, steps out.
Man:Ur daughter has
informed me the problem. However I can't marry her,
but if a girl is born,I offer 2
stores,a villa & 2 millions.
If a boy born, then 2
factories & 5 millions but
incase of miscarriage, What do u suggest I do?"
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
. Mother:Try again sir

18 yr old girl got pregnant,
crying,
Mother says: Who was that
crap?
Call him.
Half an hour later,a latest model limosine stops in
front of their house & a
mature grey hair in a vry
expensive suit, steps out.
Man:Ur daughter has
informed me the problem. However I can't marry her,
but if a girl is born,I offer 2
stores,a villa & 2 millions.
If a boy born, then 2
factories & 5 millions but
incase of miscarriage, What do u suggest I do?"
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
. Mother:Try again sir

One day a young man and
woman were in their bedroom
making love.
All of a sudden a
bumble bee entered the
bedroom window.
As the
young lady parted her legs the
bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming, "Oh
my god, help me, there's a bee
in my vagina!".
The husband immediately took
her to the local doctor and
explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment
and said, "Hmm, tricky situation.
But I have a solution to the
problem if young sir would
permit".
The husband being very
concerned agreed that the
doctor could use whatever
method to get the bee out of
his wife's vagina.
The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna
do is
rub some honey over the top
of my penis and insert it into
your wife's vagina.
When I feel the bee getting closer to
the tip
of my dick I shall withdraw it
and the bee should hopefully
follow my penis out of your
wife's vagina."
The husband nodded and gave
his approval. The young lady
said "Yes, yes, whatever, just
get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering
the tip of his penis with honey,
inserted it into the young lady's
vagina. After a few
gentle strokes, the doctor said,
"I don't think the bee has
noticed the honey yet. Perhaps
I should go a bit deeper".
So the doctor went deeper and
deeper. After a while the
doctor began shafting the
young lady very hard indeed.
The young lady began to quiver
with excitement, she began to
moan and groan aloud, "Oh
doctor, doctor!" she shouted.
The doctor, concentrating very
hard, looked like he was
enjoying himself.
He then put his hands on the
young lady's breasts and
started making loud noises.
The husband, at this point,
suddenly became very annoyed
and shouted. "Now wait a
minute, what the hell do you
think you're doing?!"
he
blasted.
The doctor,
still concentrating,
replied: "Change of plan, I'm
gonna drown the bastard!!"

strols in

One man had a child , , , , , , 1
year later - man asked the child- what
to gift you?, , , , child said ping
pong ball , , , , 2'nd b'day -Father-
what gift you want?Son - ping pong
ball , , , , 3rd b'day Father- what
gift you want?Son - ping pong
ball , , , , 4th bday Father- what
gift you want?Son - ping pong
ball , , , , , , 5th bday Father-
what gift you want?Son - ping pong
ball , , , , , , , , 6thb' day
Father- what gift you want?Son - ping
pong
ball , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . , . , , , , ,
24th bday Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball , , , , , , he
got married at honeymoon Wife-what
do u want?Husband-ping pong
ball , , , , 25th bday Wife - what
gift you want?Husband-ping pong
ball , , , , , , , , 26th bday Wife
- what gift you want?Husband-ping
pong ball , , , , , 27th bday Wife -
what gift you want?Husband-ping
pong
ball , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
his kids become 15 yrs old , , , ,
40th bday kids- Father what gift you
want?Father - ping pong
ball , , , , , 41st b' day kids- Father
what gift you want?Father - ping pong
ball , , , , , , 42nd bday kids-
Father what gift you want?Father -
ping pong
ball , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . , . , , , , , , , , , , , . ,
79th b'day kids- Father what gift you
want?Father - ping pong
ball , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . , . , , , , , , , , , ,
time for his death all the people from
whom he took ping pong ball (Like his
Wife, kids and all others) came to him
and asked Why did you ask for ping
pong ball all the time?, , , He said
give me a ping pong ball then I will
tell you, , , , Then those people
gave him a ping pong ball , , , , ,
He said when I will be extremely near
to death then I will
tell , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
During those last moments when he is
about to die everyone reached him
and asked tell us why did you ask for
ping pong ball always?he
said. , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
I asked for a ping pong ball on my
every b'day
because , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
And he died, before he could tell the
Reason, What a tragedy! What a
tragedy!!!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
LIKE IF YOU ARE VERY VERY VERY BORED
AFTER READING THIS
Now don't look at me like
thissssssssssssssss … Y Should I suffer
alone,

^^ask google.

1911: Dracula Used to Drink Virgin Girls Blood, ! = In 2012: He Died of Hunger,