₦airaland Forum

Chisos...I don't get surprised any more with posts like this....your love grew when you saw his name on the executive list...*spits out*in ur write it shows he hasn't said anything already...and u r d 1 proposing right now...o Lord!!!where did this money ish mentality come from?and what were u looking for on dbn website?potential maga?ur dream is massive...

Virgin...virgin...virgin...what's this talk about virginity everywhere?Someone who hasn't had sex for 2hours is a virgin 2 me...Op please I want to see the ppu in question b4 I answer....and check if they are virgins or not...Ppu lie a lot...

Lolz...don't know why am laughing though its a funny question...I had to wake up from my dream cos this was exactly what I saw in the dream last night...spend wetin?Abeg shift make I park my Pvt jet well...

The money don finish self....u go pay taya...anyways Iyanya in the making...

Most r like that...what about the ones that do k,kk and all that after along chat,sentence or convo...not Rgetn those dt read pings n dont reply but change dp's...men the mentality is becoming mental man...i go just dey delete...but i go first warn u b4 i delete...cos u r off no use on d list....

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Its not a stimulant bro...

kay29000: Hmm! Can randy foods make me go for One hour without releasing?

This discussion took place last night between me and my gf»We got chatting and laughing and so happy,and I was prompted to ask this»Have you cheated on me?As if I was live with her,I could imagine the reaction on her face,she paused for a while and the next reply I got was»Na wa o,what kind of question is that?I told her Baby,its just a simple question of a yes or a no...She went further and asked»Why am asking?I said you aren't giving me an answer,and I said are u gonna answer the question or not...She finally said she won't,later when she noticed the chat was dead,she said can you send me my Mom's number?I need it...

Please fellow NLders,have you ever asked your spouse this question?What was their reaction and answer?Share your experience...Still thinking hard!!!

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Dubai wedding...dint even last...anyways...seems this guy is a fighter and ur wife dt is managing her small beauty...u want to finish it with punches?bros register in a gym or get a punching bag for the house!!!

1. Know how to make u smile when u are down.
2. Try to secretly smell ur hair, but u always notice.
3. Stick up for u, but still respect ur independence.
4. Give u the remote control during the game.
5. Come up behind u and put his arms around u.
6. Play with ur hair.
7. His hand wud always find ur hand.
8. Be cute when he really wnts something.
9. Offer u plenty of massages.
10. Dance with u, even if he feels like a dork.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny, but knw when to be serious.
13. Realize he's being funny whn he needs to be serious.
14. Be patient whn u take forever to get ready.
15. React so cutely whn u hit him and it acutally hurts.
16. Smile a lot.
17. Plans a romantic date full of things he wouldn't normally do bcoz he knws it means a lot to u.
18. Appreciate u.
19. Help others out.
20 Drive five hours just to see u for one.
21. Always gives u a kiss whn u leave, evn whn his frnds are watching.
22. Sing, even if he can't.
23. Have a creative sense of humor.
24. Stare at u.
25. Call for no reason.
26.Holds you in places
27.Stays out late just to cuddle you
28.Makes your bed all night.
29.Whispers through the air until it gets to you.
30.Climbs your window just to say goodnight.
31.Can take a bullet for you.
32.Ready to kill for you.
33.Can't be without you in a minute.
34.Guard you against other guys.
35.Helps you up when you try to fall.
36.Goes out with you even when you are going with your friends.
37.Ready to make the move all the time.
38.Thinks of you all day.
39.STAYS WITH YOU EVEN WHEN HIS MATES ARE IN THE OFFICE!!!
40.THIS IS ONLY POSSIBLE WHEN HE IS JOBLESS...

APPLICATION FORM TO MARRY MY DAUGHTER.
FILL THE FORM IN OWN HAND WRITING AND IN BLOCK LETTERS.
I _______________hereby apply to marry your daughter sir.
I am _____ years old
Please answer the following questions honestly:
1. Do you go to church? Yes/No
2. Do you have a degree or diploma?Yes/No
3. Are you still a virgin? Yes/No
4. Are you working?Yes/No
5. Do you have a car?Yes/No
If your answer to any of the above questions was NO, Donot continue this application form, Leave my house immediately and don't look back
If all your answers were YES, then continue.
1. In 50 words or more describe the disadvantages of cheating in marriage
2. With the aid of a diagram Explain how you can give respect to your father in-law & mother in-law
3. Suppose your wife says"Honey I need money for my hair at the saloon", what would ur answer be?
4. Explain any 10 causes of divorce
5. What does the term 'good husband' mean to you?
6. Do you have both dad and mum?Yes/No, If No explain why?
7.Were your parents legally married?Yes/No, If YES for how long? If the time of their marriage is less than your age, explain why you were born out of wedlock
8. Explain the meaning of ''COME HOME EARLY", as often used by women(100 words)
9. Give any 3 reasons a man sleeps outside his home
10. In case of divorce, who do you think is the owner of the kids between father and mother?
Answer the following by Yes or No
1. Do you drink alcohol? Yes/No
2. Do you smoke?Yes/No
3. Are you short-tempered?Yes/No
LAST PART BUT EQUALLY IMPORTANT
1. When can you be free for interviews?
2. When is the best time to interview your dad?
3. When can I interview your mum?
4. When can I interview your church pastor?
5. Please stick your passport size photo below which will be put in newspapers to check if you have other girlfriends.
Sign here: ___________
Sign again: __________
Thank you for showing interest in my daughter, your application will be processed n I'll get back only if U're successful.

A man was driving down the road wen his car broke down near a monastery. He went to the monastery, knockd on the door,...
and said, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accepted him, fed him, and even fixd his car. As the man fel asleep that night, he heard a strange sound. The next morning, he askd the monks what the sound was. We can't tell you. You're not a monk" they responded. The man was disappointed but thankd them anyway and continued his trip. Several years later the same man broke down in front of the same monastery. The monks again acceptd him, fed him, and even fixd his car. That night, he heard the same strange noise that he heard years earlier. The next morning he again askd what it was, and again the monks replied, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man said, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out the source of that sound is to become a monk, tell me how do I become a monk?"
"You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk," they reply.
The man set about his task. Many years later he returnd
and knockd on the door of the monastery. "I have traveled the
earth and have found what you asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999 ,129,382
sand pebbles on the earth." "Congratulation s!" the monks
reply. "You are now a monk. We will now show you the way to
the sound." The monks proceeded to lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is behind that door." The man reaches for the knob, but cannot open it because the door is locked. "Really funny," he said, "May I have the key please?" The monks gave him the key and he opend the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The monks gave him the key to this door too, and he opend it-only to find a door made of ruby. He asks for, and received another key from the monks. But behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. On and on this went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally the man was relieved to hear the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." He unlockd the door, turns the
knob, and behind that door he was amazed to find the source of
that strange sound. But I can't tell you what it was because you're not a monk...

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The Central Bank of Nigeria says it has approved an industry-wide incentive scheme and awareness campaign on electronic payment channels for stakeholders and users.



As a result, the CBN is collaborating with Deposit Money Banks through the Nigeria Inter-Bank Settlement System Plc to work out a system that will make banks to pay customers, merchants and salespersons for using electronic payment channels.

Some analysts see this as a gradual paradigm shift from the CBN’s punitive approach in driving the cashless policy to an incentive-based one.

The Electronic Payments Incentives Scheme will make bank customers, merchants and salespersons receive cash and gift rewards for using electronic payment channels.

The scheme will commence in batches, starting from November 1, 2014.

The central bank said the move was in furtherance of the drive for pervasive usage of e-payment channels in the country.

It said in a circular posted on its website that the scheme would appreciate and reward usage across all channels with emphasis on channels of e-payment that promote financial inclusion.

The circular, signed by the Director of Banking and Payment System, CBN, Mr. Dipo Fatokun, read in part, “The scheme has identified and will reward consumers, merchants and sales persons. The incentive is designed as a ‘white-label’ campaign in which all stakeholders are required to partner.”

According to the circular, the scheme will lead to a point-based reward system for consumers in which Automated Teller Machine cardholders will be rewarded based on point grossed through frequency of card usage.

The central bank said NIBSS would implement the programme in conjunction with other service providers.

It noted that the scheme would also involve cash refund to customers; a system that was already being implemented by all the banks.

It added, “Merchants may leverage on the incentive scheme to offer promotional gift items to their customers based on the usage of e-payments for transactions. Salespersons will be encouraged to support e-payments by having them enrolled on the tipping point schemes, through which they will earn points accrued over a period. Such points may be redeemed by salespersons through various gift items or cash.”

The CBN director further noted that the EPIS would lead to reduction in merchant service charge from the current 1.25 per cent (N2,000) to 0.75 per cent (N1,200).

According to Fatokun, it will also lead to exemption from Commission on Turnover charges such that the free COT will be accelerated ahead of the dates in the ‘Guide to Bank Charges’ for merchants.

He said the NIBSS would collaborate with the DMBs for the implementation of Point of Sales functionalities that would permit merchants to offer cash-out services to their customers.

Meanwhile, beginning from March 1, 2015, Deposit Money Banks in the country will start barring customers without biometric registration numbers from carrying our certain transactions, the CBN has said in a new circular posted on its website

The circular stated that the scheme was part of efforts to develop a safe, reliable and efficient payment system in the country.

The CBN, in collaboration with the Bankers’ Committee, had in February inaugurated the biometric registration exercise.

It said the exercise would lead to the issuance of Bank Verification Number to every customer. The BVN is a unique identity that will help to mitigate frauds, money laundering and other illegal acts.

In the circular, which was signed by Fatokun, the central bank said all bank customers should have had the BVN by July 2015.

The circular read, “The CBN has observed the progress made so far in the implementation of the BVN project. In order to increase the tempo of the enrolment by the DMB customers in the BVN and to start the enormous benefits of the project, it is imperative to stipulate milestones for the implementation.

“All stakeholders are hereby advised to note and implement the following; that by March 2015, transactions valued at N100m and above should only be allowed for customers with the BVN; (this includes, but not limited to money transfers, loans, contingencies etc.); that by June, all bank customers should have the BVN. Any bank customer without the BVN will be deemed to have inadequate Know Your Customer.”

http://www.nigerianeye.com/2014/09/banks-to-pay-customers-for-using-e.html?m=1

Good write up...But please re-edit some parts, what if cr7 was never meant for you, rather the genevieve was never meant for you..Havent you seen a situation when women become the success of a man?Madam do your research well and come back here...Destiny defers and some are just meant to help others destiny, what if you are to marry an Ibu and make him better?Madam think both ways and stop misleading those that need correction...

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In this era? We dont need a CD anymore for cars, its either u using an Auxiliary cable from from fone to car deck or better still play through bluetooth or Fm transmitter on your mobile fone...

heatmeup: i saw these coming anyways it john ledgend,june come ooo all of una wey just dey download una no get cars

It is no news that Don Jazzy the ‘Dorobucci crooner acts like the dude next door on Twitter. He is famous for the relational and humorous ways he connects with his fans on the social media.
But what he did few days back was to vent his anger over reports by bloggers saying that he recently bought a N150 million car.
”The way we dey write news sometimes sef I wonder. Just read that I bought a car of 150m and that my Bentley is 65m .I be thief? He continues:”Upcoming artistes and producers get misled when they see stuffs like that” he wrote

- See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2014/09/don-jazzy-cries-thief/?utm_source=&utm_medium=facebook#sthash.CqT02iUN.dpuf

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GOODNEWS TO SCHOOL OWNERS»Do you have problems with your school's data management, be it as a result of population?.....Well SMART is here to the rescue, with our School Management and Reporting Tool. Our software helps to handle school activities ranging from examinations to results management, school fee payments and consist of various logins for Teachers,Admin,Students and parents for easy access to school management system.For further enquiries contact the country's regional rep: 07033209497, bb pin: 299ce045. whatsapp: 08051287625

GOODNEWS TO SCHOOL OWNERS»Do you have problems with your school's data management, be it as a result of population?.....Well SMART is here to the rescue, with our School Management and Reporting Tool. Our software helps to handle school activities ranging from examinations to results management, school fee payments and consist of various logins for Teachers,Admin,Students and parents for easy access to school management system.For further enquiries contact the country's regional rep: 07033209497, bb pin: 2234aa78. whatsapp: 08051287625

You take your Gf to your friends house 4 d first time,and her fone automatically connects to his locked wifi...Pls I need an explaination...

Is that urs?Never knew u were derainged...Sorry about that...

lomprico: That makes you one derainged insecure sonofabeech!

My girlfriend is not allowed to take a jog around the block, What The Bleep she tryna do? Practice how she'll run away
from me?

My girlfriend isn't allowed to drink any energy drinks. What the Bleep is she tryina do? Get energy for? Find the strength to leave or beat me?

My girlfriend is not allowed to watch monkeys!! What the Bleep is she tryna do!?So that they might remind her of her EX??

My girlfriend is not allowed to sleep too long. What the Bleep is she trying to do? She might have a dream. about dating someone else & change her mind about me.

My girlfriend isn't allowed to watch Discovery Channel. What the Bleep you tryna discover? New ways to leave me?

My girlfriend isn't allowed. to blink. What the Bleep is she tryna mean?Are you telling me you're tired of seeing my face?Add yours...

Having a date or meeting a Guy at a restaurant/Bar doesn't mean you should 'EMPTY HIS POCKET'...

You probably meet a new guy who wants to know you better, he decides to meet you for a chit-chat at a new restaurant around the neighbourhood. You got there and this guy asks what you wanna drink or eat. And you begin to order for Fried Rice & Chicken, Juice, Sharwarma, Sausage, Burger all at the same time!!! And at the end of the day, you still ask for Take-Away!!! Ah ah! Are you a glutton!!!? You even have the effrontery to ask for transport fare!!! Aarrgghh That's not fair na.ITS GREED!!!

What has happened to 'first impression'? What message are you passing out to this guy? An average guy wouldn't really have an 'interior motive' but from what he's seen he may decide to have his pound of flesh. You see Ladies, every dime spent on you has a reason, and come to think of it, you have no plan for this guy but to 'chop' his money!!! Who's fooling who? Can someone get married to you with this attitude

Yes! A guy may want to spend on you and all that, but you've got to be prudent with everything. Tell a guy who wants to over-spend to save his money. Ask him to invest the money in some tangible things and you will begin to see how much respect he will bestow on you.

My Guys, emptying your pocket wouldn't make this gal love you. Spending your hard earned money on her doesn't guarantee your love. Stop over-impressing her. Some gurls don't even need your money but your care and attention. Don't be called a 'MAGA'...