₦airaland Forum

brain54:
➜ Who would have cared about their xenophobia and racism or whatever if it wasn't causing harm to and posing a threat to migrants...?
➜Aren't the protesters already committing crimes looting shops and attacking innocent people?
➜ You clearly don't understand what is going on in South Africa currently. Don't just take up sides because you think it's interesting to defend and argue about.
➜ Thank God at least you know they should take up their frustrations on their government and not on innocent migrants!

1. Not all protestors are causing harm and posing a threat to migrants. Those of them doing so ought to be arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
2. Again, not all protestors are committing crimes, looting shops, and attacking innocent people.
3. Painting all of the protestors with one brush is not going to solve anything or make the issues disappear.
4. Protests are a way for people to let their governments know of their frustrations and concerns about the presence of illegal migrants.

brain54:
➜There is no justifiable reason for harassment, mobbing and killing of migrants...

I never said there was a justifiable reason for harassment or crime.

That said, xenophia/racism/tribalistic is not a crime. And so, protestors are not criminals unless they commit criminal acts. And their concern -- illegal immigration-- is one that their government should look into and do something about.

brain54:
➜Stay there dey disagree... Who said migration was a right and not privilege. Is anyone dragging their country with them? Even south Africans do not deny or argue it's about xenophobia. You obviously don't know deeply about the issue at hand and what it is all about!

Seems more like you are unwilling to consider that the reason behind the agitation for less foreigners.

Murder and looting are crimes, and those involved ought to be arrested and prosecuted. However, the concerns of the people... shouldn't be ignored, as they have a right to have no more illegal aliens within their borders.

brain54:
➜No body tagged anything anything... It is what it is!

I disagree! Cambodia recently decided it no longer wanted foreigners from African nations coming in, a decision it likely made with its people in mind. We heard nothing of xenophobia from the mouths of Africans. So, tell me why South Africans are not allowed to no longer want foreigners from other African nations coming in?

Migration has always been a privilege, not a right.

brain54:
➜What your point... Retaliation can be carried out on both poor and rich if they decide. As for the topic I'm tired of South Africans and their news. Nothing good ever comes out of the shit hole country. Only stories of xenophobia, crime, doom and and more doom!

I think it is the international media that has chosen to tag it xenophobic attacks when what the people may simply be agitating for is that foreigners come into their country to take away jobs and resources that ought to go to them instead. Their corrupt and inept government has also not helped with issues that concern the people, as it seems engaged in misinformation campaigns as well.

Now, of course, no crime should go unpunished, whether done by immigrants or South Africans themselves.

boomcity009:
Can you recommend one or two books tho.Thanks for your intuituve answers, I really appreciate it a lot

1. Emotional Intelligence: Self-Awareness – Harvard Business Review
2. Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience – Brené Brown
3. Emotional Intelligence Habits – Travis Bradberry

Mattswaggz:
➜Not to mention the fact that the needed the help of Africa to get the freedom their enjoying today......I wonder how they think despite that record being on ground for all to see.

The help of which Africa? The Africa that has failed to help itself to date, abi which one?

Greencloud:
Since the white handed over that country to blacks, the country has been going fast backward

Oh, now we begin to admit that colonization was not such a bad thing?

Mattswaggz:
➜https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/6/2/mozambique-says-5-citizens-killed-in-xenophobic-attacks-in-south-africa

Murder, irrespective of the motive, should be punished to the utmost.

boomcity009:
➜Hmm.. I am learning but INNER WORK THO, You are correct but my guy who has that time when his mind will be thinking of sexual unfulfillment and lover desperation.
➜ Teach me what to do for inner work tho especially how to detach my emotions from toxic lover I am willing to learn cos I think you got knowledge of what I dont know

1. If your satiating this sexual unfulfilment, which is simply a result of lack of sexual discipline on your part, takes precedence over your overall mental health, then you will almost always continue to find yourself embroiled in one toxic situation after another. You have to decide whether happiness and peace of mind matter more to you than getting your rocks off.

2. First of all, again, your emotions were never attached to your toxic lover. Rather, you chose to delude yourself into believing they are external to you. Second, you would need to do some very serious, long, and hard work on your general emotional intelligence. Get a journal, begin to write down how you feel and what you think. Ask yourself why exactly, as a human being, you cling to toxic people, believing you get love and fulfillment of some sort from it. Go through your mind and find and write down every single time you have had to do so until you figure out the very first time you started doing it and why. Somewhere you may have experienced rejection that caused you to realize that it is better than even toxic people. Accept your pain and forgive yourself of all your guilt and shame so you can begin to heal. At the same time, begin to make better choices and decisions so you no longer have a need for toxicity in your life and surroundings.

Lastly, there are numerous books online you can read on the subject of emotional intelligence that can help you in understanding some other serious questions you can ask yourself to go even deeper into revealing and loving the true you, so you no longer gravitate towards toxicity and toxic individuals altogether. I would advise you to do some research to find one that works for you.

boomcity009:
➜You dont know what the feeling of loneliness is. He cant leave her because he will be depressed of unwanted feelings n loneliness which can be very very frustrating BUT YOU ARE SO CORRECT ANYWAYS.
➜ OP WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS FIND NEW LOVERS ASAP BUT ITS HARD FOR US (Dont deny it)

His loneliness has nothing to do with her. He is lonely because he has unresolved issues in his life, possibly trauma from his past that he has refused to face up until this point in time. The girl is not to blame for his deep-seated loneliness, and holding fast to a toxic relationship only exacerbates it. Clinging to someone who you know does not want you does not cure loneliness.

OP is probably already depressed but lying to himself that holding on to her is his way around the depression. She isn't.

2. Wrong! OP does not need another relationship. Relationships/marriage do not cure loneliness. He instead had to do the inner mental work to help himself heal from his loneliness before he goes for another relationship. Otherwise, he will simply be clinging again to another potentially toxic person pretending again that love for him is all of that and nothing more.

AntiChristian:
➜While you may be right but your comment is beyond the scope of this thread!
The average women we see day to day in Nigeria or most other African countries usually get married to men they are happy with! What do men enjoy in marriage?

Marriage, except in Islam maybe, has never offered men any universal benefit. So, again, it is ridiculous that a non-Islamic man should ask such a question since he is in no way forced into such a union nor guaranteed any benefits in it. For most non-Islamic men, marriage is not only a personal choice, but also the benefits or lack of them are determined by the sort of marriage he enters into with his particular partner.

AntiChristian:
Most women get married when they see something that makes them happy in a man!
What do men enjoy in marriage?

Most men are not forced into marriage or relationships, for that matter. The vast majority of men out there choose for themselves whether or not to enter into marriage, whereas the same cannot be said for women who, to this day, in many parts of the world, are literally forced or sold into marriage. Marriage, for men, has never been compulsory, making it of no need to ask this useless question time and time again.

EmperorIsaac:
➜I assume you guys believe in gender equality, or am I missing something?

You know you can pick up the books on Islam for yourself to read. You really should. Books I would recommend are the following:

1. Sirat Rassul Allah (The Life of Mohammed) by Ibn Ishaq
2. The Quran
3. Sahih Al-Bukari (Hadith)
4. Sahih Muslim(Hadith)

Toolegit123:
Good day everyone out there. Lately, I have been traumatized. Like so depressed. My fiancee and I have been together for over 2 years and we've been planning to take the next step,which is our marriage arrangements.
But recently,I have noticed how she has been distancing herself from me. Though we had a little quarrels not quite long ago,but I really wanted to settle things up. And unfortunately, before I could calm things up,I noticed she had blocked me on Whatsapp.
Now,the pain in me,is that I've tried to talk to her,but she seems like who doesn't want to listen to me and it's really hitting hard on me.
This is someone who has always been toxic and disrespectful to me,but whenever I try t walk away completely from her,i always find myself going back to her. And I'm so tired and fed up with the whole thing.
I have tried to walk away,like forget about everything we've together in the past but the healing process hasn't been easy. I really want my peace of mind back. Please,has anyone been in this kind of situation before? How did you navigate yourself through it. Please,help a brother in need.

She is toxic and brings you pain, yet you cling to her in hopes that what will happen? What you described there is not love but some suicidal obsession with someone who probably hasn't been on the same page with you in a long time. Kind of seems like you are the one clinging to her. You should probably go see a psychiatrist to figure out exactly why you seem bent on depriving yourself of peace and happiness.

EmmyMaestro:
➜Question: What Do Men Enjoy In Marriage ? This video is currently going viral on TikTok. A man asked what does men even enjoy in marriages? And this was how the women replied and answered his question. I personally think men are becoming more wise 😂😂😂😂

The vast majority of men out there are not forced into a relationship or marriage with women. This needs to be highlighted, as men who play the victimhood card in this case are usually men who are not fit (mentally, physically, or emotionally) for a relationship or marriage, for that matter. And society, at this point, needs to normalize discouraging such men from procreating altogether.

Yampotatocarrot:
Just hearing this for the first time, and I'm loving the Islamic arrangement already. If I may, what if her husband fulfils his responsibilities and demands she does not work and she refuses, what happens then?

She is sheep in Islam; her husband is a master, and she is sheep that has no say.

REALretep:
Neither did I recommend any church or mosque to you.
I only told you to seek Jesus.
Seek to have a personal encounter with Him.
Be deeply sincere about it. Speak to Him from your heart. That's all

Storyland! 😒

bukkani:
➜What about a girl who is always rude to her elder sister, as in talking to her elder sister anyhow, but when it comes to her boyfriend, she will be humble and kind, and she will be so so sweet when it comes to her boyfriend. What do we do to such a girl? A girl who is rude to her sister, as in, is not rude, but she's just, she doesn't have good speech

The elder sister can ignore or avoid the girl completely until she comes to realize that she can not be an arsehole for free. 😒

Has the elder sister ever been able to figure out exactly why the girl is rude to her in particular? It could be that the elder sister may just be under the notion that her grant ought to grant her automatic respect from the junior. If that is the case, then the elder sister may herself need some serious attitude and behavioural adjustment of her own. 😒

REALretep:
Why not find out for yourself!
Why not seek Jesus for yourself now you have life and health

With 10s of millions of Nigerian women drugged up on religion with no end to their woes in sight, over a decade later, I would not recommend any of your churches or mosques to even my worst enemy. That would be utterly wicked of me to do.😒

A whole lawyer who, according to you, was the greatest that ever was died intestate. The man himself failed to do all in his power and knowledge to do all that was necessary to preserve his own legacy. What, therefore, is the point and the meaning behind this write-up of yours? 😒

REALretep:
Ohhh... you left God out of it. Ouch

Really? Have your religious deities solved the marriages of the millions of women who fill your Nigerian churches/mosques both in Nigeria and abroad?😒

lalaray:
➜I watched in awe how churches hosted viewings for the Arsenal match ( Sam Adeyemi was one of them) , n how churches n big men of God have been silent about the insecurity in Nigeria, the same pastors that spoke against the lock down cos people couldn't go to church n they couldn't collect offerings n tithe, n I have two questions.
1. Is this what Jesus would have done? Remain silent n host Arsenal match viewings?
2. Why are Nigerians not angry enough?.
I see the passion with which Nigerian followed the Arsenal premiership winning n the champion's league n I ask will these people have this much zeal about football n cheap Frank Edoho gossips if it was their family members that were involved?
Now this is the part Nigerians don't know, they are all part of the matrix, the government use our yeyebrities n bloggers to distract us with all this gossips n gist n take our attention from serious security n economic issue. How come no one sees the pattern? Any time an important national issue is up that when u see drama on social media? It's either VDM or Toke Makinwa or yeye Phyna or any of these yeyebrities will come up with something n they ALWAYS get the attention of Nigerians.
It's called the matrix, a system the government use to control it's citizens n keep them down , also drug use, religion ( especially Christianity n Islam ) are ready tool in the hands of the government.
Today is another Sunday n as usual churches will do everything, collect offerings n tithe, talk about Arsenal match without as much as saying anything or even raising a prayer point about the kidnapped victims.
For those thinking Nigeria will change anytime soon, the joke's on you. Every nation will get the kind of leadership it deserves. Have a good day.

You are literally watching Nigeria change right before your eyes... Islamization has been the goal of the terrorists from the beginning, and they have already massacred their way into southern Nigeria. Yet, here you are wanting people to believe Nigeria will not change? I submit that you and others with this mentality of yours are part of the problem that you seem to be leaving at the doors of your scammers-in-the-lords. 😒

Rapmoney:
➜The era of women sitting and waiting for already-made men to come and rescue them from lack is long gone, because if he is valuable and you are not, you will never have value in his eyes. He knows your worth.
Mothers should teach their female kids that the same burden that is placed on a man to strive and succeed is the same burden that is placed on a woman too.
Behind a successful man that wins the bread, stands a successful woman that wins the akara.

In telling your tale, you mentioned that the one you met was the girl's father. Why didn't you give him this lecture informing him of how he failed his daughter by refusing her education and the training necessary to help her thrive? 😒

Jamie248:
➜The man is so set in his ways and he lacks empathy. If he checks your phone but you can't check his, he knows about all your finances but you know nothing about his, sex is all about him, to note a few incongruities... having to cope with that kind of relationship would depress anybody
The fertility issue is maybe the universe trying to tell you something because even if you had kids with this kind of person you might eventually end up raising them alone

If only a lot more women considered delay in childbearing a not so bad thing, there would be a lot fewer stories of heartbreak from abandoned women to abandoned children. 😒

henrycloud:
➜Damaging, in terms of the associated emotional trauma. But please note that by the statement, I wasn't trying to advocate staying in a bad marriage! No way!
➜ I just meant marital life would have been more beautiful if we could see what it would be like before tying the knot. Because at the end of the day, even as the divorce gives the much-needed peace, the heart will be hurt.

This assumes that the trauma of what she is having to endure in this union, where her whole body is not at ease during what should be an intimate moment between herself and the person she is married to, is minuscule compared to the trauma of freeing herself entirely from this already mentally devastating existence that is her marriage? 🤔

2. We all see it all around us. Most people, even in today's world, grow up seeing marriage and all its dynamics in the lives of family, friends, and neighbors. Seeing it (real-life examples of marriage) has never been the issue. The problem is that, in our case, we all too often ignore reality and common sense, putting on our blinders and pretending that we will somehow magically pull out what defies human reality. 😒

henrycloud:
✓ The BO was likely acquired during his young adult years, maybe the first time he started living alone. Is he fat?
I have seen many young, good-looking guys give off a very bad smell. It doesn't even smell like BO. More like bad food, or dirty, wet clothes, or something.
Their deodorant can't even cover it. I belive its a product of bag hygiene, irregular baths, bad choice of sponge and soap, poor grooming, excessive sweating, wearing dirty clothes, unkempt home, etc.
Of course, the mouth issue would come as a bonus.
Please tell us more.
Relationships are not easy. I just wish there were a way to preview 10 years of marriage before making it legal. However challenging a bad marriage can be, getting a divorce is often more damaging.

Damaging in what sense? 🥱

To answer your question, it may be if spirikokos ony found nanried those exactly like themselves. How see, you almost never see this happening. Instead, spirikokos go for kind, gentle partners looking for love and affection; herein lies the problem.

amancalledgodd:
➜Intalk say they've hide everything from my access. They locked shop with key sef ordinary cold water indo not have access to

. How old are you?🤔

youdontknoe:
➜...I don’t know but I have made a lot of crazy decisions since that info. I just got tired. I quit one of my jobs last week. T[b]he job had been a drag and I had to let it go[/b].
➜ At this point maybe I deserve all I’m going through but I also know I am very tired. I did my research and ordered supplements that I know may help him. And I had to have the long talk about why he needed to take them. He was reluctant and said it was too many meds.
I begged. Pleaded. Even if we had to go the ivf route maybe we can improve the quality of what we have. I’m not going to get younger.
➜ It’s been a whole lot. He finally agreed but told me not to follow up that he will take them. Financially we are not even ready for any medical procedure and mentally I don’t even know if I am ok.
➜ I get lost in thoughts. Why is this the way marriage is for me? Was this even worth it?
➜ I cannot talk to anyone. Not the pastors. Not my parents. Not my friends.
➜ I know having kids is not all that’s about marriage, but I also know that I want them. But we have bigger issues here and it’s beyond kids. I just don’t know if marriage has served me up to this point. In my very mid 30s so I also don’t know what the future holds. Sigh. I’m just tired.

1. Good that you quit the job. I could sense, from your writing that it really stressed you out. You are just 33 and carrying the weight of what are unfounded fears and anxiety on your head, like say the world don end... Stop doing that to yourself and learn to live and let live. Learn not to want to control and figure it all out at once. Relax and learn to live and enjoy each day as it comes! 🤔

2. You broke no laws and committed no criminal offenses, so what makes you think you deserve for things to go bad for you? Yes, you were desperate for companionship, and it also seems you were love-bombed into marriage. It can happen even to the best people out there. You realize now that the man may not be as connected to you in the way you had initially thought. So what? We all make mistakes! 🤔

If you choose to quit the marriage at this point, no one has the right to hold it against you. If you decide to continue enduring, no one has a right to hold that against you either. It is your life, and you alone know what is best for you; you decide what you deserve in this life. No human being can love or care for you better than you can. Learn to stop beating yourself up over the useless things.🤔

3. Again, you are just 33! Stop making your life difficult for yourself. There are women out there having babies at age 48-50. You are still young, so stop beating yourself up. And stop trying to control the outcome of things. You have told him what you want, and that is all that is necessary. If he does not want to have a child by IVF with you at this point, nagging him into it will not work for you or for him. If he is not in a rush to have kids, then what is your worry? You are healthy, and you are young. What exactly is it that you are terrified of? 🤔

4. Newsflash! Marriage is sort of like that for the majority out there. Many such people simply choose to enter endurance mode, while others quietly leave for their mental health's sake.🤔

5. Those are likely to push you towards endurance mode, something I never recommend for anyone who is not getting love reciprocated in a relationship. I have seen way too many women and men end up miserable with nothing to show for it all, except maybe the fact that they popped out kids at some point before they were eventually abandoned. Yes, a lot of endurance folks are later on abandoned for the next opportunity. 🤔

6. Why be desperate to have a kid, knowing you are no longer as invested in the marriage itself? Why not focus on resolving the issues you have in marriage, and then enjoying that success first before proceeding to have kids? You are clearly miserable in the marriage as it is. Why in the world would hyperfocusing on having kids on top of that help with? 🤔

youdontknoe:
➜Part 3. We started living together. And I started noticing a lot more. I’m not perfect, but I was willing to learn from and adjust. He has a strong ego. First thing he started fussing about immediately was me changing my name officially to his. I told him id change it. He started to make a big deal out of it.
Because he moved, he didn’t have a job anymore and I was constantly walking on egg shells around him because everything came down to the fact that I was the one with the money. When I brought up any issues it will come down to it’s not my fault. Blah blah. He was applying. And applying and the many rejections caused a lot of friction. We were together now but mehn. We had agreed that the money coming was ours and we would figure it out. All the bills were on me except maybe the car insurance and the internet bills. He had taken that on while we lived apart.
He didn’t even tell his family that he didn’t have a job. They kept the demands coming and as the man of the family abroad, he kept saving face. So I’d send him some money as needed so the bills on his side will be sorted. Working 2 jobs plus a side hustle was very stressful. I was burnt out. Drained. Exhausted on most days. And I was still expected to be a wife. Cooking and cleaning etc. I had to start asking him to pls help with some of the kitchen cleaning. I was cooking through the weekends and Attimes he’d still wait all day for me to come back to ask me what I made for my husband to eat. I had to just tell him to eat whatever he could find in the fridge or in the house.
➜ The breath issues was not the only issue with intimacy. There are times that I would tell him what I wanted or what I desired and he will tell me to keep quiet that he knows how to please a woman. And he will just tell me to shut up and spread while he did was he had to do as a man. I longed for sweet romance before getting married, but look at me. Waiting it out just to get through the 10 mins of pleasure. Maybe less. He would complain that it seems like I wasn’t into him because I never responded the way a woman is expected to. How? Fake it? I know some people like to dominate but at least listen to what your partner wants. You don’t know my body like me, even if you are Spartacus. We are still struggling in that area. There are days when I don’t even want to be touched. But I do it because well, marital obligation. And guess what I stopped looking forward to it. Except ovulation days because well, we also wanted to have kids.
➜ We quarreled often. He wanted me to call his family members and connect with them. I called when i had time but they never stoped complaining. I have a very busy schedule. I can’t call inlaws every week when I don’t even call my own family every week. He would say things like I’m not acting like a married woman.
➜ He wanted me to ask for permission to hangout or go out to do things. Informing him wasn’t enough. But I should ask for permission. Submission. But how can I shoulder all the responsibilities and still be expected to submit like a Nigerian man expects me to? I’m not a feminist. Far from it. But at least meet me half way. Give me grace. Help me not be burnt out. Don’t demand more because I was already giving too much. Honestly I struggled. And I still am. And there are days I will just cry in silence. He said my crying was manipulative and that’s what women do. Ok. I was just praying with my heart that he will get a job. So that I would stop carrying the burden here alone. It’s hard. Very hard.
➜ He had this way he viewed women that was just not cool. His phone is always locked and I have no access. He has access to my phone, passwords to all bank accounts, he knows what we have in savings, but for him, there are things that a woman should not know. I got to know that he has some stocks and investment portfolio, but I have no access. He keeps saying everything he is doing is for us and he knows what is best. But then where is there no transparency?
➜ When I randomly ask at night if he’s brushed before coming to bed he just snaps that I am trying to control his life. We have periodic dental appointments. I have to remind him to show up for them. He’s care free and free spirited but he also has this thing about not caring what pple say about him. According to him, he’s not living to impress people. He sags his trousers and I have begged and pleaded that it’s not cool, but he insists that is how he wears trousers and he doesn’t care what anyone thinks. That I should leave that and stop talking about it. It’s just a lot.

...🤔

amancalledgodd:
➜Pls is it normal for your parent to take you as rival.
Today being Sunday my mum made general swallow food with egusi. After long fight i finally got egusi and eba no meat o. Then boom my friend came to visit she gave my guy meat. My brothers came back from school today she gave them meet and kept soup in her room and started singing wicked song.
This is a woman that was arrested by the police for illegal removal of an already furnished house o, she removed the glass, window, buglary, toilet wc and some irons ontil police recovered those items.
Actually she paid someone to remove those items cos she taught they have travel oversees only for someone to report them as they went in the night to do their operations.
They arrested me with her cos i was at home with her.
I can't wait for revenge many things I no talk o.
I noticed that that woman always has a need to quarrel or nag , she need a competitior. My dad is a simp. Hes not my dad anymore sha

. Why aren't you doing the cooking in the house yourself? Why are you here to tell us a half-arsed story of what really happened? 😒