₦airaland Forum

@ ituen

why do you reason with your butt naa?

@poster

nice on jare

give it up to anusman. . . the king of the touts!

*clap. . . clap . . . . clap*

wait till gilgee bla bla bla nightie finish. . . . . den im go call u tell u say ur magun don pass the expiry date. . . . . . . .

make una no let smell cigar. . . . . im fit run mad

as the H.O.D, i reject his application before submission. . . .

his wives can come and study here, . . . . . not him. . . .

lawyers = liars. . . . . . . .never trust 'em

better cover ur a55 before anusman sees it. . . . .

A rich businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

"Welcome to the family," said the man. "I'm so happy, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted. "Oh, um, I actually hate factories. Can't stand the noise."

The father-in-law said, "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work, too" said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

anusman . . . . .i tot u stopped sucking d1ck5 and licking balls, . . .

now i know dat incurable. . . . . pele oooo

she's trynna learn from ifyalways

MTN still dey find market among the dead . . . . . .

na waoh

9ja and illegality are bonded for lyf. . . . . . . kronkykay

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal

morning rounds when he entered a patient's

room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the

floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in

half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by

his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was

doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see

I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The

doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2

was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my

friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks

he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and

notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your

friend, you should get him down from there

before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the

dark?"

NO WAY MAN! AM NOT RETARDED!

A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares.
So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why!

The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words :

Psycho-the-rapist.

This is an actual job application a 27 year old man submitted at a Mr. Biggs's fast-food

establishment in Choba, and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Ituen Greenback

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR

RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my break yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: si barone

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"

The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."

The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."


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Strategic responses to the ever dangerous "Do I look Fat" question:

"No, not to Stevie Wonder."

"Big time! That's why I'm sleeping with your

best friend."

"Does this tie make me look stupid?"

"No hablo ingles."

"Yes, but it also makes you look like a

pricey hooker, so things kinda balance out."

"If I answer that question, then the

terrorists have won."

"Okay, listen: What's important is that you

not focus in a negative way on the comparison

I am about to make."

"Yes, but in my country obesity suggests

prosperity."

"Let me jog around to your front and take a

look."

"No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear

of one-legged sea captains."

"Whoa! A talking couch!!"

"May I consult the Iraqi Minister of Information before answering that?"

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The psychology instructor had just finished a

lecture on mental health and was giving an

oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression,

she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient

who walks back and forth screaming at the top

of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair

weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and

answered, "A basketball coach?"

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she's on fire. . . . . .make somebody bring fire extinguisher abeg. . .

sup nitie?

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies.

A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,

"Watch the wall!"

"I can't stand another ten years please".

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." ]

The Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service. "
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Ituen's greatest achievement was his brood of six children. In fact, he was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, tessy "Mother of Six", despite her continual objections.

One night at a cocktail party, Ituen decided it was time to go home and shouted across the room, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" Irritated Tessy hollered back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."

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A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?"

The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?"

He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.

Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer.

Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for supper?"

She replies, "For the sixth time, I said CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN.

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adedibu recruiting?

na wah oh. . . . . . . is he trying to get pple to die with him?

make im quietly dey chop im amala dey sweat under im nose, . . . . . .

surprised?

shocked?

kool down bro . . . . . . , don't be so sad dat u got a competitor now.



hehehehe


sup?

hmmmmmmm

so dis guy situation still dey like dis?

ify watz popping?

long tyme!

@ turkey


u get mind oh!

nice joke

big fool

great fight show coming up

ben - - - - - - - vs.- - - - - - - - - - tufe


buy your tickets now!

venue: the female only kuvuki's river

time: 6am (coz i wanna see some boobies with the fight)

date: dont be in a hurry. (pay for the ticket first. . . .the fight may not even hold if the money is larger enuff for me to buy half of all kuvuki boobbies)