nice piece man

but it doesnt happen only in unilag. . . . . try uniport too

thanks guys

cheers

ify na typical igbo girl naaaa

igbo girls wey dey smell money from distance? no carry dem play. . .

dem go tell u how much u carry for wallet, boxers and enven for socks. . .total everything for u. . . . . .before them subtract dia own

gunny. . . . keep ur retirement benefit well oooo. . . . . . u know say govt no dey pay pension regularly. . .

Talking of periods. . . . . . hope am not too nossy. . . . . . .but i think this fits in here
******************************************************************
It's been posted b4, but for those who haven't seen it. . . . . . here it is

As a homework assignment, a kindergarten teacher asked her class to find out something really exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present, the teacher called the first child up to the front of the room.

A small boy walked up to the board, picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the chalkboard and, then, sat back down.


Puzzled, the teacher asked the boy what he had drawn.

'It's a period," he replied. The teacher said, "I can see that but what's so exciting about a period?"

'Darned if I know," replied the boy "but, this morning, my sister was missing one;
Mommy fainted, Daddy had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the army."

One day, up in the frozen north a polar bear and his son were out for a stroll. Daddy bear sat on a lump of ice to admire the view and sent his son off to play. Two minutes later Junior came back to dad and says, "Can I ask you a question dad?"

"Sure, son what is it?"

"Am I a real polar bear, Dad?" asks Junior.

Dad smiles and says, "Of course you are, son. Now go and play."

So off Junior goes again throws some snowballs at the seals but soon he's back.

"Hey Dad, are you sure I am a real polar bear? Is there not a wee bit of brown bear or black bear in me?"

Dad smiles again and says, "Look son you've got big hairy black feet, a white coat, and a black shiny nose, of course you're a polar bear, now go back and play."

Once again Junior runs off, slides down the ice, chases a couple of seagulls, after ten minutes of fun
he returns with a puzzled look on his face,

"Daaaad, are you absolutely sure I'm a polar bear?"

"Look son, I'm a polar bear, your mums a polar bear, your granny and grandpa were polar bears, why
are you asking all these questions?"

Junior looks up and says, Cause I'm fucking freezing!

WHY LATINOS CAN'T BE TERRORISTS,

1. 8:45am is too early for us to be up.
2. We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights
3. Pretty people on the plane distract us.
4. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
5. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.
6. We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.
7. We would ALL want to fly the plane.
8. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
9. We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before doing it.
AND MY FAVORITE,
10. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says,
"You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."
"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."

"I promise I won't," says the turtle. "Just hurry!"

Nineteen full days passed and there's still no sign of the second turtle. Exasperated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches.

Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not fucking going!"

nice piece

Zuby, welcome to the greatest church of all.

You Are So Welcome!. . . . . but for a start. . . . . . i think u should enjoy this,  . . . . .just for u. . . okay
*************************************************************************************

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade
students. "Human beings are the only animals that
stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who
stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these
stories could become, asked the girl to describe the
incident.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my
kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl.
"My kitty went
Fffff, Fffff, Fffff',  And before he could say "F.UU.C.K," the rottweiler ate him!"

damn!

Gilgee is a 22 year-old 5th grader. This is Gilgee's homework. He must use each word in a sentence.

1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tell everybody.
2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.
3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
5. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.
6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment then I go back to the joint.
7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.
8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel".
9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.
10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.
11. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle iraq, you break.
12. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?"
13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say "fortify."
14. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.

A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying to The Far East.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news.
Our engines have ceased functioning and this plane will be going down.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us that should be able to
accommodate our landing.

However, the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to
live on the island for the rest of our lives. "
A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island. Morris turns
to his wife and asks,

"Esther, did we pay our pledge to the yeshiva yet?" "No, Morris," she responds.
Morris smiles and then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"
"Oy, no! I haven't sent the check," she says.

Now Morris laughs out loud: "One last thing, Estheer
"Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month, "
he asks? "
"Oy, Morris, I haven't sent that one, either." says Esther.

Now, Morris is practically choking with laughter.
Esther asks Morris, " So, nu? What are you smiling and laughing about?"
Morris answers confidently, "They'll find us"

























NEVER OWE THE JEWS

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.
THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY .
"THAT WAS MY PAGER, SHE SAID.
I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."


A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.
WHEN SHE FINISHED,SHE EXPLAINED,
"THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE, I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH.
NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS
IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.
SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID, " WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT
THAT, I'M GETTING A FAX!!"

nice one bro

A Pennsylvania State Trooper pulled a car over on I-81 about two miles north of the PA/MD state line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler, and he was on his way to Harrisburg to do a show that night at the Zembo Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him, he would not give him a ticket.

The driver told the trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler stated that he could, so the trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out, and watched the performance briefly.

He then staggered over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door, and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in the world I can pass that test."

1. Why do women wear red lipstick?

WARNING! Wrong hole!

2. What's the similarity between a woman's legs and bread&butter?

Delicious when spread!

3. What's the difference between a bowling ball & a pussy?

You can only put in 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

4. Sex is like MATH: ADD the bed, SUBTRACT the clothes, DIVIDE the legs,
and MULTIPLY!

5. What do u get when u cross breed a rooster with an M&M?

A cock that melts in your mouth not in your hands.

6. Ho! Ho! Ho! Why are Santa Clause's balls so big?

Coz he only comes once a year! Ho! Ho! HO!

7. Dodi saw his driver in heaven and said:

"I said I wanna Bleep Di in the tunnel, not fucking die in the tunnel!"

8. What is the similarity between a priest & a Xmas tree?

Their balls are only for decoration.

9. Why do men get paid more at the sperm bank than in a blood bank?

Sperm is handmade.

10. What happen to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?

They become mummies!

11. What part of the human anatomy that ocassionally drips & feels good
when blown?

The NOSE!

A zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, "I have a question that has haunted me all of my days on earth, "

"Am I a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes?"

St. Peter said, "That is a question that only God can answer, "

So, the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please---I must know---am I a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes?"

God simply replied, "You are what you are."

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more. St. Peter asked, "Well, did God straighten out your query for you?"

The zebra looked puzzled. "No! Sir, God simply said, you are what you are."

St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then that answers it you are a white horse with black stripes."

The zebra asked St. Peter, "How do you know that?"

"Because," said St. Peter, "If you were a black horse with white stripes, God would have said, 'You is what you is'."

A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He
puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his
mother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy."

His mother slaps him hard on the face and says "Boy go show your Daddy."

The boy goes into the living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy."

His Daddy slaps him on the face too and says "Boy, go show your grandmother."

"Look Granny, I'm a white boy."

She slaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says "Well did you learn something from all this?"
The boy shakes his head and says " I sure nuff did, I've only been a
white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people.

no mind de teeth oooo. . . it's the nature of my job. . . . .
i wrap dope for sale. . . .if i gotta do dat on a daily basis. . . .don;t u think i'll smoke too while wrapping.

sheybe na where u dey work,. . . u go chop, . . . . .

hehehehehe

any one wey una fit provide. . . .make it available and we'll haggle 2ru it!

anyway. . . enjoy
**************************************************************************************

The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the
instructor: "As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a
straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of
the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg.

Address it and say, "I'm a Sperm." She will answer, I'm the Egg." From that
moment on you will work together to create the embryo. "Do you understand?"
The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor said, Then, good luck!"

Two days later, the sperm was taking a nap when he heard the siren. He woke
up immediately and ran to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swam behind him.
He knew he had to arrive first. When he was near the entrance to the cavern,
he looked back and saw he was far ahead. Then he was able to swim at a
slower pace until he reached the red, sticky ball.

When, at last, he reached the red, sticky ball, he brightened up, smiled and
said:

"Hi, I'm a sperm."

The red sticky ball smiled and said,
"Hi. I'm a tonsil."

T.G.I.F

A businessman got on an elevator in a tall building. When he
entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and
she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again answers "S-H-I-T."

The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, "T-G-I-F. It means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it,
duuhhh?"

The man answered, "S-H-I-T --- Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

hehehehe

na who tell u dat one

abeg pass me the kpoli abeg

Two guys went moose hunting every year without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by a bull in the forest. They called again; the bull answered closer to them. They called again. The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him."After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you better start to "brace" yourself!"

im get mubadala etisalat network for head

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer

and two young people show up. One is a good

looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other

is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going

to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.

He ate my last tamer so you guys better be

good or you're history. Here's your

equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants

to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks

past the chair, the whip and the gun and

steps right into the lion's cage. The lion

starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge

her. About half way there, she throws open

her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly

crawls up to her and starts licking her

ankles. He continues to lick her calves,

kisses them and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He

says, "I've never seen a display like that in

my life." He then turns to the young man and

asks, "Can you top that?"

The young man replies. "No problem, just get

that lion out of the way."

hehehehehehe

naija no dey carry last ooooo

ibo man wey don sell spare parts for ladipo for dat matter!

hehehehhehehe

_{*rolls a blunt and chills*}

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see his doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,

"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here.

We know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc."

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your p3n!s."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!"

The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,

"Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."

The guys says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can you do?

My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American doctor! American doctor, always want to operate. Make more money, that way. No need to operate!"

"Oh thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes!" says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks.

Dick fall off by itself!"