A young Ibo guy, ikechukwu from Anambra moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" He says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Ikeja."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many customers bought something from you today?

Ikechukwu says, "One".

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

He says, "$101,237.65 ".

The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat,

so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it,

so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

Ikechukwu said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said,

'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.

******************************************************************************************

i no carry guns ooo

keyboard i dey use. . . thanks guyz. . . . . .but check dis out.

********************************************************************

A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an "older" woman he met at a bar.

She looked pretty darn HOT for 62. She was drinking quite a bit and, while they were chatting,
she came right out and asked him if he'd ever had a "sportsman's double" - a mother and daughter party.

He said no, but she might be able to talk him into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into his eyes, says,

"Tonight's your lucky night."

So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:

"Mom! You still awake?"

*****************************************************************************************************

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

'Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep.
Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough,
the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins
snoring loudly.

The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her
husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror
and sees a blue ribbon attached to his D1ck. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom he sees the red ribbon attached to his
dog's testicles.

He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were, or what we did, but,

by God, we took first and second place!

A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?" "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis."

"What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?"

"Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow.

Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money, and

lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay home and blow a hundred bucks."

**********************************************************************************************************


Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgustingly ugly person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy.

"It's official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant,

"I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says,

"Who the heck is Olusegun Obasanjo?
*********************************************************************************************

Hillary Clinton, a Democratic Party Presidential candidate is for banning all guns in America. She is considered by those
who have dealt with her as a little more than just a little self-righteous.,,

At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida she asked the kids audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone,

'Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence. A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet!

'Well, stop clappin', ya stupid b!tch!

*****************************************************************************************************

chai. . . . .lets rip the kokolets naaa

thanks guyz. . . .more to come soon

Two vans were racing from L.A. to San Francisco;

one filled with lesbians and the other filled with gays.

Who got there first and why?



The lesbians did because they were doing 69 the whole way.

while the gays were still at home packing their shit.

********************************************************************************


A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of
her jacket and tries to pull her inside, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose
with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker
brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker,
says: “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I have ever seen a man do in my whole life.”

The biker replies: “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind
bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

”Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you
know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?”

“A Harley Davidson”, was the biker’s response.

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed
bring news of his actions, and reads, on first page:

”Biker gang member assaults African immigrant and steals his lunch.”

***********************************************************************************


A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight.
While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was
having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabbie agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the
lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He
paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season Detroit
Lion's tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even
pays the monthly dues." He paid for the new Harley Davidson motorcycle you are riding.

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.
He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do? "

The cabby replied; " I'd cover his a55 with that blanket before he catches a cold."
***********************************************************************************

lol

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.

Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the darkened cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she wiped herself with the ribbon.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day the one woman's husband was concerned that his normallysweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he
phoned the other husband and said:

'These girl nights have got to stop!
I'm starting to suspect the worst,
my wife came home with no panties!!'

'That's nothing,' said the other husband,

'Mine came home with a
card stuck to her ass that said,

"From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you."

*********************************************************************************************

Three women go down to Mexico one night to

celebrate college graduation. They get drunk

and wake up in jail, only to find that they

are to be executed in the morning, though

none of them can remember what they did the

night before. The first one, a redhead, is

strapped in the electric chair and is asked

if she has any last words. She says, 'I just

graduated from Trinity Bible College and

believe in the almighty power of God to

intervene on the behalf of the innocent.'

They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately fall to the floor on

their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release

her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in

and gives her last words. 'I just graduated

from the Harvard School of Law and I believe

in the power of justice to intervene on the

part of the innocent.'

They throw the switch and again, nothing

happens. Again they all immediately fall to

their knees, beg for forgiveness and release

her.

The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is

strapped in and says, 'Well, I'm from

Oklahoma State University and just graduated

with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and

I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this into the power socket!

************************************************************************************************

make im check the encyclopedia if im get

get it str8 guyz!

i don't deliver for free. . . . . my requirements are there to be met by anybody who needs deliverance

1-----u'll provide someone for me to cast the demon into, if i have to take it out of you
2-----one carton of henessy
3-----25kg of fresh weed
4-----one lighter
5-----one nice boottie (Won't i bla bla bla after a hard day's job)
6-----3pkts of durex
7-----N100,000 in cash

if u meet the above requirements, i'll get down to work

NO GUARANTEE THAT THE DEMON IN YOU WILL LEAVE.

no decieve urself. . . .

demon in you = Devil's Last Son (D.L.S)

gimme a call and stop flashing ma reltel landline

Jesus

pity

life gradually degrading

anusman finally got a partner on nland

do you think u are in yur history class?

find out for urself abeg

kayo = fake news carrier


i wonder where u from come. . . . .u be osama nephew?

make i pack my small boxers wey remain cut of nland. . .

inshort, i don dey go kuvuki land. . . . .land of free boobbies and bla bla bla

hehehehehehhe

i never ready for the seven virgins for heaven

make i get the seventy * seven wey dey kuvuki first. . .

webdezzi:

ify, is that how you were taught biology, mitochondria na mitochonria

_*hisses*

losing market value due to bird flu. . . . .

damn! this is good!

ayusman16:

I wont stoop so low to insult or use strong words against your folks. It's sad that we all can't be mature to take jokes in a supposedly Joke Section!

hey kool down man!


i was only joking alongside witt you. . . . . .don't think i aktually mean wat i said right!

c'mon man. . . . .roll a blunt with me!

i'll keep the distance. . . . .hehehehehehehe

ayusman16:

Are u qualified for anything Mr. Donkey?

yeah son!

am qualified to fck ur elder sista. . . .[s]_{even ur momma}[/s]

then tell him!

how come a grown up man like him won't know the words that cometh out of his own clogged brain. . .

lyfe na wa ooo

kronky vs monkeys!

what a match!

c'mon y'all. . . . . i can't fight all y'all naaaa

i don't know why y'all want to put up a fight with me. . . . abeg ooo. . . .

wag your tails monkeys. . . . here's some banana. . . go fetch some!


_{lights a blunt}

aahh!

life is good!

<sub>*puffs ma weed*

aaaacchhhhoooooo!!

damn this shit gets so crazy!</sub>


okay. . . who was saying sumthing?

i tot i heard voices!

_{puffs again}

@adeolam

here speaketh a man who gets some proceeds from the tiny pocket of a risen comedian. . . . .

call a spade a spoon hehehehehe


i think i'll prefer to have him shot in the knee cap. . . . end the saga and the pains of his over ripped customers. . . . .

the boy wants sumthing else other than water and spanking. . . . . .

nnaughty indeed!

really. . . . find work for am naaa

confirmed APROKO

can't enrol there man. . . . . i actually don't have the qualification to get admission. . . .

i heard u were given a 20yr scholarship. . . . .damn boi. . . . u must be a real psycho. . . . .

congrats!

hacking