evolved:
I'd say to advise and/or teach her what interests her for now...

How to handle male interests without selling herself cheap. If u guys gist like adults, discuss boys and their antics wen they want sex...

Probably even gist her of ur own encounters wen u were still out n young... It might help her build d needed trust dat will let her confide in u.

Teach her;
to b proud of her body, to see herself worthy of any and all praises she gets for it. To know that not all who praise her want what is best for her.

To know how to solve the multitudes of interests and decide which to entertain and when to drop the entertained when he messed up.

To realise that as much as she may want to feed her body, she she also strive to feed her mind.

Perhaps give her her own room, get her small periodic allowance to spend however she seems fit.

There are a thousand and one lessons you yourself missed out on while dating, why not see how you can teach her?

At least teach her to have confidence in her body and to add more qualities to her personality beyond just looks, take it that you r saddled with raising a would be wife.

Threatening to send her back to d village/where, what's all that sef?

See her as ur own daughter and take that ownership/responsibility over her, perhaps u she read up some psychology of adolescent parenting and see how u can inculcate in her, the lessons she might need in order to become a good wife and start introducing them in her a little at a time.

If at 20 - 21 she displays sufficient maturity that most 25-29 yr olds of these days hardly have, she'll surely find a good man for herself.

In fact, d Calibre of people she will start rolling with ehn...na u go come dey thank God and she'll have u to thank for it all.

I'm not against a daughter having a boyfriend as soon as possible.. that's why I won't marry any woman who herself doesn't know how to handle her affairs well. Men will always want u.

it's ur job to know which ones want u for sex alone, which ones might b valuable in d long run.

If she's 18 then she's old enough to go on dates if she's interested.. wat u need to do is help her plan her time between her school /trade work, ur own errands, her own personal care, helping out with ur children (which must be sought/ pleaded and rewarded for and not commanded), and her own free time...

U may encourage her to face family/ school work fully Mondays you Fridays, then on Saturday, ask which of her friends she might like to visit, call d persons parents if u know, dash her transport, tell her to call u wen she's there.etc. maybe even drive her down.

Nxt Saturday/month, u might even encourage her to take a boy she likes and a girl friend of hers out.

U give her change to get small chops/sweets with n Transport herself back home.

U don't want her to take such risks yet, ask her to invite a friend home, let d friend join u in ur wrk. Etc. Be the accomplice and guide and desist from acts that will make start seeing you as an enemy.

If that ever happens, you'll lose her trust and before u know it.. she's out, doin things you don't approve of and perhaps even out of your house.

Na her u suppose take learn work o . Cos ur own children will not do any different when they come of age.

So use her to learn how to manage teenage/adolescent exuberance.

That yr threat about returning her to do village when. It will soon become stale and you'd surprised when one day she'd answer you to go ahead and return her.

You made so much sense. I really appreciate. I learnt new stuffs. Really appreciate.

King44:
I remember at age 15 to early 18 I almost made my mom walk through hell, I was a thorn in her skin but right now I wish I had never been heartless and I am thankful for that, though she is not ur child but u raised her as long as she has not for once looked you straight into the eye and tell you what you have done for her is nothing that means she is not an ingrate, she doesn't want anything better than the love u have showered on her, she is just being young and dumb don't give up on her yet one day she would look back and say how grateful she is for raising her as a daughter despite being a helper and wish she hasn't let you go through those stress of sharpening her path... just hold on

looking back, what informed your attitude? We can learn from it. Your post is so heart piercing.

1Sharon:


Kindly fućk off. If you had given that girl sex education you shouldn't worry too much. But I'm sure you didnt and are here wanting to reap where you didn't sow. If you don't let her live her life with boys, that doesn't mean she won't. If you tell her not to fvck boys, that doesn't mean she won't.

shift

1Sharon:


Kindly fućk off. If you had given that girl sex education you shouldn't worry too much. But I'm sure you didnt and are here wanting to reap where you didn't sow. If you don't let her live her life with boys, that doesn't mean she won't. If you tell her not to fvck boys, that doesn't mean she won't.

Many are mad, few are roaming.

evolved:
I'd say to advise and/or teach her what interests her for now...

How to handle male interests without selling herself cheap. If u guys gist like adults, discuss boys and their antics wen they want sex...

Probably even gist her of ur own encounters wen u were still out n young... It might help her build d needed trust dat will let her confide in u.

Teach her;
to b proud of her body, to see herself worthy of any and all praises she gets for it. To know that not all who praise her want what is best for her.

To know how to solve the multitudes of interests and decide which to entertain and when to drop the entertained when he messed up.

To realise that as much as she may want to feed her body, she she also strive to feed her mind.

Perhaps give her her own room, get her small periodic allowance to spend however she seems fit.

There are a thousand and one lessons you yourself missed out on while dating, why not see how you can teach her?

At least teach her to have confidence in her body and to add more qualities to her personality beyond just looks, take it that you r saddled with raising a would be wife.

Threatening to send her back to d village/where, what's all that sef?

See her as ur own daughter and take that ownership/responsibility over her, perhaps u she read up some psychology of adolescent parenting and see how u can inculcate in her, the lessons she might need in order to become a good wife and start introducing them in her a little at a time.

If at 20 - 21 she displays sufficient maturity that most 25-29 yr olds of these days hardly have, she'll surely find a good man for herself.

In fact, d Calibre of people she will start rolling with ehn...na u go come dey thank God and she'll have u to thank for it all.

I'm not against a daughter having a boyfriend as soon as possible.. that's why I won't marry any woman who herself doesn't know how to handle her affairs well. Men will always want u.

it's ur job to know which ones want u for sex alone, which ones might b valuable in d long run.

If she's 18 then she's old enough to go on dates if she's interested.. wat u need to do is help her plan her time between her school /trade work, ur own errands, her own personal care, helping out with ur children (which must be sought/ pleaded and rewarded for and not commanded), and her own free time...

U may encourage her to face family/ school work fully Mondays you Fridays, then on Saturday, ask which of her friends she might like to visit, call d persons parents if u know, dash her transport, tell her to call u wen she's there.etc. maybe even drive her down.

Nxt Saturday/month, u might even encourage her to take a boy she likes and a girl friend of hers out.

U give her change to get small chops/sweets with n Transport herself back home.

U don't want her to take such risks yet, ask her to invite a friend home, let d friend join u in ur wrk. Etc. Be the accomplice and guide and desist from acts that will make start seeing you as an enemy.

If that ever happens, you'll lose her trust and before u know it.. she's out, doin things you don't approve of and perhaps even out of your house.

Na her u suppose take learn work o . Cos ur own children will not do any different when they come of age.

So use her to learn how to manage teenage/adolescent exuberance.

That yr threat about returning her to do village when. It will soon become stale and you'd surprised when one day she'd answer you to go ahead and return her.

you made a.lot of sense. Really appreciate. Walahi na she I been wan really use learn work and that freedom wey you dey talk so, it would be 21 years before I can give. I have a 15 years old I can give such freedom without being scared. She has a mind of her own but this one is easily carried away with sweet words. She doesn't have the maturity yet. I don't think its just age. Maturity has to come to play too.

truthsayer009:


Yes, you need to practice the act early enough, get enough experience, so you can be ready for full time husband snatching when you eventually become 20 years old. Every trade requires time to perfect, don't you think so?

you are such a clown. Lol..

truthsayer009:


Ayyyy! See oh! How old is Regina Daniels please? Wikipedia says she is 18. Please let her have Boyfriend in peace, her mates her buying Houses & Mercedes for their parents.

Abi na. She can buy for her parents now if she so wishes.

OvaSabi1:


When a maid is that bold it means they want to leave your place. They will not say it directly but they want you to be the one to pursue them.

She don dey go.

shumuel:


It seems your story isn't true, because i can't understand this ''She doesn't want to go back'' that you keep replying to every good advise given.

Well, it is until she get's pregnant for your husband, and he sent you packing, that you would know she deserves to had been gone.

That she doesn't want to go back doesn't mean I don't want to send her back. There is a difference between what she wants and what I want. If its any consolation to you, she's going.

Jackossky:
Girls of nowadays. I for one can't place when they get their temerity from. Op, it's not just your maid but most girls out there, I don't know if they are dumb, they believe guys,hol line and sinker. The worst are those that love boys on their own accord. I'm saying this from what I've observed from someone close to me, like a girl asking a guy what he wants with her with the chat implying she is waiting for the guy to tell her he loves her. When a girl of 18/19 gets pregnant, having finished secondary school, will you allow her to abort the pregnancy or give birth?
What you can do to the girl is continue advising her even though it seems the advise is not working, if possible, give her a close-monitor marking, where you know when she is to ovulate/menstruation and all that.
Tell her the negativities in having boyfriends, boys are liars. At that age, we just want a braggiy right, a feeling of how we get to smash a fine girl, tension is all high and we can say anything just to ..... Tell her that is what boys are, they are just trying to use her and would brag about it among themselves when they are having fun together.

Tell her she is too young for it, she will get to a stage where you she will be handed the free rein and so she should be wise about it. Show her cases of girls around you that got pregnant at a young age, does she live the life they are living? Show her the world in a nutshell, be mindful of the kind of clothes she wear, peruse her phone if need be, and in the end, let her know you have an authority above her.

Beat her less, pray for her like a Christian or Muslim, whenever you are around, make sure she is with you. Take her out when you attend weddings, let her see the world through your eyes, censor her sight, when she see the good things like grand weddings, she will wish to have one, when she see guys owning empires, she will start developing a high taste and you won't see her with those useless men but women of virtue but the downside is she will slay.

Thanks so much. I appreciate. She doesn't stay in doors. We attend family functions,outings and events together. I have told her all these. Would just give her this post to read

tommy589:


What you wrote is not correct.I believe you have never encountered girls like this that's why it's easy for you to generalise. As the man of the house I have never molested the one staying with us,someone I know questioned if I had slept with her before when my wife called last week to report her.By nature I don't inspire fear in anyone same with my wife too.
Let me share two of many incidents that indicated she is probably beyond redemption;She was caught red-handed with a boy of 20 sometimes ago and denied the boy slept with her in the presence of police when we got to the police station.The recent one of two years ago was when One of the teachers of her former school saw her with another girl coming out of hotel and questioned their mission there,she said they visited her uncle lodging there that just came back from overseas. Girls that act this way are just naturally bad,it's not because they are undergoing an adolescent phase,they just want to be free without any adult supervision.

FREEDOM. That's it. She wants to do whatever she wants to do viod if adult supervision. It would cost the child nothing to forgive the parents for restricting but if its me,she will feel its wickedness. So its safe she goes.

athorello:
Your maid like one of my sisters is just a bad pikin... They act like they're been controlled by a bad (evil) force (spirit). I don't have problem with stubborn children but evil controlled without conscience ones. They don't take advice, threats and examples of their bad examples. You'll just want to beat them to your full but that doesn't help too. My sister had come face to face with death yet hardly has she changed. At least her way of life is yet cost you or make you answer to questions you know nothing about.

My advice:
She doesn't deserve your help again unless you can genuinely love her like your own baby. She's also very ripe for plucking. So before she becomes a full blown liability, send her back to her people. Or you can decide to test run it for a while; send her home and cut her off meantime. If there's no noticeable change and remorse, make it permanent.

Get another 11-13 year old that you can manage and shower with same love.

Nevertheless, my advice is useless if you feel even with her misdemeanor, she's still very helpful and useful to you. To that end, carry her as your cross (like your own child).

Thanks I appreciate. E go hard me to keep her.

fineguy11:
Send her back to her parents.

I will

AK481:
Discuss with her parent about it Incase of tomorrow.

Also what are the services you will miss if you send her packing?

Is she a nice girl?

for the services, I can get a substitute. She has her good sides. I would.miss her very well becos she has stayed for long and memories but ........ Its better safe than sorry.

rayval:



Beating her was very wrong. She is 18 for God sake. No matter how hard you try, biology will happen. I bet you weren't different at that age. The only thing you can give her is advise. If really she has become family, then be her friend and let her tell you all she has to..once you put fear in her mind, you will always be lied to. She has come of age. Handle with care.

Hhhhmmm! I believe some measure of fear is necessary too.

ireneidiva:

Kindly read the story again.

I did. I shouldn't have but I did.

Topnotch1402:
just try to have another heart to heart discussion again and try to involve her parents and even your pastor if you're christians and above all pray about no mountain is unsurmountable with God..I believe she will change if you apply the above measure.. good luck dear

I have applied all aside the tell the pastor part of which I mentioned to him this evening when he came visiting.

paulibling:
I will not insult you madam holding brief for her when comments of sending her home arises but I will open your eyes small. What if she gets pregnant and you then decide to send a pregnant girl back to her parents against unpregnant daughter they gave you and when she gets home and tell her parents that you and your husband were using her for sex trade occasionally without condoms which resulted to her state. How would you convince a judge that you and your husband did not trade her for money.
You better refuse your village people from dragging your name in the mud cos your story will come to this same nairaliand and the peeps here will call your side of story a cheap lie from pit of hell.
Be warned!

Noted

missyblissy:



Op you better send that maid away immediately to aviod future problems. Fly wey no dey hear, dey follow deadbody enter grave. Be wise!!!! If that girl gets pregnant, her Parents will not be happy qith and will blame you and your husband or even accused your husband of being the one responsible. She may get pregnant and try to abort it eeeeeeehn... Send her packing and ensure you drop her at her parents place or where you picked her from personally cos her type fit to leave with her bf if you give transport back home

lol. I totally get you. Thanks.

bigtt76:
Handle her like you would your daughter. Its a life training you're undergoing now don't fail.

I guess I failed this training.

oyekanwahab:
lacapine you coming to this forum to ask for advice is secondary, deep down in you, you know what to do, that girl has been living with you for a while now, you know her behavior more that any of us on this thread,

Am assuming she someone that is of good character OR ELSE SHE WOULD NOT HAVE STAYED WITH YOU TO THIS EXTENT, you know her very well, She is an adolescence now , this things a bound to happen, just guide her, you can't tell her to not have boyfriend, even do she does not want to have boyfriend , there are some that would come to still disturb her,

Try make connection with her, when you are together, tell her about you own past experience with boys when you were in you teenage years, how you able to deal with them

AS for talking to her parent that if she get pregnant, that you would send her back to her village, is the worst thing you can do, IF SHE GET PREGNANT WITHOUT YOU KNOWING AND SHE TRIES ABORTING IT AND COMPLICATION ARISES FROM IT WHICH LEAD TO DEATH, GOD FORBID THAT, NA SERIOUS WAHALA FOR YOUR HEAD, she is an adult, threatening her with that statement could very dangerous

TRY AND DEAL WITH THIS AS IF SHE WAS YOUR BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER,PRAY GOD WILL GUILD YOU

Sure she has good sides. She does. I have gisted her enough. I have used people she knows and all.. Boys would definetly come no doubt, let your guards be up. You can be friends without dating. The dating is what makes guys feel entitled and begin to place demand. This I have told her.. I have never threatened her with sending her if she gets pregnant. I just tell her the implications of her actions. Thanks for your input.

9jaBloke:


Punish, yes. Flog, no. Always carry her parents and suretees along. Tell them about the issues and the measures you have taken to correct her. If she's too stubborn for you to handle, send her back.

Noted, Thanks

melaninpop:



Send her back nau.... Simple. As she never do am reach your husband body now so. Send her back to her parents, let her continue there. You have tried.. Biko.

Noted. Thanks

Biggers82:
Pregnancy is on the way coming you better send her back before she gets pregnant in your house and her mother will blame you for not taking good care of her daughter
If she refused to hear advice send her home because their type learns better after her first pregnancy.

Abi

Lexusgs430:



You are part of her game (indirectly)..... Your actions are encouraging her........

How please?

alizma:



I sincerely appreciate your efforts so far and your initial resolution to train her to the University level. being able to tell you why she keep those friends shows how close and free she is in your house, just like your daughter.
I am of the view that you shouldn't send her back yet. make out time to show her the two side of life, one being that of someone who was patient enough to let go of premature desires of flesh and the other being that of someone who gave in to the desires and lost it all. before the above, sit her down to know what her dreams are. a girl who wants to be a lawyer or a doctor will likely understand that she still has a long way to go than a girl who want to learn tailoring and settle down after her o level. also try to call in her parents to advise her and if after all these, she doesn't changed, you can send her back.
I want you to do a little more, not because you have not done enough but because you are on the path to changing a family's history. moreover, girls of her age exhibit similar trait. they want to confirm everything and the society is not helping.

. I have tried to show her. Her elder sister is a constant reminder of this as she fell pregnant at 18 and dropped out of school to have the baby. Never went back to school and not even with the father of the baby right now. She also had a friend I fought hard to separate her from. Its from.my help I hear how that one clubs, drinks, does drugs and follows older men. I would tell her, had it been I allowed you still be her friend, you might have ended up like her. She would say yes that she is glad she didn't go that way. Right now, I feel she just says it cis she feels that's what I want to hear and she doesn't really mean them.. Her mom has advised, many people have talked. I guess she really wants to be free and that type of freedom she is seeking, I can't give.

MetaPhysical:


Well, I think we are negating biological instincts. Our society has succeeded in re-prioritising education as the first order of individual success. Our cities are littered with people who put emotional and physical nurture to the side to attend university; today they roam the streets with no jobs and they are unable to regain what they lost in emotional development. Do not be afraid of a girl or boy playing out their emotional instincts. Support her, don't punish her for having interest in boys.

. I am afraid oh! I never chop liver live that. Not at this age.

AreaFada2:

OP, first of all that is child labour to employ a child of 12. No matter how kind you are to help her since then.

You also have no right to flog a child that is not your relation. Correct me if she is blood relation.

While you have helped to raise her well, she now puts her boyfriend ahead of you.

Bad mistake to broach sending her back by end of term as some suggest here. She might get desperate to remain to keep seeing boys in the hood. Who's to say one of them cannot become a kidnapper? You have kids I presume.

If she keeps defying you, endure until end of term. Then suddenly bundle her and send back to her parents.

Family ko, brethren ni.

In this time of money ritual and yahoo plus you cannot allow another person's child under your care to waka waka any how. What if she goes to secretly do abortion and something goes wrong? Do kids ever admit being sexually active?

It is then you will know she's not part of your family.

I don't understand child labor. If I have a child age 12, won't she be useful to me and help out with her younger ones? Did you see the part that she goes home during some holls and comes back on her own accord? Yes, a friend of hers has admitted to me before and she has admitted being introduced to same sex sth even before she came to my house. She had told me one time how close she went with a guy but no penetration. It takes a lot for a "slave" to open up at that level no matter the threat. The flogging part, I already stated, I lost it. Thanks for you input.

IDERAWOLE:
It can be frustrating helping a lady or girl that has been sweet-talked by men or boys!

You need extra care and prayers not to regret your good intentions. Home trouble can also be a factor.

Many don't want any good for their citizens outside their village. Is she from a polygamous family? Find out.

Hera is complicated kind of. Her parents never legally married but they.sha lived together and made babies. Her dad abandoned them to remarry another woman who he currently lives with and has babies with too. So her mum is alone..

MetaPhysical:


Well, I think we are negating biological instincts. Our society has succeeded in re-prioritising education as the first order of individual success. Our cities are littered with people who put emotional and physical nurture to the side to attend university; today they roam the streets with no jobs and they are unable to regain what they lost in emotional development. Do not be afraid of a girl or boy playing out their emotional instincts. Support her, don't punish her for having interest in boys.

This one hard me oh!

ojoj:
Most.of these kids are like that. We have had couples of kids like this. They need help. I always tell my wife that those kids are in their TURBULENT PERIOD! Just like the plane, plane enters turbulent period in the air and after a while it goes away. Meanwhile in that state of turbulency, Passengers are always afraid. It takes the grace of God for such a child to retrace her steps. It's hardwork and prayer from your part. You can inform her parents to come and talk some sense into her. Why she needs to cool down and listen to the advice being given.
Also let her do away with her friends! With my experience as an educationist, PEER PRESSURE is number one thing affecting our teenagers negatively. You tell her, NO FRIENDS! And let her see alternatives. That is if you send her away, you can get somebody better than her that will be assisting you. As said earlier, go to God for her. Talk to God about her. It is well. All the best.

. I don't think its a good idea to encourage her not to keep friends. I only advise her on the essence of keeping the right kind of friends and they friends I don't like, I say it to her, the ones I like, I am free with them even though they are her friends.

Nanatrendy:
Let her parents know what she's been doing.

They are in the know. Thanks.