andyanders:


Had one like that and almost same character. Came when she was 6 and turned something else between 14 and 16. Sent her back same period. Anytime she been sent to go get something from within the neighborhood, she will not come back on time as such we had to ask her to go with one of my boys 'cus I have only male children, she now started warning them not to monitor or tell her what to do. The day my boys saw her with one with tattoos, they came home and informed us what they observed, we called her to advise her to face her studies, she never took the advise.

We allowed her to finish that term, told her that her mother was sick and that she needed to go home and see her, she was happy. We never allowed her to go with some of her things. We got one of my wife's relation who took her home to make sure she was handed over to her parents safely. The next week, we packaged her remaining things and sent them over to her.. Called her mother to keep her at the village. They later called and started telling us what she was doing with boys within the village and that we took good step to have brought her home. Within same period, she took in and that was the end of her. Those that she was in same class with, are all doing their second yr in the university now and she has been crying and pleading to come back and noway for her anymore.

Take her home and deliver her to her parents, if not, either you come here to tell us the story that touches the heart.

I will. Thanks

She is going already. I have such a relationship with her that I expect her to tell me anything and she has told me soooooo much already. Didn't think she would secretly keep one. I hear her receive male calls and I don't bother. I have had salary northern maids before and they all had boyfriends that I knew of and nothing changed. One even visits hers on Sunday, sleeps there and comes back on Monday morning. Never disrespected us for once. I understood they are northerners and early marriage is their lot. Their parents/guardians approved of their boyfriends, so what's my own? This one, her parents disapproves, we disapprove and you are not standing on your feet yet. You should stay humble.

If BF is what she wants, let her go and do it in her parents house...so whatever happens, they won't come and blame the innocent couple.


Its very difficult to monitor these maids o....we had one, the only time she goes out is when she is sent to the market....and she is given time to return(highest 1hr or less, depending on what she is buying) but despite this tight leash, aunty still found a way to make bf and be going to give him 3points. How did I find out??...one day she brought her phone for me to help her check something on her messages, that's where I saw, "baby I really love you"...."baby, you were so sweet"....I said, "chineke, only market that this girl goes to, market that she is timed, she still found a way to get a BF and also going to give him things and things"...and most of these house helps, if u want to know if they have started doing like that with one uncle inside or outside, their attitude will change....they become bolder, disrespectful and start acting like they now have other options if you don't need them again or you worry them too much.

They should better send that girl away....it might surprise you, she is dating an elderly guy in his late 20s or early 30s or even older....cos these days they are the ones that like small girls....plus the small small change he will be giving her.[/quote]

kkins25:


I dont know why in this 21st century you stilthink flogging is the solution to everything..

Firstly,is it only me or has the entire nairaland overlooked the magnitude of the op statement
.
Since when did it become a crime to have a boyfriend - a male friend? Huh?
Let me educate you small.

People think its all about "doing" and "not doing". Do you know if her hormonal levels are off the roof? She may have a health condition. The mind makes choices, so also does the body. Alot of people usually do what the body says. Thats why your bible says the spirit is willing but the flesh(body) is weak.

The girl has come of age were she wants to mingle, all you have to do is guide her to mix with decent boy friends. Tell her to invite him home. Know the boy that she is having a crush on.

Use, auto-suggestion to program her mind.
Tell her evertime not to mingle with bad friends.. Keep repeating to her..


When the girl is at home, what does she do for fun?? Home may be boring u know. Watch the kind of girlfriends she keeps, because its this group that are more dangerous to her.

Also take note that the girl mwy be struggling with the behaviour. She may want to change but doesn't hwve enough will power.

If she is family nd like a daughter to you, then ask her if she loves one guy. Find out who the boy is, ensure he is a decent guy that would not go beyond boundaries (u know what i mean).

There is nothing wrong for a girl to have bf.. 17? Are you kidding, some girls her age have like 5kids.


Take note madam, the heart wants what it wants. Make we see that facebook pic she uploaded, lets confirm wethe it was something to even bother about.
Maybe you over reacted or maybe you're just treating her like that because she isn't really your daughter.

I know that 99.999, the house girl is innocent. Its the wards that are the devils.. We

I didn't day flogging is the solution. I said I flogged her. You think if I wanted to do something worse, I would be here asking questions? I don't have a problem with keeping male friends. She is in drama unit in church and there are guys there, they go for youth camp and there are guys there, they go for picnics and there are guys there. I have always said to her that there is nothing wrong with being friends with boys but she should know where to draw the line. Dating is what I am against.

A 17 year old child having 5kids, does that sound like an achievement to you? Do you wish that for your own child? I can't post the pixs here for privacy reason.

Your last paragraph just shows you didn't understand the post at all. May God forgive you.

Saviola247:
@Lacapine, make I advice you, if you like you take, if you no like you leave am, You see, now she don know man, and she is even doing it without fear, what will end it is, mark my words, when her curves starts to show wella, and she start to use better soap and cream bath, na your hubby go be her next target. Listen, eh, am talking from experience. I know it's hard for you to send her away after her sec sch just like you said, but that will be your best decision. Even if your husband na pastor eh, penis wey u see so no go school oohhhh. So the earlier you send her packing after sec sch. The better for you. Then you can go to look another 12yrs pikin

l really laughed hard at joystick no go school. E hard me wella to send her away but I no get choice at all. She would have to go.

Blacksavage:
Madam kindly return her has collected, before things fall apart..
Imagine 17 for that matter..

I will. Thanks

opsynea2j:
She feels all grown as she's exposed to lot of things already . she will get hardened to you beatings .. quit hitting her but counsel her , know her friends and possibly her so called bfs .. keep getting close to her and friends. With this , she drops her guard .. she's not too young for sex education too .Finally , watch her closely so she won't be a bad influence to the rest of the family .

Okay. I know a few of her friends. They don't come home if I sense they are bad friends, the good ones, visit

nextstep:
Treat her as you would your own daughter. She's lived with you since 12 and she's becoming a woman in your house.
Just advise her about possible outcomes:

- she will have heartbreak... that sweet talking boy will one day not want to see you
- she could become pregnant
- most men/boys will abandon her if she was to become pregnant, and life will be tough with a mouth to feed
- and if she becomes pregnant, she's off to her parents' house

She's doing the same things most 17-18 year olds do as kongi starts itching. The more you forbid, the more she hides.

I don advise tire. Interestingly she commented on the said Facebook pixs with my phone cos she spoilt her andriod phone. If she doesn't feel like my child, she can't use my phone freely like that. So mesef don try.

Mariangeles:
At this stage, the best thing to do is to send her back to her people .

The main reason she doesn't listen to or respect you is because she's knows you're not her mother, hence, she feels you can't tell her what to do .

Don't even bother because she'll never listen...she's at the rebellious phase

It always comes to this...

Noted!

angelamina:
You can as well threaten her by sending her back to her parents maybe during this break from school..if she pleads to come back, then u can now lay down the rules for her return to her, if she has sense and really wants to keep staying with you, she should sit up ones she's back..

. Intact this last long holidays, she travelled after Junior waec and didn't come back until September. I told her if she wants to come back, she woud have to ask her mum for tfare or find it anyhow to show that I didn't want her back ie she came on her own accord and that she would abide by the rules. She came back on her own and wrote me a lengthy letter of promises. Then here we are again.

Intrepid01:


Chaii this reminds of the girl, a family though, that stayed with us in those days; 93-94....Mehn that babe like boys, it's a different thing when boys are chasing a girl but serious issue when a young girl like boys... After my mum had tried all her best, she told My Dad one evening that they'll have to return her. My Dad wasn't too supportive but my mum told him to write it down that the girl would get pregnant. Eventually they both agreed to send her back, omo it wasn't up to 2 yrs after that we were told she got pregnant. My mum kept laughing saying she knew it. it was impossible to be behaving like she was and not fall pregnant.

. What a pity. Thanks for this true life story.

Timisamd:


Sha ma nomololomo (no beat person pikin child)
If e reach ground them do go hear story oo ..
Ti apa é o ba tile ka .. Fun awon parent e pada .
And I think it just a transition stage of nowadays kids .
Tell her say if see no go Green hear you go send am go in papa house ...
Sha no beat pikin even your own sef ... Dey do small small .

. No wahala. I hear.

babyfaceafrica:
send her back home..she don dey get feather!!!

. GBAM

maklelemakukula:
Ujujoan how would you want your Nobe Prize delivered ?

Thanks . I understand.

Saviola247:
@Lacapine, make I advice you, if you like you take, if you no like you leave am, You see, now she don know man, and she is even doing it without fear, what will end it is, mark my words, when her curves starts to show wella, and she start to use better soap and cream bath, na your hubby go be her next target. Listen, eh, am talking from experience. I know it's hard for you to send her away after her sec sch just like you said, but that will be your best decision. Even if your husband na pastor eh, penis wey u see so no go school oohhhh. So the earlier you send her packing after sec sch. The better for you. Then you can go to look another 12yrs pikin

. I hear. Thank you.

[quote author=wisdomkid post=77300194]I personally would advise you do these two things.

1. Tell her that if she gets pregnant, she is returning home with immediate effect. Even if it's 1:00AM in the morning, you're taking her to the park.
2. Call her parents or anyone in charge of her in the village and inform them of her altitude.


Should incase something like this happens, they'll know you did your part.
I sincerely wish her wisdom to do the right thing.

But environment matters alot and the company she keeps.
Is she going to government school?
Is she keeping friends with irresponsible girls or street girls with questionable characters? I have told her that severally. 2. Her parent(mum) is in the know.. 3. Yes she is going to govt sch. 4. She used to keep but not anymore. She has one very good girl I really like, the girl comes to my house freely as she is highly responsible and hubby and I approve of her. The ones I don't approve of, I tell her. Funny enough, she tells me of all the nonsense some girls do and we talk about the consequences of their action. We are that open.

stubbornman:


She don chop your slap before as in full Ajesha plate of slap her body go calm down !!!

. This one don pass slap matter.

PotatoSalad:
She'll get pregnant very soon and the parents will blame you for that. And they'll tell people bad things about you. Then you and the parents will become enemies.
I've seen it happen many times

. Its well.

aladinrin:
What are her parents view in all these. Are they also in the picture as nairalanders. I know of a similar case who only saw the reason after getting pregnant. You have tried your best keep trying on her.

Her mum knows and always caution her and tells me that its because I haven't beaten her and put pepper in her headquarters and all that nonsense. Her dad is remarried and had a new family and doesn't care if they exist or not. As it is now, I just learnt her mum is seriously sick, I pray she gets better. Her mother doesn't approve of it all all as her elder sister got preggy at 17 and had a baby at 18 though lived with the guy for a while and ran away so the mother doesn't approve of it at all. As it now, I just learnt the mother is seriously sick as I couldn't even speak with her on phone but even if its her dad, she would manage with. Its really hard for me to send her back cos she has no where to go really but she has pushed her luck too far. Doubt I can continue. Make shame no be my own.

Biggers82:
Pregnancy is on the way coming you better send her back before she gets pregnant in your house and her mother will blame you for not taking good care of her daughter
If she refused to hear advice send her home because their type learns better after her first pregnancy.

.Noted. Thanks.

Donjcco:


Rubbish reconsideration... Why would you send her back because she's keeping boy friends?.. Is she not human being that blood flows through her vains too... Better you just guild her and her boyfriend so she won't go astray. Teach her to keep just one boyfriend, you can't totally keep her away from boys, even your children self may do worse.

. At 17? and in ss1? Even her parents would kill me if they hear. No need. She can go and keep them in her parents house. I already told her that when she is 21, I can even allow her bring him home and we can talk about him/them. But at 17? I doubt its a good thing to do.

Anijay1212:

God please bless the op for me.She is a good woman.

Amen. Thanks Anijay

tempest01:
My advise is to send her back. If she gets infected or gets pregnant her people will blame you for it .

When I was younger we had this hosue girl that grew with us. Very religious, spiritual and all, my parents sent her to secondary school and subsequently catering school.

She started seeing guys in the area, and would always tell us not to tell our mum. She then got ill and demaciated, on running tests, it was seen that she was HIV positive. Had to send her back home and told her to try be coming to get her drugs unfailingly.


When she got back to the village she stopped taking the drugs and started taking local concoction. She died. Her parents blame us for killing her, and there have been talk on how they tried commanding her ghost to come attack us.


That's a true life story, I would advise you send her away.

Many things can go wrong.

Pregnancy, complications from abortion, HIV, etc. You'll be blamed for the bad, no matter the good.

Lacapine

Better still if you really like her and want to keep her, inform her parents, and let them know your intention of sending her back. List the possible outcomes if she continues and is unlucky. If they still say you keep her, tell them you are not liable if something in that nature occurs, but you'll try your best to be strict with her, but they should talk to her.

This is really scary. Luckily I have always informed her parents(mum) as her dad no send cos he is remarried and has a new family. I am sending her home. I will. And truthfully I really love her. She knows I do.

Wizywiz:
Op seems its high time u send her back to her parent so she can go and continue d new found enjoyment she wants....


By the way op how far for una brother matter? Him don pay d money wey ur mum been dey owe out of the money from ur late dads will? Oya answer me

. Oh boy eh! You are the real monitoring spirit. He refused, for peace sakes,we let it be. Thanks for checking. Lol.

babyfaceafrica:
send her back home..she don dey get feather!!!

. I agree.

highalliance:
You shouldn't have employed a domestic help younger than 18 in the first place, now that you have, ensure you bring the attention of her parents to the development.

. Not employed employed like in that sense.. Her parents are aware. Thanks.

legendarygeo:
You have played a very good part,you have flogged her where she needs flogging, you have advised her where she needs correction, you have prayed for her but it is like those demons don't want to leave her.The age we are now is an "idiotic era" if she gets pregnant! trust me she might successfully abort the first but she would be forced to keep the child of a street guy.
In this situation, you don't do your best and leave the rest for God.
You must do all it takes to get her out of your house since she can no longer abide by your rules and regulations, in 2014,my dad asked me to go to the saloon and cut my hair;and I told him the hair belongs to me and I was not ready to cut it and he said if I could not cut it I have to leave his house,back then I was only 17,I finished secondary school a year before.
There are lot of people out there who are looking for jobs,they don't Even mind if you don't pay them,all they need is clothing, shelter and food.
The faster you act,the better to avoid getting yourself into unwanted trouble.
After sending her back to where she came from,you can still send her monthly allowances if you have and if peradventure she gains admission,don't forget to render a helping hand. She's like your blood.
For now, she doesn't know your value.
To everything under the sun, there is a season.
Her time is up!
Thanks.

. Thanks very much. I really appreciate your advice. I would rather help from far and yes even if she isn't in my house, my joy would be to give her an education at least till university. So help me God. If pregnancy falls on her, the blame won't be on me. My house would be open to her for visits whenever she wants but I won't be her sole guardian like before. Thanks

NwaAmichi:
return as collected. she has overstayed her welcome. She'll only end up bringing enmity between you and her parents.

. Noted. Only that she doesn't want to go back. I still dey watch.

ireneidiva:

Stop flogging someone's child. If you can no longer handle her, send her back to her parents. Beating her is just wicked. Injure her and it becomes a police case.

. Even my biological child, I flog. She doesn't see herself as an outsider and we have such a good relationship. If we didn't, she wouldn't have stayed 6 years and refusing to go. Mind you, she travels home.once in a while and comes back on her own accord. She understands the reason why she is being flogged and this morning, I sat her down and was talking to her again even though I was tired of talking.

sisisioge:
Return her immediately. All these plenty stories sef. She's gotten to the point where she's forgotten why she's in your house so much so that she openly disrespects you and your hubby(keeping bfs against your will is disrespect, branching off the course of an assignment and leaving a partner to return alone is disrespect). Biko return her...she's over stayed her welcome. Maybe going back home will help advise her.

okay

GboyegaD:
Manage her till the end of 3rd term which is another 3-4months. Before then, take your time to have a heart to heart discussion with her what your concerns are and how you would have to let her go back to her parents after this session since she is hell bent on living a life you are not comfortable with. If she doesn't change, send her back to her parents after the session before people ask you insulting questions should anything happen to her. Also, let her know you beat her because you sent her on errand and she was expected to return home and then seek permission before going to see her friends. This is needed so that the friends do not confuse her with the lies that you do not want her to enjoy the good things in sex is why you are restricting her.

Noted. Thanks.

waleyp:
You have done your own part, you can’t kill yourself na, just leave her to do whatever as per say you don try your best, inform her parents, it will be bad if she gets pregnant under your watch...

Noted.

waleyp:
You have done your own part, you can’t kill yourself na, just leave her to do whatever as per say you don try your best, inform her parents, it will be bad if she gets pregnant under your watch...

Noted. Thanks .