LMAO with this thread, cant imagine my day in the office without nairaland, well I think I have to share mine also'

My EX used to fart without me noticing until it starts to smell, then she will look straight into my eyes and start laughing. Then I will tell her she is leading 1 - 0. So when I release my own ' it will be 1-1, so we continue counting until we lost count. But most times she kinda of always win,cos she eats those stuffs that makes me easily want to go to the loo.

@Tosinville
I want u ladies to strip unclothed and look into a full mirror again nd again so see dat r damn ugly as hell. . . . . . . . . . . Remove your weavon to see your short break hair, clear off your make-ups, see hw dead your eyebrows are, remove your ear-rings, count hw many stretch-marks on your body, look at hw saggin bosoms are wit dirty nipplez, check out how horrible your belly is, ask urself are ma legs straight at al?, remove d manicure nd pedicure to see hw your hands nd legs look like a shrub to knw dat u r ugly *speakin coverin ma mouth at d same time sippin kunu*
what most women want , they end up not getting, most of these girls end up becoming MSL------------ MATURED SINGLE LADY

is it that we cant find who can unscramble the above word

am still waiting?

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight

begins!

@mitchyy
false

you're a newbie

So, you are an oldbie
ehy ya

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a man of wisdom might not be dressed in gold but when you scratch his body it 's made of gold

@9-11
Phew

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ILYASHOD

@janedaniel This is a lesson for everyone. I have pondered on it, and i couldnt help but cry. sometimes i ask myself if i had just a month to live, what would i do? Sometimes, we delay things when we r supposed to hasten up. We turn away from a relationship because of a mistake a spouse made. Sometimes we just throw away the most valuable thing we had for no reason at all or for reasons that seemed real to us.
Life is very easy. we are the ones who complicate it.

good talk

A breast in the mouth is worth 2 in the bra ( TRUE OR FALSE)

26th of march

Please tell me this story is not true, coz am almost at the point of tears.

guy u know try at all, unpost that ur post abegggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

I grew up with some bad friends in my neighbourhood, we would save money to go and watch (slow motions) - a code we used to term adult movies waybac then on friday nights. Some times we would compare our jt to know who has the biggest. We wanted to experiment it so ther was a day we gathered in one room to construct a love letter to new girl whose family parked in newly into our compound. Since I had a better writing skills, I told my two other friens that if the girls comes I will be the first to do and they both agreed. So, we wrote the letter telling the girl to come to the room since we were staying in a large compound. We decided to send one of my friend's brother to deliver the love letter. The little boy went straight to their door step to peep if the girl was inside. Unfortunately, the girl's mun caught our messenger with the letter and collected it from him. She read through and showed it to all elders in the compound. We were still inside the room waiting for action when we heard a loud bang on the door and our messenger was in front with all mama and papa for compound.

Olboy, the beating that day was like a village square beating. When I remember the whole story I laughed.

u think u need advice, u dont need any advice =, what u need to us eis ur head, someone dumps for another gurl and after so many months came back to say he wants u back. Wat if he neva came back, wont ur life continue.

Get sense. Please dont go back to him. The can neva be like before again.

i hope say her story no go be like that of Michael Jackson. Come to think of it they share the same Initials.

Mercy Johnson

Michael JAckson

First of all, i want u to try and understand the nature of job she is doing, what is her daily work routine like in the office. Then , ur next step will be to understand what is bothering her inner mind, the mind of a woman is the safest bank that no robber can go into. She has to reveal somethings to you , it could be her fears,it could be concerning a discovery she made about u. I srongly have a feeling she is going through what I will call PMSS ( post marital sexual syndrome). It is a situation where one of the spouse is repulsive to sexual advances from his partner. na me form my own medical jargons no mind me.

After u have thoroughly studied her, ur next move is now how to restart ur wife's sexual feelings, that is not going to start on the bed, u will be committing a blunder if u think u are going to get her on the bed. U have to start treating  her as if u just met her. Forget the years u have been married to her. Start as if u just met the queen of ur heart. Take this steps below;;;;

one: Henceforth, dont return home without buying her a gift. No matter how small, it works wonders,,,,,,,little things to show she is valued.
two: Take her on a shopping spree.
three: Send her text messages of ur love and ur feelings.
four: Plan a two-night stay in a lovely and standard hotel. ( I mean good hotel). champagne, good meal, movies, site seeing and jazz club etc.
five: Make ur self irresistible, i mean love-vendor urself, clean urself up with sexy men accessories. New wristwatch, necklace, just anything that will make u the prince charming.


However, if all these do not work , there is a plan B.

This is how it goes, since u said she is ur wife, whenever she refuses to give u ur right, U have to turn it to raw is war ( royal rumble), IF UR NEIGHBOURS KNOW ON THE DOOR, TELL THEM U ARE NOT FIGHTING THAT U ARE ONLY DEMNDING FO UR RIGHT. I tell u , she will be ashame to come out the following morning.

Please if u are not married to her , dont even bother to do any of the above, but if u love her and want to keep ur relationship wit her, u have to act now. However, if she doesn't change then u switch to PLAN C.

PLAN C---- Is the adventurous one, just get one clean chick make u dey tidy am. But be very careful so dat u dont bite more than u can chew.


[attention
GO and ready books on how to love ur wify, how to become the irresistible man. Ur magic stick has got just two responsibilty; to pee and to tidy. Please dont deny jman of its functions most especially the later. Am sure the anaconda dey vex now, hin eyes go don red. U self think am now

guy, why are u using the mouth of cobra to brush ur nose, u want to eat ur cake and still have it. Better be decisive before it is too late, never underestimate a woman most especially when she has given her all to satisfy her man. Very soon, u will soon know that in every woman there is an angel and a demon.

hi guys , i just want to cool off from the tension of work , barman pls, can i have a tot of hennessy vsop on ice,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

@deniyor Hehehe Evil666 is calling everyone else daft. LMAO.
You can't decipher a simple txt tht says I'm not a wood! This dude must be 13 and a half yrs old. Go and prepare for JSCE.

Ur topic is just a matter of common sense, is it that u cant use ur initiative to know wen a woman wants u , guy it is either u are interested or not . Nobody is going to tell u to do what u dont feel like doing.

Please ur next post should be that u have done the shit or u shut ur trap.

I am an ardent Psalmist, I dont know why but I think this is one of my favourite part of the bible.


It is taken from Psalm 24 verse 3 to end,

3 Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? or who shall stand in his holy place?

4 He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.

5 He shall receive the blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.

6 This [is] the generation of them that seek him, that seek thy face, O Jacob. Selah.

7 Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in.

8 Who [is] this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle.

9 Lift up your heads, O ye gates; even lift [them] up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in.

10 Who is this King of glory? The LORD of hosts, he [is] the King of glory. Selah.[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

ayusman16:

If you make free calls throughout the weekend and you are charged N100 each does amount to free calls? Do your calculation poster and stop tagging MTN as dubious. Nigerians, always looking out for ways to get awoof.

I'll suggest you all find out about the tariff plans then make a choice before migrating. Afterall no be force to use mtn lines

I think we should be very careful with our judgement on issues. Mtn may be making money in Nigeria just like every other communication firms but we have to really consider so many factors peculiar to Nigeria 's business terrain. They have thousands of base stations across the country been powered by generators, maintenence of facilities, employees's welfare, they are involved in a lot of coorperate social responsibilty projects, they pay millions of naira to government via tax, licence and other forms of taxes. So I dont see any extortion if they are charging just 100 naira for a weekend call.

[quote][/quote]

I think u gave a credible background on Nasir Jones. Big ups 2 uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Thank God she is alive to tell the story but somethings baffles me, how come she has to struggle before help came , where were the directors and the other production crew, am just wandering about the methodology involved in our movie production.

We hope to get there sha,

U bettter start making moves to get alternative accomodation because a time will come when he cant resist the urge again, to a desperate man, all means can be employed to satisfy his burning passion.

No go dull yourself else u will be pants down before u realize what is going on, baby get sense and be vigilant.

am enjoying this thread, i think i should add mine.

I think that was the year 2pac got shot, so the Eastcoast/Westcoast shit was really hot then. I wanted to fry egg so i got all the neccessary ingredients ready for the omellete. I got the eggs mixed, put the groundnut oil on the frying pan which was on the stove just then my homeboy bust in with the lastest news about the beef btw the East and the West. Got so engrossed in the gist that by the time I went back into the kitchen my frying pan was already burning with flames. Foolish me, in my confused state I decide to perform stunt 101 by removing the burning frying pan out of the stove. Guess what , I still have the scare on my left arm till date. Everybody started calling me Fryo. Each time I remember the incident I always laugh. Even till now, I dont allow my oil to heat much before pouring all other ingredient.

this wasnt a disaster but each I remember my friend I always laugh about this scenario, I was staying with my 2 other friends in one of the Off-campus lodge around the University . There was this particular day we cooked white rice and was getting the sauce prepared on the hotplate when NEPA struck. No kerosene to continue the cooking on the stove, so myself and the second guy at home left the raw sauce on the hotplate waiting for NEPA to restore power supply which they never did. We slept off, the third guy came back very late did not bother to ask any question went straight for the pot of rice and raw sauce , he ate to his satisfaction.

The following morning we asked him if he enjoyed the meal, he said yes. by then he had rush to the toilet about 3 times that morning We bust into an uncontrollable laughter and told him that the stew was uncooked. He said he thought as much but was dead hungry that he had to drink almost 2 litres of water to suppress the peppery sensation.

Don Jazzy has got what we call MATURED EFIZZY , i give it to him. He Flaunts less and decently. I think all others exhibit some unrefined boyish swaggs.

I GIVE IT TO THE DON