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NYSC CAMP EXPERIENCES (Episode 4)

Flashback (naija style): Kosi received a call up letter from school; boarded a bus with a lady he called 'mami water; got stuck in the terrible Abia-Akwa-ibom route; boarded an overpriced okada ride to the camp; and at the last episode failed to stand still when the trumpet sounded; and he currently heeds to a 'stop dia' instruction from a man putting on camouflage shorts.



Ah!

That uniform that inspires dread in the hearts of any civilian around.
For a stinging slap from men putting the uniform on can reset ones destiny.
Causing the individual to temporarily forget his identity.

It brings he, who is on a different world (due to the influence of marijuana or any other hard drug), back to this world.
A popular joke which I visibly confirmed a certain day when a soldier slapped the 'agbero' and the poor fella turned around to the other side where he began to make advertise imaginary recharge cards to bewildered bystanders who held back the soldier for fear that a second slap may send the agbero to an early grave.

Like the hairs on the neck of a child watching a horror flim in the middle of the night, I stood firm with fear ravaging my mind.
For the oga soja was looking at me menacingly.
And the policewoman, by my side, was muttering "this guy own don finish" to her colleague who tried to hold back a laugh.

After five minutes, the rapture - like trumpet sound stopped and I was gladdened at heart.
For I had seen no one flying into the air, nor seen any empty cloths left behind.

Nope.

Just some bunch of corpers whose shoulders dropped in a fashion that expressed release of tension.

That; and a visibly outraged soldier man who was marching my way with no signs of slowing down.

'Olorun mi. Alagbada ina, alawotele Oru. Gba mi oo (my God save me o).

So I prayed at that moment.

Soaking my life with the blood of Jesus in preparation of the attack coming.

Praying seriously that God would soak this soldiers 'kpomo' hard heart in hot water and cause it to become very tender.

Praying that God would bomb this ogas spirit with the grenade of love and that he would pity me.

Praying that my eyes would become very tender and cute just like the thieving cat in the film 'Puss in Boots'.

So I kept praying.

And like a faithful mama that always finds her wailing child in the midst of a busy Onitsha market, God heard me and He answered my prayer.

'Audu. Audu. Show for here quick quick. Commandant say make everybody gather now"
A far voice shouted towards the soldier.

Stopping him dead in his tracks and leaving him seething with anger.
For he had planned to show 'this little baga' how to properly obey his country when the flag was being pulled down.
For he had planned to show 'this bloody civilian' how to properly conduct himself within the premises of a regimented camp.
For he had planned to 'soften my hide' up with some 'gingering' exercises which would leave me in bed for some days

"Oh boy. Na God save you o. Otherwise you for hear 'weei' today" the Police woman said.
Beckoning on me to quickly come over and check in before the gates were closed for the day.

"You are from which school young man" the Police man inquired as his hands ransacked my belongings for any contraband.

Bringing out my boxers and singlets and leaving me flustered because a group of girls were observing from a distance.

"I am from University of Benin sir" I said.
Hoping that his hands would not go to the inner zip where the condoms laid and that the man stop his unwarranted inspection.

On Leke's orders, I had packed a box of condoms into my bag.
As he told me that the mami market sellers usually cheated male corpers by inflating the price.

My mind was crossed back then.
'All die na die' was the slogan that criss-crossed my heart and nothing would deter me.

--------
"Eh eeh. Uniben abi. That school wey witches full. I even hear say when una shoot gun for up say na winch go fall down. Na true?"

I chuckled under my breath as I pondered the answer to his question.

From where would I start to elaborate on the fetishes of that ancient city?

Could I list the countless times when Ekosodin indigenes had woken up to find a bird trapped on the electric wires.

Or the countless crossroad sacrifices which early risers and drivers encountered on the roads.

Or some tales, told by casanova guys, of girls who nothing could be used to wake them up before dawn.
Girls, whose faces were like the mammy water looking girl I saw on my journey down to Akwa ibom.

"Yes sir. I have heard of such tales but I have never seen one before sha" I replied.

Stealing a look at the long queue which was forming at the front of some offices.

"Dem they write winch for person forehead? Anyway I know say una boys too like woman too. As you can see, evidence dey to prove that fact."
At this, he pointed towards a small pile of condoms packs which my eyes had not set upon before.

No wonder those ladies around were arching their necks forward to know the outcome of the survey of the contents of my bags.

Apparently they had gotten the memo that some boys wanted to wash clothes without bothering to let them dry.

(For the sake of the unlearned, that metaphor means that some boys wanted to sleep with random girls without thinking of committing to any long term relationship)

Apparently they had gotten the memo that some demonic boys always loved to mix red label with the creamed alcoholic drink 'Best' and give it to ladies.
A wicked combination that stimulated a frenzy of sexual drive in the unsuspecting ladies and drove them to the arms of the guys.

"I am a good born again Christian" I said.
Putting up my best imitation of a novice who had just been caught in a den of yahoo boys.

After ten more minutes of searching and proper documentation of my details, the police man and women let me go.
Giving me a small tag and directing to go and join the queue in other to be cleared and assigned a bed space for the night.

To be continued tomorrow.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

Hello friend. Jesus loves you very much and would love to abide in you. His presence guarantees life eternal.

MADAME KOI KOI 4 (A TRIP DOWN FGC IKIRUN LANE)

This piece is dedicated to the enigmatic Mr. Ojurongbe my dear guardian.

The only father whose brains shine brighter than his head and the only one who rivals Fabian Barthez in the battle of the cleanest cuts.

I thank you for every time you had compassion and gave me money even when my pockets were dry from SAP.

I thank you for not being part of that gang of teachers who found it extremely pleasurable in seeing students being beaten.

I thank you that you did not 'ra n oju ko ko ko bi ina halogen (shine your eye so bright like the halogen lamp's)' over the monies parents entrusted to you.

For some guardians did that and began to formulate excellent lies to avoid paying the students.

Worse, some guardians began to disappear so much that the students thought that they were an upgraded version of Ogidan (a films about a diabolical criminal acted by Hanks Anuku) and Oyenusi combined.

My great daddy.

Your children shall never be stagnated in life like those two statues who are in front of the admin block.

Like that junior student whose parents are rich, may your children will always find favour in the sight of all senior men in life.

Like that senior that stays in city hall, you shall never cease to find help whenever you ask for it.

Like Senior Yekini and JSS 1 students, your seed shall be amiably remembered for great deeds in Jesus name.

Like the ever green Mr. Esan, your appeal will never dry up and you will never stop swaggering in Jesus name.

______________
So I continue from where we left off.

The scream erupted from the other room of the hostel.
And boy, did every student jump up like one who had been stung in the soft portion of the buttocks by the soldier ant.

Kaii!
Soldier ants.

Those tiny little demons walking in an organized formation with a dreadful purpose.
Always wrecking havoc to those who dare cross their part.

Fatoki Shola had been a victim before.
An experience, I am sure, he would not forget in a jiffy.
For he was sleeping like a baby that Saturday night.

Ligtly snoring with joy because the social night he attended hours before, had yielded him unprecedented fruitful results
As the one, who he had been eying for a long time, said, 'you danced very well Osfeam' after he had lit up the stage with great moves.

Still snoring lightly, the soldier ants came.
Finding their way into the Benue house hostel and choosing to cross over some beds.

Did I inform you that those little things were wicked?

Yes.
They were little demons who are no respecter of persons or places.

Osfeam did not wake up at the first sting.
Poor guy had confused the sting as a love bite in the dream.
For he was dreaming that he was playing serious 'ere ife' (love play) with 'his kutch kutch hota e lover' at the wedding night.

Two ants found their way up his shorts the next time.

Greeting the other occupants of the place before sinking in their piercers and stinging my good friend once again.

'Perhaps that would wake the 'alakori' (crazy person) that wanted to form 'askari' (stubborn head) for them', They thought
And my poor friend jumped up with an pained cry this time.

Quickly alerting fellow bunk mates, Kehinde Bello, Ayanda Sam and Nwoke Henry.
Smart lads who quickly left their beds and ran to bring matches and foam.

For fire was the only element which could successfully chase those tiny things away.
As they would begin to 'gan pa' (become stiff) at the touch of the yellow flames just like the stubborn bush rabbit flashes its two teeth in a deathly smile when the 'ota ibon' (bullet) works its magic in its body and the kindled log fire prepares it for its passage into the soakaway pit via the means of egusi soup.

__________

In panic, everyone rushed to the other room.

Prefects knocked over juniors in apparent zest to discharge their duties.

Other seniors slowly dragged their feet while raising up the wrapper that kept threatening to fall from their loins and reveal that which the junior students would use as a means of joke for weeks to come.

Some junior students rushed there to be the first official source where the 'gbeborun' (gossip) would emanate from.

While some other students subtly found an exit door and ran to stay with their colleagues in the other hostels.

Who could blame them?

Apparently some seniors were so terrible that they would use this opportunity to initiate a merry-go-round flogging session where each student would be sufficiently fed and overfed with helpings from the pot of 'iya' (beating).

Who could forget that the good senior Kamal fell into that category?

The category of men whose calling and life purpose was to devise excellent means of making students cry.

Always directing the belt to areas where the pain nerves are centered in, like the back of the head and the space between the buttocks and the knee.

Beeni.

That guy had been groomed in 'kpankere-ism' and was an excellent graduate of the school of 'Caning'

The student who screamed laid in his bed.

Violently quivering like a student who just discovered that his locker had been seduced by thieves and all his milk, bourvita, garri, biscuit and even fish and moi moi bought from the Tuck shop to eat garri, had run away with the thief like an unfaithful lover.

Nay.
He was violently shaking like that student who Mr. Esan and Mr. Idowu jointly caught with expo in the exam hall.
That poor student would wish his mother had never said 'hi' back to his father the day they met.

Nay.
He was violently shaking like that student who had just being told that the WAEC expo delivered to him in the morning of mathematics and which he had copied sufficiently to his heart content, was actually meant for Food and Nutrition exam for the next day.
That poor student would slap every other student who urges him to "let us go and eat some food that those food and Nut girls prepare"

Nay.
He was shaking like that 'shakey shaky' daddy in that olden days advert of the drug where the girl child rushes to tell her mom that her dad is down with a bit of malaria
That unique advert that always came on during the intervals of 'Toyin Tomato's, this is superstory espisodes'

Nay.
The poor student was shaking like who had seen a real ghost.

As he flinched when other students tried to touch him and had to be physically restrained from running away and providing a headline the next day that would read 'were be wo inu igbo to nlo si inu igboro' (mad man jumps into the bush that leads into the town)

That kind of sensational headline that would throw people into arguing whether Bisi Akande was still fit to run for the Osun State gubernatorial election or should the people stick with Olagunsoye Oyinlola (an election which Oyinlola won by the way).

Human beings were like that.
Set of people who would choose the most inappropriate times to argue over very relevant issues.

To be continued tomorrow
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

Hello friend. Jesus loves you very much and would love to know you today.

A TRIP DOWN UNIBEN LANE (PART 11)

This piece is dedicated to the golden children of Rhoda, Favour, Activist, Iyara Lucia, Mary Aigbe.

Little ones, welcome to the world.

Like that those statues which line up from uniben gate to the auditorium, life will try to bend you.

Life will try to test your patience like that auditorium clearance experience which all students have passed through.

Like will try to put you down like a male lecturer looking for every means necessary to bring down a male student who is 'dragging babe' with him.

Life would disappoint you sometimes too like those uncles who promise heaven and earth while in school and then start advising you to start selling biscuits and pure water to 'hol bodi' immediately after one is through with National Youth Service.

Life will do all these and more, little ones, but these I pray for you;

That you will keep standing firm like that Hall four graduate who literally slept in hell for four years.

I pray that you will never doubt your ability to succeed like that student who has jacked the Philosophy and logic textbook back and front and attended all Pastor P's classes from beginning of semester.

And lastly, dear ones, I pray that you shall be so much successful that people will always have your numbers on speed dial, like that Hall 3 'hotplate specialist engineer' whose phone will never stop buzzing because he was a hot plate whisperer who could sing any, and every hotplate to life.
__________

And so I continue from where we left off.

With the short prayer offered by the female aspirant, the main event kicked off.

The MC requested the DJ to play him 'Dat jam wey dey ginger well'
And the good Dj obliged and slotted in the jam of the year that quickly loosened the knots of the senses of its listeners.

'tile tile make I knack your apako' was the drug induced lyric,
One which was punctuated by the sound of that type of bell always rang by C and S church members when conducting a serious deliverance for a child possessed with twenty legion of demons.

It was a sound that normally accompanied the early morning cry of local itinerant preachers who shouted 'Woe to sinners for they are going to hell'

Yet Terry G had found a deviously brilliant way to use that same tool to appeal to women to shake their buttocks.
Or 'do a slow whine' like R Kelly always advocated in his slow paced RnB.
Or 'move that body' like Idris Abdul Kareem had sang in 'oko omoge' and the Mo'hits crew had sang in 'Close to you'

Aye.
That was the song that the Dj slotted in then.

And like I earlier said, the song literally loosened the knots of almost everyone standing around.
For the boys began the move towards the girls and beckoned on them to begin the bumping and grinding.
A pre-mating ritual which only a select few got to complete in the night of that day.

The minds of some select few were safe from that 'igbo (marijauna) inspired banger'.

Those were the female students who were affectionately called 'mama' in their fellowships.
And the shirt, tie and black trousers wearing brothers who were also called 'papa' in their fellowships.

God forbid that they allowed this song to get into them.

For that would mean the stripping of their 'spirikoko' tag.
One which would be replaced by a tag in which 'CARNAL' is clearly emblazoned upon.

Beeni.
Those crowd of workers in fellowship could be so sweet this minute and merciless the next.
As they have never been accostumed to public sin even though their private garments were more murky than Ekosodin roads when it rains.

To be continued tomorrow. Stay tuned
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

Have a blessed day and remember that Jesus loves you.

GOLDEN BARS FROM THOSE DAYS (EPISODE 3)

Continued from yesterday's episode.

Let us remember the golden days my friend.

Those hours mum and dad enjoyed when beating us with their favorite instruments.
Iya with her koboko, flat bathroom slippers and her unique 'abara (big slap on the back)
Daddy with his special dongoyaro cane placed in a strategic corner of room and his leather belt which could be soaked as kpomo if the times became too hard for the family.

Those were the days of sound discipline little ones.

When mummy's slap automatically updated our antivirus softwares.
When her 'kpele kpele' afterward petting ensured that the virture to be learned and the essence of the beating entered our heads very well.

When daddy's dongoyaro effectively acted as the exorcist to drive away the spirits of failure and fear of mathematics.
When small trips to the market, in his car, taught us that getting the first position would guarantee people recognizing you and appreciating your efforts.

It is a pity that such virtues have gone to the dogs now.
As these little ones are only concerned about making money and nothing else.

I mean, take a look at their car stickers and wonder my friends.

Some call themselves 'Olu Aiye 1'.
Others, 'Omo Iya Alakara dollar spender'

Then you also hear, 'Dekunle Wire Wire'

Abi is that not the name your son is answering baba Adekunle?

Ooohh. So you are feeling like using the loo (toilet) now?
But your were there laughing like a jackal when I was discussing baba Jide's case.
Yet you failed to do exactly what 'bibeli rere (the good bible) had taught us since we were toddlers that gave trouble to aunty Funmi in children's church.

'To omo rere ninu ona oluwa, ko si ni gbagbe re nigba ti o ba dagba'(Train up a child in the way of the Lord and he shall not depart for it when he is old)

You failed to train Adekunle well my friend.

Failed to ask the right questions when he came home with the expensive gadgets which you knew that he could not afford.

Excuses and new appetites blackened your conscience then.

'The old black and white TV spoilt' was your excuse and so it became easy to ignore Kunle when he brought the new plasma 22 inches flatscreen television.

'The egusi soup of Iya Adekunle lacks any real taste' was your excuse and so it became very easy to ignore Kunle when he started bringing bushmeat of all types and buying you the choicest fishes from Maxi Ifeanyi's cold room.

'That car has stayed for more than ten years and is already a living corpse' was your excuse and so it became easy to accept the new 'tear rubber' pathfinder jeep which Adekunle brought for you on your birthday.

Hmmmmm.
Rora ki o si ranti gbogbo nkan ti baba wa ko wa o.

Take it easy and remember everything our fathers taught us o.
And please stop driving this boy to an early grave.

Tinuke o, run and tell your mom to give you the palmwine gourd quick.
I can see that most cups here are empty and baba Niyi's excellent palmwine is not going drink itself dakun.

To be continued in later posts
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

Happy Sunday and remember that Jesus Christ loves you and has an excellent plan for your life.

GOLDEN BARS FROM THOSE DAYS (EPISODE 2)

Continued from yesterday's episode

Pity they did not know know that 'ojulari, oluwa ni ri inu (only God can see the inside thoughts of a man because we can only see the outside)'

No wonder nobody could tell Baba Tawa of Iya Tawa's intention?
Poor man that was served his dinner by a smiling wife but woke up with a scream to find Iya Tawa smiling mischievously while holding a blood stained knife in one hand and his severed off 'kini' in the other.

No wonder nobody could tell Madame Kudi of Woli Detunji's intention.
Poor woman who had gone for prosperity prayers and had ended up being used as a sacrifice for Esu, Woli's unofficial god of wealth whose black statue was in a room built fifty yards from the 'oke Isegun church of victory'

No wonder nobody could tell mama Ugochukwu about mama Somtochukwus evil heart.
Poor woman who, out of trust, entrusted her child for school learning only to come back to discover that the child had been sold to traffickers for 135 thousand naira.

Did you hear me Rukkayat?

135 thousand naira that is not enough to even buy that Peruvian or Indian hair that you are so much putting pressure on my son to buy.
As if you do not know that he is jobless and this will drive him into stealing from my purse (of which he will not fully recover from the beatings he will recieve), or into that laptop yahoo yahoo (of which he may not fully recover from the psychological trauma of anal rape when EFCC bounds him into a dimly lit prison with six hard men who 'have not tasted fresh meat for a long time')

Did you hear me Baba Jide?

135 thousand naira that is not enough for you to fully 'flex' one of those your numerous concubines for a weekend.

Dakun o, are you blushing or what?
I thought black men don't turn pink at all.
Then why are you desperately shaking like a chicken drenched in the rain?

Abi have you forgotten so easily?

A fowl that thinks she is wise will soon realize the depths of her stupidity.
Because the winds would gather enough strength and would expose the dirty 'nyansh' (buttocks) of that fowl.

Abi you have easily forgotten what baba Tunde told us?

That no matter how long the 'agbonrin' deer keeps entering another person's farmland to steal okra, his leg would one day become a testimony of the effectiveness of a trap.
That day where it would cry and exhaust the well of tears with no pity forthcoming from anyone around.

Desist from such acts quickly ore mi.
And stop blushing anyhow because your wife and mine are not yet finished from preparing our favourite egusi with the 'eran oya' (antelope meat) I bought from iya Tope.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

GOLDEN BARS FROM THOSE DAYS (Episode 1)

Sit around and let us tell tales of old together.

Bring the chest of cold beers and let our tongues loosen a bit for the stories to lose most seriousness.

Tell Nike to hurry to mallam Yahaya's stall to get three thousand worth of suya with plenty cabbages and spices sprinkled on top.
Instruct her to tell the mallam to wash the meat before starting: as we are a learned group who have no knowledge where mallam's hands have been.

Tell mama Segun to bring her little Segun here: as the kid can learn a bit of history while he playfully bites his mother's nipple while relishing his most natural meal.

Close those gates quick, Temilade. There is need to keep the cassava flakes safe from mama Nkechi's wandering goats; as he who does not protect what he has, should not cry foul when theft occurs.

Tell Kabir to leave that girl he is chatting with now; the young lad needs to know that we have done triple crazy things and realized that they held no gain.

Halima, come here quick. Take this Osadebe tape and go and put it inside that stereo; for nothing ushers in great memories like the ancient voice of that man alligning with his nostalgic beats from his band.

Let us remember those good old days my friends.

Those days we ran wildly in the rain, with 'rain rain go away' coming out from our lips while the rain drops caressed our bodies.
That was the moment we realized that true happiness could be found in the company of loved ones even though the skies were bleak.
It is a pity these little ones don't have that now; for their devices have given them great illusion of having friends, yet they are alone when the bleak time comes.
For the likes, love and laughs can never equate the value of the touch and hug of a friend or family.

Let us remember the golden days my friend.

Those moments we chased Dorcas while singing 'Dorcas is a fine girl iya iya yooo' out loud for the whole school to hear.
All the time, admiring the content of her brains and heart while having the mind to go pay the bride price immediately our coy mistresses said yes.

Ahhh, we were not like the youngins of today I must say.

Little ones so much focused on the circumference of a ladies behind while failing to uncover the consequences of that 'ten-minute jangilova' which they solely crave for.

Little ones so much fooled by the materials built upon the foundations without bothering to know the true face upon which the foundation was built.

Pity they do not know that 'arun HIV/AID (AIDs disease nor dey show for face?

Pity they do not know that 'Karashika- queen of darkness was a stunning hot baby 'oku' with a skin so fresh and that one would think she took her bath with Imperial Leather soap.

To be continued in later posts
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

ONYE OBI M CHORO (THE ONE MY HEART WANTS)

Achala Ugo m.
Dim oma
Ugo m.
Onye na za m ekpere.

My own.
The sound of your footsteps makes my heart 'yori yori'
Who will deny that you are the 'orji'(kolanut) that brings 'ndu'(life).
Who will deny that you are the 'mmanya' (wine) that brings true 'obi anwuli'(heart joy)
Who will deny that you are the only 'ego' (money) that brings 'obi oma' (peace of mind)
Who will deny that you are the only 'Chukwu' that provides an excellent 'ofe-nsala' to go with the fufu on ground.

Chim
So so gi ka m choro
You are the only one I desire.

The only alert I want to be receiving all the days of my life.
The only container I want to keep clearing all the days of my existence.
Your presence is the only 'ugbo' (farm) I want to keep going till I die.
You are the only 'ugwu' I want to keep plucking to make my egusi most nutritious.
You are the only 'osimiri' (river) I want to visit and the 'mmiri' (water) I want to keep drinking till I die.
Your corn and 'ube' satisfies me much better than a thousand pounded yam and egusi prepared by the world.
I prefer to ride in your peugeots 504 on a bumpy road to heaven than drink champagne in a Rolls Royce on a smooth way to hell.

Chukwu m o.
Dim o.
Onye obi m choro.
In you and for you do I wish to live my life.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

CHUKWU KA DIBIA (GOD IS GREATER THAN THEM ALL)

Chukwu m ka.
Bigger than all other bodies in the entire universe.
For He is the I AM THAT I AM.
One who used Himself to describe Himself for there exists no other comparison.

A thousand dibia's (herbalists) gathered at the crossroad that night.

Two hundred from Anambra state crossed forty rivers just to arrive there.
For they could not afford money to board buses.

Two hundred from Imo state crossed fifteen mountains just to arrive there
Riding on their magical mats while sipping cobra venom to make their incantations stronger.

Two hundred of them from Enugu state crossed thirteen evil forests just to arrive there.
Defeating a host of evil gnomes and drinking the blood of many demons just to fortify themselves for the task ahead.

And the last four hundred were witches from the famed Edo state.
Two hundred land witches with terrible fangs for teeth.
And two hundred marine queens whose beauty kept turning the heads of men who dared to venture to catch fish at the sea that evening.

They all came that night.
All with a sole purpose of sniffing out my life like a scissors snaps a thread.

I ate a big bowl of eba that night.
Supplimenting the 'ofe-akwu soup' (banga) with a big bottle of Eva wine.

While they brewed their charms,
I kept sleeping.
While they tested the incantation on a poor guy who was just returning from the farm with a hoe on his shoulders,
I kept sleeping.

Then, they unleashed the full force of the charm towards me.

Hehehehehe.
The Ndi Ala (mad people) did not know that the God that watches over me never sleeps nor slumbers.
For He frustrated every work of their hands and rendered their charms useless

The unfortunate ones did not know that my guardian angels had wickedly sharp swords.
For on the next day, the crossroad looked like a typical abbatoir.

The fools never knew that my God could be a destroyer if He wanted to.
For the crossroad looked like a place where the 'Ogbunigwe' bomb had been detonated.

Chukwu ka dibia nwa nnem.
He is much more powerful than everything you could ever fear.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

OKO MI (MY HUSBAND)

Let me tell you about oko mi.
Let my words paint a picture of Olowo ori mi.
Let my pen elucidate the wonderful nature of my ade ori.

You have definitaly heard of Iya Tawa's husband.
As she keeps telling everyone how excellent he is in everything.
Poor woman that did not know that he is killing himself with all types of agbo, viagra and 'those hausa wonderdrugs'
All in a bid to make 'madame head bust with your name all the time' like his friends told him.

You have also heard of Mama Tochukwu's husband.
As she keeps raving about how caring her husband is in terms of providing 'plenti ego' to take care of his nwanyi.
Poor woman who does not know that her husband's account is currently in red and he has resorted to borrowing to satisfy her needs.
As he could not afford to stop because it would result in World War 3 within the home.

My husband is far better than them all.

For He holds a Bachelor in Love which He uses to tenderly care for me
No wonder I call Him my Imami.

A masters degree in medicine which he uses to heal me when I am sick.
No wonder He is my precious balm of Gilead.

A doctorate degree in law which He uses to plead my case.
No wonder I call Him my Advocate.

My husband loves to eat.
So I cook Him the best delicacies ever.

Showing off my dance steps while I prepare His favorite dish called praise.
And I kneel to present the water of Thanksgiving when I am serving Him the fully prepared praise dish.

My husband is not like Iya Sumbo's husband o.
That stingy man that does not like to give her any money to prepare soup.
No wonder she served him a plate of stone and water during easter when every other husband was eating jollof rice and chicken.

My husband provides enough money for me to buy the ingredients.

Giving me the breath of life in no small quantity
Giving me a good family and job in excellent measures
And also keeping me safe when I place my head on the pillow to sleep.

Oko mi is the best.
Jesu mi is the sweetest hubby ever.
For He loved me and still loves me till His kingdom will come.

Who is your husband?
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

EMI LA O NI YO SI? (WHY WON'T WE BE GLAD?)

Emi la o ni yo si.
Emi la o ni yo si
Bi a ti fe ko ri
Be na lo ri
Emi la o ni yo si.

Beeni o.

Everyday we pray pray pray.
For every camp ground we pray pray pray.
Hold wall and pole to pray say our night go turn to joyous day
Say make Baba God turn around every dismay
Make He put fire for destiny helpers nyash make them begin come without any delay.
Make we sef get moni to marry better wife and born correct ajebutter pikin to display
Unto say people don too dey talk for period wey don tey
Say we no go see anything hold for hand even when our hair don turn grey.

Well,
Hallelujah Hurray

God don honor everything wey Him word say.
Dey give us Yanfun yafun blessings make we begin spray.
Turn us to predatory bushmeat wey begin chase the demonic hunters like prey.
Come twist our debtors hands so tey dem begin repay.
Unto say na Jesus be that name wey every knee must obey.
Him turn our dirty clothes around come give us shine shine cloth wey dey make us slay.

Nor mind them o Auntie.
Nor pay attention to those nay-sayers Uncle.

You just continue to trust in baba God.
Nor siddon dey look as people dey collect their own favour o.

Mmba.
Call on that same Jesus make Him no pass you by.
Because na im be the only gentle saviour wey dey hear person humble cry.
Because Him be dat perfect friend wey dey help to carry all our sins and griefs.
Because Him be the Area Fada wey everybody must loyal to.
Because na only a dey discharge angels to guard you even if you dey ghetto.
Because na only Him be Dike, strongest man wey no fit lose any battle.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

Happy Sunday to everyone

ROAD TRIP (New Childhood Experience)

"Mummy let's go o".
I said as I gleefully came out of the bathroom.
Wiping my frail body wit the orange and white striped towel while fantasizing about the journey we would soon embark upon.

Even though it was 'asiko oye'(Harmmatan period) when the bath water feels like ice on the body and the chilly winds seemed to freeze anyone within ten minutes, little kosi was not going to be deterred.

Beeni.

Mummy will definitely buy me dodo at Ikire.
The 'wara' and 'beske', to be bought at Ikirun, too will suffer in my mouth.
While the cup of fried puff puff and egg - roll, to be bought at Benin, would not pass me by that day.

Nay.
I would partake of the fullness of the journey treats because I had fully earned it.

Who could blame me?

Apparently Daddy had to keep to his promise since I had come first in the previous terms results.

A result that drove mommy into the market in other to buy me ready made shirts and shorts plus the white canvass that kept flashing red lights everytime I marched the floor.

A result that caused a little rivalry between myself and Emmanuel.

My lanky little friend who stopped sharing his breaktime bread and butter with me.

My lanky little friend who also forced Doyin and Khalilat to stop playing 'tinko-tinko', 'who is in the garden' and 'breadi and butter o dun pupo maje..' with me.

My little lanky friend who also convinced the pri 4A boys not to allow me play football on the pitch the next term

Yep.
That result, like other results in life, brought its good and bad fortunes.

__________

Mummy was in the kitchen that early morning;
Cooking rice spiced up with the best 'erojas (varieties)' while I dressed up in my special traveling clothes;

Dishing the steaming food in two big coolers as Nnamdi kept himself busy by giving me a dirty slap for mistakenly splashing water on his brand new favourite Kito sandals;

And mummy was busy telling 'nna Chinedu (Chinedu's father)' to quickly go and take his bath with the hot water she had put inside the flask, while Chinedu kept his head buried in the Physics textbook as he prepared for the WAEC exams.

Within two hours, we were ready.

Mummy shouted at Nnamdi to go and 'kpochie uzor uno osiso (lock the house door)'

Mummy shouted on Chinedu to ' je ga mepu gate osiso(go and open the compound gate)'

Mummy shouted on kosi to 'go and sweep that veranda which she could still spot out dust despite being about 500 steps away.

Mummy gently told nna Chinedu to 'try and change this style of trousers and haircut because it did not fit him'

Mummy kept on seating comfortably in the car while she said issued these words.

With daddy firmly planted behind the steering wheel,
Mummy checking out her makeup while looking at the sunshine glass, at daddy's side in the front,
Chinedu and Nnamdi seated at the far left and right respectively.
And Kosi being squeezed in their middle,
The journey began in earnest.

With hands clasped together I wished.
Not a good wish I must confess.
As I wished that I could transform into Samurai Jack and displace Nnamdi.
As I wished that I could transform into the red power ranger and kick Nnamdi's butt out of the car.
As I wished I could transform Nnamdi into a stone like Isakaba boys transformed Ibudu into one in Isakaba 2

Who could blame me for such wishes?

Apparently I loved staying close to the side window.
For I loved to wind down the glass and feel the breeze brush against my face.
For I loved to watch the sun move as fast as the car moved even though nurse Adeloju told me that the sun was static.

__________
The Mercedes Benz 190 kept on moving.
Hitting the 220 km/h speed while the trees and houses continued to blur and fade away quickly.

Mummy kept on singing.

Thanking Chineke for the wonderful school term which just ended and the successful wedding of Aunty Yemisi who had married an 'Omo Ibo'.

Giving glory to Olisabinigwe for the wonderful village experience which awaited her in the two weeks break ahead.
For she was one who had left the village but the village had never left her.
A sweet mother who could never quite understand why one will use fork and knife to eat eba while the hands remain unused.

Chinedu kept on reading.

Flipping through each page while thinking of the wondrous opportunities which awaited him in the life after secondary school.
A thought which focused more on the perks of university life.

A life of freedom.
A time he would spread his wings and fly without any fear of any whipping.
A place where no one would dare wake him by 5am for prayers.
A place where no matron would keep watch over his actions like a hawk whose eyes are fixed on a chick after undergoing ten days of fasting.

That kind of life awaited him.

Kosi kept on dreaming
His head bouncing comically every time the car hit bumps that littered the Benin-ore road.
His dreams were superb to say the least.

For he dreamed he was the superman that came just in time to lift the sinking Titanic ship out of the water and save the film from its tearful ending.

For he dreamed he was part of the Isakaba boys, a red bandana on his head, and a little live tortoise bouncing on his six pack chest as he undergoes drills with Sam Dede's men.

For he dreamed that he was the lead character in the State of Emergency. The new Saint Obi who was going to take down J T Tom West at the very end.

For he dreamed he was the new Dagunro alakija ogun. The fearful herbalist who could single handedly destroy 30 billion eleye (witches) with one incantation and one shot from his dane gun.

For he dreamt he was that smiling baby sun that always woke the teletubies up,
At least that would make little Ayo always smile anytime she saw him because she loved Teletubies.

To be continued in later posts.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

ON ALL CYLINDERS

He came out of the bar
Smiling with a tooth pick in mouth.
Like a succubus, he had devoured
Voraciously consuming my joy with no pity
Like a pirate, he had plundered.
My trinkets dangling by his right side with his colt by his left side.
Like a taskmaster, he had lashed,
The whips coiled firmly in his hands.
With a smirk on his face, he kept up his stride.
A menancing cowboy hat on his head,
With a dreadful look that showed he feared no one.

Like a drunk, I staggered out of the hospital.
My face all bandaged up from the years of torture.
My shirt badly torn from years of enduring abject poverty.
For he was the thief that constantly came to sow the tares that hindered the growth of my crops.

Still, I staggered out of the bar to face him.
For it was time to duel it out.
Lord knows a man can only take in so much before breaking.

We faced each other then.
A pace of twenty yards separating each man.
A crowd of thirty humans waiting to see me fall.
A multitude of saints waiting to watch me overcome.
A score of pigeons waiting to continue their search for food.
A dozen Vultures circling the air, waiting to feast on my entrails.

Our hands were on our sides
Each man caressing his guns like his sweet lover.
A million thoughts running through each second.
A million strategies being formulated by each minute.

"On three we shoot"
He said.

One.
Two
Three..
I shot first.
The trajectory of my bullet finding it's rest in his forehead.

Slowly, he fell.
Swiftly, resounding shouts of joy rented the air.
Town doors bursting down while people trooped out in cheers.
The destroyer was dead.
The evil taskmaster had fallen once more.

Some people came to meet me later.
Asking why I never pitied the destroyer.

Pity the bastard?
Hell no.
Son of a gun stole my joy for a long time now.
And the fool had it coming for daring to replace God in heaven and on earth.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

I NO FIT O

Dim oma.
Oko mi owan.
My sweetest bae.
I no go lie you,
I no fit to carry your cross again o.

Ah Ahh.
No be so I reason say this race go be na
Na so you just give your boy the most wonderful experience for your presence come leave me silently.
Abi you don turn willie willie wey dey pull disappearing act for him crowd?

No be so I reason say my pocket go be na.
Wey I don begin feel say e go dey wet like the tongue of dog wey just see juicy bone.
Now the thing dry pass that desert wey omo boys dey trek pass when them wan enter Libya.

Walahi, I feel say na car people go don begin dash me now o.
Unto say Bishop Oyedepo dey give testimony of how cars don too full him compound.
Alas, no be so my case be o,
Unto say na so so reject companies dey reject my cv.
So tey all the Akara sellers don know all my personal information due to say na my Cv dem dey use sell market.

Jesu.
Agbada-gburu na the name wey Ochuko call you o.
Yet when gbege show for area, three bullet fall him younger brother.

Olowogbogboro na the name wey Mama Titi dey call you o.
Yet when poverty hol im husband for neck, the rats for dia house begin do personal contribution to help them out.

(The word intercepts)

My pikin.
My pretty damsel wey I use my own blood pay im bride price.
My coy mistress wey dey love the ways of death even though I dey show am on the path of life.
My little one wey too like the sugary things wey devil dey bring, and ignoring the fresh nutritious ugwu leaf wey my word dey bring.

I know everything wey you dey pass through my imaami.
But like the mama wey truly love her pikin, I need you make you stand firm while trusting in me sometimes.
You see that mama Tega gold wey just dey shine well, the thing pass through fire o.
You see that sword wey you just dey admire, better hammer knack am to make am dey strong o.

You see those prophets wey dey call down fire in my name, better trouble and fear knack them too o
Abi you nor hear of Jezebel wey make Elijah heart to gbim gbim?
Abi you nor hear of Sanbalat, Tobiah and Gershem wey shake Nehemiah small?
Abi you never hear of Potipher wife wey make sure say Joseph go jail because say him nor wan do?

Omo.
Go read Peter 2 vs 1 to ending well.
Then you go see who I dey give my crown to.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

NSE NI OLORUN WO E (NA SO GOD JUST DEY LOOK YOU)

How I wan take put this gist wey you go fit change?
Shey make I yarn better pidgin wey talk better and still make you burst laugh
Or should I make an excellent use of the English diction just like Victorian gentleman who are having a civil discussion over a cup of tea.

Or should I try to Americanize the flow a little bit.
Adding 'yeh' and 'innit' like that ibadan girl who spent two months in an American prison awaiting deportation, and still came back with an accent.

With which rhymes do I tell you that God is watching.
Our lives playing before His eyes like a 10D cinematic film where there are absolutely NO censors to edit the lewd acts we engage in
Our most private thoughts also showing as a special feature with no zero filters to beautify them and make it presentable.

Kini ero okan re?
What are those thoughts that fill your mind.
Is the Joyce Meyer drug already taking root in your body system or are you aiding the resistance by feasting on more lewdness?
What words do you mutter under your breath when the scolding comes?
And what prayers do you offer for him that does not share your worldview?

On whose beats do you swagger to when in the closet and immediately change when 'broda in the Lord' makes entrance into your abode?
Does Nathaniel Bassey lift you up in the presence of the pastor; and Maleek Berry 'burst your brain' when pastor leaves?

These questions I inquire from you my friend.
For the God on high knows everything we think and do.

Beeni.
He cannot be fooled by the handiwork of a billion make up Artists.
For His eyes are like swimming pool water which washes away every foundation and makes everything bare.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

I am tired ore mi.
She, whom I love, hath rejected me in the coldest terms.
He, who promised me the big job, denied me with the coldest smile.
The origin, which promised a 'good time', left me with the loudest hangover headache.

My heart yearns for newness.
A new cultural experience distinct from these.
A new set of Christians not who do not appear as perfect as these.
A realist set of believers who realize that they must not leave everything to God.
A new set of mentors who are not riding the choicest jets while I wallow here in red accounts.
A new set of friends whose faith do not tally with mine.

I need them new dakun.

My head aches
My joints hurts
My legs are heavy like lead
My heart rejects the ability to care at the moment.

On these days I wake.
Immediately opening my phone browsers.
Secretly hoping my post likes would exceed thousands.
Fervently praying that hundred messages would flood my DMs.
Little disappointed that none of the both happens.

Like a strong lad, I console myself.
Saying I am a strong man even without the likes.
Saying folks like Bobrisky and Derele are too attention conscious even though my pocket cries when I see them flaunting money.
Saying yahoo boys are just terrible even though I keep admiring every Gucci they rock and Jordan they wear.

This is my heart cry ore mi.
Not the one of David seeking to know God better now.
But David seeking to know when the righteous will prosper.
When will the big contracts come?
When will the big 'ego' land and when will I get married?

Abi na so we go dey de?
Will one continue to keep up the wait to practice every kamasutra skills, films have taught?
Lord knows I am a brand new virgin who keeps on waiting till marriage date.

Will one continue to 'Awwwnn' over daddy pictures of Seyi law and Dj Khalid?
Wishing to hold my kid so close that I could hear her heart beat in rythm with mine.

Will one continue to salivate over instagram foodies pictures like daddy freeze and others?
All the while drinking garri without sugar and milk.

This is my heart cry ore mi.
Not your conventional one with no element of truth in them.
Rara o.
This is the bare heart cry of one who is really scared of what the future holds.
Even though most of these Christians keep up a show of vain confidence and shout that I am wrong.

This is my heart cry Jesu mi.
You alone are the only one who can provide any succor to this heart of mine.

Happy new month folks
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

OGBON ORI MI (MY KNOWLEDGE CANNOT...)

Heyoo.
Let me try and describe daddy's God for you.

Mummy Soji says He is the creator.
The 'eleti-gbaroye' who heard her labour throes and gave her Soji.
The 'very big God o' who shielded Baba Soji during the night when the 'ojuju calabar' people came
The 'Olowo ori mi' that paid her bride price of freedom with His death on the cross.
That was God to mummy Soji.

Soji says God is his provider.
The one who provided the cornflakes and tea which he loves much.
The 'king of kings' who is much more powerful than Jackie chan, Jet li, and Rambo put together.
The 'lion of the tribe of Judah' who can save any Simba from every evil uncle and can transform any little Ben into ten unstoppable forces (Ben10).
The 'sweet Jesus' that wonderfully saved aunty Chioma from the 'gbomo gbomo' kidnappers who thought that she was 'oyinbo' because she is an albino.
That was God to Soji.

Aunty Chioma my teacher says God is her hope.
The 'akunechemba' who helped her conquer all the university lecturers that were trying to get into her blouse (why will someone want to do that!)

The 'Dim kpa nume' who daily gives her the strength to direct the children despite our sugar-crazed playfulness.
(Daddy uses words so big.
So forgive me if I use words I have not understood)

The 'onye-oma' who will put fire in uncles bosom everywhere he is.
Because she has stayed too long in the singles party and wants to decamp quick to the marriage party.

Who is God to Atinuke, you ask?
God is the daddy whom my earth daddy and big grand-daddy praise all the time.
He is the one who made mummy's hands so skillful that you will definitely lick the fingers when you eat every food she prepares.
He is the one who helps me understand mathematics easily even though my daddy says he was an 'olodo-rabata' in maths class.

God is everything and more.
Who is God to you?
#AtinukeBashorun

Okontas.com

MADAME KOI KOI 3 (A TRIP DOWN FGC IKIRUN LANE)

This piece is dedicated to Dr Shittu who was in charge of the sick bay, and to all hostel matrons.

Sir.
Even though you cured all our sicknesses with that single drug Paracetamol, we still love you much.

Even though you refused to allow students to make use of the sick bay in their attempts to 'stab' classes and other activities, we still love you.

Because you were there at all times, draped in lab coats a stethoscope hung on your neck (which you never seemed to use) and you always looked out and cared for our little frail frames, we thank you.
_________
So I continue from where we left off.

'They' had come.

'Awon iya osoronga eleye' had come like Ajileye films had taught me.

'They who hold the ikenga of the spirit world' had come like Pete Edoche's films taught me.

'They who give indoctrinate people into the billionaires club' had come like Kanayo O Kanayo's films taught me.

'They who could help someone kill all his brothers children' had come like Chiwetala Agwu's film taught me.

The most dreaded 'Madame Koi Koi' had come.

Slowly I raised my 'wrapper' (coverlet) over my head.

Slowly my lips began to move and I began to utter the only bible passage I knew.

"Oluwa ni olusho aguntan mi.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not...."
For that was the only passage most students remembered to recite during their trying times.

Whenever they were hiding behind the bush and a search party of seniors pass by, "oluwa ni olusho aguntan mi' came to their lips.
For they believed that the prayer could make the seniors blind and throw them into bickering mode.

Whenever Mr Idowu, the intro tech teacher asks a question in class, with a long cane in his left hand, "oluwa ni olusho aguntan mi" came to their lips.
For they believed that the prayer would make them invincible to the teacher who took special delight in administering his cane.

Whenever students sat at the slabs of the administration block and awaited their parents on visiting day, "oluwa ni olusho aguntan mi" came to their lips.
For they believed that the prayer would kill every demon that awaited their parents on the road and act as a turbo button to speed up the engine of the car.
As no student wanted to be subjected to the fear that their parents may not come on the visiting day.

_________

In the silence of the night, a sound rang out
Fast and scurrying steps that caused my heart to almost leap to my mouth.

While I firmly shut my eyes, my hands gently crossed over Rasak's sleeping airspace.
Gently prodding him to arouse him out of his deep slumber.

Alas!
He did not respond.
A little drool appeared at the side of his mouth and I wondered what he was dreaming about.

Perhaps he was dreaming that he was all alone in the school dinning hall.
Bowls of jollof rice and egg sitting lazily at his left and right hand side, while the scent caused his belly to growl in apparent hunger.
Having no one to restrict him as he prayed the foodies prayer ('some have food but cannot...')

Perhaps he was in the same room with 'she-who-must-not-be-named' in this epistle.
Inching closer with closed eyes and lips parted and expecting to be kissed in those ways he had witnessed in movie scenes.
Expecting to hold her firmly by the waists like Jack held Rose's on the Titanic ship in the film Titanic.

Perhaps he was dreaming that he was already an SS3 student.
A big grin splashed across his face as the younger brother of Snr Tayo lies down flat before him.
Twisting a rubber cane fashioned from a car tyre, in his hands and thanking God for making him the senior he had always prayed to be.

Yes.

The third dream would be the one.
Because I knew the depths which my good friend hated senior Tayo who was a thorn in his flesh.

Senior Tayo who conviniently took all his provisions while leaving him with only three cups of garri and fifteen cubes of sugar.
As if Rasak told the senior that he desired to contract the 'jedi-jedi' disease.
That terrible ailment that caused great discomfort to the students as they could neither sit well in class nor sh*t well in the latrines.

Senior Tayo who forced him to sleep on the spirogyra filled beds which were brought down from the decking of red house.

Aye. My friend Rasak greatly abhorred the tall and lanky senior Tayo with a 'semi rich boy swag' walk.


With a little vigour I shook him more but the poor lad did not shake.

Eeehh.
Would I be the only person to experience this ordeal?
Would I be the only meat in the soup of this madame koi koi.
Would I be the only one to suffer 'agbako' in the room filled with other students?

"Never" my mind said as I began to feign a loud snore.
That kind of snore that sounded like the revving of a Mr Ajayi's four year old Volvo car.

That kind of snore that sounded like the 'agbara-ojo (thunder sounds) that sends little children running into their mothers beds while covering their heads with the soft pillows.

That kind of snore that would normally elicit (bring forth) a slap from any senior that is awake.
For seniors hated juniors that tried to disturb them in the dead of the night when they read.

While I faked the snore, the room got colder and within two minutes, a sharp cry erupted from a student in the next room.

What happened?
Who did it happen to?
Find out in the next episode
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

Thanks a bunch to everyone who has been faithfully following up. You are the best.
Tunmise Fayemi, it's time to pick up that pen once more.

THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL.

Mirror mirror on the wall.
Who is the fairest among all the maidens in the village.

Who keeps the keys to the treasure chest close to her heart and keeps her man's words within her heart.
Who wields the biggest influence, yet remains humble and never treads upon the weak.
Whose skin are the fairest and whose eyes are like sparkling crystals that reflect a golden glow, yet does not mock others who are not comparable with her.

Tell me who she is, this minute.
And I will tell you that she is the chosen one.
The lily of the valley who the master treasures.
The rose of Sharon who the master delights in.
The virtuous woman who nations will call 'blessed'

Mirror mirror on the wall.
Who is the strongest of them all?

Is it he, who daily works up a sweat at the local gym, building the biceps and six packs.
Or him, who raises up his fists up high and unleashes a stream of blows upon the wife that refuse to performed her 'wifely' duties.

Is it he, who can elongate the zeros train on the company check.
Or he, who can conveniently date ten women at the same time, successfully keeping his affairs secret and feeling no iota of sympathy for the ladies who had fallen head over heels.

Is it he, who has risen to the apex of his career and boasts that it was done by his strength.
Or he who finds joy on his knees, prayerfully committing everything to his master.

Line them all up this minute.
And He will point out the praying champion.
Take Him out of the room; switch them up; and blindfold Him.
Yet His hands would point towards that praying champion.
For all our strength comes from the Lord Most High.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

SOMETHING ABOUT THEM ALL.

Something about birds.
The way they joyfully chirp early in the morning.
Flapping their wings while circling the clear skies.
Pecking at succulent leaves while saving some for their young.
All the while thanking the king for providing a meal they never worked for.

Something about cows.
Moving majestically on the roads,
Being peacefully led by the stick wielding pastorialist putting on grey jeans.
Slowly, they eat.
Extending their tongues to collect and munch the grass already softened by His dew.
Locking their horns in playful fights after filling their bellies with good things.
Swishing their tails to ward off flies and thanking God for the Egets He sent to keep them company.

Something about the lion.
The pride of the jungle waking up with a roar on its lips.
Shouting 'Hallelujah' to its maker for the prey it would eat that day.
Moving majestically across its territory and playfully crying out when its cub (baby) bites its back.
Charging with an inhuman speed; gripping the slowest deer by neck; and dragging it back to feast at its kingly cave.
Thanking 'edumare' for the strength and teeth to devour the delicious blooded meal adorning its table.

Something about the hunter.
Waking up with a chewing stick in between his lips, white singlet covering his chest and cover cloth wrapped around his loins.
Thanking God for the game he would bag that day and telling mama Osareti to prepare a delicious egusi soup.

Because he knew that his 'Chukwu' never disappointed.
The good God that caused his bullet to hit the treetop perched monkey, who was busy mocking him (hunter).
The great 'Agbada-gburu' who nullified the scorpion's sting and roused him from deep sleep at the time the cobra slithered towards his exposed thigh.
The good God who never failed to shield him from the thousands gnomes that patrolled the forest and the ten terrible hunchbacks that wielded big sticks with the hope of catching any human.

Something about them them all, my friends.
The Good God keeps them all
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

A TRIP DOWN UNIBEN LANE ( PART 10)

This piece is dedicated to History 2013/2014 graduates.
The only set that girded their loins and defeated my set in one of the most enthralling student elections in Uniben.

You guys rock always and I pray that no door shall prove too strong for you guys to fall in Jesus name.

Keep reigning and keep being the brightest beacons of your generation that draws everyone to beauty and excellence.
Hopefully, I will document that historic victory for posterity to read, laugh and be inspired.

____________

In despondent steps, I walked away from the ISD class while they jeered at me.
Snickering behind my back while I secretly prayed that our department would win the election.

As the bragging rights would return to our class,
And we would walk past our enemies with our shoulders higher than an igbo woman's shoulder pads at an august meeting.

"Kosi. Any progress?" Oga Ibori inquired.
Faintly knowing that my answer would be negative.
Yet harboring a faint hope that it would be positive.
As that would greatly reduce the job entrusted upon him.

Oga Ibori was the Bola Tinubu of our class.

The 'jagaban' who aspirants came to seek permission from before declaring any political interest.

The Oshiomole who could make any opponent to lose within his stronghold.

The driving force behind the curtain who could mobilize all forces towards the actualization of a goal.
For he was an embodiment of the word 'struggle'.

Like Obasanjo, the Ebora of Owu, Ibori was ever scheming ways to install and depose any disloyal candidate.

For 'loyalty' is the key ingredient which godfathers of politics seek in aspirants.

Hence good intentioned eagles like NOSA could never become the SUG president because they were not ready to 'do well'.

Disloyal folks were those who were not ready to become soldiers to advance a cause.
Instead they wish that others would fight for them when their aspirations came up.

Disloyal folks were those who never seemed to go with the flow at most times.
Always choosing to become activists when the course representative increases the fee of a photocopied material by 5 naira.

Little wonder our class activist failed miserably in the class representative elections.
Lord knows that the 'powers that be' wanted no disloyal rep that would work against the interests of the class.
Those class reps that continued to cooperate with the lecturers at the dismerit of his coursmates.

_________

"No, oga Ibori" I replied.
Seriously wishing I could have replied in affirmative.

For he held the key to a certain city which I wanted to rule over.

For he held the key to a certain treasure chest which I wanted to unlock.

For he was a friend to a 'her', who, at the time, was 'burstin my brain' like LAX said in reference to CAROLINA who himself and Wizkid were searching for.

Her, whose presence could light up any room and drive away dampness from all hearts.

Her, whose smile could melt the hearts of a thousand chairmen and cause the drunkard to divorce his dearest bottle.

Her, who cars, as long as the train of cars of a igbo Malaysian boy returning to the village, lined up to pick after class.

Her, who could conveniently fight the whole market in the spirit of a true Bini girl, yet was so tender in her speech.

Aye.
Madame Peace Izevizua was all that and much more.

_______

"Nor worry yourself eh Kosi. Them go regret am later" Oga Ibori said as he walked away in his trademark bouncing steps.

Like a train of unpaid NLC workers, we continued marching.

Raising up our "UGO FOR PRESIDENT" placards and dancing to the songs being reeled out from the speakers brought by the hired Djs.

True.
The manifesto was a day of dancing too;

Where every candidate was to 'shake bodi'to the bass of the speakers;

Where the Christian political candidates seemed to forget all fellowship rules and gyrated to the gleeful urging of the crowds gathered around.
The same crowd which would rush home to tell the tales of 'how that christian brother failed to uphold his virtues' even though they urged him on;

Where the male students had the opportunity to rock female students.
Twisting and whining to the applause of their excited coursemates;

Within minutes, our train had reached the faculty quadrangle.

The yard where lifelong friendships have been forged.

The location where lifelong love sparks have been ignited and cemented.

That location where photocopy merchants keep shouting "hey brother, hey sister" like cat calls at the along a popular red light district.

That square shaped patch of land was the location where the manifesto was to be held

"Ahh Hann Ahh haaan.
Yes ooo.
Nothing dey happen,
Nothing dey shele.
Anytin wey kpai na winch.
I welcome una to the 2019/2010 manifesto for the Faculty of Arts student elections.
Abeg make one person come pray make we open the show" The short and stout Master of ceremonies said.

An upstart who, at all offices, had begged to be given the gig.
For this would greatly enhance his prestige among other MC's

Hopefully making him more popular than MC Casino and earning him a seat at the governing table of the SUG.

At his request, an eager aspirant rushed to collect the microphone.

Offering prayers with a tiny voice that was eclipsed by the excited voices of the students above.

"For the event we are about to start, we thank and invite thee o lord."
So she prayed.
Offering the same worded prayer being offered by Nigerians at all events.

To be continued in later posts
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

MARCH ON

On your marks!
Set!!
GO!!!

Like a lightening bolt, he took off.
Bearing in his hands, a scroll containing the goodnews.
Bearing on his forehead the mark of the saved.

One to demarcate him from the proverbial goats who remain impervious to the true message.
One blazing lighthouse beacon that draws the evil one closer.
For he seeks to snuff out the fire with the extinguishers of sin and lukewarmness.

Like Usain Bolt running a marathon, his strength faded quickly.
Heavenly vision fading away from his eyes.
Gradually replaced with temporal goals to give an early feeling of victory;

Heart weary from physical non-appreciation of his efforts;
Legs heavy from worldly attachments which the evil one encumbered him with.

Slowly, he deviated.
Blurring the line demarcating holiness from worldliness.
Drifting into the latter to satisfy quick lusts.
Quickly returning to the former everytime fellow runners came close.

A hypocritical race that kept the coach bitter at heart.
An enjoyable race that left the evil one reeling in laughter.

A fellow runner noticed the drifting.
A true soldier at heart and in deed.
Choosing to help his brother out from the current fall.

Other runners had noticed too.
Instead they choose to ignore him totally.
For they were envious of his previous strides and did not wish him to rise again

This runner didn't.
Coming close, he extended his hands forward.
Pulling him away from the hypocritical race through prayers and loving counselling.

Supporting him with his hands like Joshua and Aaron did to Moses.
Both of them breathing heavily as they made it to the finish line.

The other runners had crossed the finish line first.
Receiving the shock of their lives from the owner of life.

Being dragged away by the evil one who had successfully decieved them into believing that the race was to the swift.

The last two runners appeared in sight of the finishing line.
Girding their loin cloth firmly around their waists.
For the distractions had increased marginally.

Still they stood.
Upon the masters unfailing words for strength;
Upon the masters unfailing promise for zeal;
Firmly holding on to the vision for tenacity;
Firmly holding on to each other for support.

Together, they finished the race.
A joyous celebration greeting their welcome.

Two fitting crowns placed upon their heads.
True champions who withstood all and had come into the masters rest.
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com