₦airaland Forum

Illuminatus: I've read a lot of Dean's works and I've decided not to read anything published latter than the 90's.

He's one hell of a writer.

kingphilip: hw far with our paradoX of abel now

I'll continue it next week.

Double posts.

stefikal: -2-


Femi unlocked the door to his flat, he turned on the light and took a good look at his sitting room. He walked towards his couch and sat on it, he couldn't even remember the last time he had sat in his sitting room.

The only places he made use of in a while were his room, the bathroom, the toilet, the kitchen and occasionally his study.

He had not frequented the study in a while, (full stop) What was the point back then? He had gone through hell in the past eight months, (full stop) He was going to get his life back on track, not that he had one before.

He took out his phone from his pocket and dialed (dialled. The former is of American spelling) Titi's number, she didn't pick, he assumed she was busy. Titi wasn't the kind of person who slept early even though she was heavily pregnant, she still kept late nights (Titi was never an early to-bed woman, even her heavy pregnancy couldn't stop her from keeping late nights) .

Titi was his elder sister, she was 28 years of age(she was twenty-eight years old...) whereas he was 26. The bond he shared with her was greater than what he shared with his other three siblings, his parents and even his cousins. She was his best friend and everyone at home knew this, his mother even joked telling both of them that they were meant to be twins.

He would have to call her later. His first assignment would be to clean up his apartment before dinner and a good night rest could follow. He mused, "It's definitely going to be a good night."

Just as he was about to stand, his phone rang. It was Titi.
"Hello, fine girl with the round tummy." He teased.
Titi laughed and replied, "Aburo, for your mind now, you dey enjoy your freedom, bah?"
"As in, you don't know how much."
"Let me officially say congrats again."
"Titi, thank you. If you had not gotten him that job, he would still be terrorising my life here."
"You are welcome dear."
"Thank you, for real."

Titi coughed, "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yes, I'm fine. I caught a (delete) cold today but I've seen the doctor already."
"Ok, take things easy oh, how is your sweetheart and my nephews[b],[/b] (delete)
?" he asked whilst laughing.

"Ehn? Nephews?" Titi laughed and continued, "Abeg oh, its a girl I'm expecting, so you are supposed to ask after my husband, my son and my daughter."

"Ok Boss, correction taken. How is everyone?"
"Everybody is fine, hopefully I should be due for delivery in two weeks. Promise to put me in prayers."
"Of course, no wahala." He replied and was about to pause before quickly adding, "how about Maami, when would she arrive in Ilorin?"

"This friday, she should come and pamper me small."
"Well, you sure do need it." He said and they both laughed. They continued to talk about different things until Titi explained that she had to go to bed.
He teased her and wondered why she wanted to sleep this early. It was probably the cold and the pregnancy.

After ending the call, he decided he had to clean up. Despite the fact that he was tired after helping Gbenga pack his stuff and the long drive he had experienced today, he did not appreciate a dirty environment.
He would just have to do this once and for all.

Forty five minutes later, he had a quick bath and was heating the kettle to make tea when he heard a clap of thunders.

It sure was going to be a chilly night.

Rough review.

stefikal: wow!
Thank you, thank you...I learnt so much...could you help me check the other chapters

#I appreciate this#

I'll try.

Nkpume Iko: Larry? Are you an English graduate?

PS I will start The Brand Of Cain tonight.
You rock!!!

I studied Accounting but I'm a lousy accountant.
The Brand Of Cain will enchant you.
Thanks.

stefikal: sir, I love ur reviews, plz chk out my story and help me wherever u tink I need correction...tnks

Okay.

stefikal: All rights reserved. No part of this story maybe reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author.
©Stefikal 2013.
Contact:-
email: stefikal19@gmail.com
twitter: @stephanykul
blog: stefikalinspires.

-1-


Femi drove back home,(put period here. You can rather put: Femi drove back home because he was excited) he was excited. He had been praying to see this day for months, and finally it was here(...and it was finally here) .

The dark clouds in the sky was every(were a) proof that it was going to be a stormy night. He was definitely going to enjoy his sleep as well.

The only thing killing his joy at the moment was the terrible traffic delaying him, he had spent close to two hours on the road and yet he was far from his destination. That was what came with the hustle and bustle of Lagos.

He was lost in his thoughts(so lost in thought) that he did not notice(was oblivious of) the bread seller by his window.

"Oga, buy sweet butter bread." He turned to his window(He turned his attention to the window) to see the young man opening his off-white teeth(exposing his coloured teeth with a grin) . The bread was well packaged, he was sure it would taste great. He did not have anything to eat at home anyways(He had not eaten anything at home anyways) .

"How much?" he asked.
"₦200, Oga truth to God the bread sweet well well," the bread seller replied.

Before Femi could reply, the bread seller continued, "How many you go buy?"
Femi chuckled, what was it with business people. Na everything i(Always put the personal pronoun 'I' in Capitals) for buy? He nearly replied but just said, "give me one."

At that instance(That moment...) , the car in front of Femi's moved, Femi heaved a sigh of relief. At last he would be moving from one spot to the next.

The bread seller however kept running after Femi's car, he got to stop(he only stopped...) when the moving vehicles came to a halt.

"Oga, na the bread be this." He replied, he wasn't even panting. Femi assumed he had been in this job for long, the guy was not even sweating. No signs of the fact that he actually got to run a distance.

"Take, bring change," Femi replied and gave him a ₦500 note. It was when he gave him the note he realised his mistake, he should have collected the change before paying the guy.
What if he ran with his money? He gave the guy who was wasting time a serious look.

"Guy, bring the change now, wetin?" He said in a harsh tone, the guy was wasting unnecessary time.

"Oga, no vex." The bread seller replied while dipping his hand into his left pocket, he brought out a crumpled ₦200 note and added it to two ₦50 notes in his hand.

"Na him be this, thank you Oga," he said and waved at Femi.

Femi wasn't impressed, what was the guy expecting? That he would ask him to keep the change? He hissed.



---------------


It was almost 6pm, so much for expecting to get home before 4pm. Just as he was about to take the lane that led to his street. (Incomplete sentence. Just as he was about to take the lane which led to his street , his phone beeped...)

His phone beeped,he had a message from Titi.

*Congrats ooooo, call me.*

He smiled, he would just have to get home before making that call.

Rough review. You need to get the work critically edited. Nice job though.

Jumizie13: "There is going to be a football match between our school and Lion of Judah College" So, I want you guys to prepare very well so as to keep our school flag flying," he continued.
"Yes, sir." The students replied in unision(Error. Unison).
The principal was in his office when a man brought the letter to him. After approving it, he told the time keeper to ring an emergency bell.
On hearing what the emergency bell was all about, the junior students started murmoring(murmuring) because they knew they won't(would not) be selected even if u have (you had) more dribbling skils than J.J Okocha.
"Order!!!" Mr Ogunleye, the sport master shouted.

Rough review.