₦airaland Forum

firestar:
Where is she?
(trembling)

She's coming back next year.

Vickii Ro: [b]*rolls eyes*
[/b]Here we go again
***Happy New year y'all

One of these days, if you don't stop rolling them, the eyes would fall off their sockets.

stefikal: “Hello, are you still there?” Femi asked, he was confused as to (about) why she was delaying her response.

“Yes I am and I’m sorry but I’ll pass, something important came up.”

“Hmmm, ok then. But maybe next time.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she replied and made sure she stressed the maybe.

Fola was the man for her, the last thing she needed was complications. She packed up her stuffs into her bag and took the elevator downstairs.

----------------

Femi walked towards his window, maybe he should have just told Halima to order lunch. There was no point stressing the poor girl, he looked outside the window, the streets were busy as usual, from his window he could see the company’s parking lot.

He saw Sandra coming out of the company whilst heading towards the cars parked, he comforted himself with the fact that she probably had an important appointment.

------------------

Sandra got to the park and saw Fola standing by the car, she walked up to him , gave him a tight hug before kissing him softly on the lips.

She entered the car and he drove off, Sandra was totally oblivious[b] to [/b] (of. Or rather 'totally unaware of...) the eyes that had watched their public display of affection.

A pair of the eyes (The pair of eyes was already shedding tears after...) was crying already after watching the entire drama while the other pair that had watched from a window was downcast.

Rough review.

stefikal: tnks Sir...I'll edit it when I charge my ba3, had to conserve d ba3 jst 2 update

Okay. Bless you ma'am.

stefikal: tnks Sir...
A few questions tho...
1. Is it Ok/Okay?
2. D part abt 'asking her out'...i didn't rily get d correction...it appears dt was a big grammatical blunder on my part...

Tnks again

1. Okay.'Ok' is an abbreviation.

2. That part shows repetition of ideas. You should rewrite it.

You're welcome. Good job.

stefikal: -4-

Femi punched the calculator angrily, there had to be a mistake somewhere. He checked the files for the fifth time that day but this time he took his time, it was then he realised that the sales report belonging to one of the marketers was missing. How could he have missed that, he wondered.

He picked up his office phone and dialed (dialled) his secretary's number.

“Halima, the sales reports you sent over are incomplete[b], [/b] (put full stop here) Do you still have any on your desk?”. (The full stop here is unnecessary)

“No sir,” Halima replied, her english was polished but for her Hausa diction which was prominent (but for the noticeable thickness of her Hausa accent) . “That was all I received from the marketing department, sir.”

“If that’s the case, make a call to the marketing manager, they have to sort these (this) mess out.”

“Yes sir.”

He ended the call and was about to tidy his desk when his phone rang. It was Halima[b],[/b] (full stop) Had she found the missing report on her desk? Why could (would) she be calling almost immediately?

“Yes Halima?”
“Sir, I want[b]ed[/b] to know if you want to have lunch in your office or if you’d rather head out for lunch break.”

Femi took a glance at the wall clock in his office, fifteen more minutes and it would be lunch break.

“I will be going out for lunch, thanks Halima.”

“Okay sir.”

Femi tidied up his desk , the marketing department had better find it, he didn’t want the management placing a query on him. He wondered who he knew in Marketing, Sandra was in the marketing department[b],[/b] (full stop) as he thought of Sandra, he couldn’t help but smile. He liked the girl, maybe he would ask her out to lunch and ask her out () on subsequent dates.

Being a bachelor wasn’t fascinating anymore. What if Sandra was the one for him? His elder brother, Tope, was married with kids, Titi was married too, even Kayode who was just[b] 23 [/b] (spell out the numbers) had brought his fiance home. His cousins, Nifemi and Dare, aged 29 and 22 respectively, were married[b],[/b] (full stop) the only single people in (members of) the family were Gbenga, Damilola the last child of his parents, and himself.

There was every possibility that Dami had a boyfriend, she was a beautiful girl and already 19 for crying out loud, he wanted out of bachelorhood. He did not want to be in the same classification with Gbenga, the guy’s life was totally reckless.

He picked his phone and tried to call Sandra, the computerised voice informed him that the number dialed was busy, he would spare a few minutes before calling again.

——————

Sandra gulped the water from her glass cup, she was tired and needed a break. She took out her make-up kit from her bag and did some light magic on her face, she was in a good mood, who wouldn’t be?

She had just spoken to the love of her life and he was coming to take her out for lunch.

She had been dating Fola for the past one year and she was anticipating the day he would pop the question, she took out her purse and was smoothening her dress when her phone rang.

She smiled when she saw the caller, she had enjoyed their conversation yesterday, even though her instincts told her the guy wanted to be more than friends. She loved Fola, and (but) Femi was always going to be in the friend zone, she hoped her instincts were wrong, she did not want to lead the guy on for nothing.

She answered the call, “Hello, please who I’m I speaking with? (with whom am I speaking?)”

There was a pause, Sandra gave a broad grin, she was going to taunt him today, he had teased her yesterday while enjoying himself, the tables had turned.

Femi stared at his phone in his hand[b]s[/b] while the timer kept counting. Did she delete his contact? He spoke to her only yesterday, why would she delete his contact? He grinned as understanding dawned on him, if she was pulling a prank, he would play along and beat her to it.

“Hello,” he replied, “Please, I want to speak with Mr. Fine Girls Too Dey Form.”

Sandra nearly burst into laughter but put her self in check, ‘FineGirlsTooDeyForm’, she shook her head. Femi had caught her prank and was playing along.
“I’m sorry but I believe you dialed the wrong number.”

“Well I’m sorry to burst your bubbles but this is the correct number.”

“And what makes you so sure about that?”

“I’m sure because the mister in question gave me this number and told me a beauty with an angelic voice would answer my call.”

“Really?” she asked, feigning innocence.

“Yes, and the voice I hear now is even more lovely (lovelier) than I anticipated.”

Sandra giggled and was about to reply him when her other phone rang, Fola was calling, which meant he was in the premises.

“Uhm, Femi oooo, you won’t kill me with your sweet tongue, I’m sorry but I have to go now.”

“Sandra, please hold on. I was wondering if you could have lunch with me” He spoke rather quickly.

Sandra heaved a sigh, she had confirmed her doubts, Femi wanted to be more than friends and that couldn’t be possible.

“Hello, are you still there?” Femi asked, he was confused as to why she was delaying her response.

“Yes I am and I’m sorry but I’ll pass, something important came up.”

“Hmmmm, ok then. But maybe next time.”
“Yeah, maybe[b].[/b]” she replied, ensuring that she stressed the maybe.

*To be continued*

Rough review.

Jumizie13: Dedicated to Prof. Larry Sun.
Chapter 2
11 years ago........
Oladimeji ( We both know the story behind the name) and his wife, Josephine, with their little girl of 6 years old, were having a nice time in their sitting room.

"Darling, pls get me a chilled glass of water," Oladimeji said.

"No no, mummy stay. Daddy, let me get it for you."

"Dats (That's) my baby girl," Dimeji said while he started singing 4 her (Poor grammatical construction) . Ola, Ola, Olami. (Unnecessary)

The little girl was always happy whenever any of her parents sing with her name (Songs sung by her parents in praises of her name always filled her with glee) .

She replied her dad,
Daddy daddy daddy mi. Josephine was laughing heartly at their childish play. Hmmmmmm, what a happy family. Ola went to the kitchen to get the water (Puerile. Please rewrite) .

Suddenly, a masked intruder barged into the room. The couple was afraid, ( ; ) fear and shock was (scratch this out) written all over their faces because, the intruder was pointing two guns at them.

Rough review.

Illogical dialogues. Learn to use the quotation marks. And again, space out your paragraphs. Wishing you a quick recovery.

Thanks for the dedication.

Jumizie13: Its (It was) break time. The students of A.M.C were scattered all over the school compound. Various activites were going on.
Sandra, popularly called Sandie, and her other two notorious friends, Patricia and Margaret, were walking majestically to a tree so as to sit under its shady branches (with the intention of sitting under its shady branches) . As the junior students saw them, they took to their heels.
"See these ('these' is a pronoun that signifies nearness, therefore, the fact that the boys had taken to their heels make the pronoun selection inappropriate. 'those', granted, but 'these', wrong. You can rather use 'the' ) bastards," Maggie said, laughing as they settled at the foot of the tree.
"Where are the girls carrying our snacks and drinks?" asked Pactricia, but she loved being called Pattie.
"Those ones? They dare not run away with it. Have u guys forgotten?" Sandie asked, in more of a statement. "That we are The Great Trio." They all said in unision (unison), laughing. "Besides, their bags are with me," Maggie said in assurance.
Just then, they sighted (saw) the two girls walking towards them, each of them (student) carrying a tray of snacks and three bottles of soft drinks. On getting to where the Trio sat, they knelt down to give their packages to them.
"Seniors, our b-a-gs, " one of the juniors asked. Fear and panic written all over their faces.
"Go to the back of the poultry farm, your bag is waiting for you there," Maggie said.
"Ha, poultry farm!" the other girl exclaimed.
Twack! Twack!! ('Twack' is never the sound of a slap. It is rather the sound of a gunshot, with silencer attached) Pattie slapped her. "are you crazy, who are you to querry our authority?
"Get lost!!!" She screamed.
"We are sorry ma," they both chorused.
"My friends, use your ears for what it is (they are) meant for, she said GO!!!" Maggie said. The juniors sprang up as if a bee had just stung them and they ran to the poultry.
While the event unfolded, Eniola, a (an) s.s.s. (S.S.S) 2 girl stood a distance to (from) them and watched. She was filled with fury and hatred, but what could she do[b]?[/b] Nothing. she[b] is[/b] (was) just a mere s.s.s 2 girl. Even the school authority could do nothing to The Trio.
"Cross my heart, I'll make sure I show you guys that "the opperessor of today might (may) be the opperessed of tomorrow", she said aloud, but not too loud for The Trio to hear her.

Rough review.

Space out your paragraphs.

Develop your sentence constructions, punctuations, grammar and spellings.

In my opinion, the story seems rather predictable. Introduce some edge-of-the-seat suspense.

The more you write, the better you become. Never stop writing.

Indulge me by writing absent-errors.

Weldone.

Vickii Ro: Mynd u dint state what kiinda water melon u meant.Well in dat case,I dnt I'd rada stick to cucumber. Thank U

You've got the melons and Chris has the cucumber, there's joy in sharing.

kingphilip: k might not be active like b4 i don de go sch

Okay.

kingphilip: paradox of abel dey wait 4 u nw

I'll continue it next week.

chris_villa: .
No I prefer Idowuogbo but I surely prefer princesa to vickii.

It's high time you let Mynd_44 have Vickii.

chris_villa: I smell gossip.
.
Ok princesa and vickii!!
What a colour combination

Baddest boy. You and Princesa are a perfect match.

Vickii Ro: He's nt my guy nd he'll smell dat gate wen snowballs r made in hell

I agree. Mynd_44 is the gateman.

Vickii Ro: U allowed him to

Your guy, Chris, also did a great job in the corruption. By the way, when will you allow him to smell your gate?

Vickii Ro: Haha...Lmao
Naaaah;we're jst cool,so get ur mind outta d gutter bro

Mynd_44 corrupted me.

Vickii Ro: Mynd...he's always leading me 2 weird threads

I know he'll someday, somehow lead you to the cherry tree.

Vickii Ro: Hmmm Princesa,u don't waste anytime nw, do u?

Who did you follow down here? Mynd_44 or Princesa?

Clemzy16: Jumizie please come and continue. I'm enjoying every bit of this story.

Larry sun - you're doing a great job, are you a student of english?

No, I'm not.