₦airaland Forum

The only sound that could be heard was Efe's rapid breath. He had just woken up from a terrible dream. His heart slammed against his chest. He tried to recall his dream but he couldn't at the moment. Dreams were that easy to elude his memory even seconds after waking up.
Just then, he remembered; in his dream, a man, so hefty like twice his size, who had some eccentric attributes like a horn on his nose and his ears on his chest, holding a matchete high up in the air and eyes so determined that not even 200 virgins would stop him, about to lower it onto Efe who begged helplessly on the floor, then he jerked awake. He wondered what the dream meant. Most of his dreams barely had meaning but this one was different, sort of trying to pass a message of an imminent danger.
He glanced at the wall clock; the time was 3:00am. Dead night. His first night in Nigeria. He put on the bedside lamp and wanted to say a little prayer when the curtains swayed lightly, there was lightening and a little thunderstorm outside, and like any other person would, Efe mistook it for the preceding of rainfall. He glanced at the curtain again which, this time, was shaking vigorously as though someone was dancing behind it. He sat up. What sort of drama was this? Then, the lights went off. Since he won the Big Brother Naija prize, he had never had the problem of light; he was able to fill his Mikano generator which now work for 24hours since AEDC wouldn't let Nigerians see better days, so he couldn't understand why the light went off. The light came on again and off again repeatedly.
Efe looked at the wall clock again and found out the most unlikely and grotesque thing ever; the clock which used to have the picture of a fountain at the center now had the face of a baby and blood was dripping from it. For a moment, he became numb. He had always known that Warri was one of the many places in Nigeria where black magic prevailed and he had always known that his success might not sit well some people, if they wanted to take the 25million naira, they could come for it, but that they had to scare the living daylight out of him was what he couldn't understand. His fear rose again when he heard a distant cry of an infant, and by the second, it became more audible as though the baby was coming towards him. Efe stiffened; in his entire life, he had never experienced fear so raw and undiluted.
He picked his Blackberry to call Shehu, his gateman, but it appeared the network was bad. The infant's cry grew more intense, a kind of cry that could slice through a serene peaceful ambience. He felt the goose bumps rise on his skin first before the cold shiver that raced down his spine. He thought of running but wondered where he could possibly run to. The dancing curtains now left their rods and danced towards him, their small ring hooks clinking, they looked like flat marquerades. This was what Efe couldn't imagine was happening. He leapt up, took a heavy metal, and broke the window frame and out he ran screaming Shehu's name all the way

I was going through the topics here on the literature segment, just hoping to find new stories but I was faced with some new stories which were written by people, who I think, ordinarily, should not be writers. Stories so poorly plotted and disjointed characters. Please I am not trying to be like Politicalthug or Sirwere, of course I know writer's go through a lot to put these stories together but am just saying what I feel is true.
I understand that some persons are trying to lay their hands on writing perhaps it was their calling but I would strongly advise that you should please master your skills very well before posting it here, don't try to impress anyone by rushing to post it.
And please bear in mind that if you can't write a good story then you may have to quit.
EVERYONE CANNOT BE A WRITER. Thank you.

Olajhidey22:
Thanks so much for the constructive criticism...
Its highly appreciated and noted for corrections.
God bless

Please don't mention, we are friends, in fact am honoured that u accepted the criticism, many won't

I have been following this story from the very beginning and I wanted to see the end before I say anything. I felt weak while reading it, a case of child abuse and molestation, a heart-wrenching story. Nice story... My heart goes out to all Mesonma out there! Meso fvcked up sha. She gave him the freedom. Though, I liked that she admitted outrightly that she was wrong and i understand that she too young and probably naive but a 12years old should have some sense; couldn't she have at least related to any of her family members and let them know what Uncle Sam was doing herand prevent or reduce the damage? Poor her!

Sorry, you asked for criticism, now you get it! You know i wouldn't have done this if you hadn't asked for it because the story itself would have left you low-spirited by the time you finish reading it, that criticism
doesn't even cross your mind.
Here you go:
1. I like that you told most part of the story from a little girl's point of view and the simple English conforms with the her level but your grammar was quite misleading: you seem to blend both past and present tense. You should stick to just one next time.
2. The story sounds like an anecdote, like an account of something that happened to your fictitious character (as you claim) or something, thus, wasn't relaxed and doesn't look like literature. Sounds like one of those sad news in Nigerian newspapers
3. No be say I dey teach you your story o, but i feel you should have included Esther (Mesonma's younger sister) more. It was as if you shoved her away so that Uncle Sam would have his way to carry out his evil intentions.
I hope you read this, God bless you.

ogbonti:
Chimamanda rose to prominence in the OBAMA/CLINTON era of unending feud between and among all contending social demographics the liberals created to divide Americans. Who and what is Ms. Adiche PROTESTING against? Who stopped her from achieving her dreams in Nigeria or elsewhere? For her to embark on this satanic campaign of feminism is a slap on her own father who provided her with everything she needed to excel, her Uncles, Brother, Nephews, Male cousins, Church Clergy and other men in her community who supported her in life that she is spending so much time rubbishing before the western media. Thanks a million for proclaiming you are a victim of Africa's goodness amidst so much lack and poverty, before a world that sees nothing good about us in the first place.

Gbagaun!

melodyogonna:
if you want to see imaginations running wild, read "the cartel" by nitefury!!

Great, I will try that out

If I was asked to point out two stories I find really interesting on Nairaland, then it'd be
1. Iyawo Nylon Bag by Ishilove. What really caught my attention in this story is the powerful and vivid descriptions of the author. Her imagination runs wild. secondly, her diction was in place, and it made everything seem real and
2. Under The Rusted Brown Roof by Fikfaknuel. This story has so many similarities with the latter but the difference is that this writer is milder in descriptions and he seems to know his characters so well!
The rest are wonderful trust me but these two, I find spectacular. Which two stories do you find interesting on this platform and your reason?

MrsExplorer though you said it's a short story but is that all?

Divepen1:
Lol... I sit with it, think and think.. sleep and return to it until that part is done.

good for you. If I should try that, it means I won't be able to continue.
Good to know tho

Cc: Lalasticlala Mynd44 Ishilove Seun

I have been a writer for some years now and I want to know if this applies to every writer and how they bypass it.
I ventured into writing because I actually thought I could write the kinds of stories I read (I didn't know it was that difficult because e dey sweet as I dey read am and it looked like something I could write as well.). I started with a little progress though but the beautiful thing was that I started. But along the line, I discovered that it was becoming difficult especially as the story proceeded and it even got to a point that I totally ran out of idea that I had to leave the whole story which was dangerous because you it could loose it allure to you and then you tend to find it uninteresting and finally you stop because you are discouraged.
(Sorry for digressing). So I want writers on this platform to educate us on how they beat this problem of writers' block so that upcoming writers could learn already. For me, i just skip that part that's giving me headache and move on, then later when the idea comes, i go back and write it down. Although this method is quite risky as it could distort the flow of the story but somehow I have learnt how to manage.
So let's begin! Educate us dear writers!

Having read all the comments on this thread. This is what i have got to say:
1. PoliticalThug: Whether you were trying to teach them how to write or criticizing them (which you should have done constructively though), never say a person's literary work is useless, it is very demoralising. Do you know how long it took the writer to put up what you called "useless"?. Are you aware that writing is not easy? You could go mad trying to imagine a scene and putting it in words, constructive words. Sometimes you don't even know how to proceed. Sometimes you feel the story is not going well and there's little you can do about it. You could get frustrated along the line.
2. You said Nairaland writers are useless and lazy. please do you know how many "useless" stories the-so-called acclaimed writers have written without publishing? Do you know how many lines they've written and rewritten and cancelled? See, they didn't start today my brother.
Maybe you should try reading the works of
Ishilove
LarrySun
Larabae
Repogirl
Zuby amongst others

And Chumzypinky, i understand that you are angry that someone is calling someone else's work "useless" I know how infuriating it can be but you should have at least toned it down a bit. There are things that writers don't do. I learnt this in the course of reading widely.

SirWere:
Are GUYS writing romance on female characters now

Da fuc.,k

[color=#990000][/color] it's totally normal, i did it in one of my stories

Nice story, trust me. I would have love to highlight some of your flaws as you had given room earlier but I will let you finish.
Great story!

As a good critique, i must tell you the truth to help improve your work.
Your story lacks energy. You didn't capture most of the things you should. With the way you are going, it's like the story is all about nyash and boobs. And any reader can predict that sometin is going to happen between you and Janet. It lacks the appropriate ingredients of literature. It sounds like an anecdote too and the use of pidgin expressions is really not necessary.

leye001:
*****************CODED:nooo, now eeh na me go decide, make we go F1 bar for ebute, e get one fine babe i like wella and she dey always active for there
We all agreed especially me,alfa,and mtn(why?,he is lightcomplexioned), aparo and codded always had time exploring some parts of lagos as they say, but in truth i knew they were up to no good.
Even as close as we were, till date we never knew eachothers real name or past. aparo made us believe we fell from the sky therefore, we're the family of ourselves so we apparently had no past but now i choose to tell my story even though u're not a poor guy like me, u will understand that every human in this world can make it in life no matter the obstacle.

Your story needs blood in its veins. Don't forget what they do as they talk. Don't forget the cars that passes with a loud revving, distracting you. The buttomline is don't forget your environment; the trees the sun, and let your characters have real human qualities, it will give it life. Don't rush the story; with the way you are writing it will end very soon and most likely uninterestingly.

Amen, thank you.

The rule of:
1. DON'T HAVE A PARTICULAR PLOT IN MIND, JUST WRITE AND LET THE STORY PLOT ITSELF OUT.
The rule of DON'T MAP OUT YOUR STORY AND KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE END JUST AT THE BEGINNING.
And the rule of DON'T TELL BUT SHOW THAT A PARTICULAR THING HAPPENED BECAUSE IT IS MORE INTERESTING WHEN YOU SHOW AND NOT TELL.
The reason why you should break them
Rule 1. If you don't have a particular plot in mind, your story will be disjointed, your story will be full of unnecessary surprises because every scene was improvised and not carefully planned. secondly, you might loose track. thirdly, you will encounter difficulty in rearranging your story, by the time you discover that you have lost track, you must have written far. fourtly, you are bound to get confused because your thougts are not channelled in one direction. you are always filled with suggestions of "what if?" and in the end, this might not interest the reader because a confused writer will only beget a more confused reader.
Rule 2. This rule is similar to rule 1. now If you don't have the end of your story in your mind, you are likely to stray and you might even force some characters to do what they naturally wouldn't do because you want the story to end by force.
rule 3. Showing is a perfect way of telling a story interestingly. If you tell, your readers will just have to take your words for it though he will not have a precise grasp of what you are trying to say but if you show it, it would have a whole lot of effects on the reader; the effect of seeing by himself, imagining by himself and even reasoning by himself. example below.
You want to describe a scene of someone trying to steal at night and you go:
"Except for the region where his powerful torchlight shone, the room was totally dark. His ears cocked for any slight noise. he looked around the empty room, his eyes shone with determination. he opened the cabinet gently and made out with the box of gold. Satisfied, he walked back on tip-toe, locking the door behind him gently."
Now, showing is perfectly appropriate for this scene.
But the case is not the same with trying to show that someone was laughing.
"Timothy laughed" should be the appropriate sentence, just tell. simple! than Trying To Show.
"Timothy opened his mouth wide and let out the air, his eyes watered as he did this."
Now, the reader is left in a bit of vacuum because he is confused about what exactly Timothy did when he opened his mouth. he could belch, yawn, sneeze or laugh. but the reader doesn't know which one Timothy did.
The buttomline is that some actions are perfect by just telling and not showing because they could create confusion when showed. Thank you!