₦airaland Forum

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eneazi:
Relationships should be a 50/50 split where both partners meet in the middle, taking and giving equally.

But, if you're exclusively concerned about yourself and have zero regards for your partner's needs it becomes negative and psychologically unhealthy.

Being the selfish one means you receive without giving in return, and think your partner needs you more than you need them. The purpose of this post is to help you turn the tide around and focus on your partner's emotions and needs if you're the self absorbed one in your 'ship.'


1) You're Unaware of your Partner's Needs

In order for balance to exist in any relationship, it is important you pay attention to your partner's needs, but in a situation where you consistently put your needs ahead of your partner's and expect them to constantly do things for you, there is bound to be a problem.

The point is, If you're unaware of your partner's needs, and would rather take than give and find nothing wrong with your one sided agreement, then there is a good amount of selfishness sprinkled all over you.


2) You're Emotionally Unavailable

I am aware that some people hold back emotions and give a tiny fraction in bid of protecting their hearts, as a result of past trauma from relationships.

Sometimes, this post traumatic stress disorder can cause a person to be genuinely fearful of letting their feelings show, even when its obvious their partner's feeling are pure and unharmful.

As long as you're in a relationship, it is important you're emotionally available. Remember expressing your emotions does not make you vulnerable or weak, but rather will make your partner feel safe with you emotionally.


3) You're Overly Critical of Your Partner

You belittle, look down and criticize your partner's interest, values, beliefs and acts unpleasant towards their families and friends.

Judging your partner's every move directly and indirectly, comparing them to others will make them lose confidence in themselve and result in low self esteem where they feel every other person is better than them.

4) You're a Manipulator

This generally refers to a person who seeks to control situations and circumstances.

As a selfish partner your manipulative skills come to play when you feel the best way of handling any situation is your way, and this includes meeting your needs.

As a manipulative person, you most times use your partner's fear against them, you blow up and even withdraw affection If your needs are not met thereby, pushing your partner to do things that solely benefits you even against their wish.

5) Everything Revolves Around You

Simply put, you're the bossy one, and act like the solar system revolves around you.
You seldom check up with your partner in matters that clearly requires a joint decision, and when such wrong decision backfires it's against your unspoken commandment to take responsibility for your actions.

You're self centered and only think about yourself, and always want to put you first, you're only happy when things are done your way.

And as most selfish people your satisfaction is priority while your partner's is neglected.


6) You Play the Victim Card

You crave your partner's attention in a way and constantly look for sympathy. You consciously and unconsciously drive your partner to the wall by blowing hot and cold, giving and retrieving. When your partner decides to take the back seat because of your mixed messages, you play on their emotions making them feel they've committed a crime against humanity.

If you're a self-absorbed energy sucker who is obsessed with receiving attention and not giving, then you're toxic to your partner.

Very correct

Beautiful people!
Happy Married Life!

eneazi:
A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine called me.
"E I'd really love to see you," She said and hung up, there was an urgency in her voice that really worried me.
We fixed a lunch date at Fresh Dew (Jabi lake Mall). I felt I was going to need a crystal ball for our conversation because she wasn't a talker and I was more of the listener.

Luckily, whatever was bothering her made her loosen up. It was obvious she was struggling to hold back the water wells.
"Ade is cheating on me," She blurted out.
I looked on without blinking. To cut the long story short, she had her suspicion about her cheating husband for a while, but didnt let it soak, somehow she found out and he came clean.

What hurt most, was the fact that he was cheating on her with his ex. She was devastated and didnt know what to do, but love him regardless. She was ready to cut her losses and leave, but took into consideration my counsel and things are gradually picking up.

I know a lot of people are caught in this web, and find it hard to forgive, but dragging whatever hurt you feel affects you most. Below are somethings I had dished out to my friend hope it helps someone find their road to forgiving.


1) Forgiveness is you doing yourself favour

Forgiveness is you doing you a favour, by not dragging unnecessary baggage of hurt. Forgiveness is easy, but forgetting most often can be tasking.

As long as your partner is bold/honest enough to come clean, trust me such a person deserves a second chance. I know how painful it is to be aware of the fact that your partner is or has cheated, but we live in a world where people deem themselves infallible, never accepting their faults or blaming someone else for their shortcomings.

If you're lucky enough to have a partner who accepts his/her wrong, such a person doesn't deserve the noose.


2) Talk about the problem

A significant step to forgiveness is talking about the issue, sometimes it helps to know why your partner acted the way they did, what drove them into their action hearing from them helps you forgive faster.

You might even be surprised to learn that in a not so good way you contributed a cent unknowingly to their action or again that such action was borne from previous hurt that they've not been able to let go.

When you talk; do not bottle things up, let your partner know how much their action has hurt you, express your feelings and not oppress it.


3) Let it go

Once you've been able to understand the reason for their action, it becomes imperative you let go.

I know how tempting reminding your partner about their mean acts at every opportunity can be, but desist from such act, it will only drive your partner far away from you.

If you've forgiven do not make reference to his/her offence again-- remember it should be left in the past, focus on the future by making things better.






Visit eneazi..com

But there are some partners that don't like talking about problems. They just love to keep malice.

dacblogger:
This life too hard abeg...
Love is just not worth the stress.
Do you know how hard it is to walk away from someone you love?
Its like dying over and over again .
Stay sane,stay away from love...

From all I've been through, I agree with you.
Stay sane, stay away from love.
Love is not worth the pain.

Deceit

woodfrank:
Please can you help me with your divorce lawyer? I am about to get divorced as well.

What's happening?
You guys are making it look like marriage is not it at all.
Why this high rate of divorce?

hmm

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