₦airaland Forum

@ poster

I'm not joking. I used to be like the girl. Dun worry, i'm not your girl.

All i'm saying is that the time has passed. It seems that both of you weren't in the same wave-length in terms of expectations for the previous relationship & it tend to leave very deep scars for those who are involved too deeply emotionally. Sometimes, when the opportunity passes, it doesn't come around a second time. We just move on.

Truthfully, i don't see this going anywhere. Best of luck in your endeavour.

Yup! Your chances are real high. I would say that you are included in her 'close friend' list & is shortlisted as a bf. She's taking it slow & easy allowing both of you to get to know each other better. Its what i do too for guys that i really like. Give her some space coz coming on too strong could scare her away. The fact that she intro you to her family & friends shows that she is allowing you into her life & family/friends circle & its an important step. Sounds like she is a diamond! Good luck to you!

T Money:
Hello,

About your posting on Nairaland… I will say plainly that she doesn’t love you at all. If someone cares you don’t have to look tru a binoculars. All she wants is money and she is some kinda fake babe. If her parents and rich truly she wont be asking and asking like that, also if she is a good gal she will not be asking and bugging your like for material thing. If she agree to get into the relationship you can be sure that she up to no good. I am not saying that there is no need to spend money to woo a gal, but she doesn’t have to ask for it, do it at your own discretion.

So my simple advice, forget this gal she is just a jerk! There are lots of good, pretty babes out there. No matter how ugly you are, gal are smart to know your truly cares about them and a good gal will not squiz your neck to get matter thing. Her father in the USA should provide for her!

juwonlo:
u know what, just take a loan and buy her a car, a house, a new wardrobe,a trip abroad, i mean, anything she wants!how old are u sef? u meet agirl, she does'nt do anything to encourage u and then u go ahead to borrow to meet her needs even when its obvious she's a liar and a user.men, u have to have ur head examined!
why do we keep on creating problems 4 ourselves?and u ask if she loves u.yes s
he does, she loves u so much, she'll make u go bankrupt.

Spot on. Wake up. Forget about the gold digger & finish ur studies first. She is not worth ruining your life over.

Yes. FYI i'm a graduate. I don't need to marry for money, looks etc because i'm independent in financially & i have confidence in my ability to shoulder responsibility for both party if it comes to that. Character is more important to me. I believe that character & attitude determines a person's altitude.

I didn't plan to fall in love & consider marriage. It just happened while i wasn't looking. I'd rather marry someone i love or not marry at all.

@tonye-t
Everyone falls for lies that suits their purposes/imagination. We may not be different in wanting to believe in lies. We wake up eventually, sooner or later. Yup, my feet did got off the ground for a while. Lucky for me, my head's still working. I landed in 2 weeks. How long did it take you to land?

@z-murda
The kind of 'fish' you catch depends on your bait.

@ olanajim & jojohnson

Appreciate your views.

Czarskit:
Cos the lies r wat they want too hear. . . By the way, truth is in the heart of the hearer. So the 'lie' is not a lie 'cos they tend to believe it, so it's 'THEIR TRUTH'

I agree with Czarkit on the part on the truth being in the heart of the hearer, not abt "their truth'.

Some ppl just keep on trying to fool themselves despite knowing its all a lie.

One more thing. DO NOT fall for the sex trap. Even if she offers you sex, it's only temporary. She might be fantasizing abt her bf while you were making up. You'd only end up getting screwed & messed up.

They are emotionally immature & delusional. I prefer clear cut communication. Call a spade a spade. No excuses.

Leave immediately!!!

Take it from us gals. U r just a FRIEND who entertains her when she is lonely. She wouldn't think twice abt leaving you cold the moment her bf comes back. Save urself man. U can do better. Let her go find her own entertainments. Whatever she do (beg/talk/call/kiss/etc etc), kick her out immediately. Tell her you regard her as a FRIEND & please go get a life & decide what she wants. You definitely DON'T want her leaving u hanging!!!

Go find another girl who looks at YOU & YOU ONLY. Go out, hang out with other friends & enjoy your time together. It'll pass in a few weeks time when your head's clearer & you'd start to wonder what took you so long to read the writings on the wall.

Good luck!

Start walking. She is not into you. Period.

Life goes on. Enjoy your life regardless of what happens. Your new love just might appear when you least expects it.

Sorry guys, i think you're really conceited.

In this day & age, we ladies are capable of earning our own bread, buying our own house, car, go on holidays & whatever else we want. We don't bat an eyelid, splitting bills & home expenses with our partners. We do our share of the housework too. In fact some ladies are worried that the guys want them for their $$ too.

As for the looks, can't say much. To each his own.

On the love part, this is hard. Sometimes, love just ain't enough.

I would say that compatibility in terms of character & values also plays a role. A lot of factors plays a role when it comes to commitment.

We don't get to choose whether we fall in love or not. I never planned to, it just happened while i wasn't looking. Be patient, your time will come.

If sex is the reason. Walk away. That tells you he is not mature enough to respect your views on sex & marriage. Keep walking. Who knows, the next one will be a better person. Don't get pressured into having sex. I'm 26 & still a virgin. I'm not into virginity at altar. I CHOOSE my partner in life. If i'm not into you, sorry. If i am, i get to decide whether i want to have sex with you or not.

I used to be the girl you described. I'm sorry, you won't ever get another chance from her & that's the truth.

When she told you that, she'd already stepped out of the relationship and started walking. No amount of pleading/coercion/manipulations/sincerity will work. She left, knowing in her heart that she did everything she could & nothing will ever change the fact that you weren't into her. She is not hitting back at you because she left with her pride, love for herself & self-worth intact. She left with acceptance of reality, not anger. There's nothing to forgive you for & she'd already put you out of her heart the moment she walked away from you, like a bad dream. That's her strength. She's intelligent enough & you don't know a diamond from crystal.

Go find another person who will fall for your crap. Socio-political reasons? Real MATURE intelligent women like the one you describe will not fall for your type. We see you for what you are. Any woman worth her salt would not fall for your cheap reason. We can stand on our own feet & we are independent. We all know an insincere person when we see one.

Not advisable. Period.

Whatever those soap operas make of it, its NOT romantic/viable at all.

It means two extreme:

1. They really mean it. I only said it to one person. i don't even say it to my family.
2. Its meaningless. A lot of people say it cheaply.

If they don't show it, u already know the answer.

It depends on how you are feeling when the person kisses you. Everyone defines romantic differently.

I'd prefer to be open & honest to my partner in life. My message is, accept me if you will, else, we are free. If they can't accept it, i can live with that. I can't live with a lie & end up hurting the person i love.

For?

Its not playing hard to get. We are just trying to be reasonable & down to earth.

Reason:

1. We are not sure how serious you are at the beginning. We'd like to remind ourselves to keep our head cool & steady in case it doesn't work out. We won't feel that bad.
2. We don't want to be seen as too eager & desperate. We also don't want the guys to be too overly eager. It makes us go 'eeeewwwwwwwwwww, !' & run the opposite way as fast as our legs can carry us. I think the guys would do the same if a girl comes on too strong. We don't even know each other yet, don't profess to get the moon for us!! Give each other some space.
3. In my opinion, we don't want to be taken for granted & treated like doormats. How would you feel if you get to pay EVERY time? Or you're expected to be at beck & call?
4. We are all putting our pride on the line in love. Its a huge emotional risk for us all. Some are risk takers, some aren't.

It didn't work out for me. There'll be a lot of doubts going on when e-mails/ smses don't get replied asap, missing heartaches that you cannot see them as often as you'd like to, wondering what they are doing when they dun call/contact you for a day or two. Wanting to share things face to face etc. Its really difficult when you really love the person. In the end, the situation takes its toll on everyone. I was an independent gal who'd choose distant r/ship anytime because i love the freedom n i allow no one to question it. Until i fell in love with a man worlds apart & changed me in a heartbeat. Its difficult but i've been at both sides of the fences. All i can say is that if he/she really bug you about your whereabouts etc, he/she is not trying to control you or dominate you. They are just concerned & really cared about the r/ship. If they didn't love you, they wouldn't have cared either way.

Move on & don't look back. There's nothing to miss. You are one step closer to a better guy!

I'd say just wear whatever you are comfortable with. Go with simple & casual. Colour is not important. Just relax & remind yourself that you are there to get to know each other better. What do you think your date should wear? Would you really care that much if you are into him?

Hey gal,

It happened to me. Leave it at that. However kind/sweet/etc he is, its his kind way of telling you 'please let it go, i don't want to say it to your face'.

I texted him & left him an e-mail. He would suddenly remember me in a week or two & send me sweet-nothing smses & hope i entertain him while he is bored/lonely. It happened twice & i got the message. Makes a mistake once, shame on him, makes it twice, shame on me!

touchmeder is spot on. He is just not that into me. I just ignored his latest sms.

If he doesn't know how to treat a girl he likes, its his loss. Don't put up with the crap!

Hi ity,

From where i'm looking. U've no worry. I was in the same situation, my guy in UK while i'm in Malaysia. World's apart. Looks like she's really into you coz us gals only send so many SMS/e-mails to our man. Normal friends will be VERY far from her mind. Just ask yourself, how long does it take you to remember n call ur BEST FRIEND when he/she lives in different cities/countries? Do you even miss them?

Not sleeping with you may be your cue too. I admit that i've never slept with anyone before (I'm 26). I'm not into virginity at the altar. I'm choosing my partner & i have no interest in sleeping around!!

Keep the communication going. Else, it will kill your attraction when you start to have doubts about each other. It happened to me. My guy would leave me alone for a week or two before an sms or two of sweet nothings will arriv. I got the message that everything else is more important than me. I got tired & left.

I'm sure all of us know what we want. Its a matter of having the guts to say it out loud & take action!

Personally, i would say that everyone needs to be financially stable whether you are man/woman. No excuses! Some guys are afraid that gals want them only for their $$. It goes both way. There are a lot of financially stable gals out there too.

I agree with Ariblaze. I was one of those gals who has a list like Akaraoku$'s. Then i met a man who changed it all in under 1 month. Unfortunately it didn't work out. I did take the action & initiative, so i won't be looking back ten yrs on n wonder if things would have been different if i'd taken lead!

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum but this topic really caught my attention. I wish to share my experience befriending an Indian man here. FYI i'm 26 yrs old, asian chinese gal, nvr dated before, let alone had sex. I've got nothing against having sex before marriage, just that i choose who my partner is & up till now, i haven't found one. I got to know this Indian man fr UK from Match.com. We were just e-mailing each other at the beginning when he started showering compliments etc after the first few e-mails & asked for my no. I tried to ignore his charming attempts coz i treated him as a friend. But the more i resisted, the more he doubled up his efforts to the point of telling me point blank that he is trying to charm me. Anyway, i noticed a few warning signs even though i had no experience. He would sms me once in a week or fortnightly which i dun think someone who's into me for real would have left it that long, calling me all sorts of endearments. There are times when he doesn't reply my sms etc which i found disturbing. He invited me to dinner when he flew over to asia on a working visit recently. We missed the 1st meeting coz he replied my sms too late (12.15am in the morning which i rejected immediately) after the date of our planned meeting. I called him twice on that day to confirm place & time & he didn't pick up the phone, prob coz my no appeared as private no & we're both working. Anyway i would have thot that he would have called me if there had been any problem/ he is committed to meet me, its basic manners to inform others if u cannot make it on a promised date. I gave him the benefit of doubt when he called me personally to explain that he got my sms date confirmation 3 days later from our planned date, prob due to phone lines probs as he is using a UK no while mine's local. Actually, i suspected that its not the case as he has a history of ignoring sms topics he didn't want to talk abt, not even an acknowledgment. So i agreed to make another date with him. I met him at his hotel & he lead me to his room. Again, i went in willingly & i have no compunction of having dinner in the room. We chatted, kissed & i was down to my underwear but i held back. The truth is i don't trust his intentions in regards to our relationship (though i would rate him a great kisser/lover) & i used menses as excuse (he said he didn't mind, but i insisted saying no). Rest assured that i have no qualms whatsoever to scream the blue murder if he tried to assault me. We parted as friends. After that meeting, we're back to square one as he is going back into the habit of being in touch once in a blue moon. What am i to him? A drive-in potential no string attached one-night stand? Anyway, i'm glad that i didn't let things go any further. I respect myself more than that. The whole episod of befriending him screwed my mind for a while. Thankfully, i'm back to being rational again. Rest assured that he is going to remain just a friend, FOREVER. I hope the girls/ladies out there take heart. Call a spade a spade. Stop trying to find excuses for their poor behaviours & save yourself the trouble.