Imogenn:
I’m asking because my friends wife doesn’t like me at all, I have Been friends with her husband, he is like my brother I can never ever see him in that way. But it’s like I’m just crossing the boundaries being friends with him. Is this not insecurity or does she have a reason to be this possessive?

It is expected she feels that way and you can't blame her.

With what you wrote, you are not respecting boundaries and seems you are acting like " Madam wife, I knew him before you and we are close friends so deal with it" attitude.

She has every reason to be possessive, he is her husband he belongs to her.

You said he is just like a brother, snap out of it my sister. He is not your brother and don't deceive yourself.

You sound like you have every right to have and keep another woman's husband as a close friend and his wife has no right to feel bad or complain.

Why not make the wife your friend. Even if you guys were friends before he got married, he is married now and you should respect boundaries.

My question:

Are you married.?

Will you be comfortable knowing your husband has a "close" female friend that is not his blood relative and he properly spends a lot of time with her or share a lot with her?

No woman will be comfortable with that.
Strengthen other relationships you have and leave this one alone.

No come the cause trouble for people marriage abeg.

OP I think it's a positive statement.

It tells she loves you and not the material things you have.

In as much as so many are saying love is a scam, I still believe they are people who love deep and genuinely.

So don't fret.

I really don't understand why your siblings will be that angry at you for not telling about your project and even refused visiting.

And I still don't understand why they would want to be informed on everything you are doing in your home.

Neither do I understand why you are acting secretive.

Your story does not really add up .
I feel it's not a big deal telling them but if you don't want them to know then something is really up and you are not opening up here.

Because acting that way just because your sister did not inform you about the house she is building is weird to me.

Well just like someone said above, it depends on how you are closely knit and how you tell each other things.

You are an adult OP with a family of your own. As long as your husband is aware of what you are doing that's all that matters.
If you are informing your siblings it's just because you want to. Not because you have to.

Simplebeauty:
;





Do you know I can buy over your existing loans?

How?

GHoJes:
Where are the older three children of the woman? I am asking because if she has dumped them somewhere she will one day return this to your husband's.

My main fear is let it not be you getting your fingers burnt by yourself. I won't be surprised if that friend is still giving the lady support. Even though you want to do right be very careful because that lady has found a very fertile ground for her plans. Are you surprised she still has mouth? She feels because you guys don't have kids your husband can't do without her. She feels he is coming now because he doesn't have kids so if she doesn't use the opportunity of marriage now where else will she go? Which is why she said he knows the right thing to do.

Please, please, shock this lady. If she rebuff this next attempt by your marriage sponsors please don't ever again think about the child till a good number of years when she would have seen that you guys can do without her that's is if she has not come to dump him due to financial challenges.

Please let sleeping dogs lie. You are already waking so many people's attention to the need for your husband to have his own child, it may only be a matter of time before some of these people take it further with your husband behind your back. Forget she doesn't have a good record of wife material, the one she has now which is trusted ability to birth kids is the one they will request. The lady knows your husband is weak willed, try as much as possible to even avoid him meeting her before she spin things out of proportion using the child as a bait.

Focus on getting your surrogate child, then you can see how to bring up the other one. Even if she agrees to DNA now, and it is your husband's don't be hasty to bring him to the family house. Monthly allowance can be sent until the boy is a little bit grown. My own is don't by yourself worsen things.

Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. You know when you find yourself in this kind of situation, you become an FBI agent. The three kids she had where taken by the man she had them for. They were not legally married. She had them for same man. The eldest being nine and the youngest five.

Graxie:
This is what I have been saying, after reading your update, some of this single mothers are terrible. Please stop your husband from going, avoid her, let her raise the child by herself. She obviously wants to use that child to destroy your family. Don't force it!!!

Thank you Graxie. This is noted.

elmagnifico411:
Your husband is a good guy, yea. But he doesn’t have street credibility.. he’s somehow weak, that’s why the lady has been able to manipulate him.

When I sey ‘weak’ it’s not to insult him, but what kinda guy does runs outside his marriage and still keep the thing on Facebook? How on earth did the he add the lady on Facebook knowing anything is possible? Does he not know that Facebook is more like a gutter? He isn’t aware of the guy code at all. Having extramarital affair is wrong yea, but if one must do, u do it well. He hasn’t done it well at all.

I’m still coming to u ohh.. but I must let u know that your husband fall my hand big time. He listened to the advice of the so called friend. Mind u, dey must have discussed about the several miscarriages you’ve had, using that to lure him into that yeye lady. He couldn’t even look for a fresh girl, one that’s given birth 3 times before.. ahh.. him no get game at all!!!

Ehn ehn, back to u.. you cannot love that boy like your own. It’s not becos u wouldn’t want to, but becos of the mother who’s got lots of drama. If your husband doesn’t want to be responsible, abeg leave him. He doesn’t want further problems cos that lady would bring more to him.

Lastly, I think you should seek the face of God concerning what’s been happening to u. There’s something unpleasant causing the miscarriages. Ohio not talking medical here, I’m talking spiritual. Prayers can change anything.

Meanwhile, please, continue to love that man. It may not be easy, but continue to do so. There’s still a lot of battle for u guys to fight, and your togetherness is key in conquering.. I wish u all the best.

No forget to tell your husband, he needs the red pill.

For more information on the red pill let him read ubunja’s miseducation.

Thank you so much. I couldn't help smiling reading your comment. You sound so like my Uncle. Treating your mistake and telling you the truth in a manner that is good but way the pinch and pain belle and heart.��

Thank you.

Update on this.

I opened up the discussion again today after morning devotion and I had to show him the post and suggestions.

After a long discussion which I must say helped in addressing our fears and pain, we concluded on the following;

1. He will make contact and get to meet the child for the first time and discuss a paternity test with the mum.
( The call was put through around 9am today to her and the conversation was not pleasant. She insult am tight; Oh boy I hear insult this morning I fear. Hubby too was insulting her and they were just insulting each other She told him that he is a joke for asking after a son he has refused to see since he was born. She told him never to call her number again. Hubby too said very nasty words to her. The insults from both side Sha ugly. She told him to do the needful if he wants to see the son and ended the call)

Me I just siddon the hear from speaker and I no talk Sha. I don't know what doing the needful means Sha. That one no be my wahala again.

Plan B after the unpleasant conversation, is for him to have a face to face meeting with her. Since we don't stay in same town again, it will be when he is chanced to visit the other town where she is. Our sponsors during our wedding is going with him on that one. Oga don make the call too. And we don talk

2. After she calm body and them fit see talk, paternity test will be discussed, welfare of the child and the child Making visits to the family house will be discussed. We don't stay in same town anymore. My husband,s sister will be responsible for doing that. Going to take the child and returning the child to the mother after the visit. His sister is my bestie so I specifically choose her. I called to tell her today too, sounded not too excited about it but she will do it when it's time.

3. Talk to my father in law about what we have decided and involve him how it's going. We never call Baba yet. We will do that this evening.

4. Child is not coming to stay with us or live with us. I don't want that. And child is not visiting his daddy in my home for now. I don't know when that will be lifted Sha. I never ready to start seeing him in my house. The visits remain in the town we were before because that's our state and our extended families are all there , so is the baby mama. Child will get to know where he is from.

5. We discussed adoption and surrogacy again. The plan remains the same

We are seeing our Parish Priest later to let him know our decision. He has been with us all the way.


God bless you all for all your advice it helped us in reaching this.
Happy prosperous new year everyone.❤️

Lord have mercy on us all. May their souls rest in peace.

Bunny19:
Pls u should consider doing a cerclage when next u are pregnant. And also find out if d fibroid is in anyway obstructive. If it's in d way then it has to be taken out. All d best sis

Thank you. I appreciate you.

cococandy:
Okay.

Well as for how he can get involved in the child’s life. Small steps first and let it grow from there.
Once paternity is no longer in question, he can start by taking up some financial responsibility that goes directly to the child’s care.

They( him and the child’s mom) can discuss custody. Who gets him? When? Where? Holidays, school etc. a mediator might be needed to be the process more smooth and professional. It’s hard to detach emotions from things like this which is why a third party who has no stake in it should be involved.

Boundaries should be discussed and clearly spelled out because if he’s the father, that woman is going to be forever in your lives. That’s where boundaries need to be clearly laid down so no one is confused as to what their role is. This is usually the part that causes the most troubles with extended family settings.
However with maturity and the way you described your husband, hopefully that won’t be an issue.

Small steps first.

Thank you for your input. I appreciate it.

Captainrambo2:
Is she a Muslim? Only then will the army go and find he

By her name you will know she is a Christian. Majority of plateau people are Christians.

I pray her case will not become story story like that of Leah Shaiubu. I just don't want to think of what she will be subjected to.

richidinho:
An Orphan named Jenifer Ukambong was kidnapped by Boko Haram on Sunday 22nd December 2019.

The world is calling on our military to expedite action in the search to rescue her.

https://twitter.com/Debylvv/status/1209988207317786625?s=19

Lord please deliver her. A young lady working hard to make a living and to save lives.

CanadianNaija:


You should be thanking this friend, if not how would you have known? Also, you seem to have absolved your husband who broke his vow, it’s now his friend that is now you people’s common enemy.

As for the child, your irresponsible horse-band should own up to the result of his actions. He can do a DNA test if he wants, but that child has a father and shouldn’t be denied that.

You on the other hand don’t have to love this child and that doesn’t make you a bad person, he’ll just be a physical reminder of your husband‘s infidelity. But don’t be the typical evil stepmother either, as the child is innocent of the circumstances surrounding his birth.

The reason I am not planning on taking him away from the mother. She will love and take care of him better.

Concerning his ex friend, his reason for telling the family was not because he loved me. I can't start writing all that. But I don't regret unfriending him and his wife.

For my Oga(husband)Trust me, he is strong to still be alive after everything came out.
I know what I am saying. He saw hell, and he is still paying for that six months.
But I am not the one making him pay Sha.

cococandy:
Most people have already said it all.

Your husband is remorseful for the way he treated you, that should count for something. At least he’s not the type that claims he has the right be a horrible husband.
As is “we are in Africa” levels.

However he shouldn’t feel as if him ignoring the child he possibly fathered is a way to show you that he doesn’t care about that woman anymore. The two don’t have to go hand in hand. He can be over it/her and still be a responsible father.

Don’t feel apologetic for him because you think not having a child makes you deserve less. It doesn’t.
For one the child may not even be his and he might be the cause of you guys’ childlessness. Sometimes defective sperm cells can cause non-viable pregnancies that can’t be carried full term and the body just spontaneously aborts them. Go to a competent health center/hospital and figure this out together.

DNA testing has already been mentioned. Do that.

And after all the dust is settled you both need counseling from a professional to be able to put this behind you and move forward. You’re going to feel resentful. Don’t bury it and just hope it goes away.

Thank you so much. We are already discussing surrogacy and have eve.n contacted some agencies. And the process will start next year hopefully.
The reason I brought this here is to know the best way to get him involved in the boy's life if he is the father. And I no want carry load enter 2020.

It's not a pleasant thing for me and even talking about it makes me angry. And the pain and hurt comes back at him.
I never believed I can even bring it up and talk to him about the child. But just like they say, time heals.

I know the emotional and psychological trauma I went through. And the anger still pops up once in a while.
I talk about him the way I do cos it's natural and he has gone through a lot too. That does not make what he did right, but everyone deserves a second chance especially if they are working hard for it.

I appreciate your advice. Thank you. Oh concerning a counsellor, we had a one month session with a marriage counselor.
I was not meeting up cos of the nature of my job. That was in August this year. I guess we have to schedule another.

Thanks allot.

Brazenbabe:
Madam I am sorry to say this but you sound very naive.
You need to start trusting less and start protecting your yourself more.
Stop this "me and my husband against the world" shit you are doing and get realistic.
This your husband's family may still go behind you and collect the child.
For the woman to boldly change her name to your husband's, something is giving her mind
Instead of you to go and thank the person that told your family with a bag of rice and big fowl, you are angry with him. For what exactly?
Be grateful to God for revealing these things to on time.
Some women have found out about their husbands other
family during his burial.
Turn this situation around and be in charge.
You are one that is wronged. Not you and your husband.
This is the best time to make your demands on how you want this arrangement to turn out.
If you don't control things, your husband will keep having kids with her and by then, there would be nothing you can do about it.
Your husband was not forced to sleep with her. He did so repeatedly without protection.
I wonder why you are still blaming the friend for telling you.
Abeg take control of the matter o. E don happen be say e don happen.
You can bring up the idea of surrogacy to him if you people can afford it.

Thank you for the advice.
If you read my earlier comment you will see that I don't blame his ex friend. Neither have I blamed the woman in question.
I not vexing for the man o, but I don't want them as friends again.
My vex na with my husband.

Concerning my husband's family going round and taking the child, I am even the one talking about the child.
His parents are still alive and his father has eight sons and a daughter. All are married. And my father in law called a family meeting with his brothers, uncles etc,to tell them and he said unless I give permission to bring in the child or have anything to do with the child, he forbids anyone to have anything to do with the lady and the child, now that he is alive and even when he is gone. He went ahead to place a curse on anyone that will do contrary.
My father in law loves us his daughters in law and treats us nice. Just like my Mum in law.

Concerning my husband going back to have other kids with her, I have nothing to say to this because I am not in control of a Man's actions. But I pray it doesn't happen Sha ... Because e go pain me pass this one .
The issue here is hubby not wanting to accept this child and having anything to do with the child. And me, I no want future wahala of a child that bears a grudge.
Thank you for all your input. You spoke well.

heavenlychy:
I see you really love this man and I'm not here to tell you to love him less but can you please tune it down with your constant calling him a 'Good man'. This man cheated on you for months. He had 'Unprotected sex' with a stranger and covered it all up. Pretended right down to his balls. What if he contacted Hiv or any of these deadly diseases? Mehn, if I were you, I would be very afraid of such a man. I know it is the childlessness that is making you cope with all this bullshit. I pray the Good Lord gives you your own child. As for him, he did the crime, let him do the time.

Thank you so much. I think using the word good makes him look like a saint. And I apologise for that.

I would have contracted a deadly illness. I agree and i still have an unforgiveness in my heart towards him because of that. I keep going for test every month. Knowing the kind of life the lady in question lives and I was put at risk.

I didn't stay because of the childlessness. I stayed because I found more than 80% of what I wanted in a man. And he is sorry, he has shown he is. I don't need a Prophet telling me.

You won't understand what I made him go through because of his betrayal. And he actually went through alot.

And the truth is even his family and people close to us were surprised he did what he did. He is not known with that.

In as much as he betrayed me , I don't want the iniquity of the sin committed to linger. He should do right by his child. It hurts me talking about it and wanting him involved in the child's life but I no want old age wahala from any pickin that will raise up one day and start causing problems for me because he was neglected.

Thank you again for your advice.

eniolorunfe:


For the above, Cervical cerclage can be put in place to address the weak cervix which I think is the main cause of the recurrent miscarriages. I would advise you visit a teaching hospital and see an experienced OBGYN so they can carry out the procedure on you when next you conceive.

As per the child, others have spoken well...let your husband carry out a DNA test and don't hinder him from carrying out his responsibilities to the boy, if he is his son.

Don't despair, God will bless you with yours soon.

Amen. Thank you for this.

babyfaceafrica:
I understand why your. Husband does not want to have anything doing with the child(rightly or wrongly) he made a terrible mistake cheating on you and it has affected him a lot. Having something to do with the child will make him remember the act and bring the blackmailing baby mama close. While I sympathize with his dilemma, every action breeds a reaction, while we are escape some bad things we have done , in this case he can't escape his deeds, and it is not the child's fault that he was brought to the world via this lucrubiious affair.

You can advise him to see to the welfare of the kid, but you can avoid the interference of the baby mama, as long as the hubby is deemed the father. Very unpalatable scenario, if you ask me.

Look, you can't force him to love the child, just advise him to take care of him.

GOD WILL GIVE YOU, YOUR OWN CHILD, STAY BLESSD

Amen. Thank you

It would have been better if she had rejected the chicken.

Op no vex again. God knows your heart and motive for giving and He will bless you accordingly. She is the one with issues. So let go after all, na chicken no be human being she kill throw away.

sulasa07:

Is the neighbor religious or not

oyoolima:
Truth is you wil never be truly happy again,your relationship with your husband will change,you will never trust him again and you'll probably never have peace of mind.

You are free to be angry ,upset, sad whatever emotion you deem right and not pretend to be an angel or some sort of martyr so that people will say you are a wonderful wife. If you went out to have a

child while your husband was impotent,you would be outta the door.

You have been betrayed in the worst way possible and you are still coming to terms with it.You owe no one any niceness or angelic behaviour.It is usually easy for Nigerians to call God and tell you to behave like a saint even when you are in pain forgetting that you are a human being before a wife.

The child is innocent,you don't have to love him,he has a mother and father already.
You must try to be just and fair in everything that concerns him as your husband has a responsibility for his own seed(if DNA testing proves this)


I don't understand why you're against your husband's ex friend,he did you a favour by telling you the truth.
You would never have known your husband had a son somewhere.

Besides,he would not have introduced the lady to.your husband,if your husband was not looking for who to be introduced to and you will be deceiving yourself to believe your husband is not happy that he has produced a child.


Just make the best of your.life,if you cannot have biological children,adopt one and just make up.your mind to be happy and do whatever pleases you.

Face your life and start to.enjoy it.

Life is too short.

Thank you.
I admit I was angry at my family for hiding it from me and I actually felt betrayed. But I have forgiven them.

For his ex friend, we later discovered so many negative things he was doing behind hubby's back. when he discovered I have found out, he actually said he would have loved to see me and see the pain and hurt on my face.
He was not who we thought him to be. It's not just about him telling my family, he went all out to say despicable things about hubby to our greatest benefactor that we also got to know which were all lies.
And we loved them like family and treated them as such.
The wife who was also my friend called me when she knew I have finally found out and told me that at least she is not the only one in this. That finally I have joined the club of wives with cheating husband. And she believes now I will agree with her that every man cheats and not just some like I used to argue.
So I didn't want to have such friends around me again.

ZIMDRILL:
You are over thinking there are stages you have to go through

1 you need to go through the emotional healing 1st from the cheating and from relatives not telling you the truth

2 the trial and error to try have a child or the counciling that you can have a child of your own

3 the DNA test whether your husband is the father

4 the out come of the DNA comes with a different angle, eg if he the father financially he had look after the child then the emotional and social of the child, that also bring the baby mama drama

5 Loving the child or not depends on many things, i dont see the baby mama letting you have the child

I don't have plans of hubby and I taking the child. I only want him to do good by his son if the baby is truly his. Number 4 which is the baby mama drama is what I am not ready for.
And the lady going all out to change her name's on Facebook and adding hubby's name even changing her relationship status to recently married to husband makes me certain she will cause a lot of drama. She has been called by my brother in law with hubby's directive to take down his/ their family name because she is not a wife and has never been, but she has not done that.

Graxie:
Your husband is the type that will blame everyone else but himself. Please you have the upper hand, first ascertain that the child is his, then compel him to take full responsibility if he is truly the owner.

Thank you

momokiddies:
ma'am, truth is you have been hurt, and my respect to you on how you could swallow all these mess, and forgive your hubby.
as for the baby, it might just be a gimmick from the concubine. hubby should do a DNA test if physical appearance does not ascertain that the baby is his.
for those telling you to love the child and blablabla, is not easy. if you find yourself not loving and accepting the child, don't beat yourself. you are only being human, and you have been betrayed. but all I can encourage you to do is not to prevent hubby from taking full responsibility for the child if the baby is his. "since he did the crime, he should do the time"
as for you recurrent miscarriages, please , visit a specialist to know what is wrong. these days, there are virtually drugs and procedures used to correct illness. God bless science.


in all, that your hubby's friend is cynical, crazy and should be avoided 100 mile away. gush, I hate him already. he set this whole crap, but hubby was weak, so he gave in.

Thank you so much..we are no longer friends with the man and his family. When hubby learnt it was his friend that blew the whistle and went to tell my family, he almost had a heart attack. He couldn't believe it. Not until he listened to the recordings my brothers made anytime he called them.

OVA200:
I just wish I have a solution to all this because you are such a very considerate, loving and supporting wife and your husband is such a good man that knows he have an angel as a wife.

My only advice is please don't leave him, just find a way to solve this situation without you guys breaking up because only few men will act the way he did after mistake for a woman that has yet to bore him a child.

I pray your child is coming soon.

Thank you . Amen. My husband is really a good person but I guess it's not always rosy

mankettle:
You can love the child despite the circumstances of his birth.

What both of you should be more concerned with is: let your husband's son not disgrace him when he comes of age.

What you should plan on: a regular upkeep for the baby, his school fees and medical bills when he comes of age for same and finally scheduled visits with his Dad(your husband). Ignore the woman. Focus on the Boy. GOD will eventually answer your prayers.

Thank you.

Blakjewelry:
let your hubby go for DNA test and if it is positive let him accept the child. and for you, what belongs to your hubby belongs to you.

As for me giving love is the easiest thing for me to do. I have seen women in your situation blessed with their own child after accepting the child of there husband. Yes he cheated which is bad and it hurts but since he did not leave you for another woman shows he really care about you, some will be the complete opposite

Thank you.

Tocheagle:
Let your husband accept the child. YOUR OWN IS COMING

Amen. Thank you.

thorpido:
Let your hubby go and see the child.He might need to do a DNA if he really cannot confirm if the child is his by appearance.

Do you still want this marriage?You have a choice if you can forgive your hubby and try to make amends or you want to leave.
You do not need to play any role in the child's life and the child DOES NOT have to live with you so don't bother about resenting the child.Let your hubby deal with that.
Your recurrent miscarriages,what are you doing about it?Have you seen a specialist?

Yes I have. Results shows fibroid and weak cervix.

Mindfulness:
That your husband cheated for months is one thing but that he refuses to take responsibility is another. He should be ashamed of himself.
You don't have to love your child as your own, the boy has a mother and a father but the fact that you think about the child's well-being shows what a good heart you have. I am sorry you are put through all of this. You deserve much better.

Always remember that the child is innocent in all of this and be kind. Don't ever let any resentment be part of your attitude towards the child. All blame is on your husband. That's all.

My thoughts exactly. That the child is innocent. He didn't beg to be born like this. My fear is the Mother maybe wanting to use the opportunity to bulldoze her way into my home. I dated my husband for six years and we are married for ten. Making it sixteen years together

Hello Nairalanders.
I have been following the forum and have seen how problems are shared.

I need advice for this and please from matured married people on this forum. This will be lengthy but please read to the end.

I am married for ten years now going to eleven and I will say all this year's, Hubby has been my best friend and closest ally.

We got married when we were in the University and I would say it has been beautiful . Of course we have had the normal quarrels in our relationship. But it has never gotten out of hand. We settle it just the two of us without family interference.
My husband is very supportive and very loving and I have been told by different people that I am lucky to have a husband like him and I totally agree with them.

Fast forward to years after our marriage, I suffered three miscarriages which the last one was bad. And my husband has been supportive all the way. Even though I have not been able to carry all pregnancy full term and we don't have children of our own I have never had course to doubt his love for me.

Two years back, I started getting text messages and strange calls form unknown numbers telling me my husband was seeing another lady. I didn't allow that bother me because I never believed them until his close friend went and informed my family about it.
My family kept it a secret from me and they didn't let my husband know. But they carried out their investigations and it happened to be true. Still no of them told me. They were afraid of what that kind of revelation would cause to our marriage.

I also noticed that my husband was no longer the happy and lively man he used to be. He was getting lean and older than his age of 40. He was looking drained. He still showed love and affection but I knew he was not happy. And if I ask, he keeps saying he is going through a process and it's nothing.


But it wasn't long I got to know, not from my family but from a sister to that same friend of his.
I never for once saw anything incriminating in his phone. So I decided to ask him. Coupled with all the strange messages and calls i was getting and that he was aware of.

I was given the name and every detail of the girl from his friend sister. So I confronted him with that.
He broke down and admitted to it and also told me he didn't like what he was doing and wanted to stop but the girl keeps telling him she will come to the house and make sure I get to know if he stops picking her calls and seeing her.
So he was between the red blue sea and the devil.

I was devastated because I love and trust him with all I have.
He knelt down and wept and he was begging me not to leave him but help him.

He explained that was the reason for his sadness and he really regrets everything and didn't know what he started the affair.
The girl in question was introduced to him by that same friend that went and told my family about his affair.
Even at that point , my family never told me anything.
I left the house with some of my things because the wouldn't let me take everything, with pain and went to my family house.
After telling my mom and elder brothers, I was advised to go back to my house and settle with him. That he is a good man that made a mistake. My elder brothers took me back to his own family house and met with my father in law and all that was settled.
The relationship with the lady ended for it was already shaky at that time. And she called him again when he was trying to settle his home. Telling him if she doesn't see him she is coming to his house because he has been avoiding her. His phone was on speaker and I heard it myself. So he told her she is free to come because his worst fear has happened. That she has no hold over him again and that his wife knows everything now. She immediately ended the call.

I went back home and he has been remorseful and doing everything to make me happy again and to show me how sorry he is.

Early this year, same lady sent him a text to tell him that, when he ended the relationship with her, she was already pregnant for him and she has put to bed a baby boy. And the child is his. This was March this year.

Another drama started.

According to her, she had the baby last year 2018 November and the child is a year now. Her affair with my husband lasted for six months and ended early 2018.

My husband has not seen the child except the picture she posted on Facebook of her and the baby and she has gone ahead to change her profile on Facebook bearing the name of my husband.

Since the news of her having a child for him came, I have been really really sad and hubby has been trying all he can to salvage the situation but I am still not happy.
He has not contacted her and has refused picking her calls or going to see the child and the child by calculating when she said she had him, is a year already.

Now my pan is I have tried to accept this and has even told hubby to go see the child and take responsibility. But he said he is not ready.
Deep down inside me, I don't think I can love this child as my own. Am I a devil for feeling this way?
And i have alot of trust issue going on now in as much as hubby makes sure I am in the know of everything.
He has refused to see the child and I don't want the child growing up to feel his father is irresponsible.
How do hubby i get to know this child more and take care of his needs without having the mother come too close to my home?

The lady in question already has three kids for another man who didn't marry her before hubby met her. But hubby didn't know even when he was with her. He got to know after the whole affair ended.

Although she is more younger than hubby and I. She is In her late twenties.
I am 36 and hubby is 40.

Please your advice are welcome. Married.and matured people here, I will be following. Thank you all for your patience in reading this.