₦airaland Forum

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!".

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit".

The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina."

The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it."

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".

So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself.

He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.

The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted.

The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!"

1.Understand that most guys just don't talk. Guys do not normally discuss feelings and are rarely emotionally open unless they are extremely comfortable with you; men are inherently closed in their feelings to maintain their belief of control.

2.Be prepared for a little territorial behavior. Guys tend to be territorial and jealous; this is not to be confused with being suspicious of their partners. The feelings tend to be so deep that if their partner shows any attention to another guy, they get slight uneasy feelings; this is a biological instinct. If you are involved with him and you start talking to another guy and in any way say nice things, or touch him or he touches you anywhere, the instinct will kick in; he may not punch the guy, but he will no longer be in a good mood; he will go from "I love her so much" to "I wish I were home watching TV and not dealing with this".


3. Know that most guys feel the need to be in charge (even if they aren't in charge). Guys want to -feel- as though they are in control; not that they always need to get their way, but they need to feel that things won't happen unless they allow them. No matter how much you feel that you shouldn't have to get the "OK" from your guy to do something or make decisions, it would be best to at least talk to him about it and ask him first -- basically, they want to feel that they are doing things because they want their partner to be happy, not because they have to do it. They respond better to the "lip" and the big eyes than they do to orders.

4. Let them be a 'man'. Guys want to be "manly" -- make them feel big and strong. [/b]They love to be the "knight in shining armor". You are weak, he is strong. You don't really have to be weak, but allowing him to feel that he is taking care of you and protecting you will make him happy.

5.[b]Be prepared to be touched. Guys like physical contact. Their hormone levels are very high (which can make them act like jerks in certain situations), so they may find a number of different types of physical contact enjoyable. They won't always be able to figure out what's OK, and what’s a no-no. It's important that they are told by their partner what they should and shouldn't do. Their feelings will not be hurt. If you prefer, tell him where the lines are drawn on your body. It's not going to ruin the moment for him. If anything, it will be a relief so he knows the boundaries. Don't think, "He'll figure it out". Don't try and give him signals (although the biting of the lower lip is universally known as the "kiss me" sign); tell him verbally.

6.Even though it isn't politically correct, guys love girls that can cook. Saying something like "I want to be single for the rest of my life" will kill it fast. Prove to him that you can be a good wife, and he will prove he can be a good husband.

7. Guys 'tend' to call girls "hot" if they are thinking of them sexually, and they will call them "beautiful", "gorgeous", or "pretty" if they have more innocent intentions. This isn't a universal absolute, however; in fact, this applies very little, but it can be an extra hint.

8.Guys can have obsessions over their partner's eyes, hair, hands, other random body parts, etc. It's weird, but deal with it. If he likes it when you do something with your hair, do it a lot. If he gave you a ring or a necklace or something, wear it whenever you're with him - and point it out in case he doesn't notice, then give him a kiss and remind him how much you like it. He will then know you appreciate the things he gives.

9.Guys rarely mind feeling like they are owned - many times they like the feeling. A simple way of displaying this is holding his hand with both your hands, and wrapping your arms around his. The idea of their partner hanging off them isn't an unpleasant one to guys. There is a difference between this and being clingy, though. One shows that you are completely devoted to him, the other is annoying him.

10.Guys like to know that their partner feels grateful to be with him. He'll return the favor a hundred times over. If you make him feel like he isn't good enough, he will be more jealous of other guys - he may leave you. Guys don't like feeling inferior any more than girls do.

11.If he had a bad day, give him a neck rub or something. Don't ask if he wants one, just start doing it, he'll tell you if he doesn't like it. And say something nice. Not necessarily about why he had a bad day. Just randomly say how much you love and appreciate him. It'll make him feel better.

12. Guys enjoy the touch of a female; very soft and pleasant. As rule number 5 says, guys don't mind touching - put your hand on his face. Run your fingers up and down his arm. Hold his hand against your face or chest.

13. Maintaining the relationship is very important. The first few months will be easy; you are in the heat of a young relationship. Don't fall under the false impression that you don't have to put forth anything. He will get bored, or feel unappreciated. Remember what it was like in the beginning, when you'd both do anything for each other. Keep that mindset. Treat him as someone who can't be lost.

14.Let him know that you will stick with him through anything - and mean it! Tell him you will never leave his side. He will like that. Never give him the "thin-ice" feeling to get your way. Like tell him to deal with it, or make it seem like you'll break up with him over something unless he complies. Using the relationship as a threat will really make him mad, and he may break up with you for doing it.


15.When he says that he won't leave you no matter and with assuring you always. He really means it!
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16. Include him in things. Guys like to feel that you want him around, even if it is only little things. (Going for a walk, sitting at your parents, family activities, holidays) It's part of getting closer!!

•If you want your guy to do something, usually you have enough control to make it happen - however, let the guy feel as though he also has control.

•Don't be critical, or try and twist him through nagging into something he's not. This will drive him away. If there is something major about him you want changed before you think you can spend the rest of your life with him, then there will be a serious problem for both of you when he figures this out. This includes changing jobs, careers, religions, life goals, politics, etc; don't expect him to cater to your ideals. Even if he goes along with it, there will be problems later.

•If he starts talking about things he enjoys, and you have no idea what he's talking about or plain don't care, try and just sit through it. He listens to you talk about stuff he doesn't care about or doesn't understand all the time. Sometimes, if he's good, he'll try and adjust and learn about what you're interested in and contribute as much as possible. If he doesn't listen to you, then of course you have a serious problem.

•Don't lie! I can't stress to this issue enough. If you want to have a healthy relationship, tell your man everything! If you keep something from him or lie, that will not remain as such for long; men are instinctively distrusting and cautious and WILL find out.

•Don't date guys you don't like.If you have a track record of having many relationships in a short amount of time, guys who are looking for a long term relationship will avoid you.

•Mystery is always good. Don't be wearing clothes that are too revealing. No matter how much he likes your curves he hates it when you show them to others, guys tend to be possessive and they will feel uncomfortable and unhappy the whole time you two are out on the town because he is making sure nobody else is looking at his property! Stop dressing like you did in high school, you are now more mature and in a serious relationship and don't have to advertise yourself or compete with other girls anymore. The prettiest girl is one who dresses "cute" but then again doesn't show off more than she is comfortable with. The way you dress tells a guy a lot of how seriously your relationship is to you. Don't take this the wrong way ladies still look cute for your guy and yourself, but just think twice before your put that same outfit on you wore before he came along.

•Don't let the relationship become one-sided. Let him do most things for you and he'll like it. But you have to do a few things for him too. Give him a present sometime. Setup a date for him. Cook him a meal or some cookies and surprise him with it. Show him that you care about him more than anything frequently and you will be surprised of the outcome.

•Some guys will come out and tell you yes and no to your questions. Others won't. If you want them to do something, they may say yes when they don't want to. If you were actually wanting to know what they want, you'll have to figure out what their answer really is. You should know him well enough to figure it out. He won't be mad if you don't figure it out (unlike girls) but he may feel controlled, which guys don't like.


•Don't buy presents for guys that involve things YOU are interested in, unless the guy buys you stuff he's interested in.

•If you go on a vacation or trip by yourself, and especially if you do it often, expect your guy to be very suspicious. We've seen too many movies where the girl meets someone new when she’s away, and runs off with him. There is no amount of assurance you can give, as that's the way it goes in the movie. Even if it is just a movie, we are paranoid!

•Don't throw away stuff he likes, because you don't like it. He won't do that to you. If he does, there's a problem.

•Don't tell your friends (especially if he's there too) that you have him wrapped around your finger. Don't act like you can make him do anything, or can control him. It may be true, but he needs to know that he's "the man" and is in control. If he does everything you tell him to do, he's doing it because he loves you, not because you control him. If you think you control him, he won't be very happy.

•Do nice things for him for no reason at all. Don't tell him you're going to do it - just surprise him. Cook him something and bring it to his apartment/house. Give him a little present. You'd like that wouldn't you? So will he.


•For his birthday, cook him dinner for just you and him. And give him a present that can remind him of you, that he can carry with him everywhere (spray it with some of your perfume. Although he may never admit it, he'll smell it and guys are turned on by smell).

•If you're not ready to settle down with a guy who is. DON'T waste his time!! Once a guy is ready to settle down that's what he strives for, a girl worth giving his all to.

•Don't be afraid to spend every waking hour with him. For if he is the one, every waking hour is a special one with him. And it makes him feel that he's the only guy you need. This is what every guy wants in a strong, long term relationship.

•Do not talk a lot about your ex-boyfriends. Avoid talking about how sad you were unless he wants you to share the secret. But really, this applies to almost all other guys. Don't talk about how funny someone else is. Don't let other guys be touching you. Most of all DO NOT flirt, this seems to drive guys over the edge very quick like, do not ever make yourself out to be the flirty type, he will more than likely be gone in a heartbeat if he finds you flirting with other guys. Don't compliment other guys. Guys can be very insecure and therefore very jealous. If your best friend is a guy, expect your boyfriend to hate him. If you work with a guy that you talk to on a daily basis, He will hate him. He will never admit to it. But he will probably hate him. Any sort of long, emotional relationship with another man will be unbearable for him.

•If you smoke - unless your guy is also a smoker - stop. Non-smokers do not like to kiss smokers. It's not a nice smell or taste, and will not only detract from any kissing in your future.

•Most women plan to have children. If you have no intentions of having kids, let him know now. If you don't do so, it can be a very bad conversation when he finds out later on in the relationship.

•Women like feeling needed. So do guys. If he feels unneeded and taken for granted, chances are he'll leave for someone who does need him.

•If you want to wait till marriage for sex, make sure he knows this. Also keep in mind men have 7 times as much testosterone as women, and it can be much harder for him than it will be for you.

•Never try to get him jealous. It won't work the way you want it to. All it'll do is make him less trusting of you and very angry at the other guy (and even if he's not mad at you, he's mad nonetheless - it's just not a good "mood setter".

dani1luv: Are you sure? say God!

I swear!

Hahahahahaha.. Did the FG immortalize him while he is still alive? WTF

dani1luv: hahahaha. ..wtf!!

This got me cracking....Hahahahahahaha!!!

Know 3 facts about you
1) No Matter How hard You Pinch The Skin On Your Elbow It Doesn't Hurt.
2) You Are now trying it
3) You Are Either laughing or saying Yeah!====

More....Okonjo Iweala nd the Cabals

A suicide bomber blew up his car just outside the police headquarters in the northeast Nigerian city of Maiduguri, killing eight people, a Nigerian Red Cross report said Friday amid warnings that the situation in the city is worsening.

The report said 19 more people were injured in the blast that occurred at about 11 a.m. Friday outside the police headquarters in Maiduguri. It said casualties had been taken to two hospitals.

One hospital official said six bodies were brought to the hospital where he works and that 16 people were hospitalized with injuries from the attack. He spoke on condition of anonymity because he is not allowed to speak to press.

The blast occurred Friday around noon in front of the headquarters' gate after officers prevented the bomber from entering the compound, said Borno State police chief Bala Hassan. Hassan said that only one policeman and two civilians were killed and six civilians were injured. However, officials have downplayed casualty figures in the past.

Hours earlier, a suspected bomber died when an explosive went off prematurely in another part of the city, said military spokesman Col. Victor Ebhaleme.

A radical Islamist sect known as Boko Haram has carried out similar attacks in Maiduguri where residents live in constant fear of the next blast or drive-shooting.

The U.S. Embassy issued a warning late Thursday saying its citizens should not to travel to Maiduguri as diplomats believe "the situation will continue to deteriorate."

Nigeria faces a growing wave of sectarian violence carried out by the sect whose name means "Western education is sacrilege" in the Hausa language of Nigeria's predominantly Muslim north. Boko Haram has been blamed for killing more than 560 people this year alone, according to an Associated Press count. The sect's targets have included churches, police stations and other security buildings, often attacked by suicide car bombers across northern Nigeria.

Maiduguri's police headquarters had been targeted before. Last August, police shot dead a 25-year-old man who attempted to drive a sedan loaded with seven gas cylinders, cans of gasoline and gunpowder into the building. There were no casualties besides the suspected bomber.

Boko Haram, which speaks to journalists through telephone conference calls at times of its choosing, could not be immediately reached for comment Friday afternoon. The sect most recently claimed responsibility for the drive-by killing Tuesday of a retired deputy inspector-general of police and two other officers in Nigeria's largest northern city of Kano.

Many of the sect's casualties have been policemen and soldiers who have responded tit-for-tat, putting residents at further risk.

Nigeria's military says at least 16 people were killed Tuesday following an hours-long gunfight in Maiduguri, the sect's spiritual home.

Authorities told journalists that all those killed were "Boko Haram terrorists." However, a man who lives in the neighborhood said civilians had been hit by stray bullets. The man requested anonymity out of fear of angering the sect or authorities.

Nigeria, a nation of more than 160 million people, is divided between a largely Muslim north and Christian south. Boko Haram attacks have inflamed tensions between the two religions, though many in the faiths live peacefully with each other and intermarry in Africa's most populous nation.

Gunmen in Nigeria's troubled north killed two policemen and two civilians wounded in the separate attacks died later, witnesses said onSaturday.

In northern Nigeria's largest city Kano, two gunmen on Saturday shot dead an official of the secret police, Aminu Isa, and fled, a resident told AFP.

Isa's friend was shot in both legs and later died in the hospital, said the witness, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Late on Friday, gunmen also shot dead a police constable outside his house in Boriya district on the outskirts of Potiskum, a major city in northeastern Yobe state, a neighbour told AFP.

"A nearby drug vendor was also hit and injured by the attackers' bullet," the neighbour said, that the vendor died later.

No group has claimed responsibility for either attack.

I am currently doing a paper on Religious and i was wounder what were the views of some people. If God doesn't exist would we still have religion? Is there a God? If God doesn't exist and we found out right now how would it effect our lives? what would u do? would u tell anybody? would u still go to church or any other religious service?

it is my belief that religon is only created to explain the unexplainable like the creation of the universe or what happens when we die?

INFO70: Take it easy with her

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KnowAll: i hate those tricycles, they reek of poverty!

Seconded.

Devil at work.

It hurts alot to c the administration of GEJ slowly crumbling this Great Nation. Isn't it HIGH-TIME a revolution starts in this country? We only rant and make noise but afraid to die whereas hundred are killed everyday.. I cry for this country.