My main concern from that post is a BSC degree holder riding okada for a living and an unemployed NCE holder. The govt should empower them with jobs please.

She sang and danced joyfully as she made her way into the living room. Not minding the presence of the reporter, she urged two of her grandchildren sitting on the sofa – Umar, 6, Ismail, 4 – to join her. It is one of the happiest periods in the life of Alhaja Alimotu Jumoh. Since the release of her son – Ustaz Abdul-Ganiyu – on Monday, September 7, 2015 from a State Security Service’s detention facility in Abeokuta, the Ogun State capital, renewed energy appears to have suddenly filled the 78-year-old’s ageing veins and bones. Her gratitude to God knows no bound.

“I am very grateful to Almighty Allah for bringing my son back home safely,” she said excitedly, offering our correspondent a seat in the expansive living room at the family house in a remote part of Ota in Ogun State on Tuesday. “I shed tears, cried out to my God for more than one year and I am glad He heard me. There is no word to describe how I feel having my son back home,” she said before sinking into a chair.

Looking a pale shadow of his old, bulky self, Abdul-Ganiyu could barely manage to utter a few words when our correspondent visited the family earlier in the week. Fourteen months of being moved from one detention facility to another had sadly taken its toll on him. He looks totally unhealthy and malnourished.

The cleric’s ordeal started in the early hours of July 5, 2014 when about nine fully armed policemen stormed their Sango, Ogun State home in commando-style and whisked him and his wife, Muinat, away after thoroughly searching their apartment and scrutinising his mobile phone. It was a few days after he had conducted a Ramadan lecture in the area. For several weeks after July 5, the whereabouts of the Ondo State native and his wife remained a mystery. Though, the matter was promptly reported at the Sango Police station, for the next two months, relatives and friends were left in the dark as to where they were.

But on September 10, a relative of the couple, Lukman Oketokun, received a call to come to the DSS office in Abeokuta where he later found them. Through the help of a lawyer, Muinat was released following complications arising from her pregnancy but Abdul-Ganiyu remained in custody until last Monday when he finally tasted freedom. His release came several weeks after a Federal High Court in the Ogun State capital ordered the secret police to set him free after failing to pin a specific crime on him.


Abdul-Ganiyu and family

Speaking with our correspondent earlier in the week at the family house where doctors are keeping a close watch over his health, the 39-year-old cleric says he had been persecuted unjustly for committing no offence. The Quaranic scholar said nobody gave him any concrete reason for his arrest and detention for more than one year and that he still wonders what his sin ever was.

“Till I was released on Monday none of the SSS officials could tell me why I was arrested and detained for that long. They only asked me how I came about a number on my phone contact list. By the time we got to their office, they asked again how I got that phone number and I told them it belonged to a friend I had known for a long time and that I don’t even remember the person’s name again because we hadn’t communicated for a long time. Apart from that, they didn’t also say who their findings revealed the person to be.

“At first I thought that after I and my wife were taken to their office, we would just be interrogated and then allowed to go home. But before I knew it, one day became two days and later one week and so on. It was at that point I realised it wasn’t a small issue like I had thought. My only hope at that point was God because I had completely lost hope in getting out of that place.

“Though, I was given a decent meal and had access to medication when I needed it, I do not wish for my enemies to pass through what I experienced in detention. It was psychological torture of the highest order. I was completely cut off from the world and had no communication whatsoever with the outside world. Throughout my time in detention, I could not sleep, I was always thinking about my family and how they could be managing without me. There were no mattress in the cell but only a mat but I couldn’t sleep most of the time because of the constant fear of what could happen next.

“To be confined to one spot and have your life completely controlled by others is a big psychological injury. For someone like me who had never been to a police station before to go through all of that, it was really traumatic. The experience is something I don’t wish for my enemies,” he said.

An excited Muinat could not hide her joy at having her husband and best friend back home safely after several months in solitary confinement. The young mother told Saturday PUNCH that she and her children could not also find sleep on several occasions while Abdul-Ganiyu was locked up and how prayers became their only consolation throughout the agonising period.

“Immediately I got the news that he was going to be released last Monday, I knew that my God was alive and surely answers prayers. Throughout the period he was in detention, life was tough for me and the children but then, we never ceased praying. We would wake up every night and cry to Allah to bring him back home soon and safely.

“While he was in detention, his thoughts would come to the mind of the children anytime they see any item belonging to him in the house. They would ask me when he was coming back. Sometimes I won’t know what to tell them. At a point I had to stop my teaching job because I needed to take care of the children. We survived those periods through the benevolence of a few people whom God touched their hearts to assist us. Through God’s mercies we pulled through, and to now have him back into the house after more than one year in detention for no reason, feels more than good. In fact the feeling is indescribable,” she said.

Abdul-Ganiyu’s release by the secret police last Monday follows a June 18, 2015 order by Justice F.O.G. Ogunbanjo of a Federal High Court sitting in the Ogun State capital who frowned at his continued confinement without being charged to court as stated by the law. Ogunbanjo had ruled that Jumoh’s detention breached Section 36 of the constitution and grossly violated his right.

“The DSS did not deny the arrest of the applicant and subsequent arrest of the 2nd applicant, but denied all other allegations contained in the motion,” the judge said.

The cleric’s counsel, Ahmed Adetola-Kazeem, had taken up the case following a report by Saturday PUNCH of October 25, 2014 where his young children lamented how life had become miserable and lonely for them without their parents. Though, he demanded for N300m in damages, the judge ordered the DSS to pay the applicant N1m for the pains it had caused him both physically and mentally and also tender a public apology to Jumoh who it accused of terrorism.

http://www.punchng.com/feature/super-saturday-feature/my-enemies-shouldnt-even-experience-what-i-passed-through-islamic-cleric-detained-by-sss-for-14-months/

A naval officer, Ehimen Benjamin was dismissed as a result of absence from duty when he came back from his late wife’s burial while his colleague, Emmanuel, was accused of insubordination and dismissed from service. OIBOH PETER writes on how they have been surviving with okada riding and car wash business in Abuja

Ehimen Benjamin with service No X10645 was enlisted into the Nigeria Navy in Port Harcourt in 2006 and was posted to Lagos Naval Base to serve in the waterways. He was accused and dismissed from the service for absence from duty. It all started when he returned from his late wife’s burial.

According to Benjamin, “My wife was sick and she was in a bad condition. I took permission from my superior officer to rush her to the hospital for treatment. She died and I had to take her for burial in Esan West local government area of Edo State where we hail from. Before leaving for the village, I told my divisional officer in my base the situation on ground.

As soon as I returned from the burial, I reported at my base in Lagos but I was detained and imprisoned for three months for absence from duty after which I was released and dismissed from the Nigeria Navy in 2008. To him, he did not commit any criminal offence that warrants his sudden dismissal.

Benjamin said, he was just a victim of evil predicaments noting that if he had committed any criminal offence, he couldn’t have had the boldness to make efforts to be restated in the Navy.

“I have made all efforts by going to many lawyers in Abuja to help me so that I could be recalled to service but all efforts have proved abortive.

“Even as I reported to the office after the funeral of my late wife, I was not considered by my boss. Life has not been easy with me since I was dismissed from the Navy. My family members who depended on my salary have also suffered from my predicament. I took permission from my divisional officer before I travelled but I was still dismissed from the service.

“I’m pleading with the incoming government to look into our service records because I know our president-elect is a retired general in the army and if someone is guilty, he would know. I want to return to service because I was illegally dismissed from service by my superior officer without investigating my service records.

“As an okada rider now, it has not been a sweet one for me. I try to work hard to earn a living so that I wouldn’t be tempted to steal from anybody. If not the fear of God, as a trained personnel that was pushed out of service for no reasons, I would have got into crime because of frustration. I had been trained; I have the experience nobody can take that from me but I still believe that God can do something for me. I have been patient about it; I have not rested since I was dismissed from service. I will continue to fight it till I am called back to service,” he stated.

Durven Emmanuel with service No X8596 was another naval officer was accused of insubordination by his superior officer in 2008 which led to his dismissal from service after serving for eight years. According to him, “I was in a bank at the Naval base in Lagos to get some money. After accessing my account, I discovered that there was a deduction from my account and I quickly notified the cashier to find out what happened.

“On the process of clarification, there was a little argument between us. I had to caution myself knowing that the bank is inside the Navy base. To my surprise, a senior officer came to the point of our discussion and asked why I was shouting at the lady. I didn’t know that the lady was her course mate in school. I had to explain to my superior what happened but he refused listening to me and I had to leave the banking hall at that moment.

“My superior followed me outside; grabbed me and started beating me up even while I was in my uniform. I was detained for two months at the Naval prison in Lagos. After serving my punishment, I was still dismissed from the service. What I was expecting from my superior was to report the case to the Naval police for necessary action instead, I was molested by him,” he said.

Emmanuel said that, “proper investigation into the issue was not done by the Navy authority in Lagos. My service records were not verified. I was sent away without any benefits after serving for eight years in the Navy. Anytime I recall what happened to me, my happiness disappears because I was victimised as a junior officer.

“I was dismissed for no reason after serving my punishment in prison for two months. For my officer to accuse me of fighting him is falsehood without investigation. This kind of predicament can add to the insecurity we are facing in our country today. We read in the papers and watch on television how former military personnel are getting involved in terrorism. Some of these people were dismissed unjustly from the service. Now, I am surviving on car wash business because that is where I get my daily bread from. I’m pleading to be investigated by the military authority in Abuja to know the true story that led to our dismissal from the Navy,” he said.

http://leadership.ng/features/438075/i-was-dismissed-from-navy-for-attending-my-late-wifes-funeral-okada-rider

Despite being a Yoruba lady, i really dislike the idea of asoebi.. I dont buy no matter whose wedding it is... Not evn my close friends or my cousins' weddings did i buy. My own wedding ceremony was a very big and successful event yet no asoebi. So they all know me for who I am and hardly tell me to cm and buy again. At most i wud help u wear your colour if i have in my wardrobe and if i dont wud wear wateva i have...

It can be normal for some women especially if she breastfeeds the baby regularly... Regular Breast-feeding inhibits ovulation, and failure to ovulate usually means no menstruation.. That is what makes lactation a form of contraception... She should get her period within 6weeks of weaning her baby completely..

And you Mr President, A FAILURE NOT WORTH REPEATING.

ANOTHER person reportedly shot by uniformed men at Majidun near Ikorodu, Lagos, on February 18 has died, bringing to five the casualty figure.

Alhaji Aminu Salis, an engineer, died at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH) on Saturday, 27 days after the incident.

He was returning home from an event at the University of Lagos (UNILAG) in Akoka, Yaba, on that fateful day before he and his wife, Toyibah, ran into the gunmen.

The couple were flagged down at Majidun Bus stop by the uniformed men, with one of them opening fire on the couple.

About five bullets pierced his arm and legs, his wife was hit on her left leg.

Their car was riddled with bullets.

Many other vehicles coming behind them were attacked.

General Officer Commanding (GOC) 81 Division in Lagos Maj. Gen. Tanmi Dibi said the gunmen were not soldiers.

“There is no way such thing would happen and I will not know. Moreso, I have inquired and they told me none of our men was involved in that act,” he said.

The late Alhaji Salis’ remains were interred yesterday at Agiliti Cemetery in Mile 12, according to Islamic rites.

A massive crowd turned out for the funeral. Residents, passersby and commuters on the Agiliti Road watched as vehicles streamed into the cemetery on a street beside the road.



Many sympathisers expressed shocked over his death.

Some who visited him in hospital on Saturday just commissioned wondered what could have gone wrong.

Prof Fatimah AbdulKareem, Head, Anatomic and Molecular Pathology Department in the Faculty of Basic Medical Sciences who delivered the 2nd Inaugural Lecture of the University of Lagos in the 2014/2015 Academic Session that the late Alhaji Salis attended with his wife, was seen weeping at the cemetery.

She was consoled by National Naibatul Amirah (Vice-President) of The Criterion, an Association of Muslim Women in Business and Profession, Alhaja Fatimat Oyefeso.

Alhaji Mumuni Alao, Managing Director, Complete Communications, publishers of Complete Sports, who was with the late Salis till 5pm last Saturday, said the deceased was full of life during the visit.

“The news of his death few hours after I left him in the hospital is shocking,” he said, adding: “It is a sad thing that he was shot for no just cause, up till now, nothing is heard from the security agents. Now, Alhaji Aminu has gone leaving behind his wife, children, family and friends and the supposed officers who shot him are walking free on the streets. This is pathetic,” he said.

President, Lagos District of The Companion, an association of Muslim Men in Business and Profession, Sheikh Nojeem Jimoh, said Salis’ death “reminded us that the nature of death is sudden.

He said Salis’ death is a “sad reminder of the anarchy we have found ourselves,” adding: “About one month after the incident, no one was apprehended, no arrest has been made, absolutely nothing has happened. Nothing defines the situation of lawlessness more than this.”

Alhaji Thabit Wale Sonaike, The Companion Deputy National President, said Salis never wanted to die.

According to Sonaike, Alhaji Salis did all he could to survive but Allah’s will prevail.

“He was loved by many and his dedication to a course was commendable. I am not surprised to see this large turnout,” he said.


http://thenationonlineng.net/new/27-days-after-another-gun-shot-victim-dies/




Initial story here
http://thenationonlineng.net/new/uniformed-men-kill-two-injure-others/

She should go and see a gyneacologist, preferably in a teaching hospital.. Specialists are quite expensive to see in a private setting. She may hv to go through some lab investigations to identify d cause. Better she goes before she conceives again incase some preconception medications would be needed. all d best.

hahehohaheho...I laugh in Japanese...
NMA vs JOHESU part 2...this country is in some serious mess. its the masses I pity the most...

of course they hv to pay them for riskn their lives and their families. ... We r talkn about Ebola here and not malaria... volunteering to work in an Ebola ward evn with the protective gear is like going on a suicide mission with no assurance of comming out alive.... in a failed nation like ours with no life insurance policy. .who would volunteer to do such a thing without being paid for it?.. Evn the so called 50k per day is not worth it...(atleast not worth my own life and my family's heart ache) the government should better look into it and pay them before they loose d few pple riskn deir lives over a few thousands of naira... and whoeva thinks dey dont deserve such money should humbly volunteer theirselves for such work.... afterall its for the benefit of the whole nation..

olaniyi2000:

you can get newly built house 2 0r 3 bedroom for the price of 300k, 400k,500k

call for more details
07026274551

ok..thnx a lot..wud give u a call tomorrow morning IA.

Hello, pls do u hv flats for rents in dose axis u mentioned. Preferably in Epe. Thnks.

It’s so sad that Justina died, it was her first day at work! Dennis Akagha, the fiance of Justina
Ejelonu, the First Consultant Hospital nurse who died after being infected with the deadly Ebola
virus by Liberian Patrick Sawyer, in this exclusive interview with Vanguard spoke about how his
late fiancee contracted the deadly disease, how she lost their unborn child while battling with Ebola,
and also revealed that Justina had just landed the job at the hospital and met Sawyer on her first
day there. He also spoke on how he got infected with the virus and how he finally got discharged.
From the in-depth interview below….

On his relationship with the late Justina, Dennis said;
“The truth is that Justina and I were not legally married, we were planning for our traditional
marriage in October and she just got this job. She was a qualified graduate nurse and got the job
at the First Consultant Hospital in Lagos. She resumed duty at the hospital on the 21st of July,
while Patrick Sawyer was admitted at the hospital on the 20th. He was her first patient. She was
one of the nurses that nursed him. She was pregnant and so her immune system was weak, which
made it easy for her to contract the disease. On that first day which was a Monday, she was having
some pregnancy symptoms, but I just encouraged her to go because it was her first day at work.
Sawyer was her first patient. The next day, Tuesday, she didn’t work on Sawyer. Wednesday and
Thursday, she was off. Then on Friday, Patrick Sawyer died. They didn’t know he had Ebola, it was
three days later that they realized it was Ebola” he said

On how he found out she had contracted the deadly virus, he said
“It was after Sawyer died that she told me she nursed him but that she was on gloves. She even
thanked God that she didn’t have direct contact with him. The fever continued and we thought it
was just pregnancy symptoms and even when she went to her hospital, they confirmed the same
thing. She took drugs and ran tests, yet it persisted. At night, she was usually cold and feverish
and her body temperature was usually very high. At a point, I began to suspect that she had
contacted the virus. I did some research on the disease and realised that she was having similar
symptoms. On the 14th of August, it became serious, she started stooling and vomiting. I had to
clean up everything. All of a sudden, she started bleeding and she started crying that she had lost
the pregnancy. I had to call her relatives and other people. The bleeding persisted and I had to
clean up everything. Initially I was not wearing gloves because I felt I had already been exposed to
the virus. But later I cautioned myself and started wearing nylon on my hands. But I couldn’t stay
away from her. I kept consoling her. Even when I took her to the hospital, she wanted to hold me
and I told her to also consider my safety. She managed to hold herself and was able to find her
way out in a pool of her blood. We chartered a taxi to the hospital, but first, I took her to First
Consultant Hospital because I felt they should know more. When we got there, I was directed to
IGH, Yaba. I told the taxi driver to take us there. The driver wasn’t even aware of what was going
on as he took us to Yaba. Justina was on the floor for 30 minutes before she was attended to. She
was screaming that she was going to die. She was seriously bleeding, she had to come out of the
taxi and lay on the floor. I ran around, trying to get doctors to attend to her. After everything, they
took her in, took her blood samples and the following day, the result came out that it was Ebola.
They washed the taxi with chlorine and also bathed the taxi driver and I with chlorine spray. At that
point, the taxi driver knew what was going on, he couldn’t even take me home because he was so
scared. I had to look for somewhere to pass the night in the hospital. Early the next morning, I left
the Hospital. The taxi driver is alive today, nothing happened to him. We have been checking on
him and the last time we spoke he told me, he was fine” he said.

On what happened after he was exposed to the virus, Dennis said;
“14 days after I was exposed to Ebola, my temperature rose from the usual 35.2 degrees
centigrade to 37.2. The Lagos State government gave me a thermometer the day I dropped Justina
off at the centre. It took them two straight weeks to visit my home and to disinfect it. Before they
came, I had already done the much I could do. I used bleach and detergent to clean the whole
house, furniture and clothes inclusive. We should be reminded and educated that a healthy person
with Ebola virus cannot get anybody infected, except if the person is sick and totally down with the
virus like what happened to Sawyer and to my late wife-to-be, Justina. I contacted the virus
because Justina was very sick and I was taking care of her without any appropriate protection.
When we knew what we were dealing with it was almost too late for me as I had already contacted
the virus” he said.

On what was done for him after his visit to the Isolation centre, Dennis said
“The Lagos State government sent health professionals to check on me regularly to know how l
was doing or if l had the signs of the virus manifesting. So they used to come around to check on
me. At some point they created scenes with their visits. I was embarrassed and I was stigmatized.
I complained severely to them that I didn’t like what they were doing. Then, one Saturday they
visited again, I complained about the pains I was beginning to experience; excruciating pains
around my waist. I started praying and asking people to pray for me. Before this time, I believed in
the Holy Communion, so I usually take it daily and do feet washing. I was going to the hospital
daily to see late Justina. Initially, I was seeing her through the window and she would say I should
take her out of the hospital. She complained of lack of care. Perhaps, Justina would have survived
the virus, if not for the state she was in. Her immune system was down because she was pregnant.
Along the line, she had a miscarriage and lost the baby due to the Ebola virus disease. The
doctors, who were supposed to do an evacuation on her couldn’t do it because they claimed that
an evacuation was too risky as she was heavily infected and may pass on the virus to another
person. Since nothing was done even after the bleeding had stopped, it led to more complications
for her because the already dead foetus somehow got rotten in the womb and started a damaging
process which led to further complication. Meanwhile, she was still stooling and vomiting and since
nobody could dare to touch her, she was left on top of her excretions even when she couldn’t do
much for herself due to her weak state. She was given her incisions and other drugs. I believe if
some people survived Justina should have been one of them. At a point, I wished I was a doctor
myself; I would have taken the risk of doing the evacuation because it really affected her”.

On the last day he say his late fiancee, Dennis said
“The last day I saw her, I had to go inside the ward because she was so unkempt as nobody
attended to her. At that time, the quarantined patients were in the former facility where there was
no water and she had messed up herself again. I had to look for water to clean her up, change her
pampers and arrange her bedding. Since I was aware of what I was dealing with, I got myself
protected while cleaning up the place. I made sure she looked better than when I saw her. Justina
was shivering the last day I saw her, one side of her stomach was already swollen, and her legs
were also swollen. I prayed for her.At a point, she needed oxygen and the hospital couldn’t provide
it. Her friends had to provide it. That was the last day I saw her. On Sunday Morning, I called her
line like I usually did before visiting her, but she didn’t pick her calls. When I got to the hospital, I
was told that she was dead”.

Asked if late Justina was taking his calls while she was at the Isolation center, Dennis said;
“Yes, in fact she called me that last day and I knew she was going to give up, because she was
saying some funny things. She said I should tell my people to go and meet her father so as to
finalize our marriage plans, that she’s leaving that place.
Asked if he was not scared that he would die form the illness seeing that his Fiancees health was
deteriorating, Dennis said;
“I personally don’t believe in taking medications. I had the mentality that I wasn’t sick. I told the
government what I was experiencing. On the day they came to pick me up for treatment, all of a
sudden, my temperature went back to normal. The shivering and pains were all gone. So they
decided that they would be checking on me. But it got to a point people stopped selling things to
me. It was as if the government got a report that I shouldn’t be around. So, they came and said I
should go with them that they wanted to take my blood sample. I went with them and they took my
blood sample, I was kept in a ward known as the ‘suspected ward. The result came out and it was
positive. I was then taken to a confined ward. One of the doctors from UNICEF, a white lady told
me that they were having issues with the results and that they would have to re-run the tests.
They did the tests again and it was still positive. I told them that it wasn’t my result and that I was
healthy. I was even doing my usual exercises (press-ups) every morning. I kept telling them that I
wasn’t sick. They took my blood sample the third time. That night, they told me that I tested
negative in the last result and that I don’t have any reason to remain there. That was how I was
discharged” he said

Speaking on what was hapening to his job as he was under isolation, Dennis said;
“I was a marketer in an oil and gas company. I worked on commission basis, but at a point, I
realized that people were not calling me and when I called they won’t pick my calls. Even the
person that I report directly refused to pick my calls and also refused to associate with me.
Justina and I just got our jobs, she got hers at First Consultant Hospital and I got mine as a
marketer with the oil and gas company.
On whether the government or First Consultant Hospital owes late Justina’s family some form of
compensations, Dennis said;
“Although, no amount of money they give to the family will bring her back I think the government
owes Justina’s family a lot because she died trying to save a situation. Justina died in active
service as her death wasn’t natural”.

On how his status changed from postive to negative, Dennis said
“I was reading a book on healing and taking of the Holy Communion. So I learnt to take Holy
Communion morning, afternoon and night. I also engaged myself in feet-washing every day before
going to bed. The Almighty God saved me; the Holy Spirit healed me. It wasn’t as though l didn’t
fall sick as l had direct contact with Justina but the Almighty God healed me. When I was
discharged, I got to my house on Saturday evening and spent two hours the next day, Sunday,
thanking God on my own. I didn’t go to church or anywhere because of the already established
stigma but today I can confidently attend church activities because I guess they all know I’m free
now. I know my faith and belief healed me. God also worked for me apart from the fact that my
immune system is also working. I believe I got healed also because friends prayed for me” he said.

http://www.nigerianwedding.net/how-i-lost-my-fiancee-unborn-baby-to-ebola-read-dennis-akaghas-interview/

I guess since Nigeria has recorded a low mortality rate from Ebola virus disease they decided to seek refuge here. ...#just my tots#

mesheal7:

I just sent the DG a thank you note. I honestly truely feel bad for those who wanted the camp experience, they must be devastated. For me though, I'm still contemplating what gift I should send the DG. Any suggestions?

lolz.. You could send him your pair of tennis shoes just be sure to confirm u wear d same size b4 u do.

the best news ever
A very big hug to Brig Gen JB Olawunmi and the entire management of NYSC who made my dream a reality.
And Sawyer even dou I despise u so much for bringing Ebola into my dear country, one gud thing finally came out of it...
To my fellow stream 2 corps members who really want to attend the camp..you could join Batch C or wait till nxt year...

#btw# tennis shoes for sale#size 39 # black waist purse also available# be quick to make your order# limited quantity available#

finally.
http://pulptastic.com/26-photos-show-true-meaning-lazy/

more..

more.

more

lolz

Sagamu - Ikorodu road
Ijebu Ode - Epe road
Ikorodu - Epe road

from my recent experience on those roads, THEY ARE DEATH TRAPS.

same in Abeokuta here too.

Magidun area of Ikorodu was already flooded as of sunday...dont know d situation dere now..May God save us from the destructive tendency of d rain.

do you have variety of colours?

do u hv variety of colours?

hahahaha!!! I just cracked my ribs..very hilarious buh so on point..

Marriages usually start off so nicely. Everyone cooperates-the couple, their parents, other relatives, friends.
Things usually run smoothly.
But somewhere along the way, marital disputes pop up. This is of course natural, but these can escalate to
dangerous levels if not dealt with correctly.
Sound Vision spoke to Shahina Siddiqui of the Islamic Social Services Association of the United States and
Canada (ISSA) about tips for couples dealing with marital disputes. She pinpointed some problems and
provided tips on how to deal with them.
1. Money
Couples argue over many things but money is by far one of the most frequent and serious. The solution is
to discuss issues openly and consult within the family.
For instance, the issue of a wife working outside the home can become a contentious one. This should
preferably be discussed before marriage. Also, if she does decide to work and the husband agrees, does she
want to contribute a certain portion to household expenses or will she keep all of the money for herself
(which is her right)?
One of the ways to avoid arguments about money is to simply make an easy budget which tracks expenses,
income, investments, and establishes a framework for taking care of regular family necessities (see a
sample budget for a family.
Also, learn how to make a budget and deal with debt. If you are a young student, keep in mind you have to pay off student loans. You
should also know where to get interest-free loans and what assistance is available (for more information about Islamic money issues, check
out Sound Vision's money page.
2. In-laws
In-laws are the focus of blame and reproach when there are marital disputes. But there are ways to maintain a good relationship with them.
Here are some tips:
a. Remember your spouse's parents have known them longer and loved them longer. Never make an issue about "me or them".
b. Let respective parties settle their own disputes. If your mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it.
Don't interfere
c. Don't tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with their parents.
d. Expect some adjustment time for parents after marriage to adjust to this new relationship.
e. Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws.
e. Always treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.
f. Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.
g. Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your dad.
h. Do not go to your parents with your quarrels.
i. If you are supporting your parents financially inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.
j. Do not forbid your spouse from seeing family unless you fear for their religion and safety.
k.Do not divulge secrets.
l. Make time to know your in-laws but stay out of their disputes.
m. Maintain the Adab (etiquettes) of Islam with your sister- and brother-in-laws (i.e.no hugging or kissing).
n. You are not obliged to spend every weekend with your in-laws.
o. Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.
p. Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.
q. Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage unless you allow them to.
r. Invite in-laws at least once a month for a meal.
s. Visit them when you can and encourage your spouse to visit their parents and regularly check on them.
t. When parents become dependent on their children, a serious discussion with all parties present should take place. Expectations
and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out.
3. Parenting
The tug of war that results from differing understandings of parenting are also a source of tension in marriage. One solution is to start
learning about Islamic parenting before having children. If you already have kids, you can still learn. Check out Sound Vision's parenting
page. Or contact organizations like ISSA for resources.
4. Stress
Stress is an almost constant factor in most people's lives in North America. Muslim couples are no exception. Stress from work, for
example, is carried into the home.
Couples and families need to work out a coping mechanism in the family. For instance, couples can take a walk to talk about the day or go
to the Masjid for at least one prayer. They can read Quran individually or together. The methods can vary, but as long as they are Halal and
work, they can be used.
5. Domestic violence
This is an extremely sad reality and unless it is dealt with promptly by victims, perpetrators and/or those concerned about the two, then the
family will break. Seeking help is necessary and if domestic violence is not stopped, the destructive effects will not only be harmful to the
husband and wife, but to their children as well.
Family members, friends and Imams need to stop the abuse. They must intervene and work on getting help for the husband and the wife.
6. Spiritual incompatibility
This is a growing problem in North America, where Muslims from all around the world live and different understandings of Islam are present.
There is a disturbing lack of tolerance amongst young Muslims, especially, who may get sucked into cult-like groups which preach a "we're
right and everyone else is wrong" mentality, whether the issue is where you put your hands in prayer or whether you decide to wear Western
clothes or traditional Eastern ones.
This intolerance is being transferred to marriages, where a couple may differ on minor points of faith. Married couples must understand the
difference between an Islamically acceptable difference of opinion and one that is not. They must develop a tolerance, balance and respect
for their differences on that basis.
7. Sexual dysfunction
This is one of the least talked about problems, but it is one that is wreaking havoc in a number of marriages. Many couples who are
marrying are not learning the Islamic perspective on sex and marriage. As a result, when they are not satisfied with their spouse, a number
of them may turn to others or seek easy divorce, instead of a solution.
Couples have to understand that the marital relationship in this area, as in others, needs work and patience and cannot be the subject of
whims and impatience. Knowledge, practice and if possible, the advice of a wise, compassionate scholar are two key elements in finding a
solution to this problem.
8. Interfaith marriages
Islam forbids marriage between Muslim women and non-Muslim men. There are a number of Muslim women who have taken this step and
regretted it later. Such an action, in most Muslim families, results in the woman being isolated from her family with no support. As a result,
when marital disputes do arise, parental support, which is there for many Muslim couples, is not there for these women. These Muslim
women may also experience guilt for disobeying Allah and hurting their parents.
In other cases, Muslim women ask non-Muslim men they want to marry to convert shortly before the marriage to appease their parents.
Again this can lead to marital disputes. Two things usually happen. Either the man becomes a truly practicing Muslim and the couple is no
longer compatible; or he's bombarded with Muslims from the community wanting to invite him to Islam and he gets upset and may hate
Islam.
In the case of Muslim men marrying Jewish and Christian women, the situation is different. While Islam does allow this, Muslim men
marrying Jews and Christians need to remember that living in the West, if they end up divorcing, the children will almost automatically be
given to the mother. Also, remember that the mother is the child's most important school. If you want your kids to grow up as practicing
Muslims, you are better off marrying a practicing Muslim woman, especially in the West, where the unIslamic cultural influences outside the
home are strong enough. Inside the home, it will become even harder to maintain Islamic influences if a mother is not a practicing Muslim
herself.
9. Intercultural marriages
While Islam does not forbid intercultural marriages, they can become a source of tension when Muslims, primarily the couple, but also their
families, make their culture more important than Islam. If parental support is there for an intercultural marriage, things are smoother for the
couple. If there is not, and if there is even hostile opposition on the part of one or both sets of parents, it could be better to not marry the
person in the long run.
10. Lack of domestic skills
While girls are being encouraged to become scientists, engineers and doctors, for instance, there is little to no emphasis being placed on
gaining domestic skills. It should be remembered that in Islam, while women are not forbidden from working within Islamic guidelines, and
men are encouraged to help with housework, women's primary duty is within the home as a home manager and mother. As a result of the
lack of domestic skills, many married couples find themselves in messy homes, where meals lack proper nutrition and in general, there is
frustration.
If a married couple is working, husbands need to pitch in more in the home and remember that their wife is a not a machine, but a human
being who also needs rest after a hard day of work.
11. The modern Muslim woman meets the old-fashioned Muslim man
While young Muslim women of the West are being encouraged to be strong and confident, boys are being raised in the same way and with
the same cultural expectations as their fathers. As a result, young couples face a tug of war, when the old-fashioned, young Muslim boy
won't lift a finger around the house (since he never saw his dad do this) and his young Muslim wife expects him to pitch in, as the Prophet
Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) did with his wives.
As well, a number of young Muslim men expect their wives not to argue with them since they never saw their mother cross their father. This
is once again cultural. But what is clear is that boys and girls are being raised very differently. Parents have to be more careful to give
proper training to both children. As well, parents need to intervene in cases of dispute of this nature and be fair, not favor their own child.

http://www.soundvision.com/Info/socialservice/maritaldisputewest.asp

Thanks for this wonderful piece... have had ulcer for the past 7 years so u can imagn how handy this is to me... thnx