₦airaland Forum

Of cause it is.
I love technical jokes.

Genial! RESPECT.
I figd it out as well but it tuk me some tym.

Dis 1 is simply HILARIOUS nd so realistic. Lmao

Brovaz, be careful, dnt say its a joke dat woman just myte b on d oda side. Nobody wants to be capless.

Ha ha! LMAO!

D dumb ass bear will definitely spend d rest of his lyf chasing after a bike! Lmao

Translation: shes draging dick heads down d road. lol

Hmmm nice coding. Mey madam no go c am dey rent apartment wen she dey do to-let

Difficult

Man nd wife:chap6

WIFE: *hits hubby wit a pestle*
MAN: *slaps wife hard*
WIFE: u hit me! U've nva hit me b4 why did u hit me?
MAN: one gud turn deserves another.

No no no, dont tell me d sh*ts bn der 4 more than d day.
NO!

I tried it nd i waz lyj HELL NO! This is really freaky

D last part bout d fart, got me ROFLMAO

@realcute
i'm sory if u think of it dat way. I'll try not to b too harsh when criticisng. I dint realise it waz dat bad. Thanks 4 d correction ne way. *smiles* as 4 my post, u can check around.
@tessybaby
hope i dint offend u. Its just my way of rytn. Nothing personal.

But cum to think of it. I du acknwledge a GOOD joke.

tanx ne wayz

I culd do dat.

@tessybaby
Nd I'm sure you copied nd pasted dis msg as well.
Weit a minute, u seriously think nairalanders think up most of diz jokes?(u mst b kidn me).
U neva got to tell me wat u think so bout the JOKES so- - - i'm waiting.

U read my mind aiphie

Farm Fugitives

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside.
Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said, ''Meow'.'

"Just cats," he thought.

He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said, ''Woof'.'

"Just dogs," he thought.

As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he said, ''Potatoes!''

English teacher is busy



At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches
the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class
and a smart-ass jock raises his hand.

"What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exhausted?''

''Well, I guess you'd just have to use your other hand to write with.''

Hide the Duke



a boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner.
after dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes,
leaving him with the father and the dog duke, who was sitting underneath the
boy's chair. unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. he
stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.

"duke!" the dad yelled.

"this is great!" the boy thought. "he thinks the dog is farting!" so he let
out another one.

"duke!" the father barked. the boy thought he was home free so he let
everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"duke! get out of there before the boy s**** on you!"

Eye to Eye



Eye to Eye hat did the right eye say to the left eye?
Just between you and me. Something smells.

Where did I put it?



a girl was standing talking to her friends when one of them said “why have you
got a tampon behind your ear?” and she responded “s***! then where did i put my
cigarette?”

This is not primary school. we're done with this sh*t

The 2 Aliens



Once there was two aliens that they came down to earth looking for jobs. One
of them went to work at a Restaurant and the other went to work at a candy
store. One day as they came down the street, they found a dead man on the
ground. A police man shows up and asks, "How did you kill this man?" One of the
aliens said, with forks and knifes. The police man said you are going to jail.
One of the aliens replied back "goodie gum drops, goodie gum drops."

lil Johnny



Johnny walks into the bathroom and catches his mom sitting on the bowl in her
full glory.
He runs out to tell his dad. He asks his dad "What's that big gash
between mommy's legs?"
Dad replies, "That's where I accidentally hit her with an axe!"
The Johnny replies "WOW, you got her right in the cunt!"

25 THINGS YOU WILL LEARN IN 50 YEARS OF LIVING



1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of
helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason
why we observe "Daylight Saving Time."

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of
humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government are
entertainment.

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

6. A penny saved is worthless.

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace
in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward
the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few
microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter
enemies.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
all believe that we are above-average drivers.

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.

13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that
generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new
concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible
plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN
AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept into a show. The next time
they need an idea, the computer spits out, "SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG
PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then the next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY
BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." And so on. We need to
locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.

14. Nobody is normal.

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited
and announce that:
- The universe is even bigger than they thought!
- There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
- Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not
achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be:
"meetings."

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is
to annoy people who are not in them.

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what
the advertiser actually thinks. For example:
- If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the
advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other
Oldsmobile’s, appeals primarily to your father.
- If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there are
significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that
Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.
- If an advertisement shows a group of cool, attractive youngsters getting
excited and high-fiving each other because the refrigerator contains Sunny
Delight, the advertiser knows that any real youngster who reacted in this way to
this beverage would be considered by his peers to be the world's biggest dip.
- And so on those rare occasions when advertising dares to poke fun at the
product - as in the classic Volkswagen Beetle campaign - it's because the
advertiser actually thinks the product is pretty good. If a politician ever ran
for president under a slogan such as "Harlan Frubert: Basically, He Wants
Attention," I would quit my job to work for his campaign.

19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its
glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as
His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person.

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often,
that individual is crazy.

24. Your friends love you anyway.

25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

"What are you doing?"



A 60-year-old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom.
She opened the door and discovered her 40-year-old daughter playing with her
vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mom.
"Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married,
so this is pretty much my husband."
The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon
entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you
doing?" he asked.
His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old now and ugly. I
will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband."
The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.
The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand
and the vibrator sitting next to him, watching the football game.
"For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried.
The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and
watching the game with my new son-in-law!"

Man nd wife chap4

WIFE: don't deny it, you hate my family

MAN: no i don't hate your fmily. infact i love your mother in-law much more that i like mine

Man nd wife:chap5


WIFE: honey dinner is ready!

MAN:is my coffin ready as well?

Science

Man nd wife:chap3

WIFE: honey will u pls go clean up d garden? Its in a big mess.
MAN: BULLSHIT!
WIFE: and dats exactly wot u'll b having 4 dinner tonight.

;d
thanks