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What A Wife - Jokes Etc (2) - Nairaland

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Re: What A Wife by clemcykul(f): 1:46pm On Aug 21, 2007
oohhhh lawd grin grin grin grin grin mimi am dead with lafter, just grin get me a casket, ouch my tummy aches with tubulent ribs crackn lafter grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin am feeln u real good!!1 grin
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 1:58pm On Aug 21, 2007
sis take it easy its so good to laugh n make people laugh tx wink
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 3:09pm On Aug 21, 2007
Just got this, someone sent it to me and i decided to share.

One day in d front seat of a bus, a boy said 2 himself - if my Papa na King, my mama na Queen, I go be Prince; If my Papa na Lion, my mama be Lioness, I go strong.
The bus driver asked him - 4 say your papa na Agbero and your mama na Ashawo, wetin u 4 be? The boy looked at him and said: Bus driver!
Re: What A Wife by femib26(m): 3:11pm On Aug 21, 2007
mimiko, nice one but i heard it b4. grin cheesy
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 3:47pm On Aug 21, 2007
@ femib26
like i said i got it n i decided to share! tongue
Re: What A Wife by phenomenon(m): 12:05am On Aug 22, 2007
grin grin grin

Keep it coming girl!

Nice one again1

Why did you go dark?

Re: What A Wife by rasulua(m): 8:03am On Aug 22, 2007
?
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 8:23am On Aug 22, 2007
@ phenomenon
wats up i didnt get that, DARK? HOW?
Re: What A Wife by rasulua(m): 8:26am On Aug 22, 2007
Me either
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 8:53am On Aug 22, 2007
there is a reason for every thing cool

Re: What A Wife by phenomenon(m): 10:27am On Aug 22, 2007
grin grin grin
Guess God did that to add spice to the world!

mimiko:

@ phenomenon
wats up i didnt get that, DARK? HOW?

I never got to chat you again!
You jus kinda disappeared even on Nairaland
Till yest. of course.
Cheers
grin grin grin
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 9:18am On Aug 29, 2007
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One for the sisters and for the guys too so they can learn !!!!!





In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist, He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure,

The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.

"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

MEN NEVER LISTEN

Is that true?
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 9:51am On Aug 29, 2007
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large
bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the
bags?"

"Sand," answers Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that ~ get off the bike." The guard
takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags
contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, who crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every week for three years. Finally,
Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a cantina in
Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's
driving me crazy. It's all I think about. I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
Re: What A Wife by phenomenon(m): 12:19am On Aug 30, 2007
grin grin

Nice jokes! Love the 'ATR' one.

More Please!
grin
Re: What A Wife by ephizy2hot(m): 1:18am On Aug 30, 2007
na wa for this kind wife, thats ok
Re: What A Wife by rasulua(m): 9:27am On Aug 30, 2007
Juan,na guy!
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 12:42pm On Aug 31, 2007
for im country na guy
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 4:00pm On Sep 03, 2007
@phenomenom
how now
Re: What A Wife by phenomenon(m): 4:09pm On Sep 03, 2007
Hey you! grin grin Why have you forsaken me? cry cry
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 9:03am On Sep 04, 2007
forsake haaaaaaaaaaaaaa am always under the table now! as u can see my head is blocked cant seem to compose my jokes, anyways how u dey?
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 4:26pm On Sep 04, 2007
A married man was having an affair
With his secretary.
One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied,
"I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said:
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"



The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.
He was horrified
at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the
father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
"Not this time!"



The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician
commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home
"I have something to show
you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed,
"Schwartz is dead!"




The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you,"
she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied,
"the Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too."
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing."



The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
"How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied:
"Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?"
The bartender replied:
"The same thing
I'm doing to his business down here."



The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted,
"I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied,
" now just rest
and let the poison work."
Re: What A Wife by phenomenon(m): 6:44pm On Sep 04, 2007
mimiko:

forsake haaaaaaaaaaaaaa am always under the table now! as u can see my head is blocked can't seem to compose my jokes, anyways how u dey?

I'm all good! I can see you're back!

grin grin grin grin

Jus wondering if any of the affairs was true!

Twould really b a crazy situation.

Nice one there!
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 10:23pm On Sep 04, 2007
tx
Re: What A Wife by omogenaija(f): 10:37pm On Sep 04, 2007
lol
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 4:17pm On Sep 05, 2007
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her family. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen and shouted, "Careful. CAREFUL! Have you put in butter? Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT NOW! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Re: What A Wife by phenomenon(m): 5:03pm On Sep 05, 2007
grin grin grin

LOL! Least you must agree that some of you ladies can really nag! wink
Re: What A Wife by Migines(m): 5:09pm On Sep 05, 2007
Dis 1 is simply HILARIOUS nd so realistic. Lmao
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 12:29pm On Sep 06, 2007
yeah yeah only if guys could drive normally cool
Re: What A Wife by ioday(f): 2:12pm On Sep 06, 2007
mimiko:

yeah yeah only if guys could drive normally cool

What do you mean "normally"? Fast or Slow

When my guy drives, i feel like wrenching the steering from his hand. angry grin

He's always driving slow, looking for portholes and possible collision for pete's sake we are in LAGOS where danfo drivers dont care for "grin Owners" and I must confess I like the fast driving compare to slow driving cool cool
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 3:22pm On Sep 06, 2007
@ iody
madam i feel u oooo its just that i dont want these gys feeling all we re good at is nagging and nothing else
Re: What A Wife by mimiko(f): 11:28am On Sep 07, 2007
An Ibo man was converted to Islam, after all said and done; he was asked what name he would like to bear,
he was given options of Ibrahim (Abraham), Suleiman (Solomon), Musa (Moses) and a host of others.
He asked what good were the names, then the imam told him that if u choose any name there will be hope
that God will bless you the way he blessed those with the names originally, then the Ibo man asked
"how about Dangote grin grin grin
Re: What A Wife by Migines(m): 11:30am On Sep 07, 2007
@mimiko
i dnt get. As in dangote of "Dangote NIG LTD"?

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