₦airaland Forum

nahzyla:
Crap

aka nothing upstairs from you

chei e pain u gan
not everyone make foolish choice of spouse like you
most but not every

Seahawk:
You sound painfully childish.

Wait 15 years. Get married and then come back to tell me all about it. I’ll be here.

ImaIma1:
If you like you can dissect further and respond to each letter.

You think these are romantic ideas because of your "African" ideas. There are African men that do not have such archaic mentality thankfully.

those are not ''african'' men

Inlaws cannot run my home. They are visitors and they know that. No issues.

However it works for you is your concern.

painment

Seahawk:
pity yourself

bukatyne:
It is only a village dog that will be content with sleeping with the village public toilet and a decent girl wouldn't want to tangle with such.

If you haven't seen successful wives with careers in your cycle, it's your loss.

no such thing
go check am she is failing in motherhood
you can have 2 not all 3

Water should always seek it's own level.

[quote]

what kind of stoopid judges sentenced man with no evidence

Queennikky:
Please ooo, this question tire me, lets be sincere whose fault could this be

franciscajohn11:
Corruption means the dishonest or unlawful behaviour of people, especially people who are in authority or who have some power over other people. Any society in which corruption is common cannot progress or develop.

every developed society is corrupt
laziness is the problem not corruption

In our government offices today, when contracts are awarded to unqualified people because money has changed and or because the male official warding the contract have slept with the female the contract is being awarded to, such contract is usually not executed or shabbily executed.

contractes executed shabbily cos of zero repercussion on election day not ccorruption

And this type...Read more:-http://www.familygists.com/2018/03/corruption-in-our-society.html

ImaIma1:
Only a fool will base their lives on movies that are make believe. I am talking about real life. You obviously do not know what marriage is about or you have a twisted view about it.

i have very real idea
you however have romantic unrealistic view like op

The woman is not meant to be in a disadvantaged position when she gets married.

yes she is if she marries wrong guy which many women do and start crying wolf all after

His house becomes her house.

hahahaha so naive
this is africa not america or europe

I don't know about your tribe but in mine, the house is mine as much as it is his.

ok you're not a nigerian ,i see

And he has a duty to protect me from external issues especially from his family.

no,he has duty to protect what he values,clearly not you

Inlaws cannot just come and stay like it is their house.

yeah they can

Na me get house.

yet they run things in it [quote][/quote]

prov1029:
I am a believer that marriage is an institution that should be preserved, however sometimes when you look at the various break ups, you find out the woman and children have a lot to lose. Too many interruptions from family, friends and all this advice of take a second wife to give me grandchildren.

what grandchildren
you just said there are children involved

So I suggest alimony should be brought to the table. So that when a man either impregnates or leaves his wife or a woman, he must be made to pay child support this way control will be brought to the institution called marriage and children will not have to suffer for the irresponsibility of their parent.

so that women can trap men with marriage and pregnancy?

Reason i propose these is that little is done by parents to take care of their children's future. For example, how many parents are willing to take up insurance on their life so that when they get old and pass on their children will become beneficiaries.

how dis take concine alimony

I once heard a man who now lives abroad say his child is irrespossibel and he has no business taking care of him (a child he had when he visited nigeria while married).

us true he doesn't owe him anything

Mind you his elder brother who has five children of his own has been taking care of the child since birth. This man lives overseas and is married with children, do you think he can utter this in the country he resides which happens to be the US.

this is not the us and usa about to have serious problems cos of this policy
they are being colonised by third world ppl that have kids like rabbits
due to guys staying away from american women
so low birth rate

Hence my concern will correctly say what are parents doing to help their children other than blaming society or federation. What securities are their for the upcoming generation.

what security has been for previous generations

But when they pass on children are expected to perform during burials to the tune of millions

na mumu go bury pesin with millions when e no get moni to chop

depends
what if yua a badder criminal

sisisioge:



Craaazy topics keep roving through people's minds! Hian , can you conveniently hire an ex con to work for you?

ImaIma1:
Bare survival?

yep

The husband's house is more of her home than his familys'. When two people get married, they become ONE and other people INCLUDING FAMILY becomes third parties.

says who?not him and he owns the house

Family coming once in a while can be accommodated but it should not be a norm.A lot of them make it their right and make that period tiring for you.

nothing you can do if HE tolerates nay encourages it

Bare survival or home interference, families should learn to keep off as much as possible.

and if they don't whatchu go'n do 'bout it
who will lose more
better forget what you see in the movies

not enough to live more o
cos of bio clock una gas market una market

sisisioge:
Oh baby...I should buy you a drink! Whew! My story isn't far from yours o.

But relax...it will happen.

For someone not an eye sore, my case is freaking funny. The A loves B but B loves C story is just too real. And they say I'm doing shakara, some even say I'm an intentional bachelorette ( I no fit spell am jare) wetin we go do nau? Finding the One is an herculean task!

Here is my advice: try to live more and not think too hard about it. Treat yourself to some feel good therapy dear...expensive hair(no apologies, trust me it feels goooood to wear them) , nice perfumes (my sis just got the bottle of Marc Jacob that looks like a purse...been stealing it), lovely shoes and put on some lipstick! Ogbeni, live a little by enjoying your spinsterhood while it last. You will soon be responsible for plenty people

By the way, I no be your mate for age o...my mama dey presently confused about my status sef. My bestie is married to a guy she met within a year! They met here on NL o( they just saw each other and knew straight up) I never fail to point out their luck to them. No be say guys aren't coming, we just no dey jive ni. A particular Nairalander has turned it to fight for me after I told him straight up its a nono for me after an exchange of about three emails. Wetin person go do nau...we owe ourselves the responsibility of finding the One lest we create dysfunctional homes. I miss the companionship, I miss the sense of being a team mate, I seriously can't wait to procreate, I envy my friends with those wonderful kids mehn...but I want a man who would light me up like a bulb.

You will find... Just relax.

so you want to be a thief when you grow up

Akachukwuroland:
Ihedioha, my kind of model at 53.

A Birthday tribute by Aic Akwarandu

24th March, 2018.

One of the greatest gifts one can have in life while growing is to have someone to look up to. More often than not, the person involved my not actually know the level of inspiration he is offering to others. He may also not know that he is being admired secretly. However, what is important is that his or her behavior, character, ways of doing things, motivates someone. According to Oprah Winfrey, “A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” Relaying on this, one may not necessarily have access to his or her mentor but constantly motivates you to see where you are going in future. Going forward, the character of your mentor, his or her weaknesses, style and ways of doing things, should not only motivate you but to a greater extent inspires you to put up a much better fight for a better tomorrow.

Politics to a greater extent have destroyed our society. To me, this is pathetic considering the fact that it’s difficult to discuss about a man without discussing politics. It’s a common knowledge that once politics is attached to any discussion, it immediately divides into the opposing and proposing sides. This is because, politics as widely explained is a game of interest and once interests are involved, one would ordinarily expect an opposing and supporting side.

Remembering the man Ihedioha without any recourse to politics makes me happy. A simple and compassionate man whose major interest in life is to see younger people grow around him. A man very emotional to the core. A man with a human heart who believes that an injury to one is an injury to all. Rt. Hon. Emeka Ihedioha I have come to appreciate for his companionate life. As a younger man, I have adjusted my ways of doing things severely because of him. Most times you don’t need to hear him speak, but his actions, behavior and ways of life will direct and guide you appropriately. Most times I imagine the man as a professional Teacher. I’m constrained to add the word professional because he teaches a lot. Chief Ihedioha as a teacher will continually educate his students how to be self reliant in life. Ihedioha will teach you that you don’t need what you are not using. He will imbibe the culture of self sufficiency among our youths. Indeed, Chief Ihedioha will everyday be my kind of teacher. That teacher you are always eager to listen to. That teacher that keeps you comfortable in his class. That teacher that you comfortably solicit for his assignment because you have learnt enough. What an exemplary model we have.

I’m happy to celebrate you at 53. At 53, you have built several homes outside yours. At 53, you have lived the life of a father to many. At 53, you have built bridges across board. At 53, you have lived the life of a responsible Nigerian, a role model, a mentor, and a guardian to many. You have made your generation proud. According to Ralph Waldo Emerson, “ Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood”. Keep being great, the Lord will accomplish what ever he has desired for you. Not even one will be left behind.

I join the rest of the world to celebrate you today. You are my kind of model, a mentor. You are not impeccable. But you work hard to achieve the best. May your 53 years on earth continue to be an inspiration to my kind. Congratulations, His Excellency.

Happy celebration at 53!

bukatyne:
If your wife was not working and you were done having the kids you want to, how would you prevent pregnancies?

I agree that people would abuse the access to contraceptives for casual sex.

And that is where out agreement ends.

Like others, you seem not to understand that unlike other vices, sex takes two or more to tangle so both parties male and female must uphold the virtues they want. Loose men = loose women and vice versa.

Men cannot want the license to have free sex and expect their women to be chaste..... except they want to be sleeping with goats and sexdolls.

why not
that is what the village public toilet is for

@Your wife: it is pitiful that things have broken down this way and you feel that pills are responsible for it. I do not know your story and cannot dispute it.

All I know is that other women have taken this pills for eons and led successful families & careers.

successfully covered up careers abi

If you decide to take another go at marriage, please marry a woman who has similar views in terms of career.

simples

nahzyla:
Sincerely women are suffering in marriages.

Many men are just narcissistic control freaks.

If you work na wahala if you don't work na wahala

If she wants a career let her pursue it.

who is stopping them

I know of situations where men suddenly

no man suddenly bcomes a brute
she just ignored the signs for society wedding

become brutes and start treating their wives like thrash because they feel she isn't 'contributing' even when she is taking care of both kids and household. Such wives are always stay at home moms. 90% of the time men will turn against the wife and start taking her for granted just because she isn't contributing financially.

why do women marry such 90% men 90% of the time
are they that stoopid

One of my married cousins who has been looking for a job for a long time since marriage calls me to talk about how her husband says stupid annoying words to her because he is feeling the pressure of being a sole provider.

why did she marry hungry man without job of her own

They don't even have a large family, it's just one kid and the guy loves in Lagos working at a 5milli a year job.

she shud check her demands

What about the ones that the husbands keeps threatening to throw them out just because they know she will not be able to survive on her own because she has no means of livelihood.

why did they marry such a man

They threaten the wives to exert power and bully them.

why did they marry bully [quote][/quote]

NewMe135:
love the word you used, “with sense”. I am definitely not against catering for his parents, and even his siblings. But if having them in my house will seize the peace of my household, then it does not worth it. They don’t lack anything, and I believe that is the most important thing. I too have a family, but I have never brought them into my house because there is bound to be conflict of interest. This case is even worse because my husband’s brother is way older than him, and my husband that I know will not let him exercise seniority in his house. So when they have a fall out because of their ego, who will the family blame?

and why do you present yourself for blaming.why are you carrying them on your head.do your best and leave the rest.why not leave the house for them.only come in to sleep and find your way the next day till they leave.choose your battles wisely

NewMe135:
You are very correct. One part that pains me so much is that these same parents have daughters, and they never let their daughters Inlaw’s treat them quarter of the way they treat me. They are always ready to put up a fight and tell them that they laboured for their children, hence would not allow anyone to mistreat them.
So where did I come from? Maybe I fell from the sky.

and your own family abandoned you and you don't see you're the problem.

boys and girls not equal
take it or leave it

NoToPile:


Help me ask him ooo

Parents will behave and conform sharp sharp when it comes to their daughters home but will want to make life a living hell for their sons wife, same parents different approach to siblings of opposite sex.

bukatyne:
I want to believe that the parents have no daughters or they did not take care of them too?

they know their daughters will be taking care of their husbands family.why do you think ppl always want boys

NewMe135:
With this ur infant behavior, I doubt if any woman in her right senses will ever marry you. Even if she mistakenly does, let me see how long ur marriage will last. It is men like you that think women are only good for sex.

what else are they good for

But it is these same women that will bear children you will call your own for you.

so?other women can do same

Why don’t you impregnate one of your sisters let them have children for you.

called inbreeding,talk with sense not emotion

Or better still, marry them since you love your family so much. If you still have parents, ask them where their parents are now. Also ask them where their siblings are now. They are/have living/lived their lives already. Your father and mother will remain together and be there for each other till death do them path. Carry your family on ur head okay. And stupidly ignore your immediate family.

is he providing roof for you
food
school fees
how has he neglected you

Let’s see how you will be treated at your old age.

be fooling yourself
you are easily replaced
his family is not

You have chosen your path. I wish you the best. As for me, my immediate family’s interest comes first before my extended family.

ask oyinbo ppl how that turns out for them in old age

I don’t hate them, in fact, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. But maturity is placing people and things in priority. I will place my immediate family in priority.

NewMe135:
Listen, let me tell you something. It is men like you who think they know it all that will one day end up breaking their home. After they are done breaking their home, their family will then blame them that they were not man enough to hold a home.
The Bible that says “that is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and they will become one flesh” know how important a family bond is.

did bible know that buhari and pdp will turn economy upsidedown

If you have sense at all, you will know that it is the same wife I plan to mistreat that will cater for you, until death do you path. You must be an illiterate not to understand the meaning of healthy distance.

hahahahaha plenty women can be hired to take care of men till their death
it only takes a will to enforce their loyalty
its funny how you insult strangers and don't realise it is why the family don't like youu

May you be blessed with female children and marry them to a man

again your family did not marry you off,you chose to marry

that him and his family will will use them like they fell from the sky.

who no like awoof

I don’t know why stupid Nigerians like you never want to develop some sense. You feel a woman should be treated like trash.
May you marry a woman that will give you the taste of your own medicine.
If you notice my username, it is “NewMe”. NewMe because my old quiet self did not favour me, saying yes to everything. I hope you marry a woman that will not make the mistake I made. I hope you marry an action woman that can put you where you belong when you mistreat her.

Just a word for you, “treat ur woman like a queen, and she will treat you like a king”. It is not a one way thing, because it’s not a master/slave relationship. If you so need a slave, go get one and don’t disguise yourselves as a husband because you are not matured enough to be called one.

NoToPile:
You are being biased and unreasonable abeg, I believe you are a man. 6 months accommodating inlaws that make your wife and children miserable is unrealistic to the extent she ended up at the hospital. The fact that the eldest child hate the grandmum after their stay is alarming, children love grandparents.

oyinbo chudren don't love strict grandparents

Your woman is also your family and extended Family ties are negotiable, when family tries to hurt the wife and kids then all bets are off IMO. Men should let them know you don't hurt my wife and children pls it's that simple, they will caution themselves.

how are they hurting her
she has so much money why doesn't she get a bigger house or housemaids to help instead of trying to kick his family out.
how wud she like it if her husband said her family shud live in hotel

NewMe135:
Thank you for your suggestions my friend.
I value my family but the family I have with my husband comes first. I cannot let them leave in my house, they would not even welcome the idea. Because no matter how good they are, relationships might sour. That is why healthy distance is very important. There is dignity in short visit

can he afford the short visits

NewMe135:
You need understanding. Jumping into conclusions. Go back and read my post before commenting senselessly.

now ur real colour showing

I said I had good relationship with his whole family before his parents came visiting.

relationship from long distance is not relationship

I said I don’t mind him caring for his family,

yes you do

I could even contribute.

you think caring is all about money.

But he should keep a healthy distance. Ask google the meaning of healthy distance.
Did you see anywhere in my post where I said I hated his family?
Please think before you comment

NewMe135:
I pray God bless you with a daughter. Until then, you are still too young in brain to understand issues like these.

So if this was the other way round, will you say this same thing that the men think they can hack into women’s life and become number one.

I hope your wife puts her family’s interest before your sorry self.

she will go back to her fathers house that day

not everywoman will be as naive as you are

NewMe135:
My wish is for you to suffer half of what I have suffered in their hands if you are a woman, and Let someone tell you to leave the house you contributed money with your husband to own.
If you are a man, I wish you meet a woman that will give you your medicine if you or your family dare to mistreat her.

no man will stand for such nonesense
next time look bfor you leap

cococandy:
the marriage is ‘not burning’ when his family members are there causing problems but hers will cause it to burn?.

Clear evidence that most of you guys are two-faced hypocrites who can’t take what they give.

why shud we.
you comparing yoursef to man
i pity you

Kinggnicole:
..and good in-laws should love their son's wife and not treat her like a slave.

good woman shud not marry ppl that will treat her like slave

[quote author=Kinggnicole post=66101994][/quote]they are not making life difficult for her
she did that all by herself when she married him knowing how he fet about his family

ImaIma1:
So that is why they should come and stay for 6 whole months? 6 months!!! Even if they laboured for their son, he is a married man and their interference in his home is supposed to be limited.

we're talking bare survival you are talking home interference

Not even one person,...mother inlaw, father inlaw, brother inlaw with wife. He should just bring his whole village. And they will always find fault in what she does.

cococandy:
Someone you knowingly married did not hack into your life. You made the vow to put them first

which vow are you talking about
can you read and comprehend or you just makin sht up

Stop sounding like an infant. Live with your parents forever if you may but don’t get married and then start treating your wife like she ‘hacked’ her way into your life

she is the one looking for ring by any means necessary.guys don't need you,you need us to be complete

NewMe135:
We used to be love birds before his parents came visiting us. I had very good relationship with his whole family before his parents came and spoilt it all. I am the quiet type that hardly react to things, but one thing I hate is oppression. Because of all they did to me, to the extent of me having a miscarriage as a result of stress, I lost trust in them. But in all those, after they left, I still called them to say hello because they remain my husband’s parents forever. Because of all they did to me, my husband promised me that they would not visit us anymore since I almost lost my life.
After a few months, my husband started to tell me his parents were coming from Nigeria to spend another six months with us. I felt betrayed by my husband. I started to feel he did not value my life. I am not against him showing love to his parents, in fact,I still sent them money. He knows that bring them into our home is trouble for me. The worst is that he is also bringing in his brother and his wife to come live with us for six months too. *His brother does not like me, because their parents don’t like me*. Even if he want to support his brother, he can do it outside our home. I even volunteered to work to help pay rent for his brother and his wife, because I want peace in my home. All these to no avail. When I complain about the way he put his family’s interest before me and our kids (our kids that his mother treated badly because she hate me, to the extent that the older one became scared of her) he tells me that I am being inconsiderate. Thousands of pounds were spent to take care of my medical bills when his parents were in our house. Though the govt paid it, but all the suffering was bore by me alone
I need advice please!!! My home has become a quarrel zone. We now hardly stay 1 week without quarelling, when I say anything, he relates it to his family and tells me he must help them. I am not against him helping them, but I think helping them from a distance is more healthy for the family we both have together. I believe in HEALTHY DISTANCE, but my husband do not see things in this light.
Please don’t mind my English.

define healthy distance

For those of you who have come here to judge me, for the records, I got married to my husband in Nigeria before we moved out of the country. It will disappoint you to know that I got pregnant after we got married, and suffered with him to achieve all we have today. I did not meet him already made, we started our hustling together.

so?

Maybe you may might understand my situation if you had a sister who married a man, struggled with him from the beginning, worked and gave him all her income,

so now you own him cos you gave all your income you think you've done anything special

and did all she could to make him and his family happy,

you try to make everyone happy
you make no one happy

only to be seen as a weak person who they can use like she fell from the sky.

you are weak

Maybe if she also tells you that her husband bought a property in Nigeria with their sweat, but she has never set her eyes on the documents, not even a picture of it.

so? buy your own na

Maybe if she also told you that their kids became scared of his mother because of the way she treated them you might understand.

you want your kids to grow up indisciplined abi cos you de yankee

I kept quiet for years because I wanted peace.

first mistake

I gathered everything inside of me. What happens to an elastic when it is stretched beyond its limits? IT WILL CUT!!!

de fool ursef
it will break

Do you know that our physical well-being is controlled by our inner peace? Maybe you go do some research.
People just come out without thinking, making senseless replies because they know how to conderm others.

you knew all this yet posted on public forum
you're not very bright

If you face a quarter of what I faced, you will not live to tell the stories.

ppl have faced worse and don't beach and moan like you

When you have daughters, or if you have sisters, you can marry them out to a man

hey dumdum
you were not married out
you chose to marry a guy whose priority you are not

and tell him and his family to treat her she fell from the sky.

[quote]