₦airaland Forum

[quote author=neutrotoba post=30784719][/quote]Emp-Ty-N.............Your worst connection ............

Abeg port

standd:
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Standd. On Love and a typical Nigerian.
© 2015

All rights reserved ®

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By now you know I am a Nigerian- Born, 'bread' and 'ewa-agoined' in Lagos, Nigeria.

And oh, I have been in love, with people, places and the good things of life. Now to the topic of discourse..

I once told my friend that when a Nigerian talks about love, he never really understands love in the context of relationship and marriage.
Even our ancestors did not buy into the sham called love in the contexts mentioned above...

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200 years ago, in one remote village in Nigeria...
Bala went on a journey to a land far away, and returned home with 18year old maiden named yejide. No questions asked, no fanfare, no useless and unnecessary profession of love and whatnot, no shawarma, no trips to the mall, no lies...
Bala and his maiden bride, lived happily ever after.
Bala became a successful cocoa farmer, with 12-15 children sired from his loins...
Let us not forget that Bala probably married other wives and never slacked in his duties as a husband, father and head of the home...
Bala probably never mouthed the word love, yet he lived with his wives in peace and contentment.

****
Two years ago, Lekki, Nigeria.

Freda met Jude inside one of the many shops at Spar...

'Cheiii, see this clean guy, designers from specs to shoes, nice hair-cut, sweet skin-tone...God pls let him look at him...oh God! I love him already'

Freda mused within while pretending not to see Jude. She then stylishly turns her backside to him, ensuring that her well proportioned 'Ukwu' is in Jude's line of vision.

Then the Ukwu catches Jude's eyes...(Pls note, the Ukwu, not Freda's character, caught Jude's eyes)

'Oh my god! Baba, see yansh, if I no knack this babe, make I die...na my food be this one'

Meanwhile, Jude has a fiancée, a girlfriend at his work-place, a side-chick and Chinwe, the FWB.

So, Freda meets Jude and in the course of talking and gisting, they mention LOVE a thousand times, over and over again.

They exchange pings and buzzes, send a million emojis, Jude dazzles Freda with his cash and swag while Freda swings from cowgal to 'kukere' on the king-sized bed.

Pls, don't ask me what Jude and Freda are up to right now...We all know Jude will not get married until he is nearing 60, when there are a million Fredas asking for his 'Love' and then maybe there's no job ( Ok, pls blame Jonathan) or perhaps Freda's wife-material can barely sew a blouse ( forget the love they claim to share) or maybe, just maybe, one pastor somewhere saw a vision that Jude's wife is fair-skinned...If Freda is dark-skinned, then love will frizzle into thin air...

And Freda just realized she is nearing 40 and her biological clock is about to crash ( No, she can not change the battery)... So she no longer loves Jude...

Oh! She even blocked him on whatsapp...end of story.


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2 weeks ago, somewhere in Nigeria, two people meet on an online forum and 'fell' in 'love'.
They exchanged PMs, flirt and cat-fished each other to Jerusalem and back. Then finally, they meet...

Boy: Oh! You are so lovely. I love you so much. I will marry you. I feel like I have met you since forever.

Girl: I love you too. Yes, I will marry you.

Boy: I love you

Girl: I loved you first.

Boy: I love you.

Girl: I love you and I want you.

Boy: I love you.

Girl: I love you ( insert 'kiss' smiley ten times).

They have sex (though they say it's making love).
They profess love over and over again like mentally-challenged oafs.
****
Three years later, they are still dating...Ten years later, their engagement and wedding ring, lay in chibuzor's shop in Balogun market, waiting to be bought.

And they keep on dating and dating and dating till eternity....


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Okay, for some gals- love equals how many shawarma you can buy, and how much you have to spend. For some, they will love you by washing your entire house, cooking Onugbu, Ogbolo, Masa, Jollof rice, and cat-fish pepper soup just to increase their wife-material...

Some men will love you only when your yansh is in the air, and you will hear them yelling their love as they cum all over your destiny.

Some will love with all their heart, introduce you to their folks, help you loosen your dirty braids, and even buy you a BB Z200...But please, love will not stop them from slapping your mouth till you bleed if you irk them a bit or straffing the gal down the street.

*****
Nigerians are good people, they look out for each other, welcome strangers, they help the old to cross busy roads, return 12 million naira found in Airport toilets. Nigerians are hard working, peaceful and very open. But please, can we all go back and ask our aged folks, elders and kinsmen what they said in place of 'love'.

Because as it is...
Our brand of LOVE in Nigeria can barely cross from Osun to Nnewi.

Our brand of LOVE sees and appreciate facial beauty to character.

Our brand of LOVE do not respect poor husbands but can take kicks and blows from rich husbands. Forget the lies about staying for the children, if Baba Biliki was a Vulcanizer, you will not think twice before kicking his ass out.

Our brand of LOVE do not understand marriage vows, some would say the vow today and drive to pekas tomorrow to pick up the 'fair sisters'.


I am NOT sorry to say this, love in the context of relationships and marriage is not a Nigerian thing. My opinion...


Sometimes, a man will genuinely love a gal but then the guy's mother who is from Anambra will not let him bring a Delta girl home... Not even a gal from Imo. They can love from Gaza to Namibia, love in Nigeria do NOT cross boundaries!

But surprisingly, a Nigerian Man can bring home his ancestors age-mate from the United States, and his mother will forget that Texas is farther than the city in Ogun state where she had earlier rejected the bride that dared to love her son.

They say love in Tokyo, not love in Nigeria after all.

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Then if the guy is unlucky enough to be Hausa, and the gal's father is a very 'holy' Man of God...Then, they should fling their love in the nearest lagoon....In my country, if you truly want to love when your traditions and folks are not smiling, you simply elope. Gather your mat and bride, and flee to Egypt...If you send foreign money some years later, they will forgive you and hop the nearest bus to find Western Union Money Transfer.


****
Still on the matter......Maybe,

40 years later, somewhere in the Mega city of Lagos, Nigeria. ( Yes, Nigeria..or you think there's Biafra and Arewa Republic? )

Amy meets Kamalu in the electric train plying Ikorodu to Berger....


Kamalu: How are you ma'am?

Amy: Fine, thank you.

Kamalu: Where are you from?

Amy: Nigeria.

Kamalu: Cool, me too. I work at Chevron.

Amy: I am a tailor.

Kamalu: It's a pleasure meeting you.

They exchange numbers and plan to meet again.

**
After about five dates....

Kamalu: You are really nice and homely, will you give me 3 babies?

Amy: *blushes* Why not?

Kamalu: Ok. Let's meet at Orions clinic. I will have them freeze my sperm. When you get there, just mention my name and they will collect your eggs.

Amy: Okay.

Deal sealed. No mention of love or marriage or all these yamayama lie lie things.

Lol (Pls, I wasn't laughing at all when I said that, the same way I don't feel anything when I type - 'I love you' )

Everyone is saying it, no be only me waka come.



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[b]Seriously, I really wish people can come out clean and define what they want from the get-go. You want to knack a gals bum, tell her (promise marriage and thunder will fire you).

You see a nice homey girl, groom her and table your desires before her, work on yourselves and take a vow to cherish and truly love..(Pls, you can not love Chinwe and Bola and Augusta and Sumaiya all at once, fear God na).

You want to attend pekas-fellowship and Ashewo-community your entire life, brother, pls do. Your kini is your own to use as you deem fit. But don't turn that gal who truly wants you into a tramp. And don't get married, if your kini has been ordained from heaven to render community-service. (There's no crime in staying single, don't mind the noise in the market)

You see a guy that you fancy, he fancies you too and starts to woo you. Decide what you want, do you want to settle with a man, or you desire you to be gang-messed by the entire male community, all in the name of 'big-gal', your name is on the register of every club..
You want to pull a Toke-Makinwa on every party organizer...
Pls, sister...decide what you want. It's your life after all.
But pls, don't get married if you still desire your ex's anaconda or you are not inclined to love and truly love.


*****[/b]
Yes..true love exist in Nigeria, as long as people still build and visit orphanages, give to the poor, help the helpless and homeless, look out for neighbours and basically, show love and respect others.

But shouldn't we all be thinking more of mutual-respect, trust, loyalty, self-respect/preservation, moral values and mutual-interests...instead of professing LOVE that we don't even understand.

Shouldn't we be asking our 'fathers' what they told our 'mothers' back in the days before the 'oyinbos' crossed the rivers to land on our shores.

Choiiii!

'Megida, I love you so much'
Meanwhile, what she loves is his looks, his cars, his cash and his spending-abilities'

'Rebecca, I will never leave you for any other'
Meanwhile, his spirit already left his body to visit Mary.. and the desk in his office is scarred with the indents of several female butt-shapes.

How do we all mouth 'I love you' in Nigeria and still manage to keep a straight face.


Even the not-so-good-looking Sister Mary in DLCM is nearing 50, and no man has seen her in his dreams or approached her. Pls, we know the Holy-spirit does not discriminate, so tell me, why is Sister Mary not married! Why?


Love kooo, love niiiii...
Say you like me and I'll smile and say thank you but you meet me today and you say you LOVE me and you are a NIGERIAN....
*Blood of Jesus*




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This is my opinion....Comments and contributions are welcome.
Please like and share.
Thank you.

Visit my blog:
Chesapeakesblues

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Standd,
Feb, 2015.

Well said sir.............very deep words especially for the highlighted parts

Aawwww..........So Sweet...............#Tearyeyed

Eire:
We are not married yet,but we will be very soon.I was sitting down on a bench beside a monument close to train station,waiting for my cousin to come to city for a girlie day out and shopping.While waiting,I saw him walking towards monument to cross the junction.As he was passing me,he looked straight into my eyes and i returned the 'favour'.We repeated that again and he walked off.One van was parked so close to me and by accident,i looked at the side mirror of the van.To my surprise,i saw him come back.He sat beside me and used that old trick:'You look familiar.' We chatted a bit and exchanged the numbers.'History' later, i am having a girlie day out with same cousin,but now i am looking for wedding dress.

buygala:
Too many perverts crawling the streets


May God help us

walahi.............it's scary o

phabuloz:
Two things that I av learnt: first never buy anything in a woman's name,secondly never buy a thing in a woman's name cos anything can happen @any given time

Did you read it...........He said she bought the land and she did so in her maiden name...........The guy na broke ass, let him move out, they were never married, just live in lovers

IfyAwazie:
Atleast Its better asking for help dan dumping the child inside bin or bush.

Abi oooo

missjenna:
Op what I don't understand is why you posted this here.
Do you derive some sort of weird pleasure in showing people your flaws and short comings?
Or don't you know that what you did was wrong?

Of course no guy would tolerate a lazy lady. So you go to his house and you still expect him to cook for you?
The fact that he said you don't wash his clothes means that you have never even tried to wash his clothes for once.

Despite the fact that I am an advocate for women rights and gender equality, I believe that there are things that women are obliged to do.
You don't even lay the bed you slept on? Definitely, any man would be annoyed by this. Its spells laziness and immaturity on your part. It also shows that you are not an organized person

Op this guy loves you an he wants to marry you, that is why he is saying all this. The best you can do for yourself is change.
Prove to him that you have changed so that he doesn't leave you for another woman
Thanks

Well said.............

seggzz:
I have a very beautiful virgin girl but cannot cook as I do. There was a time I asked her to prepare a pepper soup meal. She didn't know the procedures and she had to ask me the cooking procedures. And I was ashamed with the way she wanted to prepare the meal. I pushed her away and I prepared it myself. She was surprised that I can cook that good after she tasted it.

Moreover, I still asked her to cook egusi soup and stew with turkey differently. She couldn't cook it well even after some assistance, the egusi soup tasted salty. And now, I do most of the cooking anytime she visits me. She confessed that she usually enjoy my food, but I'm not happy with her.

Ladies and gentlemen, what should I do to this virgin lady?

If she's ready to learn, teach her..........if not, quit the whole thing. I have a cousin who got married as a virgin and she makes it seem like that's all it requires to be a good wife, until her husband threatened to leave the marriage and she now tries to do some house chores and cooking. The truth is she really hates doing anything and would rather watch tv and sleep all day.

boynigeria:
There are a lot of hatered, envy and ungodliness going on in the church of God today. Everyone wants to lead and there is no love. the big question is why? where is the love of Christ? cause all we do now is judge one another

New International Version
For it is time for judgment to begin with God's household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

New Living Translation
For the time has come for judgment, and it must begin with God's household. And if judgment begins with us, what terrible fate awaits those who have never obeyed God's Good News?

English Standard Version
For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

New American Standard Bible
For it is time for judgment to begin with the household of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

King James Bible
For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?

Holman Christian Standard Bible
For the time has come for judgment to begin with God's household, and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who disobey the gospel of God?

International Standard Version
For the time has come for judgment to begin with the household of God. And if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who refuse to obey the gospel of God?

NET Bible
For it is time for judgment to begin, starting with the house of God. And if it starts with us, what will be the fate of those who are disobedient to the gospel of God?

Aramaic Bible in Plain English
For it is time that the judgment will begin from the house of God; but if it begins from us, what is the end of those who are not convinced of The Good News of God?

#Gbam.................You finish talk here kpomkwem

3Cees:
There is no difference because the humans in Government politics are the same ones in the Church.

freeboy604:
You better carry your leg and run from what you are about to start, they may not be discipline enough as not to test their selves again, moreover ; she doesn't see anything wrong dating both of you.

I feel disgusted for you to date her.

Did you read it well, he said slept with.........why not ask if it was a one night stand after a party. Then you can advise rightly

thorpido:
The guys coming,do they know your genotype?Do you know theirs?How about the man in your life now?
Please make sure you are compatible(genotypically) with any man you intend marrying.

That's the point..............they are all compatible when it comes to the genotype(I really feel blessed) and they don't mind settling with me...........another point is 90% of them are people who know me down to my home, and have been friends with me for a long time too

babyosisi:
I have made my share of mistakes,learned a world of lessons ,I have grown and matured while married to the same man a while and still very much in love with him and together we are raising some very well adjusted exemplary children.So I must have something to say about what makes marriage work and what doesn't .I know what doesn't ,I have tried them all.
I believe God gave me wisdom in marital issues because constantly young women ( and men) confide in me in real life and offline (from forum interactions )about personal issues with relationships and the response is always a big thank you for helping.
I have heard the stories of many and have counseled many also
I don't know it all so I welcome opinion from other wives on the forum who have been at this business at least for a decade
This Thread is intended to answer questions and dispel fears about men and husbands and marriage and children
How do you know he is the one?
What is appropriate?
Attitude towards inlaws?mother in law fears
Money issues
Parents say no to your intended spouse
Can't make up your mind
Time is passing by and still single,what could it be?
Bad habits you don't like in a man and how to handle it
Bedroom issues?
Handling conflicts?
Communication breakdown?
Old flames and admirers ?
His female friends how to handle that
Questions you had been embarrassed to ask people in real life,this is your opportunity to ask and have people share from their experiences truthfully.
I will be real,I promise
Physical abuse issues
Childlessness ?
You may not like the answer but I will tell you the truth uncoated
If you are too embarrassed to ask in your known moniker,you can create a new handle

Alright ladies,aunty babyosisi is waiting.

Aunty Osisi

I left a 6yr relationship after my ex's dad told him that he was not in support of our intended marriage. Reason is my genotype "SS", though he is "AA". In less than a month my ex told me he was getting married.........I was heart broken and almost died from heartache. It's been 3yrs now and somehow by God's Grace i lived through it.

2yrs after my breakup and healing I met a man and i like him so much. He is a gentleman. From a good Christian home. I know he loves me because despite all my excesses (arrogance and ill-temper, NO Sexual Excess) he's still with me. He believes so much in us, but i don't believe it anymore. It's been 2yrs+ since he asked we pray to know God's will about us and I'm so tired of waiting because he doesn't have a stable job and he is really waiting on God for a miracle. I'm 30yrs old and i want to settle down because i believe it will help keep me more focused especially in my prayer life....(i believe i can pray with and for him as a friend but not for God to bless him 'cos i want to marry him, i just think it's too selfish a prayer) I believe we can settle and i can pray with and for him as my husband.

Now I have suitors lined up. A queue i know that i can choose anyone from and I will be able to live with that person.

I am afraid of waiting and perhaps in the end it would be the same story as the last.

Problem is, he doesn't want to commit totally, in his words "I CANNOT ASK YOU TO STAY, BUT IF YOU FEEL YOU CANNOT WAIT, I WILL WISH YOU WELL BUT I WOULD RATHER WAIT FOR GOD TO LEAD ME THAN MAKE A MISTAKE"

I am confused........right now, I've resulted to telling others i'm not dating and just looking up to God to direct the right person 'cos i'm confused as they are quite a good number of them.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't know what to do............I'm not sleeping with anyone, i'm just trying to establish a good relationship first before i strike out some , but AM I GOING ABOUT IT THE RIGHT WAY??

jamp:
do you need pictures for odour.

AQbeg ask am oooooooo.............mtcheew

39

Allureoftheseas:
Lmfao, poverty is a bastard.

Walahi my brother

fulanigirl:
I'm sorry but this made me laugh so hard. Did your friend and his wife see a doctor that gave them medical reasons as to why they can't have kids?

If you are a christian please read proverbs 26:2

it reads thus "as the swallows by flying, so the curse causeless shall not come”

If there is a cause for the curse............it will come to pass in one's life, most times karma catches up with the offender even without being cursed

Thanks #Abimbawealth.............this must mean that Careerslip.com isn't a credible job site........Mtcheeeew

I received two invites yesterday but found out through google that one is actually a scam but i can't figure out the second one.....

Me need your help

I found out that the one from TRUELINK Integrated Services is a scam, but can't figure this one out....HR-CONSULT....@ 84 Itire road, Trinity House by Morgan b/stop, Mushin, Lagos State.
My search brought me to TITAN CONSULTING SERVICES from careerslip.com.

Does anyone know TITAN CONSULTING or HR-CONSULT?

i received two invites on same day and found out through google that one is actually a scam but in can't figure out the second one.....

Me need your help

i found out that the one from TRUELINK Integrated Services is a scam, but can't figure this one out....HR-CONSULT....@ 84 Itire road, Trinity House by Morgan b/stop, Mushin, Lagos State.
My search brought me to TITAN CONSULTING SERVICES from careerslip.com.

Does anyone know TITAN CONSULTING or HR-CONSULT?

Just 14 months and you're contemplating suicide...........Babe he's not worth it.
I dated for almost 7 years, when it came to marriage, the man said his father said it won't work..............WTF.......his father said...SMH

It's been 3years now and I'm stronger than ever. I will love again and even better.

Use your energy for better things and you will find love all around you.
Wish him well, but stay away from him 'cos he will definitely come with some stories, but don't fall for it.
Be strong and don't give in to hate or unforgiveness

Oga, it's time to go.......

see y'all tomorrow

[quote][ayinisong] I'm Interested

;Drotflmao

RIP Muna

ebamma:
So u wan tell us say dem no fit postpone the wedding till that guy injury heal abi?

perhaps it happened the night before and the lady didn't even know............#JustSaying [color=#770077][/color]